[wynevans]

A Confession

You may or may not have noticed that I haven’t posted on this blog for a while. I know that folks seem to appreciate it and resonate with it, based on conversations I’ve had with people who’ve read it, and that’s wonderful. I love spiritual subjects and I enjoy exploring them, and all the better that other people seem to benefit from my words.

But I haven’t been writing anything for the past several months. Without going into too much detail, my life has brought me to a position where I can no longer pretend to posture as “that guy who seems to understand spiritual stuff,” as if that’s important at all to the quality of anyone’s experience. I can no longer pretend that “if only everyone knew what I knew, than life would go my way more often.” No. Life has made it abundantly clear: only I need to know what I know, and no one else has to change at all before they are worthy of love and support. Any attempt to “educate” people on spiritual subjects is, most of the time, a way of denying those same people the loving support and care they so deeply deserve.

I confess that as deep as my spiritual journey has gone, despite the insights into reality I have been fortunate enough to receive, by and large all of my spiritual efforts have been an attempt to get things to go my way more often, a cosmic way of attempting to elude pain, disappointment, and despair. That’s what I thought spirituality was:

1. There’s a bunch of shit in your life that you don’t like

2. You learn “spirtuality,” start practicing “techniques,” get some spiritual highs, and talk about spirituality with your friends

3. Boom! Presto change-o, your life is pain-free and orgasmically awesome all of the time

This is more like how spirituality actually works:

1. There’s a bunch of shit in your life that you don’t like

2. You learn “spirituality” and talk about it to your friends

3. “spirituality,” or your ideas of what spirituality is, fails you and life breaks you down to absolute nothing, stripping all false pretense and leaving you reeling in existential bewilderment

4. In the aftermath of your dissolution, you open to something deeper than the ups and downs of life and begin to offer yourself the love that seems to be missing in the world no matter what happens from that point forward.

That’s how it actually works, which is bad news for our egos! We want things to be pain-free, hassle-free, instant gratification all of time. And life’s plan for us is none of those things. 

I admit: I hate pain. I hate suffering. I hate confusion. I hate violence. I hate hopelessness. I hate depression. I hate it all. And if it were up to me, neither I nor any other living creature would ever experience those things ever again. If I had my way, spirituality would be the cosmic Neosporin that permanently healed and prevented any discomfort whatsoever from arising.

But life is not about getting your way. Life is not about things happening in an order that is always pleasurable, flowing, and preferable to our egos. Life is not about overcoming that which we don’t like to get to that which we do like. That’s a game that life plays for a while, but it’s not the full journey. If you live long enough (and it has nothing to do with physical age), you too will wake up out of the “life is about getting my way” paradigm. After a certain degree of what I call “the fire of experience,” your awakening is inevitable. And fair warning: You may not like it at all. You may hate it, in fact.

I confess and admit to you that I have been approaching everything in my life as something to change with my spiritual understandings. I have been seeing everyone around me as “lacking in spiritual insight,” as if that’s why they don’t seem to be peaceful and happy and sufficiently “enlightened.” And life, in its infinitely fierce grace, has absolutely decimated this approach for me, and thank goodness for that. 

If I ever condescended you with some bullshit spiritual insight when you came to me as friend in pain who needed someone to listen to them and love them, I am deeply sorry. In times of pain, you don’t need a spiritual teacher, you need a friend. May I be this friend to you from now on whenever you need support.

I am so glad that my life hasn’t gone my way for the past several months. Because although it’s been extremely unpleasant and devastating to my ego, it has shown me a new path.

As much as I hate pain, I admit now that pain was never meant to be destroyed or transcended. The goal of life is not to destroy and get rid of all pain and then take any pain that you experience after that as proof that the universe is out to get you. The goal of life is to be the friend, the guide, and the companion that your heart has longed for since the beginning of time, and to be that guide for yourself right now, no matter what.

When pain arises, it isn’t time to formulate a strategy to get out of pain.

