BROKEN BOY

Lev's non-sel. Canon div. Eodwulf from Critical Role " Our parents made a sacrifice , yes ? Like any soldier in a war. " est. 09/18/'19 revamped 04/09/'21

[wxrdog]

IF WE’RE FREE ———— TELL ME WHY   ———— ———— I CAN’T LOOK IN MY BROTHER’S EYE

ᴄaɴᴏɴ ᴅɪᴠ. ɴᴏɴ-sᴇʟ. ᴇᴏᴅᴡᴜʟғ ᴏғ ᴄʀ𝟸. ᴇxᴇᴄᴜᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ ʟᴇᴠ with icons by babbles

[wxrdog]

saphyrus​:

how  should  words  spill  from  her  lips  in  the  form  of  a  response?  when  still  jester  remains  so  unsure  of  herself.  silence  is  what  greets  the  other,  as  blue  arms  wrap  around  herself.  in  that  cradle  does  she  find  the  comfort  that  she  so  desperately  seeks.  and  finally,  do  words  spring  free  from  the  cage.  “  then  we  can  be  unsure  of  each  other  together.  ”  it  was  not  her  own  life,  she  worried  for.  but  with  the  appearance  of  this  person,  the  resurgence  of  his  past  .  .  .  caleb.  he  was  on  the  fore  front  of  her  thoughts.  

  “  i  care  about  caleb,  very  very  much.  he  is  family  to  me  now.  ”  violet  hues  shift  their  focus  to  him.  “  and  i  think  that  is  the  same  for  you.  ”

Eodwulf nods, it’s not enough, but he’s never been a man of many words. The relationship Bren, Astrid and him had is indescribable. It doesn’t surprise him Caleb has found new friends he can share that with. “ I loved him . “ He says in a matter of fact way. There are so few things he knows are undeniable truths, the feelings he has for the two of them might be the only certainty he still has left.

“ I’ve seen you with him . He is . . . Good . “ There is still distrust in his expression, his shoulders tense in anticipation. “ Perhaps . . . we are not enemies . “

[wxrdog]

herzessen​:

how  does  one  convince  a  broken  man  he  is  worthy  of  goodness  ?  how  does  one  prove  that  life  and  joy  are  at  their  peak  when  shared  ?  caleb  thinks  of  himself  when  he  first  met  the  mighty  nein  ,  as  eodwulf  is  now  ,  alone  ,  fearful  ,  and  so  utterly  sure  of  his  own  worthlessness  .  perhaps  they  are  not  exactly  the  same  ,  but  he  sees  the  worn  -  down  look  in  his  old  friend’s  eye  ,  and  knows  with  certainty  that  the  similarities  are  there  –  and  that  is  enough  to  leave  caleb  desperate  to  help  him  ,  if  he  can  .  if  eodwulf  will  let  him  .

“  i  cannot  speak  for  the  others  ,  ”  though  he  knows  they  would  accept  wulf  all  the  same  ,  "  but  i’m  offering  this  –  me  –  to  you  .  my  companionship  ,  my  –  my  friendship  ,  maybe  ,  if  you  would  have  it  .  that’s  not  nothing  ,  wulf  .  "

caleb  thinks  of  the  nein  ,  again  .  thinks  of  jester  ;  her  laugh  .  thinks  of  beau’s  steady  shoulder  ,  of  yasha’s  gentle  smile  ,  of  caduceus’  wise  gaze  ,  of  fjord’s  hand  in  his  .  he  remembers  nott  ,  in  the  jail  cell  ,  holding  her  hand  out  to  him  .  in  his  mind’s  eye  ,  she  transforms  into  veth  –  brilliant  and  grinning  .

“  it  was  enough  to  save  me  ,  once  .  ”

Eodwulf smiles, a melancholic but grateful smile. He’s spent a lifetime chasing after people more ambitious than him, smarter than him. If it wasn’t Bren it was Astrid or Trent.  He’s done being their henchman. “ It is not nothing , my friend . You don’t know how much it means to me to be speaking to you again as allies . “

He clasps a steady hand on his shoulder and tilts his head slightly. It feels like a privilege, getting to look at him without worry that his expression of affection might cause him to be ordered to murder him in the future. He’s free, that’s still a concept he’s struggling to grasp. “ I love you , Caleb , I always have . You and Astrid . But I . . . Hmm . “ He trails off, suddenly self conscious. His hand drops and he shifts his weight nervously.

