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[wonderofwillows2]

After the Second Visit

    With the pill still in effect Casey was silent besides me in the car. He dozed besides me placid for now though sure to be resentful and haughty later on. I knew that he was upset with me but, I also knew that I was right, knew that I did the right thing for him. It was his health after all, his love life as well that would be positively effected by my choice and I stood by it. “Thank whoever for the new rules” was all that I could think in this scenario. I looked over at him now and wondered if her was pretending to sleep but doubted it. I think between the anesthetic and the anxiolytics he’d been given it was unlikely he could fake anything. His hood was pulled over his head an had mussed his hair and the fringes of his hair and face were sweaty. I knew he must be warm but doubted he would appreciate any further interference, or any further hoods removed. I laughed to myself at that and then felt a bit mean. He was my son, my poor inept boy. He would learn though, he’d know in time what I’d done was right. I wondered if the suggestions about lessened sensitivity were true? Well if they were too late, and it was most likely a good thing anyway.

    He stirred slightly besides me and I suddenly felt nervous, wondering if there would be an early confrontation between us but he just shifted slightly and returned to his slow breathing. I knew once the pills wore off I would have to actually confront him again about my decision. I knew once healed he’d accept what had happened. I had always been proud of his resilience and his adaptability. I was certain that he’d see things my way soon enough. Once he met a girl, someone who would smile at him and in more private moments smile with delight at the thought of his nice and cleanly circumcised penis. I liked to think she would delight in it – though of course I knew she would love it as she loved him – but, I wanted her to love it that extra little bit. I wanted her to find it clean and pleasant to explore, to not fail her in key moments and to give her pleasure as she needed. I wanted his penis to be an instrument that provided her pleasure and built their mutual attachment, she would return for him as a person surely but, her orgasm as reward would be a fine thing too and the thing that helped her decision to stay just a little bit easier. I knew these things after all, I knew what that little extra bit of ease or pleasure could change. It wasn’t a thing easy to communicate but when you do so much work in a relationship so many small things can make a difference and tip the scales in a decision to stay or to go.

    There was a stop sign then, we were approaching our little abode. I looked him over then and noticed that despite his underwear there was a small lump where the clamp attached to his now modified penis. His penis that I had modified. I knew he had some right to be upset and my sympathy welled then. What had been done was certainly invasive even if it was a good thing. The feelings of the present are however, not beholden to future gain even in situations where it was certain there would be gain. It seemed like maybe that was our deepest flaw, that we are always so focused on the present when we’re young. It was a source of so much misery for us and so much discord with our parents. I know with me it had been the same. Well here was my source of discord with Casey, would it be as bad as when I had moved out and married Casey’s father? Would he be more forgiving of this more minor thing, would he simply accept it? I knew how vulnerable that little lump showing in his pants would make him feel and resigned not to mention it. I giggled a bit thinking of how childish and small it would make him feel. I felt a tinge of guilt at that too but I supposed it could not be helped really.

    We made it to the driveway and I coaxed him gently awake and he stirred and looked at me with the bleary eyes of the drugged. I had no medical training but enough fun in your young life to recognize sedation. The unfocused pupils and slightly uneven breathing, the open mouthed inhale, and sudden recognition of movement if not the cause or the purpose were all signs of his intoxication. The infantile, I wasn’t sure if that was correct, willingness to follow along with directions was there too. I gently coaxed him and he began mechanically to undo his seat-belt and then to open his door. I quickly undid my own, opened my door, and then went around to his side to help him. He had opened his door part way and was in the process of standing up. I quickly grabbed him under his arm and helped him up and we stumbled together to the door. The car doors remained open. I wondered if he could feel his resentment right now, if he was upset at my touch. I doubted it as I didn’t think he could think of much. I cooed some soft assurances as I had when he was younger and took him to his bedroom and laid him down.

    I began to undress him then first pulling off his sweatshirt and then very gently taking down his sweatpants. I noticed the shape of the clamp was far more pronounced in his underwear and felt both pride and sympathy in great measure. I pulled the sheets over him lovingly and planted a small kiss on his forehead. I next went to the kitchen and drew a small glass of water before returning it and placing it at his bedside. I then realized I should go immediately to fill his prescription, before his awoke and walked out swiftly closing the door softly on my way out before resuming my efforts. I walked swiftly down the hall, my confidence in rare form. I had a mission to accomplish. I exited the house and realized I had left the car doors open and felt a bit silly but no harm was done. I went first to the passenger side and shut the door then to my own side and entered the car and started it. I drove to the little pahrmacy no more than eight blocks away. Normally I would send Casey to walk but he was indisposed and I needed to return quickly. I strode to the pharmacy and handed them Dr. Galla’s script. The pharmacist looked at it, twice actually, and seemed a bit confused but then told me to wait.

    I took a seat and browsed aimlessly on my phone. Hoping I would not get any calls from Casey. I didn’t however and soon enough I was called by the pharmacist. I received the little bag and took it happily offering my copay. I walked out quickly, not breaking the momentum that propelled me. I returned to the car and made my way swiftly home. Once there I took the little bag and went to check on Casey. He was still sound asleep and stirred slightly but did not seem interested in getting up or even able. I was glad for that and noticed he had not touched his water. I wasn’t sure if that was good but doubted strongly if it was bad, it probably just meant he had slept through my absence. I was sure he was very tired. I went downstairs and poured myself a glass of wine and sat on the couch for a few minutes. I sipped it slowly and felt relief, the worst of it was over and I was happy for that, well I hoped it was over. I quickly pushed that feeling away, it was natural to worry but Dr. Galla was a professional and she knew what she was doing. I was sure she wouldn’t make any mistakes nor would there be complications. I decided to watch something and took my laptop from the coffee table and opened it. I typed my password and brought up whatever I had been watching the night before. I just needed the noise at that point. I clicked play and allowed myself to be engulfed in the streaming distraction.

    Suddenly she was aware of shuffling and then the unmistakable creek of Casey’s door and realized he must have gotten up. I rushed over but the bathroom door shut before I could say anything. I waited anxiously at the end of the short hallway where the doors to both our rooms and the bathroom were located. It was probably best I didn’t crowd him. He exited the bathroom a short time later. I exhaled deeply in relief. His eyes were still glazed and I was he still shuffled but I was just happy he hadn’t fallen.

    “Are you OK?” I asked as I rushed to him and put his arm around me to support him.

    “Yeah I’m fine” He mumbled and slurred it just a bit but he seemed ok.

   “Let’s get you back to bed” I said and we shuffled back to his bed. I guided him gently and lay him down. I made sure he was on his back.      I noticed then that the end of he had failed to put his penis back through the fly of his underwear. I was taken aback at first but then curious. I looked at the little device attached to the end, seemingly just two plastic pieces formed into a clamp. They fit entirely over his glans. It attached just under his glans and the skin of his shaft was pulled tight. She must have made good on her promise to remove it completely. I felt so excited at that, yet I felt also the tug of empathetic pain. It was such a rush. I covered him and returned to my show.

     The next few days were a rush. I made sure Casey got his pills on schedule, both of them. I do not know what they both were but it was Dr. Galla’s specific instruction. Casey was a lot less upset than I had thought he would be. He did not seem to be in any pain either. He seemed oddly calm and often a bit out of it but Dr. Galla assure me that was a common side effect of the medicines she had prescribed. It kept us from talking much at first. I knew that we wouldn’t much anyway, probably for a while. Though it pained me I knew I had done the right thing, I knew he would be happy one day. If he were not then I could not be blamed for his short sighted and simple view. He would not feel that way though. I knew he was a better man than that, I had raised him better than that. I returned to work that Tuesday which was a huge relief to me. I loved Casey of course and hoped for the best for him but it was important to return to normality and people I could talk to. There were none of course that I felt close enough to talk to about things as they had happened so I just left it vague, no one pressed me except for Sarah, the only woman I worked with who I saw as more of a friend than just colleague. Still I chose not to tell her right away.

    Casey returned to school the day after that which was another relief. It also meant a lessening of the dosage of the medicines he was taking. Just one of the first pills in the day at lunch and one of the second ones in the evening after dinner. After the second he was often willing to talk a bit, though never about any difficult subjects. It was nice to see him chatting a bit more and, it didn’t seem like there was any anger harbored behind his voice which was a similar relief to me. The time passed in a seeming flash and before I knew it we were already at the one week mark since the surgery. I was thrilled and wished so deeply to have a bit of insight into how things were healing. Casey had even stopped taking his pills after a few days claiming he had no pain at all. I was so proud of him then and the bravery he displayed. Of course with the end of the pill regimen came the accompanying silent treatment I had dreaded, so deliberate in its intention and delivery. I was afraid of it but could bear through. I simply told myself it was s normal thing and continued on with confidence. That Saturday was a bit hard and I was a bit sad at the lack of interaction but was more than content to let Casey lounge and watch his shows as he pleased.

    It wasn’t until Sunday that we got out next big development. We were going to enjoy a late breakfast. I had made everything we liked, toast, eggs, coffee, and a few other small comforts. Instead of eating on schedule however Casey called to me from the bathroom after his his morning rituals and asked me to come to him. I did immediately, hearing the concern in his voice.

   “What is it?” I asked him outside the bathroom door, I pressed myself against it to try and hear him.

   “It came off!” he said, he sounded panicked.

    “What did?” I asked calmly despite my own rising concerns.

   “You know, the thing – the clamp she put on me.” he said, choking through his words in both anxiety and reluctance. Suddenly I understood and understood his reluctance but I was glad he had come to me and announced it.

    “Oh, I see.” I choked out meekly and paused for a minute. I had to compose my words.

   “Well according to Dr. Galla that should happen soon anyway. Are you feeling OK? Is there any pain? Any blood?” I asked him, I used my most parental voice hoping it would trigger some deep reflex and goad him into answering. There was a deep pause, and I waited nearly breathless.

    “No, no pain or blood. I don’t know if anything is wrong.” He said, the anxiety still rang clear in his voice.

   “Listen why don’t we try and call Dr. Galla” I said to him. She had given me her personal number for emergencies. Hopefully this constituted that, she intimidated me a bit, though in a way which somehow made me feel so confident after. It was a confusing thing to meet someone like that and, I supposed it was what people meant when they spoke of charisma.

    “Will she talk to us?” He asked, still concerned but less so now.

   “She gave me her number encase we had questions. Why don’t you come out OK?” I asked him, imploring him with my own concerned tone of voice.

   “Alright I’ll come out.” He replied and I heard the door knob start to turn and moved away form the door which stuck slightly from humidity and then opened with a start and Casey came into view. His eyes were wide with panic and he was breathing raggedly. He was wearing a long sleeved shirt and light athletic shorts. I noticed that unlike other days there was no bulge from the clamp it really must have fallen off. I took out my phone and dialed the number Dr. Galla had given me and switched it to speaker. I motioned to Casey.

   “Come on let’s go sit down in the living room.” I said and then beckoned.

   “OK” he replied briefly and then followed. We sat down besides each other on the sofa and I held the phone in my hand. Breakfast cooled rapidly in the other room and for some reason I thought of how we’d have to reheat it.

     “Hello, this is Dr. Galla. How can I help you?” Her voice was clear as crystal and at once dominated the room.

    “Hi, it’s Jane, Casey’s mom. You remember from last Friday?” As I spoke I realized I was no longer in charge of the conversation and it gave me a small shock to realize it. While this woman was on the phone I was no longer in the authority in my own house. I was glad for it at the moment though.

     “Of course, the circumcision. How is everything, is Casey alright?” she asked.

     “Everything is fine I think it’s just the… thing on Casey’s penis fell off today.” I said, stammering out the last words.

     “Well this is nothing to be alarmed about. Did Casey tell you this, is he there?” She asked with total calm.

    “Yes he’s here, sorry your on speaker.” I said and felt a bit of embarrassment. It was rude not to mention.

    “Well that will make things a bit easier then. Casey I have some questions for you is that OK?” Dr. Galla asked. Casey continued to look mortified and his he looked at me in distress.

     “I’m here. I mean sure.” He managed to croak out and looked at me for assurance.

     “OK Casey listen, is there any bleeding at all and are you in any pain?” Dr. Galla asked.

     “No there was no pain or bleeding.” He said.

     “Now any significant swelling or numbness?” Dr. Galla asked him, her voice left no room for disobedience or reluctance.

     “No, neither.” He replied.

     “When and and where did this happen?” Dr. Galla asked.

    “In the bathroom this morning after I – after I urinated – I noticed the clamp was loose and well I pulled at it just a little and it came right off.” He said, unsure if he needed to use the medical term.

    “That is good Casey, and it came off with no pain?” Dr. Galla asked.

   “No, no pain at all. I did not realize until it was off.” Casey told her, he had gained a little confidence and seemed to forget my presence.

    “OK listen Casey, I know you and your mom are in the same room right?”

    “Yes we’re on the couch, she is holding the phone.” He said. I could sense a bit of uncertainty returning to his voice now.

   “Listen, Casey, what I ask you next is going to be a bit embarrassing but I promise it is for a good reason. A lot of young men your age are nervous about these things and sometimes they don’t report them accurately so in order to avoid that I want to you to do something for me that might upset you. Are you ready?” She asked, her own tone oddly maternal.

     “I am going to need you to show your mom your penis now.” Dr. Galla said. I was floored. This was a totally new development. I could not imagine how poor Casey felt. As my senses recovered however I realized very quickly that I was not entirely opposed. In fact it seemed clear that this was the best course of action.

     “What? No? Why would I need to do that? I’m an adult, and I’m not lying to you. Why would I do that?” He was clearly hurt and I could see his point, still I thought the doctor was right. It was possible for both of them to be.

     “Please Casey, I know this is difficult but it would really help me. I want to make sure you’re OK and that things are healing normally. It would really help me to know since I’m not there to see what’s going on. It would only be for a minute. Can you please do that for me?” She did not really ask, the question was rhetorical. I couldn’t read Casey’s feelings at that moment as I had trouble meeting his eyes. His breathing changed a bit, it grew faster and then shorter. Suddenly I resolved myself and realized if he was to be comfortable I needed to be. I steeled myself and brought my gaze to his. His own eyes were wide and pleading but as before I knew this was best and prepared myself to be stern if needed.

      “Please be good” I mouthed to him in the same way I had when he was just boy on the boarder of misbehaving at some social event. He looked at me with his wide frightened eyes.

    “It’s OK.” I mouthed noiselessly, just as I had when he needed confidence.

    “Is it really going to help?” He asked Dr. Galla, and he seemed a bit broken in the asking. He turned his eyes from me as he asked.

   “Yes it will help. I need someone who is not directly the patient to describe things for me. It would really help me a lot and it will save you some stress. It is just a few question very brief. Where are you in the house now?” Dr. Galla asked.

    “We’re in the living room.” He replied.

    “So there is a place for your mom to sit?” Dr. Galla asked.

    “We’re sitting now on the couch.” He said.

    “Is it possible for anyone to see in Casey?” She asked him.

    “No the blinds are closed.” He said meekly.

   “So only your mom will see and only I will know. It’s OK, this is just medical. I need to know what’s going on. Do you want to get hurt just because you were embarrassed?” She was still giving an order rather than asking a genuine question but I was impressed with the way she could order and implore so seamlessly.

    “If you think it will help. I guess.” He didn’t stammer but instead shocked us both by standing up in front of me and dropping his shorts. He looked away and squeezed his eyes tight. I gasped at the abruptness of the action. My eyes were drawn now to his pubic area. His penis stood out boldly atop the short bed of pubic hair. His mauve glans was fully exposed and any swelling had subsided. Just above his glans there was an angry reddish black line that seems a bit swollen and I realized the clamp had been there. It looked nicer already.

    “What is going on?” Dr. Galla asked.

    “He um, he did as you asked.” I stammered.

    “Well that was quicker than usual.” She replied, her voice sounded happy. She was enjoying this. In truth I was a bit too.

    “What do you see? Any serious redness, inflammation, or bleeding?” Dr. Galla asked

    “No blood at all that is for sure.” I said with confidence, there really was none at all. It was a neat job.

