Dear Broski, @writing-back - Tumblr Blog

Dear David,

The thought of you royally pisses me off sometimes. I’ve never met a nigga (friend wise) that ended up being such an asshole like you. What kind of friend, person for that matter, blows off their friends, their support system, just because they can??? Like that’s such a dickhead thing to do. Like you are a royal asshole, and I’m not sayin I’m prayin on your downfall but nigga lowkey I am. Like niggas were there for you nigga do you know what being a friend means??? Cause I don’t think you do. You are an asshole and the fact that I can’t tell you this to your face pisses me off sometimes.

#09.25.22

Dear Ex-Broski,

At this point writing to you when you won’t see it is therapeutic for me so I think imma continue it. I thought about mailing you the poems inspired by the pain you caused me cause dem hoes go hard as shit I’m not gonna lie. I’ll write them and sometimes think this shit is basic and not eating but whatever but as soon as I look back on them and they’re actually good I’ll be like “damn I came up with that?? ;)” cause when they’re good bitch they’re amazing like,,,!!!

Anyways I feel like me mailing you the poems would be dramatic as fuck but like good dramatic like uhhh cathartic plot point story telling dramatic. They type of drama you eat up in movies or books. So idk if you deserve that tbh like that seems too good for you. I honestly don’t think your character deserves an arc that good lmao especially since the poems inspired by the damage you inflicted go CRAZYYY I really like those poems but knowing you, you’ll probably do the most and judge them so harshly your reduce the art down to dust or crumbs and honestly that would piss me off cause not only are they fuckin good but they were inspired by pain CAUSED BY YOU AND YOURE GONNA BELITTLE THAT CAUSE YOU DONT FUCK WIT HOW ITS WRITTEN NAW HOLMES FUCK YOU

#08.07.22

Ex-Broski has a kind of poetic ring to it, don’t you think? I’m not mad anymore, have you heard I’ve come to accept your name with all its thorns No longer does it fill me with flustered anger I didn’t even have to delete your pictures or messages You’ve simply been plucked from my orbit, placed somewhere else for you to wander And yet… a bitter seed burrows itself deeper in the place where you once occupied my mind The little reminder of your existence It whispers things that I’d rather not explain so maybe,

Maybe I’m not over it Maybe I am still mad Maybe your thorns still prick me…

But what’s it to you? You don’t care (do you?) And you never will It’s simply not your nature. At least not when it comes to me

#Maybe I'll mail you the letter inspired by the pain you caused me lmao

Me? I'm gonna play the imbecile. Who keeps choosing you even though you're bipolar and you're selfish. I hate you, ah!

Better Than Me, The Brobecks

#From me to you #Dear Ex-Broski

Dear Broski,

This isn’t in response to anything but it has been on my mind for a while…

I don’t/didn’t know if I should say something so I’m putting it here where it’ll sit until you check it because it’s like the middle ground. I get it off my chest and it’s sorta telling you while not at the same time I suppose.

so anyways, recently you seem to never text me unless I text you first so the friendship is feeling kinda one sided cause the phone works both ways. And then with that you don’t check up on me without me checking up on you not that you HAVE to but it’s just something I noticed. Um it kinda hurts is all. :’) It makes me sad (mad on a bad day). I know everyone is busy cause they live their own lives but it feels like I’ll get SOMETHING from everyone else but you. When it comes to you though it’s always me reaching out so I stopped texting you, and instead I’ll wait for you to hit me up first. This might seem childish to you but whenever you do see this and compare it to the date and when’s the last time we’ve talked, I feel like it’s a reasonable action.

ah, I just wanted to get that off my chest

Sincerely yours,

Broski Icarus

#04.30.2022

icarus-tirade

01.16.2022

I’d give my left titty to know how my friends see me through different mediums such as; meme, objects, songs, art, etc etc

Like,,, something where they’re like

“I was at the store and I saw this and thought of you”

