Generally Defined

NSFW | M | 50+ | BDSM

[triskeleaficionado]

[cherishedproperty]

The Slow Unfurling of Sadism

I don’t consider myself a masochist, but pain is an important part of my submission. Sometimes that feels weird to say—that I like pain and need pain, but I’m not a masochist. For me, the difference is that pain is an expression of my submission, not an end in itself. I enjoy the opportunity to give myself to my Dominant in ways that are hard for me. I enjoy knowing that I am a girl who doesn’t get choices, even if my Dominant chooses for me to suffer. And I need these “proof of ownership” moments, even when I don’t always enjoy them. 

But as someone who needs pain, I have dated sadists. Actually, I kind of adore them. Sadists are deeply emotionally aware. When you are a person who feels aroused and emotionally connected through inflicting pain, you learn to read every quiver, every trembling lip, the inflection of every scream. You become hyperfocused on your partner’s emotional and physical state because that’s what feeds you— and because you know what can go wrong.

Sadists know that they enjoy hurting people. For most, it takes time to come to terms with that. And even when you’ve accepted your desire to inflict pain, building trust with a new person is always hard. To show the person you care about that you love their agony… It takes time. No one in kink exercises more self-restraint than the sadist.

So this means people with deep emotional awareness are required to take serious emotional risks with their partners. This leads to an endearing pattern that I call the slow unfurling of sadism (alternate title: How Sadists are Like Shy Baby Groundhogs). Sadists tend to start slower than other D-types. They don’t cause a lot of pain right away. They test something out, then they back off a little. A flicker of pain, then back to soft and sweet. Then they push a little further, and then back off a little. Gradually, they create a safe space for their submissive to suffer—to let pain flow freely. They earn a submissive’s trust by showing they are in control and respect boundaries.

At the same time, they are also creating opportunities for their submissive to earn their trust—trust that they won’t be rejected and trust that what they are doing is consensual. Sadists need reassurance. Did you endure the pain out of submissive obligation, or did you want it? Did it mean something to you? They need to know if you felt a connection through the pain. They need to know if it turned you on. They need to know if you want more. As a submissive, I love these moments. I get to tell my partner that I love the glimmer in their eyes before they hurt me, or that I smile every time I run my fingers over the welts on my ass. I am honest about my limits, but I also show my sadist the joy I feel in serving through pain. 

The most rewarding moment is when a sadist looks deep into your eyes and tells you they want to lick the tears off your face while they make you scream. And then they do it. Because that’s when you know they’ve let you in. They’ve trusted you with a part of themselves that few people get to see, let alone love. That is a beautiful feeling, and well worth the time it takes to get there. 

[feisty-1ibragur1-deactivated202]

[katsdom]

This is the single biggest thing that some of us need and that the right person can provide. And, sometimes, I think us dom/sadists need it more than anyone. The desires I have are pretty dark. Normie society considers those desires totally unacceptable. So, out in the wider world, they are kept deeply hidden. That one person who can not only accept those desires, but engage joyfully with them and love me for them, is a pearly beyond price.

[triskeleaficionado]

[the-wolf-and-moon]

NGC 6960, Witch's Broom

[space-pics]

Peering Into the Tendrils of NGC 604 with NASA’s Webb by NASA’s James Webb Space Telescope

[katsdom]

[cnc-pet]

I think it's really important to realize how much of a vulnerable position sadists are putting themselves in when they participate in pain play. This is particularly important in established relationships, as opposed to casual settings, but important in both nonetheless. Also, this post is strictly addressing participants of kink who practice it responsibly and care about their partners.

When sadists do pain play they are having to grapple with the fact that they get pleasure out of causing pain to someone who has put their trust in them. This can be devastating if they feel as though they have in any way compromised that trust. Especially since even people who know about aftercare and try to do it, often overlook the aftercare that sadists, or even dominants as a whole, need. I imagine this happens a lot with pain play scenes, as so much emphasis is placed on taking care of the masochist. Obviously, that's important, but it should not be one or the other. The point I'm trying to get at is this:

Masochists/subs, please remember to give your sadists/doms aftercare. The biological and psychological functions that cause subspace and subdrop can have the same effect on doms. Doms are just as capable of experiencing that rush of adrenaline and endorphins, and just as capable of crashing, once the scene is done. Tell your sadist that you still trust them and feel safe with them. They need to hear it.

Sadists/doms, please remember that there is nothing wrong with having sadistic thoughts and feelings if you're acting them out in risk-aware and consensual settings/dynamics. I think I speak for all masochists when I say that we are so thankful for sadists who participate in responsible kink. Remember that there's more to aftercare than just caring for and comforting the sub. You deserve to be reassured and to receive the care that you need.

[katsdom]

[triskeleaficionado]

[sonandheirofnothinginparticular]

[ombre-ame]

Me too..😠

[triskeleaficionado]

[triskeleaficionado]

[xxsweettoothcyanide777xx]

To my sub followers and mutuals

When you submit to a Dom, do so with Someone who has your best interests at heart and in mind.

Do it with Someone willing to get to know you, your interests, and how you need to be dominated.

Dont put up with someone who only wants or claims the title of Dom for selfish reasons.

[tastefullyoffensive]

[benchleyfan]

[sister-equalist]

I'm curious. Reblog this if you know how to cook

I don’t even care if it’s macaroni, ramen or those little bowls you stick in the microwave. Please, I need reassurance that most of the population on tumblr WOULDN’T STARVE TO DEATH if their parents couldn’t fix them food or they couldn’t go out to eat. 

[azrael556]

I am an actual award winning chili cook among other things.