    “That’s good, really the most important thing. What about swelling or redness?” asked Dr. Galla.

    “No really redness, the line where is attached, it’s a little red.” I said.

    “You mean his crush line? That is normal. It should heal over into a scar before much longer.” Dr. Galla said.

    “I am not sure about the swelling, what should I look for?” I asked

   “Just see if there is any noticeable puffiness of his penis, it should look unusually large next to his scrotum. The shaft would seem very swollen compared to the glans, or head.” Dr. Galla relayed the information at a practiced speed. I wondered how many of these she had done. I looked some more but it did not seem there was any disproportion between the shaft and glans or “head” as she had called it. Casey still refused to open his eyes.

    “No I don’t see any difference although is looks like his head, his glans, is very wide.” I said. I felt flushed describing my own son’s penis in such detail but reminded myself it was a medical thing.

    “That is probably fine, provided Casey is reporting no pain I think there is no issue here. Casey are you still there?” She asked.

    “I’m here.” He replied, his eyes still shut and his head turned away from me.

   “You can pull up your pants now, it’s over. Dr. Galla said. Casey sighed loudly enough that the pitch rose as he forced his breath out faster and faster. He swiftly pulled up his pants and sat back down.

   “Listen it sounds like nothing is wrong and that Casey is healing very well.” Dr. Galla related the welcome news in a bubbly tone.

   “Of course thank you doctor.” I replied relieved both for the news and also that the awkward interaction would still be over.

      “Your welcome, please call me if anything at all concerns you. I’ll want to see you anyway in the next four weeks or so to check on things. Casey remember no sex or masturbation until then and report any painful erections. Erections are fine if they aren’t painful” Dr. Galla warned him sternly.

    “Of course Dr. Galla.” He whimpered.

    “OK is there anything else?” She asked

    “No I’m fine.” I replied. Casey shook his head.

    “OK I’ll let you go now, Bye guys.” She said.

    “Take care and thanks again” I replied. She hung up the phone.

   “Can I go?” Casey looked at me with imploring eyes and I nodded my ascent. He left abruptly and gently closed his door. I went and covered his breakfast and went to reheat my own eggs and coffee. I ate silently full of conflicting emotions.

     The next few weeks passed in a blur. Life returned to a normal intensity for us and I was soon thinking of work more often than Casey and his operation. I assume he was soon thinking about school more and his friends as well. He went to visit a few after school and a few came to visit him. We did not need Dr. Galla’s personal number again in that time. It had taken only a few days since the clamp had come off for poor Casey to start having erections again. He thought I didn’t notice them. I am sure most boys don’t think others can tell, and probably pray their moms don’t. We do of course. I saw them from time to time in the morning. I could tell from the dark circles under his eyes that some of the normal ways of soothing himself to sleep were not available to him. I felt such compassion for him then but my resolve was unwavering. I had done the right thing and was so proud. Maybe after his wait he’d go and find some nice girl to relieve him. It was clear from some stains he left at night that he needed that badly. Still it was such a relief to know he was healthy and functioning

    It was a few weeks later than I again got to see the object of my fascination. It was a Saturday morning and getting a bit late. I went to wake him then only to realize he’d kicked back the covers and that his morning erection had somehow found it’s way through the fly of his pajama pants. I should have left him for the sake of propriety but instead I stayed and looked. Did I not deserve that at least for my efforts? I just wanted to see if he was OK. The scar was the first thing I noticed. It was a light read now, thin and even and just below his head, his glans. The glans itself was a sort of dark pink and seemed rigid and glistening in the morning light it was noticeably wiser than the shaft now and I wondered if there had been swelling. The skin below it certainly was pulled completely tight. It was so beautiful now. I felt so much pride well up then, and as I noticed the droplets of clear fluid at the tip I realized that something was welling up from him too. I laughed at that and then quietly left to let him sleep. He had such a nice penis now, a thing of pride. I was so excited to meet the first young woman who would enjoy, take in her mouth and then inside her. I knew he would please her and her him. I felt so warm knowing I had done so much good for his future by circumcising him.

[wonderofwillows2]

The Second Visit

Light streamed in through the window, his alarm clock blared, it was roughly when he’d wake for school. Today he wasn’t going to school today was entirely different, today he was to undergo something he dreaded. It wasn’t fair, it was ridiculous. He was an adult in so many other ways but in this one case, in regard to his most intimate self, he was still a child before that law here due to the new measures passed. He wished then that he could have a conversation with the idiots who had decided that. He wondered what they felt gave them the right? He wondered more why his mother would be for such a thing. Why did she change so radically and so suddenly? What had convinced her that he should suffer so? There was nothing wrong with his foreskin and she knew it, it wasn’t dirty or ugly like she had said. It retracted easily enough to wash, in fact it was partly retracted right now due to his state or morning arousal. He did admit to himself that it did not push all the way back when hard but so what? Just the very tip of his bare glans was pressed against the thin material of his boxers and as he shifted in his bed the rubbing of the material gave him a mild pleasant sensation. His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.

   “Casey, I know it’s still early but if you’re up it’s really very important you shower today and get very clean. You know we have the appointment today.” His mother’s voice was clear and sweet but also demanding. She was enjoying this whole thing. Didn’t she understand what was happening to him? It was his penis being modified and she was so nonchalant so coldly and totally willing to alter it. The conversation they’d had had been him screaming in anger which had turned to calculated but desperate arguments then vigorous begging and then finally meek pleading. She was intractable in a way he had never seen her before. He wondered if she truly hated foreskin so much in general or merely his. She had been clear that it was something she found ugly so he supposed it was probably that she hated them in general. Of course this begged the question of why and how he had been left uncut. He supposed it might have been his father’s doing. He never knew the man but hoped suddenly and vainly that he might appear at least briefly to intercede on his behalf. I caught myself pausing in hope of some intervention but none came. He stroked his foreskin up and down a few times in vain, its progress was halted about halfway down his glans.

   He finally rolled out of bed, his erection now subsiding. This was to be expected as he had spent a great deal of time masturbating in the past few days. He thought it might be some subconscious urge to enjoy his foreskin while he still had it. A sort of last rite before his cutting. The whole thing felt so oddly ritual to him. His mother’s insistence on beauty, the doctors probing personal questions about his masturbation habits. Her notes of the almost imperceptible constriction of his foreskin when she had retracted it. He swore he had seen her eyes light up when she noticed that and if that were true it seemed so horridly wrong for a doctor to feel that way about a patient’s illness. This was all so wrong on so many levels. His mother’s awkward attempts to assure him his penis would be beautified and that girls would prefer it had been exceedingly uncomfortable. He did have to admit that her utter persistence did likely mean many girls felt that way. He also had to admit that she was essentially admitting her own tastes and that made him a bit uncomfortable. It also made him a bit uncomfortable, though oddly excited, to think that she would forever view him as having a more beautiful penis. He pulled on an old undershirt and opened the door his mother was there waiting for him and smiling. She had her hair pulled back in a clip and wore her pajama pants and a similar shirt to his own.

   “Good morning, I know you’re probably a little nervous but don’t worry everything will go great today. I know it. Now got wash and be really thorough, you know the Dr. Galla will be seeing all of you today.” She smiled some more and he saw her eyes drop and briefly examine the bulge in his underwear. He dropped his eyes from hers in shame and felt his cheeks flush. Did she have to objectify him like this, or was it some sort of twisted maternal pride? Her little boy being made into what? Was he being made into a man, or into some sort of prize for some potential future lover? She’d been so insistent about being circumcised as a thing his future partners would prefer. He did not know what to make of that really, it seemed slightly Freudian of her. He wondered if Freud had ever considered a reverse version of the sexual obsessions of men. Were women equally pathological in those regards?

    He walked by his mother without a word. She wasn’t even bothered by his silent treatment. She just kept smiling. He got to the bathroom and took his toothbrush from the cup and squeezed the white paste onto it. He began to brush and did so vigorously, he felt so full of nervous energy and every stroke of the brush felt so impulsive and mechanical, like this too was out of his control. A betrayal of his very body, just like his constricted foreskin. Why did late phimosis have to be the thing that made him unique? Hell even if it were just his penis that were unusual why couldn’t it have been in terms of size? He laughed to himself at that, expelling air through his nostrils. He rinsed his mouth and entered the shower. He languidly shampooed his hair then rinsed and began soap himself. He savored his time then enjoying the heat of the water in the cool fall morning and hot lather that formed as he washed. He got to his manhood last and soaped his penis and scrotum. Carefully retracting the skin of his flaccid organ and then soaping and rinsing the glans. Was it really worth cutting off his foreskin when hygiene was so simple? He began to grow hard, a nervous unhappy arousal. He tried not to think about it and began to stroke his skin back and forth. His mind wandered at first to the girls he liked and then to the sweet redheaded girl he’d dated so briefly last year. Her smell and the taste of her lips. She hadn’t been upset at his extra skin when she’d stroked him so competently under the skin. Though she had showed no interest in giving him oral and he’d heard she’d done so many times. Was that really it? He began to soften and forced his mind to go blank and continued stroking. He was enjoying his body, his penis, and this moment. Soon his penis would be forever modified. He wasn’t looking forward to that. He was interrupted by a hard knock on the door.

   “I understand wanting to enjoy it while you can, it will be a few weeks, but I do need you to hurry.” His mother called to him. How could she have known what he was doing? Had she timed her interruption for maximum effect? He doubted she could have but she could not have planned it better. He was still rock hard and finished stroking. He came then, and he came hard, hard enough that his knees buckled and he felt dizzy. He came too in a few seconds and finished rinsing and turned off the shower. He let himself drip. Paralyzed with anxiety for a few seconds in post orgasmic clarity he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. His motions returned to their cold mechanical form and he was dreadfully aware of time’s passage. Each second seemed to press and he was certain he could feel them all. Like Galileo his pulse would measure the time. His penis seemed to deflate slowly, possibly due to his emotional state? It twitched a bit from time to time. He dried off and wrapped himself in the towel and then opened the door letting himself out. His mother was perched outside still smiling with glee though now she had changed into day clothes. He was painfully aware that his penis was still half swollen and made a considerably bulge through his towel. He saw her eyes flick to it.

    “I hope you’re all ready now. Did you make sure you’re totally clean?” She spoke with joy and her pointed question made it clear what she meant and also that she would not leave without a response from him.

    “I was thorough.” He said with a dripping resentment. He moved past her quickly. Her eyes trailed him as he went to his room. He shut the door but didn’t slam it. His indignation was changing to a surreal acceptance and things felt a slow and languid. He pulled on his underwear easily as his penis had finally deflated entirely. The he pulled on his track pants, loose ones, as he had been instructed and then pulled on a loose shirt and sweatshirt. He emerged from his room but his mother wasn’t waiting as he might have expected. He proceeded to the kitchen where she waited for him. She had let her hair down, though it was not so much hair. She had clearly combed and styled it. He noticed she had changed her top as well to a nice blouse that might be appropriate for work. He noticed also that she had done her make up in the way someone might if they were attending a formal event though not a sad one. He was disgusted to think she might even see this as a celebration of some sort. A milestone for him, no, a milestone for her. A thing she was getting to do after wanting it for a very long time. A thing she wanted so badly that whatever had awakened her longing had allowed it to assert itself with a vengeance. She was taking her last chance to do this too him before he could protest and he hated it, though he did not hate her. He recognized, or believed he did, that she must believe it was the best thing to do. The thing was did she see it as best for him or just best in some more general way. She had always been so assertive in asking about his love life it seemed as though this must be some greater way of intervening.

    “Are you all ready?” She asked him.

    “Yeah, let’s just go.” He said and began to walk with her following. He opened the door and walked to the car stopping at the passenger door. She followed and then walked past him to the driver side and unlocked the car. She opened the door and entered and he followed suit. He shut the door and the clunk left a dreadful finality. His mind felt blank and his body numb. His mom started the car, let the engine warm, and then began to pull out. The car ride was silent but and tense for him though he could tell she felt no tenseness whatsoever. She was totally happy with her decision. It didn’t bother her in the slightest. Buildings, signs, trees and pedestrians streamed by the window as he looked out. Neither of them bothered to play the radio but it would not have mattered as neither would have been able to focus on that. It was just to tense and nerve wracking for him and he thought it was likely to exciting for his mother. They reached their destination, the small strip-mall where Dr. Galla’s offices were located, where she did her exams and outpatient procedures. Thinking of it now it was a bit surprising that she and he mother had taken to each other so well. They seemed so sweet together and his mother followed the other woman’s every word like it was some delightful narration she was indulging in rather than normal practical conversation.

    They parked and his mother stopped the engine and opened her door and exited the car. She seemed like she was bouncing now. She exuded a positive energy that would have sickened him, that did, but like everything he felt removed from it. He would be sick later on. They entered the office and his mother and he went to the counter. The young pretty receptionist greeted them cheerfully.

   “How can I help you?” the young woman asked.

  “We’re here for an appointment, Jane McCallen and Casey McCallen. We’re here for a circumcision.” Her voice bubbled with joy and he could swear the young woman’s brows raised with excitement. It was probably an unusual request. Perhaps even this verbal exchange helped break the monotony for her. He imagined that endless bookings of wellness checks would probably be boring. He found it disturbing that to them this was all such a game. It was his penis being modified, they would be so mortified to have their own medical concerns discussed. Everything felt hazy. The receptionist passed some forms to his mother who signed them with a flourish. Then they went and sat down. He was suddenly and acutely aware that he had grown taller than her some time ago. It added weight to the already oppressively unfair circumstances in which he found himself. The waiting room was mostly empty and the only two others in the room waited alone. They were soon called and he realized he would be the first of the day. They went into a room with a bench, screen, station of instruments and screen. He realize the screen was likely to make sure he had some modicum of privacy. He was relieved and then horrified to realize it might mean he mother would be in the room for his cutting. His mother sat in the chair while he stood.

    A young nurse entered then and greeted them sweetly. She took his pulse, his height and his weight. She noted each of them curtly on a clipboard. She was a portly middle age woman with neatly coiffed hair and matronly attitude. He was glad she wasn’t young. It would have made him feel smaller than he already did. She left the room after that and then returned shortly after with three items. A gown, a cup or water, and a pill. She placed the last two on the counter by a sink.

    “You’ll have to put this on.” she said to firmly and handed him the gown. He took it with reticence.

   “You should also take this, it will help with anxiety.” She said to him indicating the pill. His mother looked on with a determined countenance. He put the gown on the bench and walked to the counter. He swallowed the pill and drank the small cup of water to wash it down. Whatever medication he had just taken was strong. Unless it was only his imagination he felt it begin to take hold immediately. A forced calmness, more a deadening of his emotions began to take place. The nurse, noting that he had taken his medication left the room promptly. He walked over to the bench. He looked at the gown and then at his mother imploringly. She made no motion, just smiled and looked back at him.

    “Could you…?” he began motioning to the gown.

    “Just go behind the screen.” His mother told him.

    “I just, could you please go.” He pleaded.

   “No, I need to be here and you know that. The screen is there for a reason so you need to use it.” She said sternly. Whether it was the medication or not he felt obliged to comply. It was certainly the medicine that allowed him to pick up the gown and walk behind the screen without stumbling with anxiety. He slowly peeled off his sweatshirt revealing the thin cotton shirt beneath and then that as well. He looked directly at the screen and realized that he could easily see the very distinct silhouette of his mother in the chair, dark but sharp and without faded lines. He began to take off his pants and thought of turning away but decided not to. Let her see the outline of his penis, his penis, that would be modified today. It would be modified because she was forcing him, because she wanted it. The doctor might have recommended it but she could have interceded. She could have protected him, not forced him to do this. He felt tears well but they would not come. He lowered his underwear, paused, and looked down at his foreskin. He felt the tears again and retracted his foreskin one last time looking at the smooth moist glans that would soon be forever exposed and dry. He hated the thought.

    “No time for play, put on the gown.” his mother said sternly. Embarrassed at the realization that she saw him fondle himself he put the gown on and fastened the string in the back. He went back to the bench and sat down. He crossed his legs, a small protest.