His tongue switches to Zemnian when he speaks again [ I can’t keep being a lap dog . ] He says. [ I don’t . . . I’ve forgotten how to think . ] He then switches back before he continues. “ You and your friends have given me something I can never repay . I am so grateful , but I can’t keep doing this . “

[wxrdog]

sapphiretrickster​:

                    He doesn’t like her, she can tell– or maybe it’s not that he doesn’t like her and more that he doesn’t trust her… either way, it’s nothing short of frustrating, and if she could stomp on the ground and huff out loud like a child, she would, but this is a heist. Can’t really make a lot of noise in those, she’s learned the hard way. When his demeanor changes, pieces fall into place so quickly, so easily, that she’s surprised she hadn’t thought of it before.

This was never about trust, this was about Astrid. “Oh! Uh… give me a second,” her head shakes, both hands in front of her as she begins counting every word as she whispers, “Fjord! It’s Jester… oh you know that, shit– did Astrid say yes? I kinda need to know, ‘cause I don’t think he’s coming if she’s–” Fuck! “Sorry… sorry, he’ll get back at me in a…” Jester pauses, the posh accent clear in her head even as a whisper. She smiles. “She’s coming. See? We’re the good guys!”

At the flash of magic Eodwulf tenses instinctually, hand clasped on his own holy symbol before he recognises the spell she’s casting. He relaxes then, but only slightly. Broad shoulders still too stiff, brows still knit together in worry. He glances around hurriedly as she gets the message through. They couldn’t make a weirder pair. Surely, if anyone would round the corner and see them wandering together like this they would instantly realise something wasn’t right. Ikithon would find out and he’d be punished. If he doesn’t already know.

What if he does know? What if he’s watching right now and the longer he stands around here the more he dooms not only himself, but potentially this young tiefling woman too. What if he kills her? Or worse, orders him to kill her? It wouldn’t be the first time he’s asked something like that of him, if only as a test or a punishment.

He’s pulled out of his rising panic by her exclamation. The realization that oh, she’s talking about Astrid, grounding him with a heavy sigh. “ She is ? “ He asks, painfully hopeful. She’d know what to do. There’s no reason to be afraid when they’re together, that’s what they always used to say. “ Yes - okay - take me to her . “ He quickly whispers, throwing one last anxious look over his shoulder.

[wxrdog]

@hellesfeuer​ said: Listen, about last night…

CONFRONTATION SENTENCES | [ open ]

Eodwulf sighs deeply as Bren trails off. There is so much left unsaid between them, so much that the dinner at Ikithon’s tower only made more complicated. It’s all too much for Eodwulf, who without Astrid or Ikithon barely knows how to think for himself anymore.

“ It’s better you don’t say anything . “ He says instead, and even he knows it’s not true. They should talk, about last night, about the night of their graduation and everything in between. But they can’t. He can’t. “ You should go back to your friends , Bren . They all seem like wonderful people . You deserve to be surrounded by wonderful people . “

[wxrdog]

@amillixnvoices​:

“Thank you.”

     He almost REACHES OUT to touch, but then thinks better of it. Still, there’s a part of him that craves that touch, to know that this is real. He’s dreamed of seeing them again, but it’s always sounded like a terrible idea in his head, and if Caleb’s being honest then he still thinks that it’s one.

    “I know it’s not a GIVEN.” He eventually continues, the corners of his mouth turning upwards slightly, because a few months ago it would have been impossible to even see him, let alone stand here and talk to him.

      “I...don’t KNOW if we’re going to come back from this but...I want you to be safe. Even...even when I’m not around.”

There is a part of him that is still convinced this isn’t really Bren, or Caleb. He’d stopped trying to discern the real from the illusions over the year. It hadn’t really mattered, back then. But it does now. Above all he wants this to be real. The compassion in his voice, the ghost of a smile on his face.

It’s worth the risk of retribution if this does turn out to be one of Ikithon’s tricks.

His gratitude, however, it feels undeserving. For what is his trust worth? Those two simple words seem so much more impactful than anything he could offer. Caleb says it’s not a given, but for him it almost is. If would be. If that fear of this all being just another test weren’t there.

“ We don’t live in that kind of world . “ Eodwulf argues. Before, he’d thought Ikithon was that safety. Maybe with him they weren’t free, but at least they were safe. Now he sees it wasn’t worth it. Even if that safety hadn’t been little more than a gilded lie. “ You can’t protect me . We’ll never be safe again . “ The words are harsher than he intended. Softness is something he’s grown out of.

