A Collection of Thoughts

"We're all stories in the end, just make a good one, eh?"

[wordsyetunspoken]

I was playing in the sandbox of time

Making castles out of grains

Watching the sky float by

Through the wide glass panes

Some of my creations slipped through my fingers

Falling apart in my hands

With others remained standing

Regardless of my plans

The world revolved above me

As the floor beneath slowly sank

The sands once up to my thighs

Now just barely flanked

I’m knee-deep in the sandbox of time

Simply doing my best

Watching as the grains slip by

While trying to live life to the fullest

-wordsyetunspoken

[wordsyetunspoken]

Maybe I'm writing from my wounds

But are the words washing them out

Or making them deeper?

[wordsyetunspoken]

"I love you" at the tip of my tongue,

"I want you" in my trembling fingertips as I hold myself back from touching you,

But then I lunge,

Because your skin is warm and a home I know I can’t go back to.

But you replay in my mind all night,

Your touch, your gaze, your words,

All the things we did flashing before my closed eyes,

Painting everything in a color I’ve never seen before.

Yet I one I think I’ll forever be searching toward,

“I miss you” weighing down my heart, 

“I need you” spearing through my body like a sword,

And that is just the start…

All the thoughts running through my mind as I look at you every day,

Are all the words I never say.

[wordsyetunspoken]

Even missing you is something I'm afraid to lose...

[wordsyetunspoken]

But even though it hurts, who would I be if I stopped missing you in all the ways that are no longer mine....

[wordsyetunspoken]

Dry hands and chapped lips

Big coats and warm sips

Maybe winter is unmoored

And the early darkness a weight

Maybe the cold does freeze you to the bone

And maybe humans were meant to hibernate

But in the middle of it all

The coldest darkest moment on the shortest day

The sun begins to slow it’s fall

And we get another minute of light in a way

That we don’t realize until it’s all built up

To melting snow and blooming leaves

Misty mornings and feeling spring’s breeze

[wordsyetunspoken]

What emotion do you run away from?

Not happiness, I run towards it with open arms and a bright smile, gathering the warmth like my skin under the sun

Not sadness, I wax poetry in my melancholy and melt like the candles I burn in the dark

Not hurt, I wallow while licking my wounds in the corner with tears pricking at my eyes

Not anger, I rage with my words, pound my fists on my bed as I pull the blankets tighter in frustration

But heartbreak....

Heartbreak is grief with another name, it's loss with faster shoes, it's the sinking feeling in your stomach and god how I run and I run and I run

But maybe one day I'll stop, and as someone once said, I hope when it catches me, it's on a sunny day in the middle of a busy street

And I won't have to run anymore.

[wordsyetunspoken]

My face is stiff from the dried salt streaks that paint my cheeks

My eyes puffed and heavy, my heart left a little hollow

Yet I sit here into the odd hours of the early morning

Writing words, that only flow as easily as tears, when they're about you...

[wordsyetunspoken]

There is beauty here,

In the sun and the flowers

In the water fountain,

And people's chatter.

There is beauty here,

In all the things that really matter.

[wordsyetunspoken]

On my drive into work

I saw a digital banner by a gas pump

Stating in bold red letters, thank you for shopping with us

But the phrase repeated from the middle of the screen

So it read more like: thank you thank you for

All the words overlapping more and more

As if they were tripping over themselves to convey their thanks

In a jumbled mess of a preptutally half started sentence

And I wondered then if maybe I'm like them

With too many words to say but not enough space

My brain bursting with half formed thoughts that I struggle to get down on the page

But, perhaps, I stumble over my gratitude as well

For the world and the sun and coffee with caramel

There are so many things to smile about

That maybe I forgot

And maybe a jumbled mess of words

Is a beauty, not a curse

[wordsyetunspoken]

I remember when it was new,

And all I was doing was learning you.

I remember that first page,

Your hand on my back and your earnest gaze.

I remember our first kiss,

Before there were hundreds just like it.

I remember when the weather turned cold,

And you had me in your hold.