   Dr. Galla and the nurse entered then. The nurse carried a tray of instruments.

  “Good morning Casey.” Dr. Galla said to him, smiling brightly. She was very beautiful, her chestnut hair gleamed and she had also done her makeup.

    “Good morning.” He croaked at her.

    “Good morning, Jane. How are you feeling?” She was on a first name basis with his mother, he would have reacted by the anxiolytic was working well. He was calm.

    “I’m feeling wonderful Dr. Galla. I’m so pleased to get this done.” She said and chuckled sweetly. The doctor smiled at her.

    “Well no point delaying. Why don’t we get to work. What do you think Casey?” It was asked rhetorically, there was no escape for him.

    “OK” he croaked. Dr. Galla reviewed the nurse clipboard then had the nurse put down the tray of instruments.

   “Lie back on the table Casey.” She instructed. He complied without hesitation knowing there was no other choice. He felt so vulnerable. The nurse went to move the screen so it blocked his mother’s view. She made no motion to leave.

    “Are you sure you want to stay Jane?” Dr. Galla asked.

  “Yes of course!” his mother answered. Casey did not care any more if she stayed though he was grateful for the curtain. The nurse then abruptly lifted his gown, coaxing him up as she did. She grabbed a spray can and sprayed his exposed genitals. Then she grabbed a bottle cold liquid and cotton balls and began to sponge the area around his exposed genitals. He swore that his penis tried to retreat but it was of no use. She grabbed hold of it and pushed back the foreskin and swabbed that too. Dr. Galla fiddle with instruments behind the nurse and loaded a syringe. He noticed she had donned gloves at some point and realized that the nurse wore them as well. He wondered how he could have missed that. It was a trivial detail. Dr. Galla turned to him brandishing the full syringe.

   “Ok I’m going to give you and anesthetic. Hold still this will hurt.” She said in a commanding tone. In a single fluid motion she stepped forward, grabbed his penis at the base, and proceeded to inject him. She did so swiftly and with incredible practiced grace. It hurt excruciatingly but and he winced but it was over before he knew. He let out his breath and realized he had been holding it. Dr. Galla returned to her instruments. She also donned a surgical mask and a sort of blue wrap-around garment similar to the one he was wearing. She also changed her gloves and the nurse did the same. He felt a creeping cold sensation in his penis and testicles and realized the anesthetic must be working.

    “Jane, I’d like your attention for a moment.” Said Dr. Galla addressing his mother. He felt like they were ignoring him. He felt small and vulnerable.

    “I’m going to use a new kind of clamp for Casey today. This new design is for maximum removal of tissue and especially of what is called the mucosa. This layer of tissue is were STIs penetrate. It is the healthiest way to circumcise. I will also remove Casey’s frenulum. That is a small band of tissue connecting the shaft of the penis to the glans or ‘head of the penis. Is this to your satisfaction?” Dr. Galla asked

    “Yes of course, just make sure you take all the extra skin. I think the smooth look is nice, no wrinkles for him.” His mother asked, she giggled at the end of that, as if it were a joke. He could not feel anything though, the pill had emotionally anesthetized him as well as the topical injections had numbed his penis. He felt sleepy in fact. His senses blurred.

    “Lets begin.” Said Dr. Galla and in one swift motion she moved from the instruments and was holding his penis. She pinched and pulled his penis sharply. He felt only a slight tug and coldness.

    “Do you feel this?” She asked

    “No, no pain.” he said flatly.

   Dr. Galla began without further words. He felt the tug and then pressure as she swiftly split his foreskin with scissors, then deftly switched to a clamp. She clamped then cut something from under his glans and then affixed a plastic clamp and locked it. She sliced off the remaining skin

    “All done.” Said Dr. Galla. Just like that it was over. The whole thing done, no drama or adieu. The sun shined on and the clock ticked on the wall over the instrument cabinets.

    “Thank you so much doctor.” His mother chimed in. She giggle again.

   “Jane come join me in my office. I will give you instructions on aftercare for Casey. Casey you just rest for a bit and when your ready you can change and join us.” Instructed Dr. Galla. His mother stood the nurse gathered the instruments and they all left the room. He simply laid still and let what had happened sink in. That was it, he was circumcised.

[wonderofwillows2]

After the Visit

    I felt so strange signing the papers and handing back to the receptionist, Casey sitting well within earshot, not included whatsoever and not the least bit aware of what was happening. In all honesty I wasn’t sure I had entirely processed what had happened. I felt like I had been led on by the doctor, her commanding demeanor, her unsettling poise, and the simple organized way in which she spoke to me. No, she led me right to a conclusion but, she knew it was a conclusion I wanted that I meant to happen. I’d regretted my decision not to cut, leaving Casey with that dirty sleeve of skin on his penis. How was he supposed to have confidence with such an ugly penis anyway knowing he’d be showing his girlfriends and lovers something like that. What would they think of me? They’d think I didn’t care about him and then that I must not care for them if that was all I felt they deserved. What about me for that matter? I wouldn’t want an ugly penis either. My thoughts were interrupted then by the receptionist.

    “Alright everything is set for next Friday will there be anything else?” The bright eyed young woman asked me in a sweet tone. She was so young, in a short time Casey would be working his first real job, likely much like her. Maybe they would meet and fall for one another one day. I banished that foolish thought.

    “No I don’t need anything else, have a nice day” I replied and I swear she gave me a short and surreptitious wink as I left. It felt like I’d entered some conspiracy though likely only one that I’d imagined. I turned to my son then and made a small motion to get his attention. It took a second but he noticed on my third attempt and pulled out his headphones.

    “Come on, everything is set here let’s get to the car.” I beckoned with my hand again and he rose and followed me. It was the late afternoon and he wore a gray sweatshirt and matching sweatpants that fit in a baggy but almost flattering way. He really was a young man then and nearly as old as I was when I had gotten pregnant with him. Could he appreciate a time gap equal to his own age? I couldn’t have at his age, I could barely comprehend what it was like to be the twenty-four years of his father who had seemed at the time to be so wise an all knowing. We were barely adults then, maybe even children really. It was lucky that Casey’s father had at least seen the value of duty and been willing to support his son financially if not by his presence. Though he did make a real and sincere effort to contact us on special occasions and had even been upfront with his wife about his other son. I did not resent him and I don’t think Casey did either. I strolled out of the building him in tow and we walked to the little car, four years out of date and he got in and then I did the same and started the car and pulled out of the parking space.

    “So how did it go in there with Dr. Galla?” I asked as I pulled onto the little two lane road that led back to our little suburb of the city where I worked.

    “It went OK.” He was nervous and I could tell, his head was tilted slightly towards the window and ordinarily he had no issues with looking me in the eye. I knew he knew something uncomfortable was coming so I let it pass rather than tell immediately.

    “That’s good. I wouldn’t mind some music why don’t you put on the radio?” I said to him.

   “Of course, what do you want?” He asked, his posture relaxed notably and I was relieved he would be comfortable for the remainder of our drive. There is something anxious about a conversation like the one we needed to have and the enclosed space would intensify that for both of us leaving little room for real discussion. Not that there was much to be had as final plans were in motion. Casey eventually settled on a pleasant station playing something cheery and electronic but not too dramatic. Shortly before we got back the songs were interrupted by a voice claiming the frequency for the local public radio station. I had never listened to them much but I also never drove much with the easy bus trip to work. The car was just for shopping really. I parked in the narrow driveway and turned the keys to shut off the engine which gave a short shudder as I did. Likely it needed something but I didn’t know what. It would wait I supposed. The house we lived in, that I raised Casey in, was small by any standard. It was two stories but without a basement and only single bathroom. There was no garage and only a scant patch of land that masqueraded as a yard. Still it allowed for a wonderful independence for us and was a quite comfortable home. I did however hope to live at least one other place in my life. We entered the door and then wiped and removed our shoes in the small entry way and Casey did likewise with his sweatshirt revealing a thin white undershirt underneath though it had yellowed slightly with a with time and the fact that is a frequent item he wore for exercise. He began to move towards his room, and his laptop but I stopped him.

    “Before you go upstairs there is something we need to talk about. Come on and sit with me.” I motioned to the couch. He seemed surprised, caught in a trap he thought he’d avoided he took on the same far off look he’d had in the car. As always though he complied and walked in a sort of meandering gate to the little two person couch and sat waiting for me to sit beside him. I followed and did the same. I crossed my legs and turned to face him and put my hand on his shoulder but he once more had trouble looking me in the eye and seemed unable to find the will to face me fully, his whole body was turned away just so slightly and it made me a bit sad but also inspired me to screw up my courage and just start as I had in other difficult times and thankfully I found a voice that didn’t falter.

    “Listen, back in the office Dr. Galla mentioned you had a minor problem. Did she tell you about it?” I asked him, he still did not turn to me though his cheeks did flush ever so slightly and my own did in sympathetic response. There was a gap of charged and poignant silence between us before he spoke.

    “What did she tell you?” He asked, answering my question with his own question and hoping to draw the awkward statements from me. I realized it would be my obligation to press on and so I took the moment while my courage remained.

    “She told me you had a personal problem, a problem with your penis. She said it was “phimosis” that means that you can’t pull your foreskin back all the way. It that right? Is that something she explained to you?” I asked him, the blood had rushed fully to my cheeks and his and despite his complexion being a bit darker than mine the reaction was very much there. I felt a tinge of guilt for his discomfort but we were always open and always honest so I pressed forward.

    “She mentioned it but it’s OK, she said as long as I can wash it’s fine and I can.” He seemed calm, and though I knew it was false bravado I doubt he would he been able to muster even that were he to know what would come in the conversation.

    “I know she said you could retract it while flaccid.” I said. He winced at the details of his intimate person that had been shared with me though the surprise did cause him to turn to me.

    “Exactly, so it’s not too big of a deal. She said it would probably go away on it’s own.” He said his false confidence wavering. I could understand this, after all he had so recently become an adult except for the new laws made that allowed for medical authority over dependents with a doctor’s permission.

    “No, she said it might but that in her view it was likely to worsen. She said that this kind of Phimosis tends to worse and constrict the foreskin more and more. She said that if a young man was masturbating, and I know you do, please don’t be upset. I’m sorry I had to say it that way but you told her and well I already knew you did so please don’t deny it but, she said that normally would cure it but not with you.” My coherence had diminished, I had lost some control in my agitated state. I felt ashamed and I knew poor Casey felt it more but I also meant to press on and to have this over with I had to say it, to get the surprise out of the way. He remained silent

    “Didn’t she tell you that?” I asked him and lightly touched his shoulder. He flinched.

    “She did, she told me. How did you know?” He asked me looking down.

    “Well she told me too.” I said.

    “I mean about, that I…” He stammered and my heart swelled and I laughed more loudly than I thought I might.

   “You weren’t discrete about your use of the tissues or the smell, or the sound even.” I said and he cringed visibly but laughed a bit himself. A sort of hoarse laugh, the kind forced to keep the breath from tembling and I knew he was upset and overstimulated.

    “It’s OK, really there is nothing to be ashamed of. You know that.” I said and indeed we had had that conversation some years ago as part of his basic sex ed.

    “I know it’s OK, I just don’t want you to know.” He said it so meekly I thought he was as vulnerable as he could be in that moment. He had regressed at the knowledge his secrets were known and I felt now might be a fertile time to impress the importance of what I had planned.

    “Going back to it though, you can’t retract your foreskin when erect can you? You told the doctor you can’t.” I said in the most maternal tone I could at that time.

    “No, I can’t.” He said shamefully.

   “Well don’t you think it would be better to be able to? I mean aren’t you interested in girls? I know you and Sam were together last year.” I led him on now. My motivation had been regained and I wanted to build this momentum.

    “We were but, I don’t see how that is relevant.” He said, his naivete showed in that time but he soon realized the folly of his statement.

    “Well you’ll want to have sex one day if you haven’t already and when that time comes you’ll want to be prepared. What if you did and it were painful? What if you couldn’t orgasm or needed to make yourself do it? Think of how unappreciated your poor partner would feel. Or worse yet if she wanted to use her mouth well what then?” I had escalated things now, a breach had been made and the topic swayed I surprised even myself with my forwardness. I felt oddly whole though and a kind of vigor in that moment. I felt powerful, a feeling so rare for me.

    “I don’t know, I – what do you mean?” He stammered now, unsure how to react to the sudden shift in tone and the change in the rule. We had always been open but never like this.

    “Well what if she could not retract your skin, what if she couldn’t give you the experience she wanted to? What if you had to bring yourself to orgasm. She’d feel you didn’t desire her and nothing could be worse for your relationship. Besides I can’t imagine you want to have uncomfortable sex.

    “I guess – I see what your getting at now. I think that I could show her I care though. I mean she would know I desire her. It’s hard to hide.” He said this in a stammering but sincere tone. I had clearly worried him.

    “Of course that is true. I doubt you’d leave her any room to think otherwise, except doubt has a way of creeping in when intimate moments are interrupted. I should know.” I declared the last bit forcefully and he reacted to that news with a physical stutter that while brief left him forced to regain his posture and composure. Though his composure was cracking.

    “You really believe that?” He asked me tentatively.

    “I do.” I told him with all possible firmness.

   “Besides she would expect your glans to visible, the foreskin is an eyesore.” I added abruptly. He started, clearly a nerve was struck and he was offended

    “That, you can’t be serious, you can’t think she’d be that shallow.” He said, I had made him angry, just a bit. It felt a bit good and I felt a bit guilty.

    “In fact, I think the uncut penis is really quite ugly.” I emphasized the term uncut and could tell I had left him shocked again. His mouth gaped open but he closed it immediately though he was forced to clench his jaw just a bit to keep it that way.

    “You don’t mean that.” He was indignant and almost whiny but wavering. He seemed dizzy.

    “I do mean that. I think uncircumcised penises are ugly.” I continued with confidence.

    “Why would you tell me this? I don’t understand?” He was struggling now.

   “I’m telling you this for your own good, I’m telling you this because I care about your future. You’re growing up and you’ll be going to college soon. I know it seems far away and I know you’re not even sure what it will be like but I am telling you right now you’ll meet so many young women there. Maybe even the love of your life and I want things to go smoothly with them. I want you to know what you might miss over some skin.” I added just a bit of pleading to my voice. I hoped he would catch.

    “I know you care, I just. I don’t understand what’s happening right now. I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me.” He said his own voice pleading in it’s own right. He really did not understand.

    “Listen, Casey, what I’m trying to say is – well I discussed it with the doctor and she recommended – yes she recommended. That you be circumcised.” I said, I felt nervous once again.

    “She what, well what did you say? What did she say?” He was frightened now.

   “Casey, Please calm down. She said you should be circumcised.” I said, hoping he would understand the subtext, guess at what had been decided.

    “And what did you say?” he asked. He had not understood.

   “I said yes and, well, I also signed the consent. You’ll be circumcised next Friday.” I said. I was nervous but the shock on his face and the fear they made me sad and drove my maternal instincts. I wanted to comfort him. Some other part of me though was so satisfied by it. The doctor, what she had said. She’d awakened some new side of me.

    “Please no, please.” He pleaded now, it made me so sad but I had no desire to concede. This was best, it was it should be.

   “It’s for the best, please trust me.” I said, and I did mean it.

   He said nothing then. He merely went silent and I knew he was in turmoil. He always went silent then. I opened my mouth but he simply turned away, stood, adjusted his clothes, and began to walk to his room. I simply stayed put. I heard him close the door but not slam it. He was angry but I had won. I was satisfied for now. He’d see things my way soon enough. When he met the right girls he’d know I’d done the right thing and one day he’d be thankful. I was merely sad to know the next two weeks would be so stressful for us both. Still I was happy.