Maybe he can learn it again. “ But . . . That’s okay . It is the way it is . “

[wxrdog]

herzessen​:

every  fiber  of  caleb  wishes  he  could  say  yes  .  he  wants  –  with  a  desperation  rarely  ,  if  ever  ,  felt  so  intensely  –  to  proudly  declare  that  he’s  free  of  ikithon’s  influence  .  that  he  acts  on  his  own  will  ,  with  his  own  thoughts  ,  always  .  that  ,  however  ,  would  be  a  tremendous  lie  .  it’s  still  all  too  easy  to  step  into  the  role  of  emotionless  empire  dog  .  (  i  can  get  to  work  ,  he’d  said  .  the  others  had  thought  it  an  act  ,  and  maybe  it  was  .  maybe  it  wasn’t  .  there  are  days  he  truly  cannot  tell  what  is  and  isn’t  real  .  )  he  still  feels  no  remorse  when  ending  a  life  .  (  they  deserved  it  ,  he  tells  himself  .  there  was  nothing  else  to  be  done  .  )

he  still  finds  himself  in  front  of  his  crumbling  home  when  he  closes  his  eyes  .  he  still  hears  their  screams  when  his  flames  find  the  flesh  of  a  human  .

eventually  ,  caleb  shakes  his  head  .  he  cannot  hide  the  bitterness  of  the  motion  .

“  some  days  .  .  .  i  feel  almost  normal  .  other  days  ,  it’s  like  i  never  left  ,  you  know  ?  ”  some  days  he’s  a  little  too  bren  ,  but  other  days  –  he’s  no  one  ,  huddled  in  a  corner  of  vergesson  .  those  are  the  worst  days  .

“  the  bad  days  at  least  help  me  value  the  good  days  ,  though  i  -  i  do  not  know  if  i  deserve  them  .  if  that  -  if  that  makes  sense  .  ”

He frowns at his answer. When he’d first seen Caleb at Vergesson after all those years, he’d seemed so well adjusted. Even now, he looks so much better. There are moments that little Bren still shines through, but without the cold cruelty he’d grown into under Ikithon. With that, and with all those new friends surrounding him, he’s still not better? If that’s so, what hope does he have?

Wouldn’t it be much easier to just keep on pretending nothing wrong happened? Their lives weren’t conventional, for sure, but had it really been that bad? In the end, they’d been well taken care of, successful, powerful, even. If he just ignores the worst of it, wouldn’t that be the only way to ever feel normal?

Do they even deserve that? Does he care whether they do?

“ I understand . “ He nods, Caleb’s feelings reflect some of his own. Frustratingly, there seems to be no answer to any of their conundrums. He wants to pretend remaining unfeeling and unthinking would solve these problems, but the awful truth is that even under Trent he’d been plagued by nightmares and inexplicable feelings he couldn’t shake.

“ There’s no hope for people like us . “ He concludes suddenly, stated not like the sad emotional response it is but as if it were pure fact, devoid of all feeling. Just the logical answer to come out of their conversation. “ We have no choice but to just . . . keep marching on . No choice . No control . Nothing has changed . “

[nanasalt]

Extended clip of “Still” from anastasiabway’s Instagram.

[wxrdog]

ambitiousillusions​:

They know each other TOO WELL at this point. There are moments when Astrid lets things slide, much like he does for her, but despite their jobs, they still care for each other, and she wants him to be okay. ( of course neither of them are very really OKAY, but they have days that are better than others. )

“I was…awake.” She eventually replies, cocking her head to the side as she looks at him, taking in the man she’s spent half of her LIFE with so far. The only who’s always been there, who never left her side. 

“You know you can always come SEE me, right?” Her voice is soft and she allows herself to reach out and touch him. “No need to ask.”

He hesitates at that. He knows she’s there for him no matter what, of course he knows. She’s been there since they were kids, like he has been for her in return. But the reassurance is likely exactly what he needs to muster the courage needed to ask her the favor.

At the touch he lifts his head to look at her, his own hand leaving the cup to cover hers. “ Do you think that maybe . . . I could sleep in your room tonight ? “ He sheepishly asks. It feels like such a childish request to make. But he’s tired, and he just wants a decent night’s sleep. Her (and Bren’s) proximity used to help with the nightmares back then, it comes to reason it’ll do the same now.