When pain arises, it’s time to be a companion to the one who is pain.

Think of a time when you were most devastated in life. Wouldn’t you agree, in a situation such as that, you were a being deserving of more love and attention, not less? And how often are we actually able to be that loving companion to ourselves? Unfortunately, not all that often, because we are under the impression that there is someone else out there who can help us better than we can help ourselves. And it’s heartbreaking to discover that there truly is no one out there who can love us more intimately than we can love ourselves.

I know in the depths of my heart a truth that to my ego is absolutely devastating, and to my soul is the infinite beautiful song of divinity:

My love does not change what happens to me. My love does not orchestrate outcomes. Love does not arrange my life based on my preferences. My love doesn’t cause people to love me. My love does not eradicate suffering. My love does not change the fate that all beings are destined to encounter. My love is not a feeling that enters my body and makes me feel good. My love is that which embraces whatever feel is present no matter what and says, “I am here for you. I don’t know why you are the way you are, but I will love you no matter what. I don’t know how long this pain will last, but you deserve love in a moment such as this.”

Although our understandings are awesome, the world does not need them. Although our insights are magnificent, the world does not need them. Although intellectual debates over right vs. wrong, bad vs. good, etc. are highly entertaining, the world does not need our intellectual discourse. The world needs our love.

Look around you. Look at the devastation, the pain, the suffering. Feel it in your bones. Imagine the world and all its people as a collective organism, and every pain in your body is the pain of the collective crying out into the darkness. Imagine this entire world is a massive, cosmic five-year-old, scared, vulnerable, and in so much pain. Does a child in pain need to understand why they are in pain? Does that make the pain better? When you were little, did you respond more to adults telling you how you should be, or adults loving who you are no matter what? Probably the latter. And yet we are still under the impression that understanding is going to heal this planet. No. That game is reaching its end. 

From this moment forward, may I be the loving companion to my heart no matter what comes my way. May I be the loving companion to all beings who enter my reality. May I discard the old paradigm of spiritual understanding in favor of the new paradigm of loving in the absence of all understanding. May I be the love that requires no understanding for the benefit of all beings. And so it is.

[wynevans]

Taking Care of Business

When we are young and first beginning to navigate in this world, there comes a time when we all must learn to recognize the basic needs of our body and learn to take care of those needs. When we are babies, for example, we have abosolutely no control over our bladders, and as we develop and mature, we begin to become more aware of certain sensations in our body that signal to us that it’s time to use the bathroom. We feel that uncomfortable push on our bladders, and after being familiarized with that feeling enough times, we eventually respond naturally and take care of business. The same goes for hunger, thirst, all of our basic survival needs. Needing to pee really badly or feeling a rumble in your stomach never feels AWESOME. It is always slightly uncomfortable, no matter how many times we have felt those sensations in the past. And yet, it’s not a big deal after a while: We feel the discomfort, and we take actions to remedy the situation naturally. We take care of business without a fuss. After a while, it becomes second nature. Are these survival sensations uncomfortable? Yes. Are they necessary, innocent, and totally natural? Absolutely. How would we know when to pee if we never felt uncomfortable sensations in our bladders? 

Most people have absolutely no problem recognizing the basic survival sensations and learning to respond to them with ease. You don’t see a lot of adults struggling to remember what to do when they need to pee. But as human beings mature, we have a LOT more difficulty the basic EMOTIONAL sensations and we struggle and suffer over them greatly. Why is that? It’s because we are told throughout our lives that our emotional sensations are NOT natural, NOT okay. How many times have you heard people say things like the following:

- Oh, it’s not okay to get angry. Anger is bad. People won’t like me if I get angry around them.

- This stupid depression just won’t go away! Why does this always happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?

- God, I’m so anxious. I hate that about myself. I wish I was never anxious again.

Probably a ton, right? Now, here’s a fun exercise: replace the emotions with bodily functions. For example:

- Oh, it’s not okay to get hungry. Hunger is bad. People won’t like me if I get hungry around them.