[wonderofwillows2]

The Visit

She was my favorite type of patient, young enough, educated enough, and from a background that left her vaguely enamored with the idea of power and always impressed by any women who wielded it, even very little. I also had the benefit of being fifteen years her senior and at least four inches taller than she was, and most of mothers at my clinic. Her blonde hair was cut into something like a bob-cut and she wore it well but the short style was a matter of practicality. I always pulled mine back to increase the severity of my look and I think it worked well. It was my clinic and a look of authority always softened the resolve of my patients or their parents. I had also maintained a trim look while a life of long hours at work had left my patient’s mother just slightly doughy though not unhealthy by any means and she wore unassuming clothes, a loose shirt that stretched past her abdomen and leggings, it was clearly an outfit designed for comfort over fashion or showing off. She sat before me in the guest chair of my office while I sat behind my desk, my own seat just slightly higher than her own.

  “What did you need to discuss, is something wrong Dr. Galla?” she asked in a concerned, soft, voice marred slightly by creeping fatigue. She was concerned but sweetly composed.

   “Well to start let me assure you that Casey is generally quite healthy, enviably so in some ways, he is fit and more than likely to have a good record on the wrestling team if he does join. However there is one thing I noticed, his foreskin seems a bit tight, and he had some minor difficulty retracting.” I told her this brusquely, in my most professional and detached form. I was the truth of course and interpretation becomes key after this.

   “Is that an issue? He’s never come to me about it and he never had problems when he was younger.” She said this with concern and the alarm of guilt, clearly she felt this type of problem was a moral failing. It also indicated she might second guess he abilities. I found this a pleasing development and pushed onward in my task.

   “Ms. McCallen I can assure you that your son does keep up with his hygiene, I don’t think that is an issue yet but a constricting of the foreskin, called phimosis, is a condition that can arise spontaneously in a young man and which can worsen rapidly with time. Do you know if your son masturbates, Ms. McCallen?” I asked her this bluntly and it had the desired effect, her face fell and she dropped eye contact with me. I had seen a few others turn red at this moment or stammer but she raised her eyes again and returned to form almost immediately. She was no stranger to the world.

   “I haven’t caught him of course but I know he has for a while. I find tissues here and there, I can tell from the smell of his room sometime, I think he does it a lot.” She turned her gaze downward embarrassed and vulnerable at the unsurprising and common knowledge of her son’s habits.

   “There is nothing wrong with Casey Ms. –” I began

   “You can call me Jane if you prefer.” she interrupted

  “Of course, there is nothing wrong with Casey’s personal habits, it’s not even really that important, it’s simply that usually one expects this to loosen the foreskin. It suggests even that some of the less invasive treatments are unlikely to work in Casey’s case as those involve stretching, albeit with the help of medicines. Simply put I can only see Casey’s condition worsening to the point where he will be unable to retract his foreskin at all when erect. As you can imagine at his age this would be a serious detriment to his health and not just his physical health but his psychological health. Imagine how humiliating it would be for someone his age to not be able to perform sexually and possibly for their first time. It would likely cause many relationship problems in the future. I realize this is not what you necessarily want to think about with your son but it does matter.” I finished my short speech and she looked down again breaking eye contact with me. I was not surprised at the pause but I shortly would be surprised with her answer.

   “Actually, I understand a bit more than you might think. I once dated a man who could not entirely pull it back when hard. He was nice but it interrupted us all the time and it was painful for him and he had other troubles. I’d rather Casey, and his girlfriend, not have to deal with that. It was very unpleasant.” She seemed shocked at her self – at having revealed so much – but she did not break eye contact this time. Instead she looked me straight in the eye and suddenly seemed resolved.

   “Can this be corrected, what are the options?” She asked me, she seemed coy now, like she was anticipating something in particular. I felt a happy calm in reaction to her, the shift in her demeanor was something I looked for in a patient’s parent but rarely did it happen so quickly. I was deeply satisfied to see her own experience would shift her thinking so quickly into alignment with my own. This was an exciting moment. I would give her my answer and I was sure she would be happy to hear it.

   “Well as I mentioned stretching exercises, even with medical creams would not likely work since Casey does masturbate and that has not helped. What I would recommend instead is a circumcision. It is the only sure cure for this condition and carries a number of other benefits including the reduction of risk of certain STIs and improved ease of hygiene.” I said and prepared to continue but Jane interrupted me then.

   “And they’re much prettier.” she said softly and then winced. I ignored it and continued but it was difficult to suppress my urge to smile at that moment. I was already victorious and perhaps had been from the very beginning. Perhaps my patient’s young mother needed no convincing at all. I was happy with that idea. I pushed onward.

   “It’s a simple surgery, it requires only local anesthetic and is completely safe, it could even be done here and your insurance will likely cover it given that Casey does have phimosis.” I continued, Jane seemed to be fully invested in my words and I could see she was weighing her options.

  “Well I do think it would be better for him in the long run. When he was born the doctor convinced me it was unnecessary to cut him but I wasn’t sure so I sided with him. I always did think it was much better for a man to circumcised though. I just worry he’ll regret it or protest.”

   “Well luckily for all involved your consent is still all that is needed and not his. It would also allow you to be involved, and if I’m being realistic, the only time you’ll be able to ensure the quality of the procedure. I always attend to my patients with great care and I worry especially about circumcisions, it’s a surgery where the aesthetic results matter a great deal and I would never be lazy about something so critical. I can assure you we could even leave some foreskin although I don’t recommend that personally.” I finished my second diatribe with a practiced confidence. I often gave a similar speech to wary patients and weary parents. It was likely unnecessary for Jane who was currently thinking but I gave it anyway. In her case I hope it inspired confidence not in the idea but in my own abilities, that she would give control over to me. She soon answered my internal questions.

   “No, I think we should do what is best, what do you recommend?” She asked me sweetly.

  “Well in my own experience the best option is a decisive one as I have said. It would be a complete operation with the foreskin totally removed and most of the inner mucosa which is the site where STIs are able to penetrate. This would give him the greatest benefit. I will also remove what is called the frenulum, a small band of tissue connecting the glans – the head – of the penis with the shaft. This piece of tissue can easily tear during sex and lead to pain. I will also try to minimize scarring to make it appear as if Casey was never even cut.” I paused to let Jane think.

   “It seems like this is the best course of action, you sound like you have a lot of experience with this. How long would it take to heal? Will it interrupt his school work at all?” I was sure that she would be less than thrilled to know how long it would take but chose to focus on the positives.

   “He would be ready to return to school within a few days and mostly healed in two weeks. It would take about six before he could masturbate or be sexually active. If this gives you any pause I understand but given that we would soon need his permission now is the time to act if you want this done with an over. I assure you young men are not able to make these kinds of decisions easily. He might be angry at first but I can say with confidence none of my patients was ever unhappy in the long run and some have thanked me.” I exaggerated as so many of us do when we desire an outcome but one thing was true, I’d never gotten complaints. Jane mulled over what I had told her.

   “So when you circumcise him he’ll look like other men, no hanging skin over his head, his glans?” Jane asked

  “None at all, he will have no extra but I will leave enough to allow for a comfortable erection.” I said, Jane looked away but just briefly before answering.

   “Good, it looks so ugly with the foreskin, even his. I hate that look.” She admitted shyly.

  “Well this would certainly improve on that and I can assure you that I will do my best to give him a clean look with a neat scar.

   “Could we schedule it during the winter break?” Jane asked.

  “Of course, that would be a very good time to do it but won’t that interfere with wrestling? He will need almost a month of low physical activity.” I said, wanting to accelerate things, to be certain.

   “Your right of course, how early could we do it?” Jane asked, I swear I detected just a hint of excitement in her voice.

   “Next Friday is the earliest appointment provided you fill out the forms today.” I said

  “Of course, I’ll do what’s necessary then.” Jane replied and I had a hard time not smiling then though I knew there would be one more question.

   “How should I tell him though?” Jane asked me sheepishly.

   “Don’t worry.” I said, still smiling as I handed her the necessary forms.

  “Just bring him in and let me explain it after you’ve filled out the forms. I am a doctor and I can make him see the necessity of it. Besides it’s not like his objections matter yet. Even if he is upset you’re still his mother, and a woman for that matter, this is something where you know best.” She smiled at my confidence and took the form and the pen I had offered.

   “Of course Dr. Galla, thank you for your time and thank you so, so much for telling me about Casey’s problem. It will be good to know he’s getting his treatment and frankly better late than never.” Jane said standing and offering her hand which I accepted and shook.

   “It’s my job to help, just fill out the forms and set up an appointment with reception.” I said and as Jane turned and walked out of my office forms in hand I could felt the rising swell of victorious pride. Another had succumbed and another young man would lose his foreskin today. Things had be good today.

[wonderofwillows2]

The Training 5

She pulled Victor’s head up just slightly and parted her lips. Then she kissed him, fully this time and deeply, not like the previous teasing kisses she’d given him. By contrast those had been platonic. This wasn’t love but it was hunger. It was clear even to poor naive Victor that he was the object of her lust. Then, to his great delight, she just kept on going. It was like she was getting something vital from him, not like some parasitism, but more like some conduction. Like there was something flowing through him and into her. As if there were some great reservoir and he was her channel to it. He loved it, he loved every second. Her heat and her intensity. The soft smell of lavender she seemed to have. Her erect nipples rubbing his skin. He felt so joyous as she gently lifted herself onto the bed and then onto him. All that surrounded them was irrelevant to Victor in those moments. It was like time had stopped for him. She stopped abruptly, much to his regret, and began to pull down the bed covers that covered. He object briefly. Before Ana stepped in.

“Don’t resist, let her do it. We all need to see you.” She walked to the side of the bed and rested her hand reassuringly on Victor’s cheek. Then she gently stroked Priya’s back and guided Victor’s gaze to her breasts.

“We’ve all seen her now and she’s beautiful. Your beautiful too, now that you’ve been rid of your dirty foreskin. Why don’t you just let us see.” Then she kissed Priya briefly on lips and moved her hands down Priya’s sides resting them on her hips with a smile.

“She’s worth it Victor, let her do it.” Ana added with a small wry smile. She hadn’t believed for a second her actions would fail. Victor went along with them anyway. Priya continued her actions then, slowly pulling back the bed covers until she got to his waist. Then she pulled up his shirt and Victor moved his arms over his head allowing her to take it off. She paused to appreciate his youthful and mostly hairless form. She caressed his chest and then moved her had down to his lower abdomen and kissed him again, deeply and fully, before reaching for the sheets and pulling them down. His penis strained against the confines of the athletic shorts he was wearing and it’s general shape was easily discernible. The now flared and toughened glans was visible through the fabric. She kissed him again and put her hand directly on his penis. He gasped, barely able to contain himself. This was nothing like when the other girls he’d briefly seen had felt him. He was sure he was number than then but with Priya it was still like the touch of flame if that flame brought pleasure. She guided his hands to her breasts then and he felt them eagerly playing with her nipples. Then she stopped him suddenly.

“It’s time for you to learn how to please me.” You need to lie back.” Priya instructed him and then pushed him gently back. She knee-walked, at first a bit awkwardly up to his face. She giggled slightly and Victor smiled. Priya brought her wet and swollen vulva closer and closer to his face. “You need to lick me now, until I orgasm.” She said with a smile.

“I don’t know what to do.” Victor muttered sheepishly.

“That’s why you’re here you idiot.” Piya said with a small laugh and then she grabbed Victor’s head and drew him slowly towards her vuvla. He didn’t resist and the tiny distance seemed interminable to him for those few seconds. He could smell her, wet, sweet, and inviting. It made him feel even harder. His tight erection strained and he swore him penis might burst. Then his lips made contact with hers and her kissed her sweet intact vulva and began to suck on it gently. Then he opened his mouth slowly and began to lick her in slow up and down strokes. He was tentative and probing and Priya sighed softly enjoying the sensations. Suddenly Ana spoke up.

“Here Victor lick her here, slowly and deliberately.” Ana waled up to Priya and pointed the spot were erect clitoris showed through the folds of her pretty labia minora. Victor did as he was told and extending his tongue he began to lick her clitoris, slowly and with determination just as he had been told. He could barely believe the reaction he got from Priya just then. She began to buck her hips and grind her clitoris into Victor’s eager tongue.

“You see Victor.” Said Ana from the corner of the bed as she watched intensely.

“It’s undeniably every woman’s right to pursue the most full and rich orgasms she can, this requires patience, oral, and other foreplay. You need to treat her well and treat her as if she is the center of the world. You need to treat her clitoris as if it is more important than your penis. In fact, it is more important. That is why men are modified Victor. To help them give pleasure like you’re learning here. If fact I think she is nice and warmed up. Go faster now Victor, lick, kiss her, suck on her and make her feel happy.” Ana coachd. Victor needed no further encouragement and began to work his tongue more quickly over Priya’s sensitive spot and she responded with soft gasps and quick short breaths. He felt so powerful in his state. He was both submitted to her will and powerful. He loved his performance and wondered if this is how professional performers felt. He loved her taste and scent.

Priya began to grind her hips just slightly faster and Victor suddenly felt confident in a way he never had. Like there was some great secret he’d been initiated into. He was loving her response to his efforts and his penis was leaking fluid leaving a damp patch on the crotch of his shorts. He didn’t mind one bit who saw it. He was doing this for Priya and once more he upped his rhythm and began to alternate the direction of his tongue. Then suddenly Priya seemed to seize up and shiver. She arched her back and let out a few soft moans.

“Keep going, she’s climaxing.” Ana coached but Victor needed no encouragement this time. He would not have stopped just yet and he didn’t until Priya regained her sense and gently pushed his head back and pulled her hips away from Victor’s mouth. His face was sticky with her fluids and it was obvious that she was very happy with his performance. She lay down next to him and kissed him on the cheek. He leaned in to kiss her and she kissed him on the mouth tasting herself as she did. She didn’t seem to mind in the least. She smiled at him coyly.

“You’re lucky I taste so good.” Priya said with a short laugh.

“You taste incredible.’ Victor said. He was breathing fast and his attention had been take once more by his throbbing penis.

“Are we going to have sex now?” Priya kissed him again.

“Yes in a few minutes when I’m recovered.” Priya said.

“You did wonderfully.” Ana offered with a beaming grin of pride. She was truly proud of her little brother’s performance. It was obvious he would be made into a good lover yet. Priya and Victor cuddled on the bed. She lazily played with his her and nestled her face in his neck. She was making it obvious she had now interest in his penis just yet and this seemed to please the other women whose stony expressions had been replaced by soft happy half smiles that left little doubt to their satisfaction with Victor’s performance. Finally Priya began to let her hands wander down to the waist band of Victor’s shorts. She reached under the waist band and felt his turgid penis. She seemed pleased and tried to move the skin but it would not budge. Victor sighed with pleasure at her actions.

“Let’s take these off. It won’t be me who does those. I think Ana deserves to since she was the one who designed your new penis. What do you think?” Priya asked. Victor merely nodded in ascent and Ana strutted forwards with joy as Priya removed her hand from the waistband of the shorts. Ana grabbed the same waist band and Victor instinctively lifted his hips. Ana pulled the shorts down slowly and when they briefly caught on Victors penis she stretched out the waist band and grasped his penis with her hand and moved it perpendicular to Victor’s stomach. He gasped and shock but did not resist. Even Ana’s hand felt incredible. Ana inspected his newly freed penis.

“It’s an incredible appearance Victor, a real improvement. No more unsightly unclean skin. Dr. DeSantos did a marvelous job. Don’t you think Priya?” Ana asked and Priya nodded in agreement unable to free her eyes from Victor’s lovely bare and roughening glans. She loved the sight and loved his new look. She was genuinely anticipating what would come next but was able to hold herself in restraint for what would come next.

“Lie back Victor.” Ana commanded and he did as he was told, letting the soft blankets surround him and letting his head melt into the pillow. He new he was out of control now. This was really Priya and Ana’s moment. It wasn’t about him, but about what they would teach him. Victor would have never guessed he might lose his virginity this way. He silently wished for his foreskin back. To have the experience of natural sex just once but, this wasn’t about him. It was about Priya and he would please her. She knee walked again down to his waist. Then she straddled him and spit on her finger before rubbing the saliva into Victor’s glans, he sighed with pleasure though the sensation seemed duller than in the past. Victor could feel his scrotum begin pulled tight as his penis desperately tried to borrow more skin to accommodate it’s current state. Then Ana walked to the side of Priya and give her a small nod and placed a hand on her back. Piya needed no more coaching and she grasped Victor’s tight shaft and began to slowly lower herself onto Victor’s penis, first past his glans then all the way down. She gasped and bit her lip. Victor had never felt such a thing and his eyes rolled.

