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Pictures don't lie

...but the truth hurts. I'm out of shape in so many ways. I took pictures to give myself an honest assessment of myself. They made me very sad. My husband stole my scale because he doesn't want me to weigh myself anymore. Will I ever get back to feeling just a little bit like an athlete again?

So what do you when your current box programming doesn't push you like your previous one did? It's not that I feel like my time there is a waste. I'm just not sure I'm pushing myself as hard as I can. There are days when I walk out and I don't feel like I've left everything on the floor. I just wasn't given the chance to. Not everyday needs to be a chipper, 1RM, or a day when you are trying to keep your lunch down. But I honestly feel like if I did my benchmarks now, they would be worse compared to a year ago. However, what do I do?

16.2

I'm in the scaled division this year as opposed to the really scaled division last year. I pretty much had it in my head that I would never get one lift in round three. 95lbs had been my one rep max prior to surgery. I lied. I got four along with making women's tennis noises.

#crossfit #crossfitopen

Final Reading

Down 10% BF, down 16 years in age, increased muscle mass (super yay!), increased hydration level, down the five pounds I gained since moving to America.... Feeling much better.

It's done. I finished the CF Huachuca Paleo challenge. Lost four pounds and 10% body fat. Yay beer!

To continue on

The current Paleo challenge I am on is only for four weeks. I am considering extending it for my own health benefits. It will run into the Open but I'm not trying for anything big. I'm basically a rehabber and the workouts are just a weekly challenge. The only person I'm competing with is myself because I don't know what I will have to modify or what I may not even be able to do. This doesn't mean I won't give it my all. It just means my best may not be good enough and that's okay.

Sooooo sleepy

School is kicking my ass. Throw in the child of the corn getting bit by a spider consequential trip to the Doc and just my inability to feel like I've accomplished anything. It all ends with "I really just want to build a pillow fort and cuddle with my fatties." Today we did Cindy. I did banded pull-ups which was nice to feel to the full range of motion. I remember the first time I did Cindy. It was my Saturday "on board" at Crossfit Carson. We did a half Cindy and it whooped my ass. Lol. That was almost three years ago. I feel like I should have some profound thing to say or at least something not nearly as mundane as this. Maybe tomorrow will when I haven't spent every waking hour studying or taking care of an angry, itchy toddler.

Sometimes scales are wrong. Especially at estimating body fat percentage. I've only been on this challenge for two weeks and those are my abs. I didn't sharpen them or make them more defined. I just changed the color so my "I just woke up and have to go to school face doesn't look so bad." I'm not sure if people with 30% body fat have abs like that. Oh, and if you look closely at my right hip, you can see my lovely bruise from doing armless burpees. Courtesy of Coach Mutton Chops. Yep...armless burpees & Coach Mutton Cops

#paleo #justsaynotoarmlessburpees #cfhuachuca

I was supposed to be studying when I discovered goat...

I have an exam in one of my classes tomorrow and, no, I am not just starting the study work now. I am too old and too ADHD for that shit but I realized we had a lack of food in the house which was Paleo friendly and there is nothing better for a real food eater than a Farmer’s Market. Especially a farmer’s market in the southwest. All the ranches. I want to give up this life and raise goats. Seriously, I love goats. They are incredibly intelligent, warm and all around wonderful animals....also they’re tasty. If you are a veggie, then you might want to have stopped about the time you started reading this. Don’t get me wrong. I got amazing, gorgeous produce but the meat. Free range, Grass fed, no growth hormones, and no GMOs in the feed. If we had a freeze locker, I would have bought primal cuts. Amazing. What’s great is how apologetic they were because there was no bacon! They home cure or leave their items uncured. They recommended other stalls but, seriously, this will be our go to stand. Part of the fun of Farmer’s Markets is the variety of just stuff! Not like a flea market where it is hit or miss but real home artisans. I got the mister a pair of hand spun and homemade Alpaca socks from the most wonderful German couple. We, of course, discussed Germany. He escaped to Amsterdam with his mother right before things went haywire. Soaps and shinies and teas...Oh my. It was a nice break. I got a basket made by a woman in Africa which is solid! No more crappy shopping bags for me. I had fresh ceviche for lunch and followed it up with a Cara Cara. Never heard of one? Neither had I. It is the cross between a Navel Orange and Blood Orange. It’s lovely. If I can’t find blood oranges locally then I will be stocking up on these.

I did workout today. I’ve been trying for four days a week because it is the most achievable. Let’s face it. I spend anywhere between three to four hours commuting on school days. It takes its toll. This week has been very shoulder heavy. Which makes me a little bummed at my current condition. I know, know. I had shoulder surgery then I was a bum by taking care of my child all day everyday. But it all feels like crap excuses. My body deserves better than what I’ve given it. I’ve lost my pull up and that is what makes me the saddest. My poor little pull-up which I worked my ass off for. Oh, well. Enough of the whining, I’m on Paleo and tomorrow is an exam on Natural Resources Management Practices. However, I’ve stepped forward. I have a world’s worth of progress to be had but I showed up and did it. We aren’t all there to win but just to be our best.

