The girl who lived ϟ @writelikeaninja - Tumblr Blog

Decoding you You're like hieroglyphs I can never understand you Just like foreign runes Ancient greek Or maybe latin Wait, you're harder To decipher A puzzle within a puzzle An unsolvable labyrinth Or maybe a Rubic's cube Sometimes you're yes Then you're no Or maybe I just take things In another way I will never understand How you approach me At random times And you go away As soon as you're done I don't get you at all How you're nice Then you're aloof You care Then you don't You confuse me Clown-like one moment Serious the next Your actions sometimes Don't mean anything At all You're like a book An unreadable book Hidden away in a corner And I badly want to read you And understand you For we are so different Yet so alike We're both complicated Yet sometimes simple-minded You remind me of myself No matter how unreadable you are, I'll still try To understand you To solve the puzzle that is you To decipher the code Hieroglyphs may be complicated Yet they are beautiful And you're my hieroglyph Beautiful yet complicated But I appreciate complications For they produce beautiful things No one can really see Beauty in complexity But I do And I see that in you

m.g -> rjs

Crush my heart My heart is cold Just like ice on summer's day But that does not permit you To crush it Just like ice On summer's day. I may look weak Like flimsy paper people You used to make in kindergarten But hey, You should not Crush my heart. People say, "It's just a crush" Yes, that's the correct term For you, just crushed my heart Into pieces Into crumpled pieces. Crush, a harmless crush But why Does my heart ache When I see you with another? Yes, my heart was crushed Like leaves on autumn's day. Hey Crush, Stop crushing my heart You don't even notice me So why bother? It's crushed like grass Stepped on, on spring's morning. I should just remain cold As ice, as snow As cold as snowflakes Which get crushed On winter nights, As people walk by. Hey, I'm going crazy Describing how you crush my heart With seasons That don't exist in this country So stop crushing my heart So I can crush yours

m.g -> rjs

Dear Rain Dear Rain, How lovely you fall And how I fell? Not lovely at all. You look like tears, Yet you calm me Cool me down Give me peace. And I wonder, How can you fall, so lovely? Because falling Isn't a lovely thing. You'd get hurt Bruises, cuts and all. Not physically, But on your heart. Yes, we become happy. Yet pain follows. And like rain, Tears from our eyes. They don't fall As lovely as rain. Pain, just like rain Falls drop by drop Yet it can be like waterfalls, Hard, continuous, You'd think it'd never stop. Dear Rain, With storm, you come. Yet you're beautiful All the same. And after you rule, A rainbow comes along And colours my skies And brightens my day. But hey, I love rainy days As much as sunny And I love rain As much as rainbows Cause you fall, As lovely as a feather Yet you can bring pain And you can take it away.

m.g

Dear 2016

To the 2016 me, Hello, me! I bet 2015 was rough. Like reaaally rough. Maraming dumating sa buhay ko, marami ring umalis. At madaming masasakit na alaala but hey, I'm still alive and kicking! Marami akong nagawang mali, aware ako doon. Sana man lang ay mapatawad na nila ako, at sana rin ay mapatawad ko na rin ang mga gumawa sa akin ng masama. Ayaw ko nang balikan ang horrible moments na iyon but I can't move on unless I take in those moments and embed their lessons into my soul. Marami akong natutunan and I bet 2016 will be a harder year. But since I've been trained by 2015, siguro naman masusurvive ko ito. This year marks my second year in the Philippines. Miss na miss ko na ang Singapore, sobra. Kung pwede lang ay tumakbo na ako pabalik doon, but I need to stay true to my words. I need to take responsibility for my decision, and that is the life-changing decision I made: coming back to PH. 2016: A year full of football, table tennis, music, happiness. Yan lang, masaya na ako. Sana mag-improve pa ako sa football and table tennis. I hope I can give my instruments time. Pati na rin ang stories ko sa wattpad na matagal nang on-hold. This year, I'll do my best to be a better version of myself and to influence others to do the same. Always positive, avoid nega thoughts. Sana man lang maki-cooperate sa akin ang mga friends ko. I have a lot to say but I'm too sleepy to write. Lemme just say this. 2016, COME AT ME WITH ALL YOU GOT! TRY TO TAKE ME DOWN, AND FAIL!!