Nothing he’d experience had ever come close to the intensity he felt when Priya lowered onto him. He started to thrust instinctively but then she put her hands on his hips to stop him and began to thrust her own. Victor could not believe his luck and his breathing began to hasten as Priya began to find her rhythm. She was practically grinding against his pelvis before but now began to lift herself more. It was like she was hungry for him, her desires unchecked and soon she using him just as she wanted and Victor submitted. He could feel the toned muscles under her skin, feel them undulate under his fingers and he loved it. He wanted this to last and last and before long he realized to his suprise he might. She felt wonderful but he could not feel the pulsing build to orgasm just yet. It was as if he needed much more stimulation now. He was surprised a bit hurt but realized this was probably Ana’s desire and that thought sent his mind racing and nearly brought him to orgasm by itself but he remained in control.

In time Priya began to up her rhythm even more and closed her eyes in ecstasy and suddenly victor realized she was getting close and matched his thrusts to hers and the whole room began to reverberate with the wet sounds of their mutual pleasure. The women watching were now distant thought and Ana was stroking Victor’s forehead offering him gentle words of encouragement though he couldn’t really make them out with how much he was concentrating. This was a group effort and Priya would orgasm and he wanted to orgasm with her. It was taking all of his presence of mind to get himself there and it was clear her unmodified genitals were far more sensitive than his. Then Victors felt Priya’s walls start to spasm and contract. Her breathing got rapid and short and her abdominal muscles tensed and Victor through sheer force of will kept thrusting, right on the edge of orgasm until finally he felt his own release and groaned with sheer effort and let his neck go limp as he felt spasm after spasm of his semen empty into Priya.

A few short thrusts later and the too had seperated, Priya had become to sensitive to keep thrusting and dislodged Victor’s penis from herself and crawled up to lay besides him. They kissed deeply.

“That was incredible.” Victor said, now barely coherent.

“It was good, you were good for a first time. Your nice big glans was very satisfying inside me. You have a great circumcision.” Then she stroked his cheek. If Victor could have seen he would have noticed a small stream of his semen running from Priya. Ana on the other hand did see and with total calm she reached down and scooped a bit up with her fingers. Priya flinched then Ana came over and showed it to her. Priya beamed with pride. Then Ana licked her fingers clean.

“This was a great start Victor.” Ana said beaming brightly with pride and then she kissed him on the forehead.

Victor would learn much more in the coming weeks with Ana and Priya as his faithful teachers. He would never in his life forget their lessons. Nor would any of his partners begrudge their services.

[wonderofwillows2]

The Training 4

When the bandages came off Victor did not know what to feel, he still felt shock. It was in Dr. Desantos’ office. She had unwrapped his penis with care and grace. Gently undoing the layers of gauze in swift, steady circular motions. It had been over a week since Victor had undergone the cut and Victor’s penis was still healing. The line where the cut was made was still an aggressive red and quite swollen, and it still was quite sore. Victor had spent a good bit of time limping around the house. Luckily the excuse of a hiking injury had been enough to fool his parents and with the help of pain medication he had been given he was able to ward off the worst effects of the early healing. The fact that Dr. DeSantos had used a new glue instead of sutures had helped Victor remain at full mental capacity as well given that his itching and sore penis. Despite that he had not realized just how much flesh had been taken. His glans had been rendered completely naked and even in his flaccid state the skin of his penis was actually somewhat tight. The line of the cut rested against his glans and he realized quickly that there had been another cut made in a perpendicular fashion to the first under his glans and going to his meatus.

“What did you do?” He stammered out to Dr. DeSantos. She give him a slight smile and then replied.

“You know what I did Victor. You’ve been circumcised, it’s what you agreed to and what we always do with initiates. It’s a nice cut Victor. I usually don’t brag but I am proud of my work. You’ll have a nice straight scar and no unsightly mucosa remaining. I cut out the frenulum too as it can tear and we don’t want that. Not let me see.”

Dr. DeSantos walked to Victor and took his penis in her long, delicate finger. The wound was still a bit tender and he winced as she ran a finger tip over it. She turned his penis very gently left and then right before examining the underside of it. She smiled again while examining her handy work before letting go of his swollen penis. Victor winced as she grazed his newly healed wound once more with her fingers. He wondered if that had been an intentional action, if she enjoyed the minor pain she was causing him. He would bear her mark for the rest of his life. He was suddenly struck with memories of the luxurious stroking action his foreskin had allowed him, it hadn’t been the least bit tight. What were Priya and his sister thinking when they asked him to do this? Why would they want him so altered? Surely women would not have minded him the way he was.

“I thought it was just a bit of skin you were going to remove. Not that you would alter me like this!” He exclaimed in a faltering and petulant voice.

“Now don’t whine.” Dr. DeSantos scolded him. At once Victor feel silent and ashamed.

“We do not do half measures in the program and you consesnted. It was your sister and Priya who picked this for you. They were the ones who wanted you so thoroughly skinned. Aside from that we do not allow for partial circumcisions in our program. What would be the point of that? The desire is health, beauty, and performance. I am sorry to say you were not informed that you will lose a bit of sensitivity due to this but try not to fret, greater pleasure awaits you because of this Victor. I am certain of that. Don’t you want to be a desirable man Victor? This will help you Victor. You’re modern now. I’ve altered you for the better and you need to try and find some joy and satisfaction in that. Nothing can return your foreskin now. I’m sure if your mother had not come from a part of the world so ignorant of the benefits of such a minor operation you would have lost your foreskin long ago. Now, please be a good boy and let me finish.” She implored him with her eyes and smile and Victor was forced into shame and simultaneous desire for the pretty woman who had taken his foreskin and was now examining the wound. He wondered if she’d ever had any of her patients. He wondered if she’d feel disgust thinking of the surgery or if it was all just fun for her beyond some raw passion. She grazed his wound again and he winced.

The rest of the examination proceeded smoothly and Victor was discharged with the information that he was healthy and that he should avoid masturbation for several more weeks. At the time the pain made him feel this might be easy but it was not long before he realized he would not have such an easy time as he thought.

The lack of ease was not in the least bit helped by the fact that, for the next several weeks, Priya would often greet him with a kiss on the cheek. It was not helped either by the fact that she and seemingly a few of her friends would also find reasons to place themselves in his personal space. That was something Victor had not really experienced before and he wondered if Priya had told them his secret. He began to wonder how long she had planned this whole adventure for him. It was really turning into an adventure. He would have his hero’s journey and he had returned from the wilderness. He was not sure if he had returned victorious though, perhaps instead he had been conquered. Though had he been conquered for a purpose? That was the burning question. In fact it burned almost as much as his healing wound and then his sensitive glans rubbing against his pants. A constant reminder of change.

That wasn’t something he had anticipated. The rubbing. The constant and ever present rubbing of his glans against his clothes was at first a source of genuine torment. Like all torments and most pleasures though, it did fade. This alarmed him, his formerly wet and protected glans was forever dry and he felt almost as though it were a coating forming on it. Like it was regrowing some new but exceedingly thin and immobile new skin on it. This was a source of concern to him, but in true and obedient fashion he did ignore it. His morning erections had however become far more persistent than they had been in recent years and this was something he was shocked by. He had tried lightly stroking his glans one morning but found the sensation bordered on the painful with pleasure mixed in. The strong sharp pleasures of his previous masturbatory sessions replaced with an aching longing that needed fulfillment. Still he waited. He waited the full six weeks and then a few days until he could not take it any more.

It had been like a new experience. He had tried to replicate his old methods of luxurious stroking, the soft folds of his foreskin moving over his glans. This of course was quite impossible as Dr. DeSantos had robbed him not just of his foreskin but of all the skin movement of his shaft. It was completely taught when he was erect without the mildest possibility of pulling any skin forwards from his shaft and so he had to learn to improvise. He would lightly stroke his corona with two fingers. He would twists in a circular motion around it, everything in the lightest possible motions. It still took him almost twenty minutes to orgasm despite more than a month of built up semen. He felt almost depressed. This was not the tender and self indulgent self love he had previously had but a mere shadow of that. He felt depressed and helpless. He even confessed his feeling to Priya but she merely laughed at him and told him, smiling madly, he needed to know his penis was for pleasing others. That was the point after all. She reminded him he ought to save his passions for her and then gave him another maddening, teasing kiss on his cheek before walking away. Then she turned back and reminded him that over their winter break there would be a return to the place he was cut and she would have him there.

In the intervening weeks, which for Victor passed in a dreamlike and inconsistent fashion, he discovered to joys of lubricants. These were both natural and artificial. The slickness of his hand approximating his old sensations. To him it also approximated the feel of sex – how wrong that would prove – but he still enjoyed this more than his dry stroking. He was quite proud of his ingenuity at times. He had found ways to use hand lotion, skin cream, and so many other substances. It was almost an obsession for him to discover the best solution to his problem. He learned as well that his bare glans did render him certain kinds of sensations that were absent when he had used his foreskin to aid his masturbation. Still these new sensations were never quite enough and he found himself racked with frustrations at times when he was unable to easily provide himself relief. It seemed Priya had been partly right that the use of his penis was not entirely for him any longer.

All of that though, was before the day came. It had been Anna who called him and she had been clear. They were going back to those mountain cabins and they would do so right after the holidays. In fact they would do so for the new year. The whole of the short period of actual holidays became a blur for him. He barely remembered that Christmas nor the New Years party at friends, although the alcohol might have helped speed that process along. It was all fictional until the day Ana came to get him in her economy car with Priya accompanying her. They both greeted him with coy and knowing smiles. The kind of smiles that might be deemed diabolical or even perhaps a tiny bit petty. There was no doubt of their sincerity though.

“Are you ready?” Ana asked him as he entered the idling vehicle.

“I am, I think. Is it really necessary for you to come?” Victor asked.

“Don’t be silly, I planned so much of this that I have to see it through. Now get in and let’s go and complete all of this.” Ana’s tone was demanding and exact in a way Victor had never heard from her. He didn’t know what else to do but obey. He shut the car door and they were off down the familiar and then the unfamiliar roads. All the while guided by the neutral feminine voice of the GPS, which for some reason had been changed to affect a British accent. That actually struck them all as a bit ironic but were glad the company had not chosen some other more jarring accent.

The roads were icy at this time of the year, the thick evergreens along the road retained there splendid green bristles and stood proudly. Their conic forms in opposition to the skeletal forms of the few deciduous trees scattered among their more cold adapted brethren. It all seemed savage to Victor this time. There was no naivete of purpose to this trip no innocence. He was coming along to lose his virginity and it would be to a woman – a woman, she really was one now – that he had known for a very long time. A young woman he had never really even known he was attracted to. For that matter a young woman he loved but was not in love with, and who had conspired with his sister to help have his foreskin removed. The thought of it all stirred his denuded penis and he felt a slight twinge as his glans brushed against the seem of his underwear. He guessed there were some feelings you did not get entirely used to. He great central building seemed so much more fortress like and imposing now that it’s secrets had been explored. Now that Victor knew it contained rooms where unsuspecting young men like him were altered physically and mentally.

They pulled up to the very same cabin in which they had stayed the first time. All three got out of the car and stretched their tired limbs. Ana yawned lazily causing the other two to do the same reflexively. This got a laugh from them all and broke a bit of the tension that had been formed in the mostly silent car ride. There had been a lot of anticipation on that ride. Even young Victor who was so ignorant of the world had felt it, and felt that he might not have been the only one feeling arousal on that ride. That he might have shared that feeling, his arousal with them, it was thrilling and conflicting at the same time. Sharing arousal with his sister was certainly never something he felt he’d experience. He was shocked to find he wasn’t even disgusted. Assuming she had felt aroused then surely it was just empathy for him, for his coming trials.

They entered the room in silence an placed their things, just like the first time. Just like the first time the two young women chose beds on the opposite side of the cabin and adjacent to each other and Victor was left on his own on the other.

“Perhaps you should sleep naked since you’ll be unclothed for use again tomorrow.” Priya told Victor with a voice that dripped feigned innocence. Victor managed a short nervous laugh.

“You’ll get your fill of me later.” He spat back and this one made the two girls laugh.

“Let’s maybe get things a bit more relaxed.” Ana said with a coy smile and again she produced a bottle of wine from her bag.

Victor quickly realized that it was the same wine as the previous time and that in reality he had never heard of the brand. That shouldn’t have been a surprise but the label was very plain and hard to recognize. In fact it was almost too plain. The name read simply “ease”, which while appropriate seemed to be a short name and a non distinct one. Still when the wine was poured into the plastic cups Ana had brought Victor still took his and drank the rich red liquid with glee. It had a hot taste and burned almost like liquor. He wondered if it had any added alcohol. His inhibitions began to melt and soon the group began to talk. Then came the laughter as they shared old experiences and new and once more it felt like the convivial atmosphere of the old party. Victor even found himself admitting to Ana which of her old friends he’d been attracted to and she laughed and mentioned he might get a chance with them now that he was older and properly cut. Eventually the atmosphere faded and each of the three went to sleep.

When Victor awoke he was aware only of the sunlight filtered through his eyelids, the glow of the night’s revelries, and his exceedingly erect penis. He did not want to get up just yet, he thought he would just lie there. Surely Ana and Priya were still asleep. He knew it couldn’t bee too early since it was winter but he was still happy to think he had the privilege of being the only conscious one. This was soon rudely disturbed however when he heard Ana’s voice and slowly opened his eyes. It took him a second to adjust to the light.

“Wake up, it’s time.” She said to him and it was half a demand and half a soft assuring whisper but he complied. He knew she knew he would.

“It’s early though and, and I can’t get up just yet.” He stammered back. It was then he realized that standing in the corner were the three women who had been there during his first trip when he was cut. The were once more immaculately dressed an seated in three seats pressed against the wall of the cabin by the door. Victor was sure that the seats had not been there and was additionally sure that those same women were positioned to dissuade him from any attempts at flight. He suddenly realized that Ana was holding something. A glass of water and a small pill, she noticed his attention.

“Take these.” She said and smiled at him.

“They’ll help you to relax and also to perform.” She added. Victor did as he was told, he realized the drinking had left him intensely thirsty. His erection had still not subsided.

“He’s ready for you now.” Called the leader of the three women.

Victor was starting to recover his senses as the fog of sleep wore away. He was throbbing hard now, it seemed he would have no relief. He felt a bit nervous but all of these women had seen him orgasm and presumably had enjoyed the sight. They had ordered his circumcision, and if Dr. DeSantos was to be believed his own sister had decided on the look of the final outcome. Why couldn’t he feel nervous? He felt he ought to be livid, but there was an odd calm to this place. A calm that seemed to have no origin. It was not that he was even calm so much as he was just without the slightest bit of anxiety.

It was then that Priya emerged from the bathroom. She was naked, fully unclothed for all to see. The noise had a attracted Victor’s attention but when he saw he he was enthralled. There was nothing he could do to take his eyes away from her form. She was slim, her hips flared just slightly but were not the childbearing type that one commonly associates with a woman. Her breast were medium sized and she had pert, erect nipples. She had put on her make up, expertly, the curve of the eyeliner accentuating her large eyes and a dark lip stain brought her a vampish look. She had even trimmed her pubic hair into a neat triangle hovering above her own denuded but complete vulva. Victor couldn’t look away. If he had been able to he would have noticed the women were unable to as well though for different reasons. Priya had the whole room enraptured and she deserved every second of the attention she garnered. She was so unafraid and so confident that it made Victor’s heart race, she was free and determined to do as she would and he couldn’t want anything more than that. He wanted her to be so free she might defy gravity and float.

