APRICITY @writemywalks - Tumblr Blog

The moon has phases.

Some determine if the rain will come around.

Another knows that it’s not time for seeding and tells their farmers to go home. It won’t be tonight

Night above funeral houses. Open house parties. Moon partaking in silent witness of those who go outside to have a smoke break and see life through a curtain of smoke. There are others that look up with an unforgiving look - injustices are somewhat of a hook up the stomach that impacts the chest.

Silence of the moon.

#silence of the morning #writing

nicholasmillergf

I adore you, can’t you see, you’re meant for me?

#songs that sound like EEDA 2018 #before the before and after came around #writing

Julian Barnes - The Sense of an Ending (2011)

#julian barnes #the sense of an ending

weltenwellen

Victoria Chang, from “Night Sea, 1963”, With My Back to the World

"you seem very absent minded today, are you ok?"

My brain on his deathaversary:

#There are losses so ground-shaking #life-shatering and identity-shifting that the only thing a writer can do is see themselves in art out there

it dawn on me it's been like four crisis since i sat down to write about my life - probably due to depersonalization simply blunting and blanking everything as a haze filler in my eyes. my intention though it's not scaring anybody but even though im not in the phase where i felt like a ghost walking through a foggy forest, im aware that my sense of smell for some reason is, to put it in a way, flat.

you may realize, mentally it's improving but that might be also due to reattending therapy, finding news friends, metabolizing my grief, etc.

what path should we walk as if two friends were pondering which way to choose to make it to the other side? well, all roads leads to Rome, so let's walk this way

flashnews: grief shows up in so many ways. the first years i thought this would be a neverending wandering and bracing myself for having bags formed under my eyes but the truth is that despite my body working overdue in a surging state of living on pure adrenaline and shock for the first years. now im somewhere between somewhat in peace despite having so many questions that they feed each other, and ruminate as marching ants, so i realized i might as well put it to rest and as a kid who had enough of playing, simply swamp those ants by tossing a bucket of water onto them. im passed through the anger phase even though it occasionally uprises and an upheaval that hasn't found it's quench thirst satisfied. im pretty sure im in the state where i can make dark jokes on the matter. on the good days of course. i can joked how for so many years i felt that the knife that had stabbed by scared, gushing chest, ended up someway half-cleaned up away with a cloth and used for cooking a grill afternoon, sometimes without my consideration.

i haven't traveled in years so let's give it a rest. im not betting on how many years of therapy session will put me back on a plane after that one meltdown 4 years ago.

good side is that despite my struggle of trusting people, ive found friends who legit made me feel special on my birthday which is not a rare event on my threshold ceremonies - i usually end uo feeling an ivisibile ghost. a star who pretends to keep performing because the show must go on. cmon entertain us. we don't want to see you, we just want you to make a show for us. even feeling that i don't even have to explain myself sometimes, its something that life in its somehow mercy after of years of abandonment, granted me people in the middle of scarce humanity, lighted a light and said: hey here sit down with us.

it's always a year of losses but it's also turning into pessimism of force hand in hand with amor fati ideas.

Part 2 coming soon....

#grief #dpdr #loss #scoliosis

snowffflakes

Monica Bellucci by Alberta Tiburzi

dilfgifs

AL PACINO Heat, 1995

melis-writes

MICHAEL CORLEONE | THE GODFATHER PART II (1974) – dir. Francis Ford Coppola.

writemywalks

there's a lesson somewhere on how Al Pacino was like a dormant actor my whole life for 30 years, for him to become one of the most interesting stars and me finally becoming enthralled by his acting and life story at the twilight of his life.

#Absolutely fascinating hearing Al Pacino went to a deep dark place within himself to play his role #We all have something that turned us cold and at some point stoic #Can I have Al Pacino for like 20 more years

dearabsolutelynoone

"When I find the right woman." And then, at Anthony's dubious expression, Gregory added, "Surely you, of all people, would recommend a match of love over convenience."