#2016

Goodbye 2015

Today marks the beginning of a new journey, a new year. For me, this signifies a chance to make every wrong doing I’ve done in the past year right and a chance to live another year of my life to the fullest.

2015 has been a great year, like every year of my life. Yes, we can’t miss out on the drama that transferring to a new school brought about. All the pain I’ve experienced and the lowest points in my life, all the joys and moments I’ve shared with my friends. I’ve learnt a lot, thanks to 2015.

I’ve learnt that not everyone will be the same as you. Not everyone will be as caring, as dedicated, a good friend to you. Not everyone will treat you well. Looks can be deceiving, impressions are just masks of lies. People create facades, people break other people. There are those who enjoy seeing people suffer and puling them down. There are those who continuously drag people’s confidence and self-esteem down to make themselves feel better.

2015, the 16th year of my life. I realised that I’m still young and I’m learning to become a better person. I shouldn’t rush with love, there’s plenty of time for that. I should live in the moment and enjoy while I still can. I should grab every opportunity that knocks and do everything I wish to do. I am only young for awhile and in a few years, I’ll be an adult. I’ll be working to earn my own money, I’ll be facing bigger problems, and I surely won’t have the chance to enjoy like a kid again.

To the 2016 me, I wish you all the best. Take all the learnings from the year 2015 and make sure to avoid repeating your mistakes. We’re all here to learn and not to regret and wallow in self-pity. Good luck, to the Moira of 2016.

michellepsychologist

If you act like everyone else, you’ll only get as far as everyone else. Never suppress what makes you unique. Let it shine, let the world see, that you, are the only you there is.

Unknown (via psych-facts)

ptolemaic

i asked my mom how she met my dad and she said at a college basketball game this guy got distracted and got hit by the ball and got a huge bloody nose and he came up to her after the game and said “i was distracted by you” with like blood all over his face and jersey

ptolemaic

so i asked my dad and he said “my friend told me he’d give me 10 bucks if i asked a girl out with my broken nose and she said yes”

To J.A.M

I've liked you since July. I don't know why, but maybe it's the looks that got me first. And you're extra nice. Yes, that's it! You're too nice, sometimes it's fake. But I guess everything's doing it's best to keep us apart. My issues. My best friend's issues. You wouldn't want to be with someone whose reputation is in pieces, when yours is clean. And seeing you with this other girl does not really hurt. More than anything, what I feel is regret. I hope I hadn't neglected you, I hope I made you feel how I really felt. If I did, maybe things right now would be different. It's all if's and maybe's, and you'll always be one. I can see how happy you are when you're with her. The smile you once gave me are hers to see, and will always be for her from now on. Our tiny hello's and goodbye's, now totally gone. We pass each other by like strangers down a busy street. You couldn't even look at me! You dodge every eye contact we make. I know, it's hard. I will surrender. I will raise the white flag. I will give way for the both of you. Don't worry, I won't try to break you apart. I just want you to be happy, and with that, I'm happy as well. I would like to thank you for making me happy though our time together was short. Thank you for all those moments, though they seemed insignificant to you. Thank you for all the smile and laughter you gave me. Thank you for showing me your beautiful smile. Thank you for letting me hear your beautiful voice. Thank you for everything. Be happy with your girl.

❤

Status: Ignored

It's been what? 3 days? 4 days? You've been ignoring me. I know you are and I don't even know if you have any plans on talking to me again. Thinking is tiring. Mentally exhausted, two words that can perfectly describe my mental state. You've got me thinking, A LOT. With that much brainpower, I can probably use it to answer 10 exams! But that was wasted on thinking about what went wrong. Maybe I'm coming off as clingy to you? Maybe I'm a hindrance. Maybe, you want me gone. Maybe. I'm never sure. Maybe you'll pop up one day like you always do. I don't know. I thought I knew a lot but I don't. At least tell me something! Tell me if you have a problem. Tell me if it's with me! I don't want to look stupid, not knowing anything. I don't want to be left without knowing the real reason. Don't expect me to understand when you don't even say anything. I'll understand if you tell me this is going nowhere. I'll understand if school and life are taking their toll on you. I'll understand if your family is dealing with a lot. Just don't shut me out like this! Remember when I told you I'll always be here? I mean it. I don't say things I don't mean, I think you should know that much. 3 months isn't a long time but within such a short span of time, we got to know a lot about each other. I'll wait it out. A week more and no sign of you? I guess I'll have to surrender. I don't want to fight for something for so long and end up losing, when I knew long ago that it was a lost cause. I'd like to surrender earlier, less casualty. I don't want to fight for something alone. It'll be useless. For now, I'll wait, like I always do. I'll bother about other things. I'll bother about things worth bothering as I wait. You want to play a waiting game? Try me. But when I'm tired of everything, don't expect me to come back.