With that she sauntered slowly across the room. Her pace was slow and even and she managed to move her hips in a way that kept Victor watching, Ana too, though for Ana it was more of a sympathetic admiration. Victor wondered if Ana had done this. If she had taken some young man’s virginity in a spot like this. He wondered if she had a hand in shaping other young men’s penises and he wondered also what her saunter might be like. He was ashamed at that but then embraced it. He wondered if her nipples were still that same shade of pink they were when he had accidentally walked in on her changing those years ago. He’d almost forgotten that.

“Are ready Victor?” Priya asked as she moved fluidly into arm’s reach of the bed. She placed her hand on his cheek. “Let’s get started.

[wonderofwillows2]

The Training 3

Why had he agreed? Why the hell had agreed? This was seriously odd, so very odd and he couldn’t explain why, why was he so pliant to the demands of these strange women? He had just had an orgasm in front of his longtime friend and sister for god’s sake. He should be mortified and he did feel the smallest twinge of it. He wasn’t though and that was the baffling part to him. In fact he felt good, free of a burden. He even had begun to notices Jen’s full red lips and their elegant coating of some or another product. He noticed also, and possibly not for the first time, that Priya was in fact very beautiful. That she had such fine features soft and feminine her cute pert nose and deep brown eyes that were currently fixed on his deflating penis. He noticed how sweetly her figure curved as she sat upright and attentive, surveying the whole situation. Her breathing was slightly rapid and he breasts rose and fell in the tight sweater she wore and in the warm room Victor guessed she might be perspiring just slightly.

“We’re so very glad for you Victor. Really we are glad you would accept our conditions. It’s a funny thing we happen to have a doctor who would be eager to assist. What luck she wants to help with our cause. I’m sure Anna and Priya are happy you agreed as well. Aren’t you?” Said Jen the smirk still graced her lips as she talked.

“We really are, Victor I have had my share of men and without giving too much away I want to just say that sex is better with a circumcised man. They’re cleaner and prettier and they make a woman feel nicer.”Anna added with enthusiasm.

“Also do you remember when Mary gave you the handjob after the house party last year? Well here is the thing she wanted to give you a blowjob originally. It’s just that when she found you weren’t cut she didn’t want to. A lot of the girls at school prefer a cut man though some more strongly than others. I feel the same way Anna does too and I’m not from a culture where it’s common either.” Priya added in her excited and very nearly agitated voice.

Victors head was swimming and he did not know what to think anymore. He had just blurted out his answer and after the thoughts his sister and Priya had just shared he was more than certain they had known of this aspect too, they had known he would be cut. He was also shocked to learn his brief interest in Mary had come to an abrupt end due to his foreskin. He was actually disappointed to learn that. It made him wonder how many other girls at the school might have been interested in him and decided not to pursue it on the grounds he as uncut. He still wasn’t sure why he’d agreed but it was a comforting idea that it might be more appealing to women for him to be cut and he was also very certain that these women might really make good on their promise to educate him. Maybe he’d finally get better at talking to the girls at school. Maybe college would be so much easier that way. He’d already been accepted and the humanities programs were often dominated by women.

“Please Victor, you have a nice sized penis we see that now and I’m not ashamed to say that as your sister. I’ve learned a lot from participating in the other side of the program as a mentor to other young men and I’ve learned that even if I am not attracted to you it is ok to appreciate that you’re a sexual being and even to admire that you could learn to please a woman well. Do us a favor and pull back your foreskin for us. Hold it tight and let us see how it might look.” Anna added

“Yes let’s see Victor I want to see it that way now that I’ve seen it covered and erect.” Priya added with great vigor. ‘

Victor was now certain that Priya and Anna were enjoying his show and he surprised himself when he wanted very much to show them. And so he did it. Slowly Victor reached down and began to slide his foreskin back from his now largely flaccid and slightly sticky penis. He winced as the glans was still tender in the post orgasmic moment. His glans was clean aside from the slight coat of shiny ejaculate. It was a prominent size and a deep shade of mixed mauve and red. Priya looked at it fixed her already large eyes wide. Anna remained more composed but stared and smiled as well. The other three women stared but remained otherwise stoic in their expression. Nadine seemed most interested. Victor noticed Priya seemed to flex her legs slightly.

“Don’t you see how much better it looks now Victor? It’s a really nicely shaped glans and a prominent glans can really assist when one makes love. I Think it feels lovely. If you were cut the skin would pull tight and pull on the glans itself making it firm. It enhances the sensation for your partner you’ll have to trust me.” Anna said still smiling.

“It really is a nice penis, I mean that. Let the doctor cut you Victor. She’ll do a good job. Anna has seen some of the men she’s worked with. She’s precise and has years as a urologist. You did already say yes” Priya added sweetly.

“I know I said yes but I am still not really sure. I just, are there side effects?” Victors asked

“None that you need to worry about. It’s a simple procedure and we even happen to have our good doctor on hand.” Jen added promptly and with her wry smirk returning.

“But what will I say to my parents? What will I do about gym?” Asked Victor now slightly alarmed at the way things were going.

“Don’t worry about the school, our doctor can give you a note. She does have a practice other than this and can easily write you a note.” Added Jen now with a full smile.

“You don’t need to worry about mom and dad either. I doubt they’ll find out what happened and we’ll get you some pain killers. My excuse will be that you sprained you ankle. It won’t be so unusual for them to see you walking funny for a few days.” Anna added with a wide smile.

“I… I guess I agree to at least see the doctor.” Victor said and his eyes down cast with the shame of how easily and willingly he’d just submitted to the whims of this strange women and the surprising desires of the ones he had known for so long.

“Get your clothes on then.” Jen added aloof but compelling.

Victor began to dress, first his underwear then his pants and finally the long athletic shirt with insulation. He felt some of his former shame disperse as he dressed. Anna and Priya continued to smile at him. He felt his cheeks grow a bit hot and realized he did love that they were proud of him and happy for him. This was a surprise to be sure but he was not so unhappy with it at the moment. They loved him and he did not need to know more than that. He began to think trusting them was a good idea. Anna saw him look at her and got up from her seat and touched his back gently. Priya stood as well and walked over to him. She gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek and he could feel himself start to blush again, hot blood rising in his cheeks. Priya gently took his hand while Anna left her hand on his back and moved it in small circles.

“Please trust us.” Priya said and Anna nodded with agreement.

“Trust us, just see the doctor.” Anna added.

“I trust you, I’ll go.” Victor relented with a sigh.

Jen motioned to her compatriots and began to walk past the group towards the door and Priya kissed Victor on the cheek again and they began to follow. They walked out of the door, turned the corner of the hallway and walked to the single door that stood in the middle of the hallway. They entered room and found it to be a small medical office complete with an examination table, a scale, the normal bland anatomy posters, and bizarrely enough two extra chairs. Victor was instructed to sit on the exam table and did so dutifully. Jen then instructed Anna and Priya to sit in the chairs. She told them the doctor would be there shortly before exiting the room. The young women didn’t seem to notice but Victor was sure he saw her walk with a sort of flourish she hadn’t previously had and which made her all the more appealing even in her seemingly starched yet figure hugging clothes. Victor was still strangely without much nervousness but he chalked it up to the presence of the comforting others he knew. It was not long before a middle aged woman of African decent entered the room and greeted them.

“Good morning, I’m doctor DeSantos. I’m glad to see you here today Victor.” She said with a wide bright smile displaying her pristine teeth. She had fine dimples and high cheekbones that were complimented by a short, natural, hairstyle. She reached out to shake victor’s had. Then she shook hands with the two young women who seemed to be familiar with her already though neither directly commented on that.

“I want to congratulate you on being accepted to the program Victor. Not many young men receive such an honor. Of course in accordance with the rules I will be performing your circumcision should you accept your place in the program and I do hope you will accept as your sister was very enthusiastic about us taking you and she really made a case for you.” Dr. DeSantos added with a smile.

“I am glad that she was so for it but I really am not sure that I want to be cut. I just don’t think it would be nice, is my foreskin so bad?” Asked Victor in a meek voice.

“It is not that it is bad, your penis isn’t bad as it is Victor. It’s that it isn’t as good as it could be for your partner.” Dr. Desantos said maintaining her smile with the same extraordinary consistency that the women in the room did. It was both eerie and pleasant at the same time. The deliberateness of it frightened him a bit.

“But what about the sensitivity?” Victor asked.

“Don’t worry about that at all Victor. Most men experience no change at all and besides a bit less sensation can be a positive. Besides isn’t a bit less sensitivity a good thing in a man?” Dr. DeSantos asked the two attending young women who both nodded in fervent agreement.

“Don’t you want to be a better lover Victor? Or a lover at all? That is why you’re here. I think that you are far from lacking Victor so let’s cut to the chase, do you want to lose your virginity Victor? Do you want to be the young man on campus whose prowess is known and admired? Well this is how you do it Victor we can teach it all. The social cues you would have missed, the way to best bring them to climax orally, even the best way to stave off your own orgasm. We can teach it all and more. What’s best is that you’ll be able to lose your virginity in the program itself. You’ll get to have sex with a number of the young women who volunteer to teach. Don’t you want that?” The Doctor finished with refinement. If this were a practiced speech she did not indicate it, if it were not then she was a talented person. Victor’s head swum briefly, he did not know how he felt just then and suddenly he was pulled from his reverie by someone holding his hand.

“Please Victor, please do this.” Said Priya who currently had wrapped her own small and delicate hands around his own and had directed her gaze to his own eyes. He noticed then the soft and pleasant scent he thought the doctor was wearing was actually Priya. He couldn’t help but notice her pleasant features. He thought she was so soft and feminine and felt a fool for ignoring it.

“It was me, I’m the one who contacted your sister. I’m the one who pushed her to find a solution. I’m the one who wants this for you and I’m the one who wants to take your virginity when the time comes.” Priya continued and it took Victor a short time to process the fast and nervous words the young woman had spoken. She continued before he could speak.

“I know it sounds strange and to be honest I think we might just remain very close friends but Victor I want you once while we’re still young and I want to help make you the best you could be as a lover. I want to.” She bent down slight but enough to make the curve of her breasts even more visible and let go of his hand then moved in suddenly and kissed him on the cheek.

“Please, for me. I so much prefer a cut man.” She added.

“You know she is worth it.” Added Anna. She was smiling too.

Victor’s mind was in turmoil, he was anxious and afraid for what would happen but he knew at his very core that he wanted Priya and wanted her badly. It was true they might not be in love and true that it might only be a few times but, he wanted that and was prepared for it. He made his decision then.

“OK, cut me then. I want to be in the program.” Victor said with a faltering voice. The Doctor seemed to stir slightly at this and Anna and Priya both threw their arms around him and Priya kissed his cheek again.

“Don’t worry, you won’t regret this at all. I think you may even love it.” Anna said.

“There is one last thing to discuss we’ll be back shortly.” Dr. DeSantos added before ushering the two young women out of the room. Victor was left to his anxious thoughts, though it was not for long before the women returned.

“Let’s get started Victor. Please take off your clothes and lie down on the table.” Said Dr. DeSantos

Victor complied for the second time that day and still he couldn’t understand why he suddenly was without the anxiety that commonly pestered him and the doubts he should reasonably have. He took off his shirt and then pants and finally his underwear for the second time that day, and it occurred to him it was still probably before noon. He watched all of the women stare as he lowered his underwear and felt slightly bashful before complying fully and lowering his underwear entirely. He felt the cold rush of the air on his most intimate parts despite that the air was well heated. He then lay on the table and allowed his body to relax. Dr. DeSantos walked over to the table and placed her hands on his penis and began to manipulate it. He was slightly shocked and drew a quick breath when she retracted his foreskin and examined it. Satisfied She went and donned a mask, gloves, and hat then she ordered the young women to leave the room. They complied immediately, both still smiling.

“Now just relax, I am going to give you a few pain killers than sterilize the are.” Said Dr. DeSantos. She turned and walked to a small cabinet and pulled out a syringe and a small vial of liquid. After filling the syringe she grabbed a few small alcohol wipes. Victor was already shaved so she could dispense with that step. She found it a pleasant surprise. Little did she know that Priya had previously advised him to shave for any encounters he might have at school. She rubbed a small area at the base of Victor’s penis with the disposable wipe and them injected some of the liquid. Victor winced at the sensation. She repeated this three more times before disposing of the Syringe and grabbing a bit of iodine and some cotton balls from the closet. She proceeded to very thoroughly clean Victor and before long the whole area was a solid dark red color. Satisfied with this Dr. DeSantos began to prep other instruments. Victor felt a bit Dizzy with anticipation of the final event. Dr. Desantos returned to the cabinet and then to Victor with some sort of cloth. She expanded a frame hidden within the cloth and before long the thing had formed a small tent. She placed this over Victor.

“It’s so you don’t get anxiety.” Dr. DeSantos said and gave a reassuring squeeze to Victor’s leg. He felt a slight tugging on his penis.

“Do you feel any pain?”

“No, no pain, just a tugging.”

“Then we’re ready.”

With that said the doctor commenced her work. It took nearly twenty minutes total to complete and Victor almost wished he could see what she was doing to his penis but wisdom suggested it might be better is he did not. There was a lot of tugging including in areas he did not expect and he assumed the operation might be more complicated than he had thought. When that was done the doctor grabbed a small tube of liquid and then applied a bit of it to the wounds. She explained that it was a new flesh glue and better than stitches. This was much to Victor’s relief as he hated the look of stitches and would not want them in his penis for a week. And then it was done. Victor was a circumcised young man. With that the doctor took off her gloves and handed Victor a card bearing her name and the address of her clinic. It was surprisingly close to him.

“You’ll have to come back to see me in about a week. We’ll see how you’re healing then. My private number is on the back of the card and you can call me if you have any problems or questions. I will send a note to the school and your sister has a brace for your foot to allow you to feign an injury. Do you have any questions now?” Asked Dr. DeSantos.

“No not right now.” Victor’s felt too muddled to ask anything. Perhaps it was something she’d given him.

“You dress and let’s rejoin the girls.” Said Dr. DeSantos. So Victor did, though very carefully and Victor left the room without his foreskin.

[wonderofwillows2]

The Training 2

Anna Priya and the other women led Victor from the small room and down the hall to a small door marked “staff only”. The woman who led the group opened it revealing a set of stairs leading up. Once more Victor felt a tinge of nervousness and began to slow but Priya and Anna held his arms reassuringly and led him forward. The group ascended the stairs and before long turned into another hallway identical to the one below. Two separate small rooms lined the hall each with a heavy door. They were led to the one at the far end of the hall and made to enter. A row of seats sat along one wall exactly five. The woman leading the procession took the center and her two escorts on either side. She motioned for Priya and Anna to take the farthest two. The woman at the center then pulled out a small remote and clicked a button. There was a slight noise in the back of the room and then silence again. Victor was once again racked with nerves as the only one left standing.

“Victor, I’m sure you’re anxious to know what’s going on. I just want you to know this was all the idea of your sister and Priya. My name is Jen and I want you to feel comfortable. On my right is Nadine and on my left is Sophi.” The woman in the center said with the most perfectly regulated voice Victor had ever heard. She held a neutral expression on top of it.

“What is going on here?” asked poor, nervous, Victor.

“I’ll allow Priya and Anna to explain that.” Said Jen.

Anna and Priya stared at each other for a minute before Anna motioned for Priya to continue. Priya looked hesitant and then began to talk.

“Victor, you are genuinely wonderful in my mind but these women are here to see if you might fit into their program. It’s to help guys like you who never had a lot of social skills and to teach them how to be better lovers.” Priya said.

“This is very surreal. Also, you mentioned the idea already, “a workshop for social skills” is what you said Anna.” Victor exclaimed.

The woman with the clipboard made two notes.

“We do prefer educated young men, you seem to at least have something of a vocabulary.” Jen noted still keeping her neutral tone and face.

“It’s also about the physical part though Victor, you have trouble picking up the ques so I thought this would help. Poor Deena threw herself at you for over a month last year.” Priya seemed so imploring that Victor could not help but feel his anxiety soften to a need to ameliorate things.

