worst heck

I'm Joe. He/him, 30ish. I was possessed by the spirit of someone's grandpa when I was a kid, which is why I am like this. U.U

[wurshekk]

Yesterday morning I started playing WarioWare. It's hard to build a habit of stretching at home, when your home tends to be a bedroom of varying sizes.

Movement games have been shown to help increase mobility.

So, yesterday I played for maybe 10-15 minutes. I was finishing a level when suddenly my vision went black along the edges. My chest hurt, I burst into sweat, and I laid down because I knew I'd fall otherwise. My entire right side went numb, no drooping. A burning numb.

Jonesy, my cat, came and laid down next to me. He let me pet his fur with my right hand, and I focused on just moving it. After a moment, I went and woke up my partner.

This has happened before, in various degrees over the last two or three years. A roomate caught me once, when we we waiting in line for the food truck. I wasn't talking well. We just went home with our food.

I catch myself starting to get dizzy over tasks like dishes, or getting up from the floor quickly.

Today, I slept through a lot of it. Woke up a couple of times to eat and gauge how I feel. My partner and I talked, and I lost some time leading up to the fainting spell it seems.

There's a lot of scary things that this could rationally be, and it feels irresponsible to keep reminding him when there has been some progress on this recently. It's just been slow, and it sucks.

My overall condition has worsened a lot over the course of the last couple years, and I have tried the three closest hospitals to us when incidents like this have happened with my health. All three hospitals listened to my partner over me, all three blamed it on medications related to my dysphoria [that I can't even afford], and the last one tried to entrap me into saying something they could use to involuntarily admit me somewhere else.

Tried to make an appointment at a clinic nearby a while ago, and never heard back. I spent my time awake yesterday looking for somewhere else, but this next place doesn't seem any more promising. I'm gonna call them when my mentality improves a little.

I told my partner that I need to cut back on coffee and he agreed. We're going with tea for a while, and I'm gonna be eyeballing my sugar too.

Still feel dizzy and a little out of my own head. My shoulders are burning, and I start feeling sweaty and nauseous if I hold my arms up. Otherwise, my needs are generally met and I'm just gonna try and take it easy.

If you're also dealing with mystery disability pain, hope you get some water, food, and sleep.

[wurshekk]

Hi I'm Joe, thank you for visiting my blog. It's been long enough to where I should probably commit to some sort of about me.

I like to talk a lot about my personal issues, as they are the issues I am most qualified to speak about. However, there are many issues I am passionate about or would like to learn more about that I would rather amplify more qualified voices to speak about instead. I'm a little rambly sometimes and may come off less informed, but I feel very strongly about being descriptive and promoting intersectionality. I mean well, and am generally just practicing how to speak in my own voice.

If you've gotten this far, here's some more chill facts about me.

I'm a gay trans man who lives with his partner and two cats. Our cats are named Jonesy and Hyperdrive Mona Lisa. [Mona and Jones <3]

I'm mentally and physically disabled, without the resources to currently better my situation. Right now I'm trying to just improve myself one day at a time, and would like to find friends. In good news, I get to use a badass cane and it has helped me a lot.

I am extremely passionate about art as a concept. I believe that anyone has the capacity to create something beautiful that others can find meaning in, and that all it might take is an acceptance of unconventional methods and an understanding of complex emotion. My personal dream is to one day make an entire movie by myself, because I am fascinated by every single step of the process. [Working myself up to start something very soon. I have the concept and some work done already, just got anxiety.]

Um...I like the color blue, I have a coffee and nicotine addiction that's effecting my health, and I've been called 'grandpa' alot despite being in my 30s.

I would like to hear about a new skill you've learned lately, something about your home town that made you happy, or fun plant/animal facts.

Thank you for the time. :)

[wurshekk]

Promise Mascot Agency was a really good game, haven't wanted to play through a story like that in a while. Maybe it's time to play Yakuza.

