How Could You Have Known?
Last night your words cut me deep
What cut me deeper was the feeling that you didn’t care
Didn’t care that I was hurting
Didn’t care that I was waiting for you to fall asleep so I could cry in peace
Cry in peace over the words that cut me deep
You say that you were joking but were you really?
I waited for you to fall asleep then went into the bathroom and let it all out
Shoving a fist into my mouth so that the hyperventilating that came with the crying wouldn’t wake you up
How could you have known that I have been called ugly my whole life?
How could you have known that I thought that I finally met someone who wouldn’t make me feel bad about myself?
How could you know that as I’m writing this I’m desperately trying to hold back the tears from falling again?
How could you know that I’m going to look at myself differently now just from a silly comment?
How could you know what I’ve been through in the past and how I act like I’ve moved on from it all - but really I haven’t?
How could you know that everyday when I wake up it’s a struggle to continue this life and put a smile on my face and act like the happy-go lucky person everyone expects me to be?
How could you know that everyday I struggle with not picking back up my trusty old razor blade just so that I can control the pain that cuts me deep?
How could you know that I trust nobody - and time and time again I’m showed that this is the right way to live?
How could you know that the thought “the world would be better if I wasn’t in it” runs through my mind on repeat daily?
And how could you know that this time I feel like giving in and ending it all?
