Tonight is one of those nights: when you have so many thoughts swimming and floating around your head but when you finally have some quiet time to process and pen things down, your mind just went, blank? Maybe I've been running around too much this week (busy, busy, busy - datelines+meetings+everything), and having this moment where it's just the still cold air and me staring at this white, blank page seems a tad too luxurious, and that's making me, uncomfortable? Anyways.
For the first time in my life, I do not want to go on a holiday. Travelling, yes. But I do not have to plan for a "short trip" or "weekend get-aways" because there is simply nothing I want to get away from. I'm not saying my life is particularly perfect, but it is really good right now, Alhamdulillah.
Everyone is asking me "How's married life?". How do I really answer that? If anything, marriage has been a great teacher and one of the most important lessons that I have gotten out of it is: everything starts with me. Granted, marriage is a two-way street, a union of two individuals but how successful a marriage is depends largely on one's self.
Make the first move. Give the first kiss of the day. Apologise first. Throw him a smile first. Listen first. Share first. Surprise him first.
Marriage taught me that with everything in life, if you take the initiative and embrace the opportunity to make things better first, you are in control. Crying helps for a few minutes, but it doesn't solve things. Blaming everyone instead of re-evaluating yourself feeds your always-hungry ego, but it doesn't stop problems from happening again. And with everything that is important in this life, be it marriage, family or your own personal happiness, don't wait for anyone to start - be your own trigger, instead. Go out there, and just start. Don't let fear/ego/worries in.
On a more personal note, thank you, K, for being you. May we be blessed to continue learning and growing together for Allah's sake. In Sha Allah. I'm also working on a new website, and while moving to a new space is exciting, I will miss Tumblr and the small group of readers I have here. In any case, keep me in your dua's - it's getting really busy on my side. Overwhelmed but nevertheless, eternally grateful. Alhamdulillah.
