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[word2thawise]

mr. harrington: okay so today we're discussing spider-man's biology specifically the web production...thoughts? random kid: he probably has like a device right mr. harrington: actually there's debate about that, some sources suggest it's biological— peter: *stares at desk* flash: no way it's biological that's disgusting!! peter: *stares harder at desk* mr. harrington: well biologically speaking spiders produce silk from spinnerets located in their abdomen so if spider-man's abilities are truly spider-based— random kid: don't tell me it comes from hi- flash: THATS DISGUSTING!!! SPIDER-MAN IS A FREAK!! mr. harrington: peter you're good at biology...thoughts? peter: uhmmm entire class stares at him peter: I think...the devices theory...is probably...more accurate flash: see I told you— ned, springing up from seat: I HAVE AN OPPOSING THEORY!! peter: NED NOOOO!!!!

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steve: peter have you ever considered the military peter: ummm steve: the discipline alone would— peter: I mean it sounds cool but— steve: structure. purpose. serving your country peter: mr. rogers I already kind of serve my country steve: officially though with a rank peter: huh...that's actually kind of— tony, walks in: what are you two talking about peter: mr. rogers thinks I should join the army— tony: ABSOLUTELY NOT steve: tony he'd be an excellent— tony: HE'S SEVENTEEN steve: I enlisted at— tony: if you say you enlisted at seventeen steve I will lose my mind— steve: I tried to enlist at fifteen actually— tony: THAT'S WORSE—

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peter opens the washing machine

peter: OHHHH NOOO!!!! STUPID PINK SOCK!!!

peter's spider-man suit is completely pink

peter: no no no...this can't be happening

friday, from peter's smartphone: peter the avengers need immediate backup midtown. level four threat.

peter: RIGHT NOW!!???

midtown mid battle. avengers are holding their own. peter swings in

and all the fighting stops

the avengers, staring at spider-man:

clint: I'm sorry I can't take a villain seriously AND this at the same time

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Peter, sniffles: *sobbing*

Stephen: What? What's wrong?

Peter: tony ATE Fred!

Stephen:

Stephen: What?

Tony: I ate a banana.

Peter: His name was Fred you heartless wretch!

Tony: I ate a banana he named Fred

Stephen, whispers: What is wrong with you people?

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peter: okay so I've been working on a new tool for crowd control— tony: what kind of tool? peter: high frequency sound emitter. humans can't hear it but it disorients anyone trying to— tony: does it work? peter: I haven't tested it yet— tony: well lets give it a go peter: okay fine peter activates it. nothing peter: huh...maybe the frequency is off— bruce walks in bruce: *grunts* peter: mr. banner? bruce, hunched over: turn it off peter: what?? bruce: TURN IT OFF!! tony: bruce you good?? bruce: where did you get that frequency?? peter: I calculated it myself why— bruce: that is the exact frequency of the gamma emitter that created the hulk!! peter: tony: tony: you made a HULK WHISTLE!!?? peter: ACCIDENTALLY!!!

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peter, sweating: mr. stark I don't think its ever been this hot in NY!!! tony: I know kid, this heat wave is breaking records peter: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGHT CRIME IN- tony: peter...I have an idea peter: what kind of idea tony: atmospheric manipulation, a localized temperature drop targeted cooling system peter: ...you want to change the weather!!?? tony: I want to fix the weather there's a difference...get in the lab four hours later peter: okay the output looks stable— tony: humidity levels are good— peter: temperature variance is within range— tony: activating in three— peter: mr. stark maybe we should run one more— tony: two— peter: the atmospheric pressure reading is a little— tony: one. they activate it peter: did it work?? friday: sir NY's temperature has dropped to 8 degrees fahrenheit...it's snowing peter, looking out the window: MR.STARK ITS A FULL BLIZZARD OUT THERE friday: incoming call from Nick Fury tony: ohhh shit

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peter is on patrol. ned is at home guiding the mission ned: okay night-monkey I'm tracking two police frequencies and a traffic camera on fifth— peter, over comms: ned you don't have to use the codename we're alone— ned: I'm the guy in the chair peter professionalism matters ned's mom opens the door ned's mom: neddy do you want a snack!!?? ned: MOM I'M BUSY— ned's mom: I made lumpia!! ned: long pause ned: ...what kind peter: ned focus— ned: PETER there is LUMPIA— peter: ned there are three guys on the— ned, to mom: leave it outside I'll get it ned's mom: okay baby door closes ned, back to professional voice: okay night-monkey three hostiles east side of the building peter: you better save me some lumpia for when I get back!

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deadpool: hey kid I need to tell you something peter: what did you do?? deadpool: so hypothetically I may have told some people that spider-man was responsible for a thing that happened last night... peter: WHAT THING!!?? deadpool: a largish thing peter: HOW LARGE!!?? deadpool: building sized...look it was already on fire when I got there— peter: YOU BLAMED ME FOR A BUILDING FIRE!!?? WHOS!?? deadpool: relax. it's just a cover nobody's coming after you it'll blow over by tommorrow peter: you PROMISE!!?? deadpool: scout's honor peter: you were never a scout— midnight avengers tower friday: *electronic doorbell* someone is in the lobby for you peter peter, half asleep: oh really?? well who is it? friday: wilson fisk sir peter: ...ᴏʜ ɢᴏᴅ..