“This quote is you”

“This has your vibe”

“lol this you”

I mean… I do this because I’m not that good at maintaining relationships in normal ways… IMO I don’t really understand everything that comes with being a friend consistently so me sending stuff is equivalent to me saying “Hey! I still wanna be friends, and despite me not talking to you, I still think of you and consider you apart of my life in a meaningful way <3”

But I’d like to receive those things too yk? Something that proclaims the same message. I can’t outright ask for it because it’s not the same, it’s not an effortless I thought of you, it’s forced just because I wanna feel wanted(?). So like L but C’est La Vie at the same time.

orphean-journal

2/2/2021

Hi Broski!! I've decided to write more letters because I haven't done that in a while. That's on me tbh, but also this is who I am and you probably know that already lmao I'm very sorry

Expect more letters in the coming days :)

writing-back

The “this you” vibe is kinda like random shit but specific?? It’s like when I send something to the gc and I’m like “this is Awex” it’s random but it’s something that made me think/reminded me of her.

The reason that simply communicating isn’t… uh like a substitute for this is because sometimes I (1) don’t know what to say to start a conversation or (2) don’t have energy to start/carry on a conversation.

RE disappointment: it’s not like something I expect to happen, it’d just be nice if it did happen therefore I don’t think I can be disappointed from the lack of it happening

RE asking: I can’t ask for it, it’s not the same (Said with intense childish pouting) It defeats the part of it being random🥺

it’s kinda like this… but roughly. I want to know the me that other people see like the me but through their eyes I guess. It’s hard to explain without rambling

I looked at the TikToks :D,

Broski Icarus

#02.05.2022

orphean-journal

Focusing is hard

I feel very awful right now

writing-back

1. what else is in the imaginary tinder profile, sounds interesting lol

2. I don’t really understand all the computer/gamer stuff but I very much enjoy reading you talking about it. 3. the sex thing makes a lot of fuckin sense and at this point I’m considering the possibility of me labeling myself under some form of asexual because I stumbled across something that sounded a lot like me. I don’t feel like openin that can of worms though, so imma just ignore it for now, yk?

4. ok but who wasn’t cringe in high school? The amount of pictures I have of me looking wack as hell on my phone makes me wanna drown my phone in the gah-damn toilet. I guess we should just be grateful for character development at this point.

#01.23.22 #what if I just don’t sleep #Who is going to stop me?

orphean-journal

More writing because I feel nothing anymore

Someone fill my husk with love so I might have a soul again.

writing-back

This is like related and not related to what you’ve wrote but isn’t it crazy how fucked up our generation is? Like,,, I feel like a good chunk of us are lonely as fuck but mostly due to the pandemic. We’ve literally been screwed from the jump. It’s awful and I hate it.

#01.23.22

orphean-journal

Writing so I can sleep

It's fucking 6:23 am fuck my sleep amirite

I spent an ungodly amount on money today, and I'm really excited for everything to come in. I bought

1. A new fucking chair. Finally. I sat in one fucking chair for the entirety of senior year and it's just really worn down. I have back problems because of that chair. I'm pretty sure my tailbone is eroded because of this chair. No more. No more must I suffer. I spent $330 on this god damn chair and it will last me a lifetime. I will work from home forever so I can sit in this comfortable ass chair for the rest of my god damn life.

2. New monitor. It's so pretty man. It's 4k with good a curve and good contrast. And the colors on it will be beautiful. It's a big 32-in and I'm gonna be up close and personal with it the entire time I'm so excited oh my fucking god broski I don't know how to convey the level of excitement I feel. Plus I got it 50% off????? I'm literally God. Someone worship me.