“ . . . Like when we were kids ? “

[wxrdog]

Wulfie has icons now. All art is from Babbles and used with permission <3 

[wxrdog]

sapphiretrickster​:

              Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous. Why is everyone from the Empire so stubborn?! “You’re hurt and you need to leave this place too, let me…” Jester whispers, extending a hand and getting ready to dimension door both of them out of this building. They always end up getting themselves caught in creepy buildings with Trent, don’t they?

“Out, we came back for you and Astrid. Fjord’s helping her,” she nods, a small smile in her lips, big violet eyes full of adrenaline. “You guys don’t like it here. I know you don’t, I was at that dinner too.”

He’s ready to dismiss her, to shake his head and deny any claims that she might know what he needs or what hurt even means to him. But the mention of Astrid’s name makes him visibly pause. His hurried, almost panicked steps stopping in its tracks. He knows her ambitions. Knows that her loyalties don’t lie with Trent as they once did. Eodwulf’s own has always been with her above all. If given this opportunity, would she take it?

Whether he likes it here or not is of little importance. It doesn’t matter either way. It never has.

“ Astrid , has she accepted your friend’s . . . Help ? “ He asks with extreme hesitancy, ever the follower, he would never leave without her.

[saphyrusarchive]

@wxrdog​ said:🍓

LEV!! im so glad i get to scream about how much i love your blog?? BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU,, the way you have taken Eodwulf and made him your own is so brilliant?? you have fleshed him out so well and given him such life?? the love that you have for him as a muse really does shine through. you were one of the first critical role blogs i found and im so happy to have you on my dash and the ability to interact with you because you truly are amazing. 

[wxrdog]

dwuethvars​:

it’s a question he’d been expecting the wizard to ask. it’s one he would’ve asked if there positions were reversed. though come to think of it, it is one he had asked not too long ago in nicodranas. fjord’s golden eyes never quite meet eodwulf’s own as he opens his mouth to speak, choosing instead to continue sweeping their surroundings for any other surprises. namely one archmage they all were hoping to avoid, not just caleb.

“caleb,” there’s stress on the name that leaves fjord’s mouth—caleb is not bren. he won’t stand by and let eodwulf use that name, “seems to think you deserve a chance.” while that’s the majority of the truth, it’s more than that. they all owe him a favor for tipping them off about ikithon. him and astrid both. yet as far as they know, astrid hasn’t been sent to this frozen land after them. they’ve only come across eodwulf through luck. the distant sounds of a battle reaching only caduceus’ perceptive ears. he, veth, and beau had doubled back to get visual confirmation and relay a message. a relief and disappointment to find caleb’s former friend and yet another of eiselcross’ dangerous beasts. 

“you uh….” it’s selfish, but he doesn’t want caducues or jester to waste any healing on the scourger. but eodwulf could be a potential ally against lucien, especially if they show him kindness. perhaps even ikithon himself when they finish here. caleb could persuade him, fjord thinks. pull on invisible strings the way he seems so adept at doing. “maybe we should let cadueceus take a look at you.”

Wulf’s eyes are focused on the half orc with suspicion clear on display. He could’ve taken the monster, he would’ve been much worse for wear, but he would have preferred that over standing before this near stranger in such a vulnerable position, hunched over and clutching his still bleeding stomach.

His expression changes at the mention of his old friend. He perks up, a hiss of pain immediately following the action. “ A chance ? “ He repeats once he’s settled again, almost as if confused by the concept. He’s usually stopped asking for explanations over the years, too used to vague half truths to really bother with anyone’s words. “ Huh . “

At the acknowledgement of his wound, he looks down at it himself, lifting his hand momentarily to find his clothes soaked with blood. It’s a familiar sight, one that doesn’t alarm him at all. “ Caduceus . . . “ He recounts what he knows of their odd group. “ The vegetarian ? “

It matters little. He straightens himself as much as he’s able. “ Your offer is kind , but I am fine . You will need your resources . “ As he speaks, the hand covering his wound starts to glow with divine magic. It doesn’t completely heal the various gashes and bruises that cover his body, but it seems to at least help him be able to keep himself upright. As he does, he turns his attention towards the man in front of him again, scrutinizing him more, almost seeming to hesitate before speaking up again. “ What is this ‘ chance ‘ you speak of ? “

[wxrdog]

@saphyrus said: 10. for one muse to take care of the other while they’re sick/injured + “  i know you don’t need my help. but i’m offering it anyway.  ”

PROTECTIVE PROMPTS | [ open ]

Eodwulf has no idea how he ended up in this situation. His mind is more jumbled than it usually is. He’s certain he must’ve hit his head someway nasty while fighting... Something, If the large gash through his torso, the crushed leg and the exhaustion of his magical capabilities are any indication. He only remembers knowing that he was about to die. How calm he’d felt at the realisation. He’s a soldier, he’s used to death.