[fuckthisshit-ugh]

please read this even if you're not indian. especially if you're not indian.

you've seen the jokes. india is "dirty", indians are "everywhere", why don't they fix their own country. ok. let me tell you why, and what's happening right now while nobody's watching.

first, the history you skipped: britain ruled india for two centuries and drained it. economist utsa patnaik's research estimates around $45 trillion in today's money was taken. the india that got independence in 1947 was one of the poorest countries on earth. every "why is india like this" question starts there. you don't get to profit off a robbery and then mock the crime scene.

now, what's happening RIGHT NOW:

in may the question paper for NEET leaked. that's the national medical entrance exam. over 2.2 million students took it. cancelled. years of studying, families' savings poured into coaching, gone overnight because someone sold the paper. students died by suicide after. these were kids who wanted to be doctors.

and out of that came a protest movement. a gen z group called the cockroach janta party, started by a 30 year old named abhijeet dipke, got 22 million instagram followers within DAYS. they've been doing a sit-in at jantar mantar in delhi demanding education minister dharmendra pradhan resign.

and then there's sonam wangchuk. if you've watched 3 idiots, he's the real engineer the character was based on. built solar schools in ladakh. invented ice stupas so himalayan villages have water. spent his whole life on education. he's 59 and he's been on hunger strike for 17+ days now. reporters went to see him this week and he was too weak to talk. and the troll armies are calling him "anti national" and "foreign funded". a man starving himself for other people's children. that's the thing here, anyone who asks a question is suddenly a traitor.

it's not one incident, it's everywhere you look:

• infrastructure worth thousands of crores failing within months of the ribbon cutting. tunnels collapsing in regions where heavy rain is a guarantee, not a surprise.

• youth unemployment near 10% for ages 15 to 29, 13.6% in cities. in a country of 1.42 billion where more than half the population is young.

• only about the top 3% of indians earn above 10 lakh a year. meanwhile billionaire wealth keeps ballooning and the headlines celebrate it.

• manipur burned for over two years. an ethnic conflict, tens of thousands displaced, and the prime minister barely said the word manipur while it happened.

• journalists raided. critics' houses bulldozed. activists sitting in jail for years without trial under laws like UAPA. our press freedom ranking has cratered.

• even the petrol is a fight now, ethanol blending pushed through while drivers complain about their engines and get no straight answers.

and through all of it, the PM, who came to power on religious polarisation (americans, sound familiar?), travels abroad for photo ops and has not held one single open press conference in over a decade. not one.

what i'm asking:

if you're not indian: share this. our media mostly won't cover any of it because the big outlets are owned by the same billionaires the government serves. the only reason wangchuk's fast is getting any coverage is people refusing to look away.

if you ARE indian: speak up even if you're comfortable. especially if you're comfortable. join the protests. add to this, correct me, translate it. staying quiet is a choice when nothing in this post touches your life.

india is not "dirty". india was robbed, and it's being robbed again, from the inside this time. but it's also the country where a 59 year old will starve for strangers' kids and 22 million young people will rally behind a party literally named after cockroaches, because cockroaches survive everything.

we can still save her. but only loudly.

reblog. share. don't scroll past.

[transmascfeminism]

Hi, I'm Joe.

So I live in a major city, but I am essentially housebound. I struggle with multiple physical and mental health conditions that I can't find treatment for, and my only support is my partner. [Who is a wonderful person, that I love and appreciate.]

My problem is, is that I was 100% raised to be a perfect wife. I was told growing up that friendship was a scam, that I was expected to bear children, that the house had to be perfect. I was groomed for 16 years and then sexually abused until I was 18, as an effort to detransition me and turn me into a fetish object. After that, I've bounced around between houses trying not to be homeless for over a decade.

Most of my friends vanished once I started hrt, and the ones who stuck around only asked me weird questions about my gender/sexuality. I suspect they based my value on my percieved fuckability, as once I started seeing my partner the rest disappeared or turned out to be sexual abusers themselves. [My first and only friend group.]

So, I guess, do you have any advice on finding trustful folks around me if the regular avenues of finding friends no longer feel safe?

Is my life really a normal part of the transmasc experience? If so, what can someone like me do to help lessen the pressure on all trans folks? How can I help bridge the gap with our trans siblings, especially the ones who seemingly want us dead? I don't have money, strength, mobility, or ideas but I do have time.