- This stupid full bladder just won’t go away! Why does this always happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?

- God, I’m so thirsty. I hate that about myself. I wish I was never thirsty again.

If anyone said any of the three things to you, you would think they were insane, wouldn’t you? What sane person would actively FIGHT with their sense of hunger? Wouldn’t it be much simpler just to find something to eat and get on with your day? And yet, day in and day out, the vast majority of us are locked in an endless battle with our emotions, trying to get rid of them because we have been taught in the past that that’s the “healthy” way to go about living life.

I will go ahead and say with full confidence that not once in the history of humanity has anyone successfully avoided an unpleasant emotional state they were feeling. Why am I so confident in this? Well, I personally have never been able to escape the need to pee before. Why do we think it’s any different for our emotions? 

 Think of our bladder analogy. How many times do you think someone has successfully “escaped” their need to pee? I would say precisely zero people. And the ones who “succeeded” only prolonged the inevitable: peeing their pants in front of everyone. It’s remarkably similar to the infamous “public emotional meltdown,” no? People who “succeed” at escaping their emotions don’t escape anything. Those unaddressed emotions simply lie dormant, waiting for one day to explode in a big, dysfunctional mess. It’s not a question of if, but when.

Part of maturing as a human being is realizing that everything that we feel, from a dull pain in our bladder to a crippling emotional ache, is simply what we must learn to take care of. Why do we take care of our aching bladders? Because we know that if we do, we will find relief. The exact same thing holds true for our aching hearts: if we find the courage to lovingly take care of them, we find the relief from them we have been longing for.

No one wants to have to pee forever. That would stink. And no one wants to feel miserable forever. That would also stink. But as a culture, we’ve been taught that it’s okay to take of our bladders but NOT okay to take care of our difficult emotions. This is a very unfortunate message that we have inherited. But fortunately, there is a very simple solution:

Do your best to take care of everything you feel. Take responsibility for everything you feel. You didn’t cause the way you feel, but you have the ability to respond, the responsibility, of taking care of the way you feel. Love everything you feel, as best you can. It’s okay if you can’t, you certainly don’t have a lot of practice at this point! Be gentle with yourself, above all else.

When you deal with your difficult emotions just as lovingly as you would deal with your full bladder or your rumbling belly, life begins to make a lot more sense. Nothing can stop you any more, not even negative emotional states. You are liberated from needing things to be a certain way before you take care of business, ALL of your business.

It’s okay that you feel frightened sometimes. It’s okay to feel angry. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to be upset for any reason. It’s okay to be exactly who you are, ALL of who you are, always. 

Be kind to yourself, ALL of yourself. You are loved and supported. May you be blessed with courage and fortitude on the journey ahead, my friends.

[wynevans]

Redefining “Group Mind”

If you have watched enough improv (or even when you haven’t), you can almost immediately notice or intuit when a team is operating from “group mind” mode or operating from “individual mind” mode. It’s just something about the energy of the players, the energy of the room, that lets you know where the show is coming from: from an undivided, universal will, or from a self-centered, personal will. Every improviser would prefer to tap into “group mind” mode more than “individual mind” mode. It makes everything easier, more fun, and more magical. But how? How does one go about making the transition from “individual mind” mode to “group mind” mode?

There is no cut-and dry answer to this question. There is simply too much diversity, complexity, and unique experiential situations in this universe to give a cover-all answer, so I will not attempt to do so here. However, what I will do instead is lay out some pointers and insights derived from my own direct experience of  the “group mind” phenomenon that I am aware may or may not resonate with your personal situation. Nevertheless, it is my sincere intention that these words and the energy they convey bring as many readers as possible to a living realization of “group mind,” which will not only transform every improvisational scene they participate in, but eventually will seep into every situation they may find themselves in. When we tap into “group mind” in improvisation, its effects naturally radiate out into the wider improvisation of everyday living.

