Call me 'Sir'.

Kris. part-human, part-cat. Meet my baby, my Ming. r/s: 我的小貓, 我的緣分 Ask for AIM. Tracking: #wuxyifan [Disclaimer]

[dazzlingkai]

[imaginekris]

Imagine Kris making himself a little birthday dinner consisting of various flavors of ravioli. What a great gift to himself.

[wuxyifan]

Mm, I got invited to 3 parties this weekend. Would you like to come with me, or cum with me instead? *winkwinkwink*

what parties? who invited you? what are you wearing?

[xiustagram]

[fyeahluhan]

ShineEyes-鹿晗个站 (1, 2)

[fyeahluhan]

vivo (1, 2)

[fyifan]

maomao • do not edit

[dreamlightasafeather]

IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.

You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.

Here is an example video

[t-pose-to-assert-gayness]

Reblog to literally save a life

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

I’ve done this.  I’m alive because of this. 

My flat-mate’s date for the night was almost as drunk as her.  She had passed out in her room and locked the door.  He refused to leave because he wanted to have sex.  He also demanded food because he was dealing with “whiskey dick”.  He didn’t like the lack of food in the fridge.  I called 911, did the stuff stated above, and he was getting PISSED about how long the “order” was taking.  He took my phone, demanded they “hurry the fuck up”.  Police arrived two minutes later, arrested him, and helped me file a police report.  Pressing charges wasn’t necessary because he had warrants on him from THREE different states for the very thing he planned to do to me.  Several months after this happened one of the officers informed me he was charged with two felonies because he crossed stay lines, and will be serving no less than 35 years in prison.  The officer ripped into my flat-mate about her bringing home complete strangers, while drunk, knowing full well this shit could happen. 

This was 14 years ago.  

Do the pizza order, do it as calmly as you can.  The dispatcher I spoke to said things like this:

“If he’s drunk say you want mushrooms.”  I said I want extra mushrooms.

“If he’s threatening you with sexual assault say you want onions.”  I said I want onions.

She went like this with different toppings and sauces for a description of him, like pineapple if he’s blonde, black olives if he’s tall, extra large if he’s tall, etc.

They’ve heard this sort of coded call before.  They’re trained for it.  They will understand what you’re saying.  Order the pizza.

[torios]

Really though. I’m in training for dispatch and this was one of the first things they taught us. Pretend you’re talking to a friend or relative, pretend you’re ordering pizza, we’ll figure it out. We’ll word questions so you can answer in an easy, casual way. Please, just make the call and we will do everything we can to help you.

[skelatal-remains-deactivated201]

Reblog to save a life

[shutyourmoustache]

HOLY SHIT. THIS IS CRAZY.

[stardustparker]

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT

[winchestersnco]

I AM A 911 CALLTAKER AND I CAN AFFIRM THIS IS A THING. I AM ALLOWED TO BREAK PROTOCOL FOR THIS.

ALSO, IF YOU DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE “ORDERING A PIZZA,” CALL AND LEAVE AN OPEN LINE. WE WILL STAY ON WITH YOU AND FIND YOUR LOCATION BASED ON GPS AND SEND SOMEONE. I HAVE DONE THIS MORE TIMES THAN NOT. WE ARE HERE TO HELP.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

[thing-you-do-with-that-thing]

Erin bless you for adding to this.

[incorrect-seventeen-17-quotes]

This is super important💕

[xui-n-soowillbethedeathofme]

Vampire!Kris Moodboard

As promised @marshmallow-phd your bribe!

[blueskybaek]

So I woke up feeling really sick to my stomach and realized something, I’m either pregnant or… still traumatized by the horror movie and weird videos that kids watch these days.

Yes I’m talking about you guys @prkxjw @pvrk-jihoon @mochijm

[wuxyifan]

WHO FUCKED MY CHILD

HANNIE OUR PRESCHOOLER IS PREGNANT

[blueskybaek]

IM NOT YOUR CHILD??!!! HANNIE NO- DONT YOU GUYS HAVE A REAL KID TO TEND TO OR SOMETHING

Also you could consider the second option you know

[wuxyifan]

SHUHS WHOS GONNA TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIS IM GONNA CRACK THEIR SKULLS WITH MY ABNORMALLY LARGE HANDS

[blueskybaek]

So I woke up feeling really sick to my stomach and realized something, I’m either pregnant or… still traumatized by the horror movie and weird videos that kids watch these days.

Yes I’m talking about you guys @prkxjw @pvrk-jihoon @mochijm

[wuxyifan]

WHO FUCKED MY CHILD

HANNIE OUR PRESCHOOLER IS PREGNANT

[lavender-kills]

[fyifan]

immortals • do not edit (1, 2)

[fyeahluhan]

[elespaciodejenn]

ma boy…

[cloudedits]

like/reblog if you save ♡

[wuxyifan]

...possesive instincts are kicking in and now I just wanna chain you up in our room forever.

mhmm really? 😍