This is my first time being able to be active on the internet, and a lot of the trans discourse on this site makes me feel like socialization is impossible and that coming here was a mistake.

Thank you for taking the time and talking some sense, I'm sorry if this ask is heavier than intended. One day I'd like to have the confidence to be able to answer these questions myself.

Hi Joe! Nice to meet you.

First of all, I'm so sorry about what you experienced. It is unfortunately relatively common for transmasculine people to be sexually abused, whether as a detransition effort or not. I personally don't know a transmasculine person that hasn't shared stories of sexual abuse, misogynistic familial abuse, and/or intimate partner abuse. I myself have experienced a good amount of all three.

I don't know what the best way for you to contribute to the "movement", so to speak, would be, if only because there isn't really a united movement, at least for now. What I would honestly recommend to someone in your situation - and this is just my personal opinion of course - is, number one, to document yourself on trans history and on feminist literature both. This is what I'm trying to promote on this blog. I believe transmasculine issues - epistemicide, sexual abuse, institutionalization, isolation - are inherently feminist issues, as they are inextricably tied to misogyny when embodied in us.

The second thing I'd recommend doing, and this is also connected to your request on how to make friends, is to get connected to some sort of community unrelated to transness. Of course, it's always a bit scary to be a trans person in a cis-dominated environment, but I honestly believe the online trans community's push for trans people to section ourselves off from the rest of the world is both fatalistic and self-defeating. I'd recommend seeking out community projects, especially ones related to volunteering to help other people, because that type of thing is often understaffed and they welcome anyone as long as they're willing to put in the work. That way, you might not make friends for life, but you're at least socializing and connecting with people, most likely a wider variety of people that you'd meet at any "trans community meetup".

If anyone has any advice to offer Joe please feel free to share in the comments or send an anon!

[wurshekk]

Thank you for the response! You've given me a lot of common sense advice, and honestly that's what is needed sometimes.

The direct confirmation is disheartening but completely unsurprising. I'm sorry you have had these experiences too, and I hope that you're safer now. It's hard reconciling with the knowledge that if I hadn't been so focused on just surviving, that perhaps some of these people might still be with us. This might be why this information is hard to accept. There was this disconnect between my identity and what happened for a very long time, and I'd like to be here now in whatever capacity I can.

I've read 'Who's Afraid of Gender?' recently, and I've read what I can find of Leslie Feinberg. 'Stone Butch Blues' was the first work that I really wanted to read by them, but I have been looking for years and can't find a copy. My ability to focus on reading has gotten worse, and I've been trying to listen to audiobooks instead to get past that. I honestly have gotten a lot of information and resources from video essays, as they provide room for introspection by giving me various references and points of view. That may be embarassing to admit, but it's what I've been able to manage.

I'm a full supporter of intersectionalism, and I agree with you that our issues are feminist issues.

With volunteer work, well, I don't know how to talk about this that doesn't sound defeatist. Where I live, at least three trans folks have been killed since June. They are opening up a children's detransition clinic down the street. My partner and I have been going through options for where to volunteer, and it ends up that I can't physically handle the work, the distance is too far to afford, or the location hosts political meetups regularly that put the both of us in danger. We are still looking into this, and I'll let you know if there's an update.

At the end of it I've always been the one trans person in the group or the workplace. So many people have told me that I'm the first trans person they've seen, and as I've gotten older I just don't have the patience for those questions anymore. I agree that isolating ourselves isn't the answer, but also I've felt nothing but isolated in being myself by myself. If the answer is to carry on then of course I will, I just wish that I knew there was someone else here irl that understood.

If there's anyone out there that feels the way I do or has dealt with what I have, I just want you to know that I think about you. I'm not sure if my advice is any good, but please reach out whenever you feel alone.

[r2x2]

The Amnesty International report that JK Rowling is trying to censor through legal threats.

It can also be found on Google Drive here and on Bluesky here.

[cbarc]

Please save and share this info where possible. This report has since been removed by Amnesty International due to legal threats of libel from JK Rowling. This information is no longer easily accessible.