To begin, I will redefine the term “group mind” to clarify what I am communicating. There is nothing wrong with the term “group mind”, but at least to me, it conveys an idea of a big brain that is shared by the improvisers onstage, an abstract notion that is hard to apply practically. So, for the remainder of the essay, I will refer to “group mind” as “group space.” I find this term to be a lot more practical, and much easier to recognize in our experience. We are not looking for some fused collective mind, we are looking for a space within ourselves where all of our individual “minds” can co-create and communicate with extreme effectiveness. So, now that we’ve got that cleared up, let’s begin:

YOU CANNOT ACHIEVE GROUP SPACE

Group space cannot be achieved. Now, that’s no reason not to try! But striving to achieve group space is burdensome, stressful, and not very effective. Group space is real, certainly. But in your effort to reach a state called “group space,” you overlook the reality of the group space that is already always operating in this moment.

Even if you are certain that you are not in a state of group space right now, that certainty is taking place within group space. Even the individual space that makes up your personal reality is operating within group space, and there are no exceptions to this. The thought “I am not in group space” is a thought taking place within group space. Why? Because there is no such thing as “separate space.” That is a concept, not a definite reality. Your separate space is inseparable from the group space, and an energetic communication is constantly happening between your individuated space and the group space. Nothing in this universe exists in isolation. Everything, including our individual experiences, are in a constant energetic relationship with group space. (Remember, group space and group mind are interchangeable terms.) Even when we have thoughts in our individual space that appear to be separate and in isolation from the group space, those thoughts convey an energetic communication that radiates out and interacts with the group space which we all occupy.

It has been said that 90% of all communication is non-verbal, and this is directly related to the fact that our individual experience (or “individual mind”) is in a never-ending energetic communication with everything around us. That’s why when you say “Honey, I’m home” in a scene, it has the potential to communicate a billion different things. It’s not the words that are doing the communication, but the energetic and emotional energy that are carried with those words. The energy of those words in a continuous relationship with LITERALLY everything else in existence, and this energetic communication is happening ceaselessly and eternally. You cannot escape communicating with group space. Even your resistance to the truth that these words point to does not halt your continual energetic communication with group space. Whether or not you believe the truth that these words are pointing to makes no difference. You are always communicating SOMETHING energetically, no matter what, without exception.

A SIMPLE TECHNIQUE FOR ACCESSING GROUP SPACE

So, now that I’ve loaded up your mental saddle-bags with a bunch of ideas, let’s put them all aside for the moment and talk about the most practical, simplest way to access “group mind/group space” as a living reality. Here’s my advice:

Relax. Notice. Enjoy.

That’s it. No complicated formulas or things to memorize. No affirmations or positive thinking to repeat. No drugs or medications to imbibe. No seminars and workshops with improv gurus to attend. (Although all of these things may also be of help! Go for it if they resonate with you!)  

Relax. Notice. Enjoy.

Relax and simply rest in what is happening in your “individual space” right now. What is happening right now, including all of our thoughts about what should or should not be happening? This is the doorway to the realization of “group space.” Not as an idea, or something you try to do, but as a living realization. You don’t need to understand anything intellectually or philosophically in order for “group space” to dawn.

Notice. Notice whatever you are aware of, including judgements about yourself or your scene partners, or the need to understand what is happening, if that is what is here for you now, and rest in it as best you can. If you cannot rest in whatever energy is arising for you now, notice what thought is telling you that you cannot rest. Notice that noticing is effortless, quiet, and simple. You don’t have to do anything other than rest, relax, and notice what is happening. That’s group mind. That’s group space. Nothing more, nothing less. Everything that is happening is included, nothing is excluded. Every thing, every thought, every emotion, every energy, every body, every other person, is arising within group space.

Enjoy. In this restful, noticing space, you are free to express yourself honestly, fully, and without fear of “screwing up” or the notion that whatever is happening should not be happening. That notion is the absolute largest obstacle to improvising from group space. In group space, whatever is happening is what is happening, including all of the thoughts that tell us to the contrary. Once this is seen clearly, we are free to make the absolute most out of every moment that occurs onstage. No preconceived notions, no false expectations. Just pure enjoyment.