3. New cables. This is slightly less exciting but also really important. I'm going to be using my TV screen as a third monitor and by god I will cry tears of productive joy. Plus, another cable for my headphones so I stop needing to adjust the angle like I'm in 6th grade and my earbuds broke. And!!! Another cable to connect to the new monitor to increase the frame rate by bypassing the iGPU. I love this for me my glow up is insane

4. New keycaps and switches. I just really like keyboard man. Included in this category is a switch tester to test switches (duh) to see which one i like the best, which is sexy. Sexy people have custom keyboards. This is a joke but if someone I was interested in also built their own keyboard I'd actually marry them. The keycaps I bought look really nice with am older font for the symbols and a nice black-ish/brown color scheme. Overall, an upgrade, me thinks :) Plus, I can use the old parts of my keyboard for a new keyboard for family computer/Gavin's keyboard :))))

5. I got Gavin a gaming headset. He literally only wants it because he wants to scream in the microphone, but he also wanted it to sound good lmao. It feels nice to have bought him something.

6. I'm gonna get a new laptop after talking to the bank to get money out of my account on Tuesday. My dad has been procrastinating getting the money transfered and I'm tired of it. It's been 3 weeks.

It's the best laptop on the market for my needs at the moment. I'll be able to edit videos how I want and make music how I want and I'll feel confident enough to make 3d games !!!!!!!!!!! Plus, I'll be able to play games I couldn't before because now I'll have a graphics card :)))))))))

7. Wow I've spent a lot of money, but also after this I'm literally never spending money on stuff like this for at least 3 years, which means I'll have a bunch of money to spend doing shit with my friends !!!!

8. Finally, fuck you to the people who made my last 3 months at collegg hell. I hope someday you understand how wrong you fucking are, and i hope someday you understand the unnecessary pain and suffering you've caused me. Almost every night I think about how I was just drunkenly used by her, and how I just let everything happen. I never want to go through that again. You give me more reason to grind my passions and find what makes me happy, so I never have to go through people like you ever again. Thanks. Fuck you.

9. Hi broski!!!! Just letting you know that I appreciate you immensely!!! The fact that you read these sometimes makes me feel heard, while also not annoying :]]] This really does help me go to sleep when I can't get my brain to turn off, so thank you ^^ Anyways, good night!!!!

writing-back

me no have a lot of energy so I might just ramble, sorry in advance

words are hard but like this post is !!! There’s a lot of good shit in here

I mostly check your tumblr when I can’t sleep or like feeling icky or sumn. it’s nice cause then it feels the darkness of my room with something other than myself. So it’s nice to see a post with a lot of good shit in it because it’s kinda rare from you ^^;

summary I gues (cause words are hard): it makes me happy to read something where you seem happy or proud of yoursel. not that your other stuff sucks or anything! Just happy David/ doing better David = Happy Zeynel

“I wanted to say more, but I'm out of juice. Need more juice.”

#01.23.22

icarus-tirade

12.6.2021

No cause my post from 11.22.2020 literally haunts me!! ;-; WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT AND WHY DID IT BECOME A THREAT AT THE END?!!! AHHHHHHHHHH LIKE,,, “nerd” ???!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS YOU THINKIN like I know it was just horny rash thinking but DAMN YOU REALLY SAID THAT FOR THE WORLD TO SEE THAT SHOULDVE STAYED N THE DRAFTS BOO WHO DID YOU THINK YOU WAS??!!! Listen, I get it. voice kink go brrrr but that’s no excuse to embarrass us this badly.

orphean-journal

Imagine horny posting on your private tumblr instead of joking about it to avoid the fact that you feel so little affection that your everyday life could be ethically deemed as a violation of human rights.

writing-back

Out of all the posts you decide to reply to, it’s this one. The one where I internally scream for all eternity lol

orphean-journal

Good never lasts forever. You fucking knew that, and then you forgot. They made you forget. No, you make you forget, because you can't build your own god damn personality you stupid fuck

writing-back

You quite literally can’t, not unless you have someone to base it off of. You exist as just a person, like the rest of us, you don’t figure out your personality or what makes you- you until you’ve has others to compare yourself to. Isn’t that interesting? Everyone is just a person the same as the next UNTIL we come in contact with someone else, and then can determine what separates us from each other. What makes us unique. I just find that so fascinating.