#Toyou

Giving up

I'm not the type of person to give up that easily. To go down without a fight. You can say I am a very determined person. A patient person. However, I've given up a few times too. I've given up when I know that things won't end well. I've given up when I know I have tried nearly everything I can do, but the results are undesirable. I've given up when I feel like I can't go on anymore. I've given up a lot of times, but I never give up on people who are important to me. I thought I'd never give up on you. I was always patient. I tried to understand you even though you're such a puzzle. You were like a maze and I was lost in that maze. I didn't know where I was going. I didn't even know if I'll be able to get out. Whenever I feel like just giving up on everything, you come along and 'make up' for all the confusion you gave me. Or maybe it was just me. Everything just washes away when you talk to me again. When I see your face on my screen. But I can't keep on being like this. I know I don't deserve being a second option. I'm not a help desk you can approach just when you need me. I'm not a help hotline you can call when you need someone to talk to. I'm always here for you, but are you there for me? One more time. One last chance. If you tell me you want to stop everything ONE MORE TIME, I will let you go. I know I'll get over you. I always get over things. I can get up by myself after every stumble and every fall. I love you but it is always mind over heart. My brain is the General, and the rest of my body are its troops. A wise general knows when to pull his troops out. A wise general would pull his troops out when he thinks the battle will be lost to prevent more casualties. To prevent loss of lives. A wise general cares for his troops and doesn't only care about winning. I thought this was a battle I could win but now? I don't know anymore. Maybe this is just a test. God only gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. But I am wise. I am the General of my own life. I'd gladly take a loss when I know the battle's going nowhere. I am a general, not a martyr. Always remember that. When the time comes and I have to let you go, go and don't worry about me. There are millions of guys out there and I know one of them is for me. I hope he'll be someone like me. Someone who gives his all for the people he loves. Someone who'll genuinely care about me. Someone who'll show effort as much as I do with you. Maybe when that someone comes, I'll show thrice as much effort as I do with you. For now, I'll continue fighting. It's more of an internal fight between my mind and my heart. For now, I'll wait it out. I'll wait for your go signal. I can feel that everything's about to crumble but there's still that tiny speck of hope in my mind. A tiny speck of optimism, the only thing that's stopping me from giving up on us.

I think.

I think I'm not dumb. Well, I am definitely not. I think you're ignoring me. You definitely are. I don't get you. I really don't. And perhaps, I never will. I'll never get you and you won't ever become mine because you're still stuck in the past. I think I'm a selfish kind of person when it comes to romance. Share my food? I'm totally okay with that. Share my stuff? Sure. But share someone I love with another? No way. Even if that someone is someone from the past. Someone who doesn't even communicate with you anymore. Someone who probably doesn't think of you as much as you do with her. You still love her, I'm sure of that. From the way you talked about how she broke your heart. I immediately thought, "You're still hoping she'll come back. You're still hoping that your paths will cross once more, when you're a bit older and when everything is better. That both of you will be the endgame." You asked me a couple of times, "Will you be mine?". I was hesitant because I knew. I don't want to become an option, a second choice just because she isn't here. I don't want to be someone you'll use to pass time. I don't want to be someone you'll throw away once she comes back. I'm actually satisfied with what we have now. Talking to you everyday somehow became a routine and now, suddenly, it's gone. I know you're hot and cold. You'll ignore me one day and be sweet the next. I'm being really patient with you, up to now. I know you're struggling with school. I know you're having problems. But why? You are online. You actually saw my messages. Maybe, maybe. You're tired of me already. I know, I can be quite a pain. I know I'm weird, but I can make you laugh because of my weirdness. I know I might be disturbing you because I'm 'makulit'. Maybe you're doing this to avoid hurting me. Maybe, maybe. All these maybes are actually confusing me. I don't want to think anymore. If only I can shut my brain out. You ignoring me actually hurts, y'know? I don't know anything. I feel dumb. I feel stupid. Will you please tell me something? Anything! Did I do anything? Or maybe it's because of what you're going through? I've made a decision. If you tell me (again) you want to stop everything, I won't attempt to stop you. I'll let you go. I won't like it but if that's what you want, I will. I know I'll get over it. It may take time, but I will. I just want you to be happy, even if it means letting you go. If being with her makes you happier, then I'd gladly say goodbye to these feelings formulated by my hormones. I guess getting hurt will always be part of loving someone. Only someone you love can hurt you, after all. For now, I'll just see how things will go. I won't give up on you until you tell me to stop. You do know how competitive I can get right? You also know that I'm a very determined person and giving up isn't part of my vocabulary. There are times when I feel tired. When I feel like giving up. But I don't. I don't want to leave you hanging. I don't want to simply leave you because of these issues. I'll show you my tough side. I'll show you that I'm not only there during sunny days. I'll show you that I'll be here even on dark days, on days where you feel like the sun will not shine anymore. But please, I hope you'd appreciate me. I hope you'd be there for me when I need you. That's all I ask from you. Maybe a day will come that I will get tired of fighting. Then again, that's only a 'maybe'. I'd do what I can. I just hope you'd do the same.