“She did? Why didn’t you say something to me?” Victor asked, now concerned.

“I did tell you but you were so incapable of getting it, I think this will help.” Priya added.

“Yes, please consider this. I know dad treats mom well in some ways but he does not get it sometimes either.” Anna added, once more imploring.

“Alright, what do I need to do then?” Victor asked, still racked with anxiety about the situation.

“The first thing would normally be a check of your social skills at a base level however you’ve shown sufficient interest in the concerns of others that I think we can dispense with that. We’ve also noted your SAT scores as provided by your sister so we can dispense with testing for intellect.” Jen said to the group.

“You gave them my SAT scores?” Victor glared angrily at Nadine.

“Just a copy we don’t have any vital information about you. Don’t be angry.” Jen said and victor did indeed calm a bit. To go a bit farther, he felt almost too calm. Yet here he was and so, he decided to try and make the best of it.

“So what is next?” Victor asked.

“Well that is the physical part. Let me ask do you exercise?” Jen asked him.

“I run three miles four or five times a week” Victor replied.

“Very good, now here is the thing. We will need to see the results this brings you. I will need you to take off your shirt.

“What do you mean?” Victor asked her. He was stunned but surprisingly calm.

“I mean I need you to take off your shirt.” Jen replied still the without emotion.

“It’s ok they are here to help” Priya added encouragingly.

Reluctantly victor began to take off his shirt. He did so slowly but without the feelings of embarrassment or apprehension that might normally influence him, in fact he felt almost comfortable. All of the women were looking at him including his sister and yet he did not feel embarrassed or out of place. All the women’s eyes were on him then including those of his sister and it still did not bother him. The odd calm remained and he wondered if it were the ritual aspect of this place, the space he was in or if there were something more to it. Priya’s eyes were on him too and this made him entirely more nervous than Anna’s or even those of the panel of women.

“Now your pants.” Intoned Jen.

Victor paused then and the nervousness sprung up once more but he decided instead to comply, the situation simply didn’t seem hostile to him and neither Priya nor his sister had even flinched at the suggestion. It was almost as if they had known. A thought that disconcerted him a bit but that he did not seem to mind. What harm would it be for them to see him in his boxers? It would have been so little to do. While thinking this he suddenly realized he had been slowly and unwittingly complying to the command and had kicked off his shoes and lowered his pants more than half way. He proceeded to take them off and then to slowly nudge them aside. Suddenly he was aware of a chill in the room and felt himself shiver a bit. His slim and mostly hairless body mostly on display. Priya and Anna looked on with slight smiles.

“Now the measurements. Nadine please.” Jen commanded her associate.

“The what?” Victor asked.

“Just like a tailor, please hold still.” Jen said.

With that Nadine stood and pulled a small tape measure from a pouch on her waist. Victor was shocked that he had not even noticed the small instrument on her before. With that she began the measurements. She took the length of each arm, the width of his chest, and his total height. She checked the width of his neck as well before measuring his waist. The affair was both intimate and invasive but victor allowed it quietly. Finally she move on to his lower sections and Victor started only briefly as she measured the circumference of his waist and then his buttocks and the length of each leg. He started only briefly when she measured his inseam and her hand lightly brushed against his penis. The whole process was not too long, no more than a few minute but it felt long and engaging.

“Now the last step. Your underwear too Victor.” Jen said, Nadine had not seated herself again. This time Victor really did feel uncertain. He looked to Priya and then to Anna but both looked at him with encouraging glances. Neither had any doubts about what was happening.

“Go ahead.” Anna implored.

“I don’t know if I want you watching.” Victor said with a slight tremor in his voice.

“It’s ok, I can turn away.” Anna said.

“No you may not, the sponsors must participate.” Said Jen coldly.

“It’s ok, I’ll be right here.” Priya said.

“Please do this, for us.” Anna gently coaxed.

Then he did, to his own surprise Victor dropped his underwear before these strange women, his good friend and his sister. More to his surprise none of them batted an eye this exchange. They all seemed pleased even Anna.

“Nadine if you please.” Jen intoned to her subordinate.

Nadine began to reach for Victor’s flaccid penis and immediately he jumped away.

“Victor, please. Let her.” Priya implored him again. Victor stood still.

With that Nadine wrapped her hand around his flaccid penis and victor gasped and fought the urge to pull away. Nadine got out her tape measure and began measure his penis base to tip before reporting the number to her seated compatriot with the clip board. They all seemed satisfied and even Anna watched.

“Now to see him aroused. Put your hands behind your back Victor.” said Jen. Victor was nervous but oblige the command.

Slowly Nadine began to manipulate him, she stroked up and down his shaft and drew the foreskin back and forwards over the glans of his still slightly shrunken penis. Victor was suddenly aware that all three of the strange women were quite fetching and that Nadine herself was a young woman of no more than twenty-five. She had wonderful curly red hair and a few freckles spotting her pale complexion. Victor was soon entranced and so were Priya and Anna at the rhythmic stroking of Victor’s penis. Before long he was past any social concerns and had grown to his full length. Once again Nadine measured his penis both the length and width and noted them. Victor’s head swam and he doubted this was even real, he came to the sound conclusion it must be a dream, but it persisted on and he let himself go.

“Now there is one last thing Victor. We need you to orgasm for us. How long has it been since your last orgasm?” Jen asked the shocked young man.

“Maybe three days?” Victor was shocked at the question despite having lost his right to be shocked some time prior.

“Well it should be easy to do so with your foreskin, you’ll need no assistance. Show us how you give yourself pleasure Victor.” Jen had managed to keep her tone entirely neutral once more and now Victor was becoming certain that this was a common happening here. Against his better judgment he fond himself complying and took his penis in his hand and began to stroke himself. Slowly at first and then more rapidly moving his foreskin across the glans. Anna and Priya watched transfixed while the other women took a more cold and professional stance.

“Go ahead, think of Deena. Think of her little red nipples. I don’t know if you have seen them but I certainly have. they’re lovely.” Priya added while victor continued his stroking. Victor could not help himself now, the fantasy had seized his mind and now he was incapable of stopping even as Anna looked on. He continued to stroke.

“She has a nice little landing strip too, she has dark pubic hair, darker than her normal hair but she doesn’t dye either.” Priya offered again.

With that Victor felt himself orgasm, a powerful orgasm and so intense his legs trembled. He could not contain himself and he felt the rush of semen form and flow up his urethra and then eject itself in small spurts and dribbles. Anna and Priya watched with smiles now enjoying the vicarious pleasure victor felt at that moment as his penis twitched and pulsed before his audience. He had not thought of it then but he was facing Jen and the other women. He had not managed to ejaculate with the force necessary to hit them however. They remained well dressed and immaculate. Finally as Victor’s breathing slowed to it’s normal pace and his clarity returned he realized with slight horror what he had just done and was filled with regret though oddly enough no anxiety. Jen’s formerly stone like expression broke and she smiled at him.

“That was very nice Victor, you gave us all a show. Didn’t you enjoy it Anna?” Jen asked and Anna nodded in agreement.

“I am glad you can orgasm so strongly.” Anna added smiling.

“You seem like good material for our program Victor, more than adequate in many ways. There is just one thing. You’ll have to be circumcised. The foreskin is a relic of times past and has no place in age of gender equality. you’ll have to be circumcised.”

Victor stared in horror, unsure of what he had just heard. He realized now this was an adventure that was only beginning.

[wonderofwillows2]

The Training Part 1

There were no young men who came to the resort without a sponsor. Be it a wife, a girlfriend, a sister, mother, or aunt. No young man was allowed there without a sponsor and none were allowed without meeting certain very strict criterion. Some were specific and fit into neat categories that were known as the “basic minima of entry”. For the first basic minimum no more than one man could be there for every eight women which meant there was almost always a waiting list of sponsored young men up to a month. The second was that the young man be between the ages of eighteen and twenty-one, though those over twenty were rarely taken. The third was aforementioned sponsorship and generally at least two sponsors known to the group were required though some more respected members of the group could bring another. The fourth was that the young man must be circumcised prior to getting to resort with enough time to heal and be ready for intercourse.

There were also the three more abstract criterion. The first of these was that a young man must be physically attractive both in the body and face and have hygiene befitting his qualities. He was to be judged by a panel and if they found his physical features attractive enough he could join, if he was deemed near enough, he would be given three months to correct whatever issue as best he could. Allowances were made for small things like acne that a young man might not perfectly control. Most often it was simply that a young man was expected to become more fit or to simply improves his grooming. There were generally few who fell into this category.

The second was that the young man should be of some intelligence, he had be able to understand instructions given and, he had to understand the deeper relevance of them. He would have to be able to understand the lessons and mantras repeated on a daily basis. There would be plenty to learn for those impressionable young men who were taken there and it was important to know the lessons would become ingrained though the indoctrination those young men would receive. Few young men who left would have said that it did not leave an impression on them.

The third was personality and more broadly speaking social skills. The young men had to posses those requisite social skills to at least avoid being boring to the women of the resort and to be able to pick up some minimum of the women’s emotions and desires. Of course this was not a hard thresh hold as young men were to be further educated in these skills. Indeed most of the women there were eager to teach the men who came there how to further anticipate a woman’s needs. Some even took it to the point of being like a sport or challenge. To see how much they could spur a young man to further development in this category. They would show off to one another how well their charges and students could read their body language and the inflections of their voices and how thoroughly and eagerly they responded.

The brings us to to Victor, a handsome young man of Russian-Canadian origin who lived Toronto where his father and mother had settled and become firmly middle class. He was tall, about 6’1” but perhaps just a bit more with a lithe frame and with some musculature though he was by no means one gifted to be a true athlete. His features were fine and sharp with a pale complexion and fine blond hair. He had a well sculpted face and though not at all feminine he was not what one would call overly masculine. He turned eighteen early in his senior year and this had bought him some initial popularity as he could buy alcohol but that soon waned. He had always been shy and so it surprised him one day when hi sister called him in the first week of October from university to tell him she had helped to arrange a surprise and that a friend of his, Priya, had set up the very idea. He was to travel with them in one week, to see small resort several hours north.

Priya and he had been friends since they met eight years prior when she came to his elementary school. She was outspoken and intelligent and the two had bonded immediately though they contrasted in many ways. Physically she was petite and feminine in every way with no androgyny to speak of. Her complexion a fine color like that of cinnamon. She was outspoken and vigorous about stating her opinions and able to talk to anyone with ease I contrast to Victor who was sometimes shy. Yet they were able to form a bond in terms of being older than their respective classmates, though not by much, as well as being from immigrant families and speaking different languages.

The idea came as a shock to Victor but he was certainly open to it. His sister, Any, had always been supportive of her younger brother and despite an age difference of four years he always felt that he could come to her for advice in comfort and ease. One would be hard pressed not to assume they were related by looking at them as they shared some physical features though Anna was the more practical and wished to be a researcher while victor pursued softer studies. He hoped one day to be a human rights lawyer and Anna was the only one in full support of this. His father and mother thought he ought to go for the highest paid position and not pursue lofty ambitions. After all this is how they had overcome their initial poverty.

The week passed an Victor was excited to see his older sister once more. He had asked Priya about the details of the trip though she had been reluctant to share too much. She had told he conservative parents she was going with a girlfriend and suggested that he find a suitable person to use as an alibi as well. It would be fun she was sure but she did not want to arouse suspicions in their school nor to raise alarms about the seemingly odd group going. Since unattached straight men are usually not invited on trips with women whom they are not seeing intimately. Nor was it at all usual that his older sister was going. However none of them were bothered by this, all of them knew each other too well for that. Sometimes the assumptions of others are off base. In this case though expectations would indeed conflict with reality.

When Friday night of the next weekend came Victor hugged his parents goodbye before descending the steps of the house to the waiting car below. Priya and his friend Paul were in front and Victor got in the back with his small backpack. His parents warned him to be aware of bears and be careful one last time and then they waved the small group off. It was not three blocks before they dropped off Paul and changed the GPS to the coordinates of his sister’s school. It would be an hour before they even got there and then another three to the cabin. It would be a remote place for certain and cold this time of year, there would likely be frost. Eventually they reached the apartment near his sister’s campus. The sun was beginning to set and the sky had turned a variety of beautiful and fiery colors. They would soon be in wild lands. They called and waited and in a few minutes Anna appeared closing the door with grace and nearly bounding down the steps with a smile on her pale face. She dropped her bag into the trunk and then took her place in the back seat. Pleasantries were exchanged and short laughs were had.

The group set off in the now near darkness. Victor was having one of the most pleasant times that he could remember as they chatted in the car and share old memories. Priya and Anna having many to share themselves with Anna being like an older sister to Priya as well in many ways. Priya was the oldest in her house too and of course was often in need of advice when she was younger, about boys, makeup, or the life in Canada her parents were reticent to teach her off. They knew each other well and their friendship had grown from a the role of mentor and student to a more genuine and equal footing.

It was past nine when they arrived at side road leading down a path which terminated in a large packed earth parking lot and a small set of beautiful and carefully made wooden buildings with a set of four small cabins. Priya steered the care to the left into the parking lot and then up to the main building. Stopping the car she turns the keys and stops the engine.

“I’ll just be a few minutes, I need to check us in and get the keys before we can go the cabin” Priya anounced with a small smile before opening the door and departing into the cold night.

“So in all seriousness, Anna, what prompted this trip?” Asked victor.

“In all seriousness I just felt the need to get away. We just had a round of exams and I wanted to let off some stress and see people I knew well. We all need comfort.

“That is true. I actually came along partly to see you, we haven’t talked in a while and I am sorry for that.”

“It’s ok, I am sure you are busy at school. Have you met any girls?”

“I know them all at this point I think. I really only talk to Priya.”

“Do you still mostly hang out with Paul, Kendrick, and Mit?”

“For the most part yes.”

“How are things with you and Vanessa, are you still fighting?”

“No, we patched...”

The car door opens interrupting and Priya returns with the keys.

“I’m back it’s cabin number four.” She presents the cabin key before starting the car and then engaging it. She backs out of the parking space and drive parallel to large main building before making a left and then a right and parking in front of raised wooden cabin with small windows and a propane tank beside it.

“We’re here she announces and turns off the car. The group exits, each stretching upon their immediate exit. Priya and Victor walk around to the trunk while Anna grabs her articles from the seat beside her in the rear of the car. Finished with unloading the group climbs the stairs and approaches a beautifully finished door made of thick planks of wood.

“I can’t believe we got this for such a price” Victor muses.

Priya unlocks the door and they enter the cabin. It is a cozy space but more than suitable for four and lightly decorated with the beauty and finish of the construction materials playing the main role in the aesthetic. There is a small wood stove on one side and s small gas stove next to it giving choice to the renters. On each side of the main room are two sets of beds with bunk pressed against the wall on the right where the wood stove allows more room. Past the gas stove on the left is a small bathroom with a toilet sink and shower. The general amenities of civilization all seem present in the small retreat. It’s warm inside as the heat was left on for them. They pick their beds and with the ample choice there is no difficulty, the women choose the beds on the left and Victor picks the right. They each take their turns bathing and changing into night clothes and Priya turns up the heat to allow for the light bedclothes she packed.

A bottle of wine is opened and shared among them while they talk of old times and laugh while reminiscing. They talk about the time Priya developed a deep crush on her math teacher. They talk about Victor’s infatuation with skateboarding when he was younger and his broken ankle. They finish with more pleasant stories as they finish the bottle and then brush their teeth and turn in to sleep. They all sleep soundly after being thoroughly exhausted by the day and the enjoyment of each other’s company. They awake in the morning and Priya announced that there is a free breakfast the first day. So they dress in the bathroom and depart to the main building, walking down the bumpy earthen path and ascend the flight of stairs opening the main door. A young woman in her twenties with a plump frame attends the desk. Priya talks to her and hands her some papers and the young woman directs them to the left hand hallways. They walk up a short amount of stair and see two rooms. Priya indicated that they should head to the send and they do. She claims they should be seated and make small talk while they wait. Suddenly they are interrupted by three women.

