Hey everyone. It’s weird logging back into this blog after being gone for so long. I kept thinking I’d make an update sooner and then weeks turned into months somehow. Life got really messy for a while, then suddenly really busy, and now I’m finally in a place where I can sit down and write something coherent again.
Anyway, I've settled fine. I know a lot of people were worried when everything was happening, especially near the end there, and honestly I was terrified too. But I’m okay. Better than okay, actually. My dad managed to get here too after a bunch of delays and bureaucratic nonsense, which was a huge relief because I don’t think I would’ve been able to relax properly until he got out as well.
My uncle is still trying to figure out what to do. Right now he’s looking at either Canada, the UK, or Australia because the situation over there keeps getting worse and he genuinely doesn’t feel safe anymore. The problem is that immigration authorities have basically decided what he is before he even opens his mouth. Some ICE people are still suspicious of him and keep implying he’s Mexican and therefore “illegal,” and apparently no amount of paperwork proving his family background changes anything. It’s like once they decide you “look wrong,” that’s it. Doesn’t matter what documents you have, doesn’t matter that he has proof of his ancestry, doesn’t matter that he’s literally trying to do everything legally. He isn’t white (or orange) enough for them, so they immediately treat him like he’s lying.
And before anyone starts with the “surely it can’t be that bad” comments: yes, it genuinely is getting scary. The atmosphere there changed so fast. People keep telling you that you’re exaggerating until someone gets harassed, detained, threatened, assaulted, or worse. Everyone’s angry all the time, everyone’s suspicious of each other, and it feels like you constantly have to monitor yourself in public. Even staying quiet doesn’t necessarily protect you anymore if somebody decides you “look” like the kind of person they hate.
It sounds dramatic when I write it out like this, but that’s honestly how it feels watching everything from outside now. Like my home country is turning into something unrecognizable. The constant fear, the paranoia, the aggressive nationalism, the obsession with enemies everywhere. It’s hard not to think about it ending up as authoritarian country in near future.
Apparently even posting stuff like this publicly could’ve put me at risk if I was still there, which is insane to think about. The fact that people can't openly talk about being afraid of getting shot over politics and everyone just accepts that as normal now is honestly horrifying.
As for my dad’s interview: it never aired. The network eventually decided not to broadcast it because they didn’t think his story would get enough engagement. Which is… frustrating, honestly. He was really disappointed about it because he spent a lot of time preparing for it and thought maybe it would help people understand what was happening to families like ours. But at the same time my little sister was secretly relieved. She was genuinely scared that if his face ended up circulating online or on TV, some MAGA lunatic would recognize him and target him over it. The fact that this was even a real concern for us says enough by itself.
But on a much lighter note, because not everything in my life is doom and panic anymore: I actually got an internship here through my former boss, and it’s going surprisingly well. Like… genuinely well. It’s one of the first times in a long time where I don’t wake up every morning feeling dread about the future.
The people there are incredibly nice. Not fake corporate nice either, just normal kind people. I was nervous at first because I still feel out of place here sometimes and I kept expecting everyone to see me as “the foreigner,” but nobody really treats me that way. A couple of my coworkers have gone out of their way to help me settle in and explain things, and somehow I’ve even made friends. Actual friends. Which I honestly didn’t expect to happen this quickly considering how isolated and stressed I was for most of last year.
A few weeks ago I also moved to one of the coastal cities, which still doesn’t feel real sometimes. I grew up so far away from the ocean that now I keep catching myself staring at it like an idiot every time I walk past the beach. I’m currently living in a shared apartment with a few people around my age and thankfully they’re all lovely. I was SO scared it would turn into one of those roommate horror stories, but everyone’s really chill and we get along well. We’ll cook together sometimes or just sit around talking late at night after work.
That said, I do eventually want my own place. Not because there’s anything wrong here, because honestly this apartment has probably been the first stable home environment I’ve had in a while, but I’ve realized I really value having space to myself sometimes. I miss being able to exist quietly without hearing someone in the kitchen or waiting for the bathroom or feeling socially “on” all the time. So once the internship hopefully turns into a permanent position and I have a more stable income, I’ll probably start looking for a small apartment.
Also — and this still feels weird to type — I somehow ended up with a boyfriend. Which absolutely was not on my 2026 bingo card.
We’ve only officially been together for about a month, so it’s still very new and we’re taking things slowly, but yeah. He’s really sweet. Calm in a way that balances me out a little. I think after the past couple years I forgot relationships could actually feel peaceful instead of stressful. We’re definitely nowhere near moving in together or anything like that yet, but it’s been nice having someone around who makes everything feel a little less heavy.
As for this blog… I still honestly don’t know.
Tumblr finally got back to me about the disappearing inbox requests situation from months ago and supposedly fixed it, but I still swear some asks are missing because the number definitely feels lower than it used to be. Unless I imagined that entirely, which I guess is possible too.
I’ve been thinking about writing again lately. Not seriously seriously, but enough that the thought keeps coming back. Every now and then I’ll reread something old or get a really nice comment on an old fic and it gives me that feeling again, you know? That little spark where your brain starts going “okay but what if I wrote just one more thing.”
And honestly, I miss it. I miss getting lost in stories for hours. I miss posting stories. I miss the sense of having a community around me.
But at the same time I’m scared to come back to it because I feel rusty now, and because life changed so much while I was gone. I don’t really know where I fit into fandom spaces anymore or whether I even want to fully return, or if this feeling is just because I finally watched the last season of MHA and have a small tickle to write for them again, if this feeling will die out once my hype dies. So I guess the answer right now is: maybe. Maybe I’ll write again someday. Maybe I won’t. I genuinely don’t know yet, so I don’t want to promise anything and then disappear again for six months.
Still, every kind comment people leave on old fics means a lot more than you probably realize. Sometimes I’ll read one after a horrible day and it genuinely changes my mood for the rest of the evening. So thank you for that.
And thank you to everyone who’s still here after all this time, honestly. I didn’t expect people to stick around through months of silence, but seeing familiar usernames again has been strangely comforting.
I hope all of you are doing okay too. Really.