If you read this essay hoping to find a method that will immediately bestow upon you the ability to only do perfect scenes, then you are probably quite disappointed at this juncture. There is no magic pill for improv, and “perfect scenes” only exist in our minds, not in reality. Yes, group space is here and now, and always will be. However, depending on your individual alignment with group space, you may have to do a whole lot of resting, noticing, and relaxing for it to fully dawn upon you. That’s totally okay, and completely part of the process. Group space unfolds uniquely for each individual. You cannot get this wrong. Trust your experience, express yourself honestly, and you are golden.

So to sum up, a guide to discovering group space in the context of improvisation:

1. When improvising, rest, relax, and notice.

2. Pay attention to the energies arising now, especially energies that feel “wrong, unwanted, not supposed to be happening,” etc. Rest into those energies as best you can, allowing them to be here.

3. Abandon all thoughts, techniques, and theories, and enjoy the scene.

That’s group mind/group space: the restful, aware enjoyment of whatever is happening onstage. We cannot achieve group space by effort. It’s only going to frustrate us, because inevitably something is going to happen that strikes us as being “un-group-mind-ish.” Instead, notice the thoughts that strike you as being “un-group-mind-ish” and relax into them as best you can. Watch what happens.

You are the group space. Every scene partner, every idea, every personality, and everything else you encounter is the group space. Rest, enjoy, and explore. That’s all that is needed. May you be blessed with delight, laughter, magic, and love, beloved improviser.

[wynevans]

Waiting for the Day When Water No Longer Freezes

Perhaps nothing is more misunderstood in life than suffering. We all want to experience more joy and less pain, of course. We all want to experience freedom, love, and peace as opposed to strife, struggle, and disharmony. Who doesn’t? But a vast majority of us (and I include myself in this judgement!) treat our suffering as an enemy, as something to eradicate and subjugate completely before we can truly relax and be at peace with life. We imagine that the end of suffering is the complete eradication of all discomfort. But in that effort to eradicate our suffering, we actually are feeding the very mechanism that keeps it operating in our lives. Not on purpose, of course. We’re all doing our best. But this is the tendency that plays itself out in countless human lives, even if the spiritual-sounding “end of suffering” isn’t the goal being chased after. We’re all on a spiritual path, and we all engage in spiritual practice. Meditation, inquiry, and healing modalities can be used in the same way that an alcoholic uses whiskey, or a shopping addict uses designer handbags. All of these activities can be used to engage in the same futile effort: to end all suffering permanently.

That being said, there is the possibility of an end to suffering. The Buddha wasn’t blowing smoke up our butts! There is indeed an end to suffering. But it’s not what we imagine it to be. It’s not something we can make into a spiritual accomplishment. You don’t receive a plaque with your name on it when you’ve reached this place called “the end of suffering.” It is not a goal that is reached in time. And even if you do reach this place, it will slip away from you, sooner or later. Such is the nature of experience: coming and going, without a trace left behind for us to stick a flag into and claim as “mine.” The end of suffering is not something that can be attained. It’s not really a thing at all. You can’t hold “the end of suffering” in your hands, or show me where it is in the world. It is nowhere to be found.

We all start out on this journey, either consciously or unconsciously trying to find some state, some substance, some feeling, some collection of thoughts that we can label as “the end of suffering,” some static place we can reach where life will never bother us again. But there is no static place anywhere in this universe. Everything is constantly in motion, transforming, arising and falling. No permanent solidity exists, period.

Perhaps it will be helpful to conceptualize what I am speaking about like this: imagine that “suffering” is ice, and “the end of suffering” is water. Most people (myself included!) start out on their spiritual quest with the goal of making sure that the water they are carrying never turns into ice. And what happens? Eventually, the water turns back into ice, no matter how hard we try to control it. Why? Because that’s what water does when it gets cold enough! And yet, it seems that we’re all waiting for the day when water no longer freezes.