“Is this the one one?” A tall and strongly featured woman asks them.

“Yes it’s him. Victor my little brother.” Anna answers smiling from ear to ear. One of the women makes a note on a small clipboard.

“What is this?” asked the poor, confused victor.

“It’s just something we arranged for you.” said Priya with a smile.

“I don’t understand, is this like an intervention? You both know I never do anything.”

“We know Vic. But this isn’t about that, imagine it as a different kind of intervention. You see we both know the lessons you got from mom and dad growing up and we think that a bit of modernity might help you. It might help you loose your virginity too.”

“You tokd her?” Victor turns to Priya with a hurt expression.

“I knew Victor.” Anna assures him

“pleasure just trust us.”Priya assures him and places her hand on his shoulder.

“Is this a brothel did you hire a prostitute for me.” Victor asks.

Priya laughs and shakes her head at him and Anna smiles knowingly. The other women seem to be amused as well and one lets out a small giggle.

“No it’s not that.” Priya assures him.

“Just trust us. It’s more of a workshop on social skills” Anna assures him.

“Alright I’ll trust you for now.” Victor says, still nervous.

“Don’t worry your sister is mostly right.” The lead woman in the group assures him.

“Besides we have the car keys until tomorrow evening so why don’t you follow us?” She adds and turns to leave the room. Priya and Anna stand immediately to follow. Victor is reticent at first but Anna and Priya pull reassuringly on his arms and soon he stands and begins to follow.

The end of part one.

[wonderofwillows2]

Assembly Lines

     Many people never forget specific things, very often those things are designed to be memorable and it is always towards the young those experiences are directed. It’s by design really. Culture perpetuates because the young are targeted and their memories marked by some event or another. They ascribe meaning to this and comfort as they face the march of time and its unknown destinations. This is ever more the case with a shared event that is somehow intimate and yet the same for all. So it was with my cutting. It is true that no one knows exactly how the ritual started in my culture. It is true also that it was said that foreigners brought it too us. That didn’t matter that day, when we were called to undergo our ceremony. The day when the nurses and doctors came from the cities to interrupt the quite serenity of our country life. They came with many vehicles while we had two tractor to fifty farms an they came with books and notepads while we had only chalk and slate.

    I was called with most of the young men nearing our second decade in age. We were no longer considered boys and most of us had worked with our parents on the farm for some time. Still we were used to obedience and when told to meet the small army of helpers we went willingly though with apprehension. They had erected a small town filled with tents and beds. We had none of these, they seemed new to us. Like the shinning machines on the covers of pulp comics and novels that had filtered out to us in the country. Many of our grandparents had never even attended school. It was an exciting time to meet these visitors from another world. When we had all gathered the head of the operation, a doctor with a wiry frame and sunken eyes stepped up to a podium and announced that this would be the first of an effort towards a mass circumcision. No more would the old ways prevail. We’d be cut in a sterile environment and we would be healthy.

    We were herded off into groups. Young doctors and nurses their blood pumping fast with caffeine and adrenaline gathered us into groups and took our ages, names, height, weight, and other measurements. Then we were separated further and herded off into tents. We were made to lie on beds divided by curtains and unable to identify our compatriots in the rite who appeared to us as just moving silhouettes behind the barriers. We were together in abstract and together for one purpose. All of us scared and shivering slightly. All of us unwilling to flinch before the young doctors and most importantly the pretty nurses. We were to be men that day and though we were men already it did not feel like it. We had all wondered why our parents had not had us cut earlier. It turned out they were merely waiting for a better, safer way.

    I will never forget the happy eyes and cheerful voices of the nurses who cut me. At that time they seemed divine with flawless skin, starch white uniforms. and smooth neatly coiffed hair. These were only products of their middle class life in the city but to us they seemed sent from higher places to make us better men. They did not merely take our foreskins, they made us modern with their precision clamps, red iodine, and painful but mercifully brief injections. They made us the recipients of a new rite with new techniques for a new purpose beyond the old. A calculated purpose whose outcomes could be measured. We would all be marked the same way and have neat straight scars unlike our fathers and grandfathers. The nurses would assure us all that our future wives would be happy. I know I prefer to think that mine is, though she might disagree on other things. She does say she feels cut men are better partners with more stamina. We initiates were all pioneers that day. I can think of few happier times in my life and times and that is something all the others i spoke too agreed on.

    In the end not every young man stayed among us and lived as a farmer as his parents had but I did. I know despite my interest in living in the old ways I would never consider having my sons cut in the traditional way. I love the neat straight scar those nurses gave me as they laughed and joked and tried to distract and comfort me all at once. I loved the massiveness of it and the way we all were together and apart at the same time our identities dissolved to measurements and numbers, mere parts of sheets and schedules. I loved the neat modern lines of the tent and shinning instruments. I felt then like a voyager and it has been a wonderful voyage since. I wonder how many others feel like me and know with pride that it is many. We sacrificed together as one and it will always be for the best we did. I hope you enjoy my brief diatribe and my experiences of being a young man made to feel like a boy once again.

[wonderofwillows2]

A Minor Thing

   It’s hard to describe the how you felt when you were young, especially hard to do it accurately. It’s enough of challenge sometimes to describe how you feel now. So without further ornamentation I suppose I’d better get on with it here. My father met my step-mother when I was only nine. My oldest sister was twelve my other eleven. They were happy for him, happy he was kind to her and happy she was kind to him. I was just happy to have a mother, there was something about having a woman’s voice in my young life that soothed a deep seated need. I loved the high and lilting songs she sang in her native language, the sweetness of the words that always seemed hover just that evanescent bit longer when they ended in a vowel. I loved the colorful clothes she wore and the high spicy notes of the new food she cooked for us.

It was two years later than they had the wedding, our family was small as my father was a bit older and his parents modern. Hers was vast, she had seven brothers and they all joked about their baby sister growing up even though she was thirty-six, an age I still can’t imagine myself as I write this. They claimed it was long overdue that she marry, her mother claimed so also and was glad she’d have grandchildren. It was an obvious point of pain that their daughter, our step-mother, could not conceive on her own. Her mother and father were both adamant that we would join the faith but she and her brothers interceded on our behalf. The wedding was a dry, but that didn’t affect me, I was drunk instead on the stories my new uncles told of a seemingly free and idyllic childhoods spent chasing one another through twisting streets and burdening the adults they met. There was no honeymoon, both claimed to be too old for that. Instead a few days after the wedding my father and new mother went to out for nearly a day and my father spent a few days out of work. It seemed he was in some pain. I thought nothing of it until a few weeks later. That was when they explained to me that there was one holdover of my new mother’s culture she could compromise on. My father had been circumcised. It was a practice I had never heard of and I asked them, in my innocence, what they meant by that new and strange term. My mother took the lead then and leaned close to me and took my hands in her own. They were soft and surprisingly warm as if she’d been wringing them in the anticipation of a difficult but necessary task, the kind so often avoided until it was doubtlessly time to undertake it.

She explained to me then, in her calmest voice, an almost tense voice of thinly veiled energy, that in her culture young men have their foreskins removed. She explained that it was cleaner, that it was harmless, that it was an act of beautification and health. My father then interjected that while it was not part of our own culture he had no regrets at such a small change. He placed his arm around her and looked me in the eye as he told me he had no regrets, that it really was a small thing to please her and how worth it it was to please my new mother who he loved so deeply and certainly. He explained also how she’d asked him to have this minor surgery if they were married and how he’d nearly abandoned the prospect but decided to go through with it. It was then my new mother shocked me, her sweet voice almost breaking with nervous awareness, that she had asked to have me circumcised as well. I processed this slowly and then with fear and looked to my father but he maintained a stoic silence and I new I would undergo this treatment. I would be cut in two weeks time. It is said anticipation of the thing is greater or worse in some measure than the thing itself. I am not sure of that myself but I can say those two weeks were spent in fear. Worse yet they were spent with my sisters knowing my impending fate. My mother had made sure to announce it to them and in front of me as well. They had been shocked themselves then curious, asking a flurry of questions to our new mother. She silenced them then but made sure to mention she’d explain more in private. She did not think it appropriate to cover the topic with me present. It was an objectification I would never quite get over. I was not to be privileged by her explanation, I was only to have my father’s for the time being and he was difficult to pry information from. He would merely tell me what a small matter it was, how little I should worry. Perhaps it was a happy thing that I was only just discovering the pleasant sensation my foreskin could give me, I might have missed it more then

My sisters were quite around me for the next few days sharing only greetings and giggling between themselves. Though they had always done this it felt like it was always about my looming appointment. I once overheard them call it a “penis trim” and then laugh short stifled little laughs. That hurt me to the point of tears and I cried in my room to avoid them. I once asked my mother if the girls would have to have any special treatments or surgeries. She simply assured me that girls were pure and clean, that there was no need to change them at all. I burst then and yelled in indignation that I was fine too, that my father was fine, we did not need to change. She barely reacted then, she merely paused then turned maternal and assured me it would be better to be cut, I’d be better than the other boys then. She ended the conversation then with a stern admonition that I should be brave and just accept my cutting, that all her brothers were done and they were fine. I dropped the conversation then.

The day before my cutting I was advised by her not to eat or drink that night. It was a brief but unpleasant fast. My parents were strict in watching me, my sisters in contrast to their previous behavior were kind and offered supportive words. My oldest sister, now a teenage offered that she had looked up what would be done to me and that she thought that circumcised penises were much nicer and that it would be good to be cleaner. She even went so far as to say she was sorry she would not get to meet more boys who were cut but that she might try to do so in the future. My other sister agreed they were nicer but also offered most girls would find it a nice surprise. This was little consolation and I cried then and begged them to intercede on my behalf. They held me and then said just to accept things. Our mother had explained it all and it would be better.

The next morning I was awakened by my father who advised me calmly but firmly to dress in athletic clothes and come downstairs, my sisters were to sleep through the whole affair. My mother waited dressed in her finer street clothes, she smiled and asked if I was excited. I could only mumble that I was frightened. She told me she knew I would be brave but her demeanor suggested it was a command as opposed to statement. It was not long before we were off. We rarely drove much as my parents took the bus to work but that day we took the car to the clinic. It was a small unassuming building of brown brick and marked only by a small sign. We parked and got out, my parents walked with me towards the building. It felt like a monumental structure though in reality I doubt it had more than six rooms. The name on the sign in the front seemed to be one from my mother’s homeland. I had no doubt it was her choice.

When we entered we were greeted by a receptionist in clothes like my mother’s. They spoke in my mother’s native tongue, her voice still so pleasant and sweet. It seemed they knew one another and there was even a bit of laughter exchanged after a pause where both looked at me. I felt once more like the mere subject of another person’s whims and felt then what I only now can identify as a feeling of diminishment. I never wanted to feel that way again. My father was silent the whole time, he seemed far away as if he were imagining another place. Eventually we were called and my mother and father walked with me to the room. I was made to undress and dawn a robe. A young woman native to my own country came in and took my vital signs, height, and weight. She and my mother chatted briefly in my language. She seemed indifferent to my plight. I thought she might raise a point against my forced acculturation but she said nothing. Finally the doctor came into the room, he was an older man – probably in his late fifties with a snow white beard. He spoke to my mother in my native language. Then in my own he advised me lie back and relax. It was then the nurse returned with some a cup of water and a pill. I was advised to swallow it and did so. The effect was profound and I soon found my anxiety at the whole thing abating though it seems likely that it affected my memory to as things soon started to blur at that point. My mother told me I was lucky, many boys in her country had no pain killers or pills. She told me to be brave. They all left for a few minute and I heard them speaking nearby though I didn’t terribly care about what. Only the doctor and nurse returned then, with a tray of tools. They moved a screen over my midsection. I felt the cold of the numbing agent then the pain of three shots. They left again and returned a bit later. They tested my sensation and asked if I felt pain, I told them I did not. The they went to work. The process was short I barely remember it, only the shock when they moved the curtain and a clear plastic ring was bonded to my penis behind the now bare glans. I felt no fear then due to the medicine. I only felt shocked.

I dressed and then left the room and was greeted by my smiling mother who hugged me and told me I was brave. We returned to the waiting room and the doctor invited my parents into his office. They returned with some papers and a small bag and we left and returned home. It was only at night the pain started but it was manageable. I refused stubbornly to show I was affected though I think it was naive to believe it did not show. My sisters were especially kind to me in those few days. It felt like a dream to me. I suppose that is a blessing as it lessened the humiliation of my mother and father checking my wound before I bathed. The rest of that week was spend with mild pain and itching. School was difficult then but I got through it. The next week the ring fell off and I was confronted by my new penis in its singular form. It seemed so naked and vulnerable encircled by the bright red line just behind the glans. The skin was tight and the glans a deep and unhappy mauve. I was acutely aware of the glans rubbing the fabric of my clothes. I hated my new penis then, I felt ashamed when I saw it. I felt like I would always be less of a man though my mother claimed I could now be one, that it was the skin that was boyish. The same week we returned to the same clinic for a check. The doctor happily pronounced me to be healing well. My mother was happy and my father relieved. I was told then I no longer had to bathe as carefully and could return to sports the week after. It was a relief that I could have at least some normality again. On the way out my mother and the receptionist spoke again, then looked at me and giggled girlishly. It was only when we got home and my parents were out of the room that my oldest sister informed me that the rim of my glans, my corona, was visible through the thin athletic pants I had worn. I felt utterly humiliated then

As time wore on I healed completely and began to grow up in a literal sense. I hit mu growth spurt and my voice deepened. I was proud of my new need for deodorant and tiny excuse for a mustache that graced my upper lip. My penis grew too and I began to get frequent erections. They were tight to the point of nearly being painful but this soon subsided. I learned also that my penis provided new unknown pleasures though something always seemed a bit off, like there was just a tinge of pain when I played with my bare glans. It didn’t stop me but I soon discovered through conversations at school that I needed lubricants to get the same from my self pleasure that the other boys did. It was one of the few time that I recalled my circumcision and truly thought about it. I delved into researching the topic and learned that my own glans, and my father’s, had likely been desensitized by our surgeries. The fact that it was very little was not comfort and I wondered how such a thing could be called “small” or “cosmetic”. I once raise my concerns with my step-mother, she merely laughed and admonished me for my greed. She told me men get plenty of pleasure. I raised my concerns with my father and he merely told me there was no undoing what was done.

It was another year and a half before I met my first girlfriend. She was a friend of my middle sister and a bit younger than her but still older than me and more experienced. I was not her first and she delighted in the comparison between my penis and that of the other boys she knew. She liked the look of it and claimed it was much prettier than the others and said she cut her own sons. I do not know if she was serious. I had my first experience at oral sex with her and she claimed she much preferred to perform the act on me as she had easy access to the glans with no skin to move. I was happy enough then to be cut. I supposed it was not so bad. I did not learn until a bit later that part of my intrigue to her was that she had learned I was cut from my sister. I would have been upset had I learned before hand and was glad I did not. I soon learned a few who knew my sister were similarly interested and I wonder if she had intentionally promoted me as a learning experience. I asked her about sharing the information but she simply played coy and apologized, saying it had “just slipped out.

   So now as I look back, ready to graduate college, I think It was best that I was cut. It is true it cuts down a bit on my pleasure but the women I have known were always pleasantly surprised by my penis. My current fiancee is from the United States where I learned that male circumcision is a normal practice. I was surprised by that but happy at her happiness. She told me she did prefer cut men and would have insisted I have the surgery if I were not. I suppose it is a strange confluence of events that I would wind up in a situation so similar to my own father’s. I would never have guessed it, or that one day I might well consent to cut my own son at my wife’s request. There is no moral to this, it is only a recounting of events. However those events are ones that have influenced me for my whole life, I still feel a tinge of powerlessness from time to time and I still feel the humiliating sting of first seeing my altered penis. My step-mother – my mother – is so fond of my fiancee, I suppose in the end my circumcision was really for her all along. I’ll never ask of course but I’ll always believe it was more than just a cultural preference that led to my father and I being cut.