That’s why, in my opinion, when you hang out with someone(s) long enough, your personalitlies start to mesh because it’s just you and them. They bounce off each other and start to merge and of course you’ll still have the base of you and differences but you’ve now become part of them and them you. Like!!! Isn’t that so cool. You’ll carry them with you subconsciously until someone new comes along and re-writes the saving slot to make space for themselves.

anyways that was a lot or rambling, probably some non-sense, so I bid you good night now.

#I know you said your over this but I’m awake and the brain juice is flowing #Me hungry #hungry as fuck what the hell

Dear Broski,

RE: Entitled Vomit Bullshit

That self awareness is gonna be the death of you. The death of everyone really. I’m no expert in anything that concerns mentality so I beg of you to forgive me if this sounds like utter bullshit.

A common thing mentality ill people tend to do is live from point to point, hyperfixation to hyperfixation, you know one happy thing to another, instead of just living. I hard to explain so bare with me for a little longer.

Once again I’d like to reiterate that you are extremely hard on yourself. This “being enough” thing is what I’m referring to. You’re always pushing yourself to be more, to be better version of yourself than however you are now. It could be cause of your perfectionist mindset or a trauma response, my guess is that it’s the latter. It’s like you won‘t, can’t relax, even when there is no one to yell over your shoulder for you to be better. Maybe that’s the self-abuse talking that you mentioned.

Not to sound like a broken record but you are enough bro. You don’t have to be constantly changing, you can just be. I feel like the “being enough” and “lack of identity” are kind of going hand and hand with each other. If you’re constantly changing then how can you hope to find what makes you, you. You gotta stop and stand still for a moment. I know it’s hard, but you gotta try.

It can be enough you know, you don’t have to change.

Bed time now,

Broski Icarus

#I have what’s the use of feeling blue playing on loop as I write these :p #I like the strike through thingy #8.7.21

Dear Broski,

RE: July 27th, 2021

I do appreciate these “digital letters” especially right now cause while I’m not physically talking to someone, the idea that you’ll read them is a nice equivalent especially during this slow start of a depressive episode ^^;.

“The instability of the future has become my favorite void to stare into and it loves to stare back” is such a fire line bro, wtf?

Ah yes, punting our younger and much more embarrassbig counterpart, a feeling many share.

I see all I know all David, I read vibes bro /hj I didn’t notice anything really until near the end, but it’s all Gucci. I pride myself on vibe reading because it amazes me personally and I think it’s a good people skill. It’s really just trauma response.

You’re a dork “oUr DePrEsSiOn PeRiOdS aRe SyNcInG uP” LMAOOO GOODBY-,

Broski Icarus

#Drink water you goon

Dear Broski

RE: (lack of) identity

No cap, I don’t know what the “center“ of my consciousness is. I think it’s cause I’m mentally ill *slaps knee* and being not mentally ill is like,,, unheard of to me. With that being said, I feel like you focus a lot on who you are instead of just… being who you are if that makes any form of sense.

You act like someone is going to ask you to write down who you are, how do you contribute to this world, on a piece of paper. You’re trying to figure out all the pieces of your puzzle like they’re already written out in the stars. I don’t know why or what’s causing it, it seems like a stress thing so imma blame your anxiety or something cause it’s not something you have to focus on. Take some deep breaths bro. You don’t need to know who is David, you just need to be David. And before your smart ass goes “But I don’t know who that is!” just exist in this moment. If you want, start a journal (or make a note in your phone) and write down things you like whenever they occur to you. You’re like how Hamilton was obsessed with his legacy and Eliza telling him “They are your legacy, we are your legacy”. You’re only 18, but you worry like you’re having a mid life cris except it’s all the time. You don’t have to know everything or have a plan for everything. Give yourself time to experience it first. Or at least try to do that. I know it’s easier said than done sometimes.