Water never loses its capacity to transform into ice. Water and ice are different states of the H20 molecule, moving at different speeds. There is not a thing called “water” and a thing called “ice.” The two are a dynamic process, never static or immovable. You can keep water warm for 40 years on your front porch, but if you put it in the freezer a minute after that 40-year period, it’s going to turn into ice, no matter how long it remained unfrozen prior to that. That’s just the way the energy behaves. Water isn’t better than ice. Ice isn’t worse than water. They’re just moving at different speeds.

 In the exact same way, suffering never loses the capacity to arise in our experience. It can subside for long intervals, certainly. But it never loses the capacity to arise, just as water never loses the capacity to freeze. The day when water no longer freezes is the day that suffering loses the capacity to arise in our experience.

So the end of suffering isn’t really a description of a place you can go, or an attainment you can reach. It’s more of a recognition that beyond all of our ideas and understanding about what we think we should be experiencing in this moment, life is as it is. In this moment, beyond all judgements about what should be or not be happening, life simply is. Beyond all good feelings, beyond all bad feelings, beyond all interpretations, but also INCLUDING all of these things, life is exactly what it is. And in this “what is,” in this space of complete unknowing, lies the ever-present end of all suffering. I cannot give a precise definition of this truth, because it truly defies all definitions. All I can do use words in such a way as to lead the reader’s attention towards the ineffable reality that is noticing everything as it is right now. Look there for the end of suffering, not in the words being used to direct you there.

 Just as it is insane to try to keep water from freezing for the rest of time, it is equally insane to try to keep your experience completely free of pain, discomfort, struggle, resistance, stress, depression, anxiety and all of the other states that we judge as “wrong” or “shouldn’t be here.”

How do you know your water is supposed to be ice? Because it got cold and turned into ice. The conditions for water to appear are no longer here, and the conditions for ice are here. How do you know that your life is supposed to contain pain, discomfort, stress, and whatever else it contains? Because that’s what is happening right now. 

When I say “suffering is supposed to be happening right now,” I in no way mean to convey that the pain and discomfort you may be experiencing is somehow your fault. You didn’t “do” suffering. Suffering is simply here. The conditions for “no suffering” are no longer here, and the conditions for suffering are here, if that what is happening for you. And in simply noticing and being honest about what is being experienced in this moment, the “end of suffering” begins to dawn within you. Not as a future state or spiritual goal, but as the space that you are now that is engaged in this effortless and simple noticing.

True freedom is not keeping your water from freezing. It is noticing that water and ice are one and the same. Not separate, not divided, not alienated from each other. Just one dynamic dance, orchestrated by a completely loving, bafflingly unknowable presence at the core of all experience.

I invite you to be gentle with yourself with all of this. Like all invitations, you are welcome to RSVP with a “yes” or a “no.” No hard feelings! If it seems too intense for you to take in, that’s a good sign to do something else with your time. If what I am saying makes your mind go crazy or brings you undue mental or emotional fatigue, my honest suggestion would be to walk away from this essay and go about your life. If the words I use do not resonate with you, that’s 100 percent perfectly fine. I am not writing these words to ignite an intellectual debate within you, or bring you over to “my way of seeing things.” Intellectual understanding may be a temporary comfort, but at a certain stage, all understandings must be put aside. Who we are cannot be conceptualized and categorized into an understanding. We are far greater than any understanding we could ever hold about ourselves.

