So last week my nephew died from an overdose. He had just turned 19 two weeks ago, he was so young. I guess deaths during Memorial Day are common with people partying, so the funeral won’t be until the 12th. he was my youngest nephew (my other ones are 21 and 20), and those three were my first friends sinec when I was a kid we lived on a big property with no neighbors for kids. I hadn’t talked to him since 2013 when I last visited my sister, and he was busy with his friends so we didn’t really talk much. I feel a lot of guilt for not being a friend to him like i should have, I just thought I’d be making more money this year and could travel to see my family in Chicago more often.
He’s had an overdose on St Patrick’s day but was ok. I didn’t expect this to happen to my family. And he wasn’t self medicating either, he was just partying like teens do, and took the wrong drugs (xanax and opiates) and this happened.
I work at a stripper in SF. April was a hard month because of tax season, and during May I missed two weeks of work. One week was because I had stopped taking my mood stabilizers for a few months (I have cyclothymia, a mild form of bipolar) and so I had a week where I had too bad panic attacks and crying sessions to work (I had a two hour panic attack at work even). then the next week I lost my Norcos, which I need to function, let alone work, and had to wait a few days to get into my doctor to get them filled again (thank god he believed/trusted me). I just spent all of my savings on paying the rest of June rent, which went from $1961 to $2008.
Since I’m disabled I don’t have another form of income. My family doesn’t have extra money laying around either. My nephew had an unused college fund in his name but all of that money is going towards the funeral and his hospital bills (he was on life support for a day and a half), so there isn’t any left to help me out.
I missed two shifts of work because I was too upset to go in. Going into work after a death is always hard, but when the only money you make is by being happy and cheerful, it’s even harder. I’m not paid hourly, I actually pay to work, so I can leave without making any money.
The ticket to Chicago to go to the funeral is about $500. I’ll also have to miss work for a few days and I am struggling to make money at work now.
I’ll also be boarding my dog which will cost about $100 a day as it’s the only one I feel comfortable leaving her in and I can’t travel with Sophie as my mom already has her dog at my sister’s and we don’t want to stress her out with one more.
I haven’t fully grieved yet but I’m worried about when I will. I’m trying to keep taking my mood stabilizers because in 2014 when my great grandma died, it didn’t hit me for a few months, and I wasn’t able to work as I was crying for 5-8 hours a day as it made me hit a depressive episode, which I’m worried is going to happen here.
I wish I could offer some service to offer people to donate, but I don’t write or do tarot or anything like that. I can help out if you need any help with stripping questions, but that’s about it.
Anything would be appreciated and I hate to even ask because I know there’s a lot of other worthy causes but anything helps and if my blog has helped you I’d really appreciate it