#Toyou

Good night

You video called just to say "Good night". That was very sweet. Very. I thought you were too busy to even remember me but you actually did that! It goes to show that at the end of the day, you still think of me. (Well, maybe.) But I won't let myself feel too much. Too much is always harmful. I'll just enjoy the moment. Live in it. I don't want to hope too much. To love too much. I'll always love myself more than anything. More than anyone, except God and my family. Always know that what I feel is true. But I don't know about you.

#Toyou

Summer 2015

I met you in my 16th summer, The night was colder, But you were warm, You welcomed me with charm. The weather was bipolar, Summer heat was unbearable, But the nights there were cold as polar, It was unforgettable. Fear enveloped my mind. I thought I was blind. I thought when summer ends, You'll disappear, I'd lose you even as friends. You were 30 miles away, It'll always stay this way. Never have I expected for gravity to Affect my heart this way, too. The train that is my thoughts halted in confusion, Was I sure? Maybe it's just delusion. Hours of thinking, denying, I just couldn't convince myself, I was trying. Our late night conversations filled my brain. You weren't over her, that's my bane. But I continued to listen, I don't mind, you have a reason. That's all I could do for you. I'll always lend you my ears, that's true. I'll be here when you need me. I won't judge you, no matter what, you're free. You can tell me anything. Whatever's bothering you, even if it's not even a thing. I'll give you a piece of my mind, You'll do the same. You're kind. I won't expect anything out of this. Us? We don't have to define it. Not now. All the thoughts I've already dismissed. We have our own priorities. You're still hoping for her to come back. If she ever does, just go, leave without a track. I'd just hope for the best. I'd just hope for your happiness. For now, I'd continue to be by your side. It'd be better if physically, but our paths won't collide. I'll stay while I still can. Just don't leave, although you can.