I remember feeling anxious,

Worried too much about this being a mess.

I remember the moments, big and small

I remember everything before our ....

[wordsyetunspoken]

She's not that smart,

Not that pretty,

Not that cute,

And not that stressy.

She's got an okay smile,

And okay hair,

Okay shoes,

And an okay flair.

She's not interesting,

And maybe that's because,

When writing a poem

Lying to herself is what she does.

[wordsyetunspoken]

It’s bright

Like the flash of a picture blinding the room for only a second before darkness returns

Then the brightness is back, it goes away, and it comes, and it goes…

There’s a vibration

Traveling through the windows and into the palm of her hand pressed against the wall

A thrum of something that exudes power and force

Dampness is in the air

Water meeting earth over and over again

Spreading the scent through the screen door

If she opens her mouth maybe a stray drop of water will land in

And she can taste the clouds rolling through the sky

It’s silent,

But then again, it’s always silent

Even when it all look and feels intense

Even when it’s probably loud

[wordsyetunspoken]

Summer is a dream.

In flowery sun dress, she wisks you away to Neverland,

Where the grass is always green and the sky a twinkling blue.

Summer is a smile.

Warm and happy filling your heart up with sunshine,

Even sadness feels better in her embrace.

Summer is a hairflip, a loud laugh ringing through the air,

A look over her shoulder would melt you to the ground.

Summer is a high you want to constantly chase,

Feeling the fresh air in your lungs and the sun on your back.

Summer is long days stretching out all the way to the outskirts of a blue night.

Summer is wild and free and full of possibilities.

But most of all, Summer is happiness twinkling around in a little glass jar lighting up the world for just long enough yet still leaving you wanting when she floats away with the wind...

[wordsyetunspoken]

Purple like the sky at the end of the day, when the pinks mix with blues and fade away

Purple like the flowers dotting the edge of sidewalks, small vibrant pops that make you want to stop

Purple like lavender sprigs filling the room with scent and purple like the rarest of the northern lights when they desend

Purple like my earmuffs and favorite hoodie and pens

Purple in small nooks all over and just around the bend

Purple splashes in my paintings and on my prettiest dress

And most of all, purple like BTS

[wordsyetunspoken]

I'm on a journey to find myself,

Out with lanterns, into the night,

But my bones grew weary at the first flight.

And I realized in order to do this I must get some rest,

The me on the other side must surely need this.

So I went off again with more care for my body this time,

Until I reached the shores where the waves crash in lines.

The sun kept me warm as I waded in,

And let those waves wash all of my sins.

Let them take away my worries and doubts,

So when I got to the other side it was just me and my thoughts.

Rubbed raw from the waves,

Everything else faded away.

And I understood the me that I'm looking for,

Is on the other side of my mental door.

That doesn't need a key or some grand treasure hunt,

It just needs a whole lot of love.

For myself and everything I've done,

And it turns out all I needed was to remember how far I've come.

So I sat down and started to write,

To remind myself why I'm a delight.

And maybe I'm still writing and figuring it all out

But I'm definitely a whole lot closer now.

[wordsyetunspoken]

A blue sky from the perspective of a cloud:

I wonder if I mar that clear blue

With all the space I take up

Does white even compliment you?

And is the grey that everyone frowns at a blemish to your beauty?

Am I the unnatural, the unwanted, the moody?

All I know is I can't help it

I'm moved by forces beyond my control

And I don't really choose to fluffy or filled to the brim with rain or snow

I don't mean to announce my storm with loud rolls of thunder

Or bright flashes of lightning appearing right under

I swear I'm just here

The way you are just here...

The way we both simply exist as we are meant to in nature

So tell me why I look down at myself when the world looks up at me?

Tell me why I can't see the beautiful shapes everyone else sees?

Tell me why I don't embrace my loudness or striking personality?

When all I see is your clear blue, it's hard to feel that I'm pretty too...

But there are people who smile when I float across,

And those are the things I should learn how to hold on