The Worst Days of Our Life

I'm Frankie, 19. College student. My ☕ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/frankie_vagrant

[worstdays]

MOONCALF

I am born January 19, 2005 under a waxing gibbous moon. The lunar cycle is 9 days young. I am a fat baby. It is still the year of the monkey, by the Chinese calendar. I open my eyes and I cry.

I do not know what horrors this absurd world holds for me. I do not know about heartbreak and wartime. I do not know about ostracization, alienation, exile.

But I cry--even to a baby, the world is an overwhelming place.

My only respite is that the world does not know what extraordinary things hold for it. I have two heads, five ears, fifteen arms. Two-thousand and fifty eyeballs. Eight million teeth. One tongue.

One tiny baby heart that beats with an inimitable love for the entirety of the human race. It is the one thing that is truly mine, that cannot be stolen from me. I cry.

[worstdays]

Dredged up a memory today:

When I was in elementary school, perhaps first grade or kindergarten, during nap time the teacher would play music off a CD in the room to help us sleep.

One time, I mentioned the song "Three Little Birds" and my teacher was really excited to hear that I knew it, as she really loved that song. I told her I had it on a CD and I could bring it in if she wanted to play it.

I didn't realize that the CD was from a cover band, so when the teacher popped the CD into the radio during naptime, she said "uh, is this alvin and the chipmunks" and I was like "yeah they made this song"

[worstdays]

I have never wanted to eat food less. I shovel a bowl of lettuce into my mouth and force it down like shots of absinthe. My body is a coffin for vegetables. My stomach composts apple cores and hearts of romaine. Peanut shells and shrimp tails. Anyone who could give a shit is balls deep in hell.

[worstdays]

Cosmum

The everything in the cosmos, the cosmum-- it breathes and pushes with a vibrant glint of life, willing this way and that way until we are walking and talking and bickering.

And it hates me.

There is no respite in this sick and twisted purgatory. Man could not design a better hell for themselves. This world is oppressive, pushing on all sides with its pains and losses, its stresses and illusions. And it hates me.

There is a balance of skill and cleverness against pain and moroseness.

[worstdays]

i wake up at 5am. i don't have my first class for another six hours, so i go for a walk. it is quiet and cold on campus. i take my graffiti marker with me and i look for spots that you might pass by on the way to class, and i tag them. i smoke two cigarettes, even though they are bad for me, because it makes me feel okay about being alone. they are my last two cigarettes. my feet are sore and blistered from all the walking i do everyday, but it doesn't stop me from wandering around campus for hours every night.

as i walk, i see flashes of last night-- being way too high in a room full of people, feeling like i've embarrassed myself, feeling like my brain and heart are being vivisected in front of the audience of all the new friends i have made in this past week. i know it is an illusion, and so i text sam and tell him that i feel bad about how i presented myself last night, even though I know it can't have been that bad. he is, of course, asleep, but i need to talk to somebody.

i splash my name across electrical boxes and glass panes, and eventually i find myself back at my dorm. i sit down and fill out the chinese homework that i neglected last night. i play guitar for an hour. i feel.

[worstdays]

everytime im driving in front of a silver jetta, i brake check just in case its you behind the wheel

[worstdays]

class doodle

[bob-artist]

My brain: You have so many tight deadlines. So many things on your weekly schedule. So many important jobs. You have to get important work done!!!

My hands:

[worstdays]

[aster-tech]

a little crow buddy i made from some scrap cardboard and micron pens. look at his little face!

[worstdays]

First comic

Hey guys, I just uploaded my first short comic on my ko-fi for free :) It's a short narrative meant to highlight how lonely paranoia and mental health issues can be, which I think is often overlooked.

You can download it here: https://ko-fi.com/s/cab4a2464b

If you have just a few minutes, I hope you'll check it out.

[worstdays]

please reblog if you enjoyed :)

[worstdays]

// Sometimes you might as well be floating through an abyss... //

[worstdays]

First comic

Hey guys, I just uploaded my first short comic on my ko-fi for free :) It's a short narrative meant to highlight how lonely paranoia and mental health issues can be, which I think is often overlooked.

You can download it here: https://ko-fi.com/s/cab4a2464b

If you have just a few minutes, I hope you'll check it out.

[todaysbird]

have you ever seen anything more beautiful than this photo series of a crow with dew glistening on their feathers

(photo credit - Frank King, for Macaulay Library)

[sanctus-ingenium]

up there

[crowpropaganda]

When someone casually mentions my special interest and my brain just...

Choose Your Own Adventure: Crow Infodump Edition.

Level 1 (5mins): How crows are different than Ravens.

Level 2 (10mins) Crows can remember faces and use tools to hunt [brief summary of studies]

Level 3 (20 mins): Crows can remember faces and pass along the information to their young and other crows [anecdotal and research narratives]

Level 4 (30-45mins) Social dynamics of crows.

Level 5 (crow thirty o clock) Crows will stay in the nest to raise up their siblings, I made friends with a crow he was a bastard :), there is a giant roost in Washington that has fought coyotes and won, *raises sleeve to show tattoo of aforementioned bastard bird*

[worstdays]

When I'm older and living on my own I have every intention to be an active member in my local community of crows. I shall feed and house them, and in return they will all be my friends forever.

[worstdays]

my writings are like screams out into the void, unanswered, unseen. rotting in my journal or decorating the walls of a website, does it make a difference?

blearghsh

[worstdays]

playlistsss

I make a lot of playlists. I've had my spotify account for many years, so I have a long, long library of playlists I have created through middle school and high school and college. It's a weird feeling listening to them, like being thrust back into the mindset and emotional immaturity that gave way to them.