#Toyou

Letter to Heaven

Dear Papa, As I'm writing this, Fathers' Day is already over. Pero the thought always counts, diba? Happy Fathers' Day. It's been about 11 years since I've last seen you. Iniwan mo kasi kaming lahat dito sa Earth eh. Batang bata pa ako nung nawala ka kaya hindi ako naging ganun ka lungkot. I've only had four years with you. Konti lang ang memories natin na magkasama pero marami akong natatandaan. Gaya nung pancit canton na spicy. Kaya pala gustong gusto ko yun. Naaalala ko ring dinadala mo ako sa plaza (ata) at bumibili tayo ng mango shake. Nung galing ako sa dentista, binuhat mo ako. Yung tenga ko nakatapat sa likod mo at narinig ko ang heartbeat mo at paghinga mo. Ngayon, I'll never get to hear it. Ever. Dahil wala ka na. Marami kang nagawang mali. You were a womaniser even after you married Mommy. I saw you actually having a mistress. I still remember. Nasaktan mo si Mommy ng maraming beses emotionally dahil sa pagiging babaero mo. Pero wala eh, mahal ka niya. Nagpakasal kayo tas dumating ako sa buhay niyo. Naimpluwensya ka ng maling barkada. Nalulong ka sa bawal na gamot. Nakita ko pa nga kayo eh. Natatandaan ko pa yung drugs session niyo dahil nasa loob ako ng kwarto na yun. Bakit nga ako nandun? Ewan ko rin. Marami ka mang nagawang mali, I can't hate you. Ama kita. Ikaw ang nagdala sakin sa mundong ito at kung wala ka, wala rin ako. Nagpapasalamat nalang ako dahil nandito kami ni Kuya Darrel. Ipapangako ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko uulitin ang mali mo. Siguro nga, your mistakes are God's way of warning me about the real world at a very young age. That the real world is not all butterflies and sunshine. May dark side ang mundo. Yung mistakes mo rin ay magiging guide ko. I will learn from your mistakes. May time din na nagalit ako sayo. Dahil nga sa mga nagawa mong mali pero narealise kong hindi ako magiging si Moira ngayon kung wala ka. Kung hindi nangyari yung mga nangyari noon. I've always been tough since nung bata pa ako, siguro nga rin dahil pinalaki mo akong parang lalaki. May mga times rin na naiisip ko, "Paano if buhay pa si Papa?". Ano kaya ang magiging buhay ko? If I'll think about it in a positive light, magiging masaya kaming pamilya. Siguro I will have a sister, or a brother. Basta, magkakaroon ako ng mga kapatid na kamukhang kamukha ko. Nagbago ka na at may maayos na trabaho. Maayos ang pamumuhay natin. Pero most likely, yung negative ang mangyayari. Maghihiwalay kayo. Sasama ako siyempre kay Mommy at bubuhayin niya akong mag-isa. Lalaki akong may sama ng loob sayo at baka maging bad girl pa ako. Mas okay na rin siguro yung nawala ka nung bata pa ako. Wala pa akong masyadong memories with you kaya hindi masakit. Hindi ko nga naalala kong umiyak ba ako o hindi eh. Nawala ka man sa buhay namin ni Mommy, dumating naman si Daddy. He treated me like I'm his own daughter. Siya na talaga ang tumayong ama ko habang lumalaki ako. Siguro siya ang kapalit ng lahat ng sakit na naranasan ni Mommy. Ngayon, masaya siya with Daddy. Sobra. Masaya rin naman ako with Daddy pero naiisip ko pa rin ikaw. Kung buhay ka pa, ano kaya ang magiging buhay ko? Minsan namimiss rin kita kahit papaano. Siyempre, ama kita. Minsan pag tumitingin ako sa salamin, naaalala kita. Magkamukha tayo eh, dahil ama kita. Salamat nga pala sayo at naging maganda ako, hahaha. (Nagjoke pa.) Kung hindi dahil sa'yo, Pa, walang Moira dito sa mundong ito. Lahat ng nangyayaring maganda ngayon hindi mangyayari if hindi ako pinanganak in the first place. Sana Pa nasa langit ka. Alam ko namang mapapatawad ka ng Diyos eh. Sana nga lang. Sana rin lagi kang nandyan para bantayan kami ni Kuya Darrel. Wag ka lang magparamdam ha? Takot pa naman ako sa ganun, hehe. Sana rin Pa gabayan mo si Kuya Darrel. Ayokong ulitin niya ang mga mali mo. May pag-asa pa namang mabago ang landas niya diba? Tutulungan ko si Kuya sa abot ng makakaya ko. Kahit ilang wish ko pa sa 11:11, wishbones, maubos ko man ang barya ko kahuhulog sa wishing well, kahit ilang shooting star pa ang dumaan, hindi matutupad ang wish ko. Ang wish kong makausap ka man lang ulit, makasama, kahit isang oras lang. Si Kuya Darrel, especially. Hindi ka niya nakasama ng matagal, samantalang ako ay kasama mo hanggang sa huling araw mo. Pa, kahit na nandyan si Daddy, hinding hindi kita makakalimutan. Siyempre, ikaw ang nagbigay ng sperm para mabuo ako. Hahaha joke lang. You'll always be in my heart. Hindi man kita naiisip araw-araw, pero I'll always remember you. Wala ka man masyadong naituro sa akin pero sapat na yung mga nangyari noon. You may not have been the best father to Kuya Darrel and I but you're our father and we love you. Love, Moira PS: May sister ba ako? Sana meron. Haha.

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The girl who lived ϟ