[wurshekk]

Hung an antler from the ceiling today. You can do this too.

[wurshekk]

Luka Luka Night Fever is the funnest song to play on hard. So dang disco.

[eptck]

you have to be kinder to people with memory issues.

you have to be kinder to people who are slow processors.

you have to be kinder to people who don't understand your jokes.

you have to be kinder to people who forget important dates.

you have to be kinder to people with cognitive decline.

you have to be kinder to people who were always this way, too.

you have to be kind. you have to be kind.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

Protecting Yourself from Criminalization for Self-Managed Abortion — OARS

Self-managed abortion (SMA) with pills is very medically safe and effective throughout early pregnancy, but there is a significant risk of criminalization in many U.S. states. While it is impossible to fully eliminate the risk of criminalization when having or planning to have an abortion at home, t

[kickerofelves]

Leave no online footprint of searches or purchases. Digital Defense Fund’s abortion privacy guide is your go-to resource for this. Using private browsers, two-factor authentication, encrypted messaging, strong passwords, etc. is critical. Google searches have been presented as evidence in an SMA trial before. Do not leave a digital trail.

Use the medications properly to prevent interactions with healthcare providers. The pills are very effective, but they have to be used right. Carefully follow the instructions provided on the How to Use Abortion Pill website. Note that misoprostol tablets should always be taken by dissolving them under the tongue. Do NOT insert misoprostol vaginally if you are self-managing an abortion. While this is medically safe, it can leave incriminating pill remnants that can be detected in the vagina during a pelvic exam if you end up needing to seek medical care. 

If it’s not an emergency but you need expert health advice, use a free calling service like Google Voice to call or text the Miscarriage + Abortion Hotline at 1-833-246-2632. Medical complications are very uncommon with abortion pills, but they’re not impossible. The M+A Hotline is safe to use and is staffed by trustworthy clinicians who volunteer their time to help those who choose SMA. Do not use your own phone number to call as this will create a record that is visible to your cell service provider. 

Don’t disclose any information about SMA to emergency room staff if you do need to seek medical care. This is how most people who are arrested for SMA are reported. Healthcare providers are almost always who calls the police in cases of SMA criminalization. Contrary to popular belief, HIPAA does not protect your private health information from being shared with police if you are suspected of doing something that could be considered a crime. If you believe you need to seek urgent medical care, do not hesitate to go. Say “I think I’m having a miscarriage” and provide your symptoms. Do not mention any use of or purchase of abortion pills. There is no widely available test to detect misoprostol in your bloodstream. If you do not disclose it, there is no way for a medical provider to tell the difference between a medication abortion and a spontaneous miscarriage.

Do not talk to the cops. Period. Do. Not. Talk. To. The. Cops. If you are questioned by police you should state, “I am exercising my right to remain silent, and I wish to speak with an attorney.” Do not speak again or nod in response to a question. Contact the Repro Legal Helpline as soon as possible for expert legal advice: 1-844-868-2812. Do not agree to questioning or speak to any law enforcement official without a lawyer present.

[flashcs5]

gay meth

[wurshekk]

Happy Pride month! It's so nice to share this day on Earth together with yall. I'm so proud of all of us.

[yamada-ryo]

What's the craziest liquid containing item you could use as a daily water bottle

[wurshekk]

Also made this thing recently, though its more practical. Its made of a yogurt lid and half of a minibrands capsule, with small magnets arranged in a cardboard backing inside the lid. Now we get to turn a little scifi indicator whenever we change the dishwasher and I'm really happy about that. :)

[wurshekk]

Mikuchu <3

[wurshekk]

Hi yall. My partner got me three 30mm kits as a gift a while ago, I love him a lot. I have never worked on anything like these at all before, but they are exactly the type of thing I obsess over. Anyways, I got this idea to kitbash the perfect robot girl, and got two instead. Right now I'm about halfway through the first layer of paint, enamel because there isn't enough suffering in the world. Here's my notes and their progress so far, let me know what you think because I might be miserable until we get to acrylic. ':)

[wurshekk]

Slime Rancher 2 <3<3<3