You’re 18 not 45,

Broski Icarus

#8.7.21 #oh it’s midnight…

Dear Broski,

I apologize for replying so late. I didn’t meet the time I set and I’m sorry ^^;. I feel like I have a lot to say but who knows? I never plan out my response, I just word vomit my thoughts and then try to arrange them in a coherent way. I’m gonna break my response into sections though, just for organizational purposes.

First up is “It’s lost”

Ayo?? Felt this in my bones. I think a lot of authors, or creators of any form of art, feel this way from time to time. I saw this one thing that said artists are so hard on themselves because they imagine their work a certain way but when it comes out, it doesn’t match what they imagined. Which is an L yeah, but to literally anyone else the art looks like art. It looks/sounds good to them and it’s because creators are too hard on themselves, they place extremely high goals for themselves. They’re also perfectionist and will throw away anything that is any less than perfection, even if it’s something beautiful to someone else. My whole reason for this ramble is that you need to give yourself, your art, a chance Bro. Get it out, no matter how trash it looks. 1.) You can’t get better if you don’t see where you’re at 2.) You might end up coming to like/love it 3.) Someone else might fall in love with it and that could make you like it as well.

“I…would rather be bored than have to read a sentence of my own writing” then don’t read it. Write it down and move on. You can return to it YEARS later if you have to, or you can never read it all, though I do believe that eventually you will return to read it even if it’s 10 years later. You might pick and pull small things that seemed nice or you just want to build on. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You gotta stop expecting yourself to just push out perfect pieces of art. It doesn’t work like that :/

From one artist to another,

Broski Icarus

#I like your post after I respond to them by the way…#8.7.21

Dear Broski,

It is currently 4:22am 7.29.21

Messaged received but I’m going to respond to it later on today. I think is a good time for bed if any.

So TBC…

Dear Broski,

So, kinda funny but the fact that you made this so you could sleep is like,,, perfect timing? Cause I just woke up a nightmare and can't sleep so I went to fuck around on my phone and went to tumblr so here we are.

1.) Why y'all practicing so early?? Goodness Gracious, the road still gonna be there at a later time.

2.) Big boy shit has been fuckin people in the ass lately and it's good you enjoy (minus the sleep side effect) I think it's quite rude.

3.) Same.

4.) Oooh?? N e c k l a c e??!

5.) I agree because college and shit.

6.) No no, I peeped! It was like, relatively, straight good things and I was like "!!! This is different!!!"

7.) I think...I shall compare my love language to yours instead of sleeping because the subject is extremely interesting to me. The fact that everyone has different types (out of the like 6? options obvi) and while they can mostly all work together, some are better compatible and all that jazz. I didn't know, even though it makes sense to, someone could have 2 love languages. But n e ways, yeah I feel you on the "extent of necessity" part. It is ridiculous.

8.) Mhm, but rambling is nice. Fix later, write now. Is what I like about rambling, just getting the thoughts out there.

9.) Ayo? :DDDD Thank you bro // let's go dork time! Lol

10.) To be fair, I don't but your line was EXTREMELY smooth so I can see the appeal. I'll to steal that, thank you sir. I agree 100% though, you would be God. Lol

11.) "Ehem, aha, uh, anyways" is funny

12.) Yeah...

13.) You sap... but n e ways All of those things sound good, but fuxk the wine cause most wine is nasty >:( but n e ways...I had a response to this but I forgot it ^^; something about you being a dork I think...

14.) NO BUT HONESTLYYYY MY GOODNESS. I feel like a lot of seniors are going through the same thing and I don't know of it's because some people want to just finally leave they wack ass house or their anxiety is making them rush. Either way it's not fun and it feels like something should be getting done instead of having time to relax.

I hope you went to sleep and it's good!

Broski Icarus

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Dear Broski,