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peter: I'm just saying the healthcare system makes no sense. I paid $300 for an inhaler last year...one inhaler!!! tony: try getting a hospital bill after saving the city. I once got charged for parking while in critical condition peter: and don't get me started on student loans— tony: or the insurance industry— peter: or the fact that a full time job doesn't cover rent anymore— tony: the whole thing is structurally— steve, walks in: what are you talking about peter: the american system steve: HUHH!!?? I fought in a world war for this country!!! peter: we know— steve: I was frozen for seventy years for this country!!! tony: steve— steve: I threw myself on a grenade for this country...I LOVE THIS COUNTRY!!! tony: nobody said you didn't— steve: the greatest country on earth and if you don't agree THEN LEAVE!!!

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peter: so how old are you exactly mr. barnes. like 35? bucky: I'm 106 peter: NO WAY!!! your skin is literally immaculate what's your routine??what are you washing with? moisturizer? SPF?? bucky, whispering to steve: what is this kid saying?? peter: like genuinely you look incredible for a centenarian— bucky, still whispering: why does he talk like this? steve, whispering back: I have been trying to figure that out since I met him

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emergency meeting. stark industries boardroom. board member: mr.stark, stark industries stock dropped 23% this morning tony: WHAT!!?? what caused it?? board member: ...a video tony: what kind of video?? a video of what!!?? board member: of your intern. peter on a youtube livestream with 100,000 viewers the night prior. peter: yeah I mean stark industries is great but I've seen the lab budget. they're spending 40% of R&D on things that will never work, hammer industries definitely has the edge there tony: PETERR!!!

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peter: mr. stark I found a...little bird today tony: yeah?? what's she look like? peter: small, brown, very loud tony: nice what's her name? peter: ... tony: peter? backpack chirps tony: peter: she was on the sidewalk— tony: you found an ACTUAL bird!!??

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peter: hey mr. thor how old am I in asgardian years thor: hmmm I never thought about that... thor: aha peter: what thor: you are approximately...a newborn peter: a WHAT??? thor, emotional: by asgardian standards you have barely— peter: mr. thor are you— thor, sobbing: you are an INFANT peter peter: I'm seventeen— thor: places hand on peter's shoulder thor: you are so young peter, nervous: uh huhh?? tony, walking in: ...what did I just walk into?? thor: I SHALL DEVOTE MY LIFE TO THE PROTECTION OF THIS CHILD! tony: ohh thats swee- ...WAIT THATS MY JOB!

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peter walks into the lab looking stressed

tony: kid... you alright??

peter, pacing: may has a date coming up...I NEED to know who it is

tony: that's her business—

peter: friday—

friday: already running it sir

tony: we are NOT investigating may parker's love life—

long pause

tony: ...keep going friday

next day

friday: no criminal record, financially stable, name: Harold Hogan

peter:

tony:

peter: ...Happy??

happy, walks in with coffee staring at the report on the screen: I can explain—

tony: HAPPY

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peter: okay the magnetic output on this is way stronger than I thought tony: How much stronger? peter: I'm not sure yet I need to run more— strange walks in strange: hey gu- AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *dong* tony & peter, stares at the magnet: strange: WHY ARE MY HANDS— tony: the pins. the surgical pins in his hands!! peter: oh no— strange: TURN IT OFF!!! peter: I'm trying!!! strange: TRY FASTER!!! tony: friday kill the power to bench four— magnet powers down strange: what were you building!!! tony: a magnet strange: clearly. WHY IS IT THAT POWERFUL!!!??? peter: we got a little carried away— strange: a LITTLE??

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peter is swinging through a times square parade. spots a little kid on the sidewalk staring at him flagging him down kid: SPIDER-MAN!!! peter swings down peter: hey buddy— kid: can I have your autograph!!?? peter: ohhh ummm peter, to himself sweating: CRAP CRAP CRAP...HOW THE HECK DO I WRITE A SIGNATURE...I DONT HAVE A SIGNATURE peter: yeah totally totally I got you bud takes the pen. stares at the page tony, landing behind him: kid, what are you doing sign the page! peter, whispering: I don't have a signature tony: WHAT peter: I've never signed anything as spider-man— tony: JUST SIGN IT— peter, nervously writing: okayyy hereee you go...cya bye! *thwips full speed* kid, staring at page: ...WHAT THE? the signature:

tony: kid I genuinely don't know

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PLS REPOST THIS WITH OTHER RANDOM AHH SIGNATURES PETER COULD HAVE WRITTEN!! 🤣🤣

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peter: mr. stark you think maybe we could go to a knicks game sometime tony: yeah maybe peter: like actually though its game 5 of the NBA finals against the spurs! tony: I’ll look into it next morning friday: good morning peter. mr. stark would like you to know your seats are ready for Saturday's game. peter: oh nice which section— friday: the owner’s box sir peter: THE OWNER'S BOX!!??