Tschuss!

#paleo whoneedsshouldersanyway eatlocal

This will get you excited to eat healthy. All locally grown fruits, veggies, oil, balsamic vinegar, alpaca socks, goat, yak, beef...soap...🍏🍎🍐🍊🍋💝

#paleo #eatlocal #thebestfoodisinyourbackyard #lovethenoms

One week down

It's one week into the Paleo Challenge and I'm doing fine. I don't really have any cravings. Right now, I think my life is too stressful to have any. It does make working out hard so I'm currently on a 4 x week plan with a fifth thrown in if I can. That's part of my goals I made. Drop 5lbs, 3% body fat and get in to CF 4 x's. They're small but then again. This one is only four weeks. Next is the CF Open and, yes, I signed up. I'm not expecting anything. There will be entries which say n/a because I won't be able to safely lift a weight but, hey, I'm already doing them. This was a rather mundane post...maybe something exciting will happen tomorrow...aside from homework.

Ummmm.....does that have sugar in it?

It’s the perpetual Paleo question. I was just ordering an iced coffee but some places pre-sweeten them. I’m in the crunchy college at U of A so we’re all about the less processed, local sourced, and friendly to the environment. Harvesting the amount of sugar we do…is not friendly to the environment or people. Especially those who work in sugar refineries. Look up the sugar refinery explosion in Georgia. It happened about 2008 and it was devastating. I know because I lived there. Part of it was safety. Part of it is because it can be toxic. Here’s: a link: http://www.csb.gov/imperial-sugar-company-dust-explosion-and-fire/ I’m not completely anti-sugar. It has its place. However, honey…local honey is the shit. Which reminds me….I keep forgetting to take my bee pollen. Most likely because it has to be stored in the freezer and doesn’t jump out and bite me.

Ack I missed some days

My days come and go like they never happened right now. School, child, Crossfit, sleep. Insert eating and snuggles with my husband. It's been a good week as far as getting back to myself. I threw on my shorts and rainbow mustache socks and said "fuck it". My body is a work in progress and I can dress however I want. I feel like I'm eating a ton everyday. All the protein. My husband is like a drug pusher with the stuff. I'll write tomorrow. I promise but I spent the day trying to catch up on all my household chores and an excessive amount of homework.

Day One

It's the first day of the paleo challenge and I was weighed in. 134.6 lbs. 30.5% body fat. 88.8 muscle mass. Feeling super bummed...100%. This is a simple challenge and much of it is left to self-monitoring. CFKL really has made this year easier at CF H. We had so much we learned and did for that challenge that this is easy to accomplish as far as set up goes. We spent six weeks living paleo and figuring it out. By the end, you become a pro. During 15.3, I dislocated a rib in my back. I didn't know until after I did 15.4....twice. Consequently, it pops out more often now. It popped out during the warm-up and I pushed through. However, I don't really feel like I pushed myself. It's this weird space. I know who I was and where I was and what I was capable of. Now, I'm unsure of all of this. I'll get there.

I let it beat me.

I should edit this statement. I let it all beat me. The surgery, the move, the change...just everything. I let it beat me into a person I no longer recognize. A year ago, I was focused on my health and in a very positive direction. Now, I am very much out of shape, eating like a typical American (where I'm not enjoying it), not sewing (a great source of enjoyment), on large amounts of meds (all prescribed), emotionally raw, and worst of all I'm wearing pants. I hate pants but my body is in such a place that I am completely and utterly embarrassed to wear shorts. Plus, none of them fit. It's embarrassing. I went from the pictures above (taken a few days before surgery) to someone I do not recognize in a wealth of ways. It's come to the point where I'm avoiding my one way of connection in a military life, FB. It hurts to see people I used to work out with brag about all these triumphs. I'm happy for them but so sad at the same time. What kind of horrible person can't be happy for their friends? So what do I do? I don't believe in New Year Resolutions. They are the ultimate in setting yourself up for failure. Start at the beginning? But what beginning? Where do I go from here? Well, tomorrow starts a paleo challenge at my new CF box and I'll be doing that. I'm talking about it and being honest with myself. I'm reading Christmas Abbott's book because I like her. She has a respect for all forms and recovered from addiction. I'm talking with my coach from Germany who I count as one of my handful of friends. She's been through so odd moments with me. She gets me especially when it comes to me and my body issues. This is a start. A meager start and as I look back on pictures of myself before, a steep uphill battle.

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