So then, why is he still breathing?

The culprit comes in the form of the excitable blue little devil that’d been hovering over him when he awoke from his confusingly temporary slumber. Or so he assumes. He recognises the girl as one of Bren’s friends. But through the splitting headache that hangs over his mind he can’t seem to remember her name.

He knows from experience his injuries aren’t the type that are easily healed with some magic. Besides, aren’t they supposed to be enemies now? Why is she bothering with him? Voicing his doubts has only granted him that cryptic answer he doesn’t know what to do with. “ Why ? “ He presses further. Cringing at how hoarse his already deep voice sounds.

In fact, one could argue that helping him is dangerous. Not to mention the time and resources she might be wasting on him. It simply doesn’t make any sense. “ You could’ve left me to die . “

[herzessen]

@wxrdog​ said :  🍓 // 👉👈 🥺

OKAY FIRST OF ALL … the way you write wulf ????? the internal conflict of not knowing how to think for yourself ??? his dialogue ??? youre so incredibly good at writing him and im genuinely amazed , just , all the time lmao . you took a character with a little and turned him into a character with A LOT and im so impressed and 24/7 excited to write with u

[wxrdog]

saphyrus​:

“  cay-leb    is    a    really  , really    good    friend  .  .  .  i  trust  him  very  much.  ”  how  far  they’ve  come,  as  a  group  since  they  met  in  tavern.  so  much  had  changed,  so  much  they  had  all  endured.  “  i  would  not  let  anyone  or  anything  harm  him.  ”  there  lingered  in  her  words,  is  a  trace  of  a  threat.  as  violet  hues  focus  on  the  male.  jester  recognizes,  this  man  :  he  knew  caleb  in  ways  none  of  the  mighty  nein  ever  would.  they  shared  a  bond,  unbreakable.  a  past  marked  in  the  same  way.  

“  if    he    trusts    you,    then    so    will    i.  ”      it’s  softer,  the  tone  in  her  words  now.  but  still,  she  intends  to  keep  an  eye  on  him.   “ by  the  way  … . do  you  know  the  traveler?  ”  

Eodwulf doesn’t show visible apprehension towards her threat. If anything, his tense shoulders relax slightly and his face softens ever so little with the assurance of his old friend’s protection. The idea that he might be the one to hurt Bren is more foreign than it should be, after all, he’s learned to do what he’s told no matter what. Still, her words reassure him more of Caleb’s safety than they do of danger to his person.

The idea that he might still have faith in him, however, that’s the truly shocking part. He knows what he and Astrid have done, probably has an idea of what they have been doing after he left, could anyone still trust someone so thoroughly broken?

“ You think . . . He could ? “ Wulf asks as if he shouldn’t be speaking the words. His voice uncharacteristically soft. Her next words go completely ignored, his focus on the simple possibility she proposed.

[wxrdog]

ambitiousillusions​:

They usually DON’T talk about it. It’s an open secret between them, the nightmares and screams when they wake up in the middle of the night, and sometimes Astrid thinks she can hear them from miles away, even when they’re in different houses. Of course she knows that’s not possible, but then again, with magic and how close they’ve always been, she wouldn’t be surprised.

“You are TERRIBLE at deflecting.” She replies, her own cup of tea in hand, blowing gently so she won’t burn her lips. Sometimes Astrid thinks back to those times when they were all curled up together, waking at the slightest stir or moan from the other. Those days seem so far gone now, and yet she can’t help but long for them.

“I will take the compliment though.” She eventually adds and takes a sip of her tea, before placing the cup on the table. “How BAD was it?”

He grunts under his breath. He’d really hoped that would work. “ I . . . “ He trails off, he barely remembers what the nightmare had been about this time, only the unnervingly vivid feelings it brought still linger at the edges of his mind. The despair his mind had conjured up for him hanging in his brain like a searing headache. His forearms tingle with pain that isn’t there, a free hand rubs over one limb before he can think better of it.

“ They’re getting worse . “ He mutters after a moment of silence.The admittance is honest and vulnerable, but he always is with her. He couldn’t bring himself to lie to her even if thought he could get away with it, which he doesn’t.

“ Did I wake you ? “