[wynevans]

The world is an illusion... a supremely real illusion

Perhaps at some point in your life you have run across the sentiment that this life that we occupy is a dream, an illusory experience created by consciousness with no ultimate solidity and reality behind it. This philosophy can be summed up in the phrase “The world is an illusion.” It sounds nice, doesn’t it? It sounds like a cosmic “get out of jail free card.” And indeed, it can be nice, for a time, to experience things from this perspective. There is deep truth behind it. Indeed, the world that we perceive “out there” is not a solid, objective, finite reality that can be categorized with any final certainty. The events of our lives, including our experience of selfhood, by their very nature are fleeting, ephemeral, slipping through our fingers like sand. Nothing to grasp hold of, nothing to cling to as “real” or “not real.” From the perspective of pure awareness, the One, God, or whatever word resonates most with you (you can call it “Flargle” if that works for you, it doesn’t really matter), the world is indeed illusory, having no more substance than the beliefs we hold onto about it. 

Seeing the truth of this can be extraordinarily liberating. In an instant, it is seen that we are not victims of life, tossed about aimlessly on the seas of misfortune and beaten down by evil forces until we die. It is seen that there is no separation between “my life” and life, that we are not merely the contents of our minds and bodies. We are not just finite characters in the play, we are the stage upon which the play unfolds. All of that struggle, suffering, and conflict that we have assumed is “just the way the world is” is part of the illusory nature of our perceptions and unquestioned belief systems. So, yes, there is validity to the teaching that the world is illusion. HOWEVER... it is not the whole story. Yes, the world is illusion... and it’s also the realest, rawest illusion of all time. 

If our understanding of the illusory nature of experience is used as a spiritual weapon to separate ourselves from the pain, torment, suffering, and anguish of other human beings, what was once good medicine becomes a lethal poison, one which will damage every relationship we have in this lifetime, most especially the relationship we have with our own innocence and humanity. Yes, the world is illusory, AND while it is happening, it’s realer than real to those who experience it as such (and we all do experience life in this way, at some point or another, no matter how “spiritual” we think we are). It’s raw, it’s intense, it’s messy, and on occasion it devours and engulfs every joy we’ve ever had. It’s a wild ride, to say the least. And to belittle others, even subtly, through judgements against their pain, is to belittle yourself. By saying things to others like, “if you just dis-identified from your beliefs, you would be much happier” or “don’t you know that everything you think is true is actually a story?” you are dishonoring the very same pain within them that dwells in your own heart.

How do I know these things? Not because of my time spent meditating, inquiring, or reading spiritual books, or because I’m more “aware” or “enlightened” than others, or any other nonsense like that. I am no better or worse than anyone else on this planet. No, I know these truths only because I have survived the lies. That’s all you can ever know and transmit to others: the lies you have survived long enough for them to be transmuted into truth. 

I went through a childhood and adolescence that was full of mental anguish and self-hatred, conflict, and struggle. Then, at a certain point, through the grace of the universe (not my own doing in the slightest), I saw the illusory nature of all experiences, had some groovy spiritual awakenings (which is almost exactly like getting super high on very powerful drugs) and began to give my perceptions of life spiritual-sounding labels like “just stories” or “ignorance.” And then, for quite a while, I walked around this world (quite unconsciously, mind you) as if I was the holder of some grand truth, and everyone else who was suffering deeply was simply delusional, as if I knew what was real or not real for others more than they did. This was more or less how I operated: judging myself and others as “spiritual” or “unspiritual” based on how their lives, behaviors, and emotional reactions played out in front of me. “All these silly, silly people, apparently suffering. Don’t they know that the world is an illusion? If only they weren’t so ignorant, then everything would be nice for everyone, and I could relax. I must teach them how ignorant they are.” 

This aspect of my life’s journey is now utterly nauseating to me, like a bowl of week-old mayonnaise left out in the sun. But nevertheless, it happened, for better or worse, and now it is seen as exactly what I needed to go through in order to truly surrender to the vastness of this mystery called life. I confess these aspects of my journey not out of a sense of guilt or obligation, but because I have found honesty to be an essential part of maturation as a conscious being. If you cannot be honest with yourself about every aspect of your life, including the more unsavory aspects, you are living someone else’s life, not yours. You owe it to yourself to be as honest as you can possibly be, even if that means admitting that you don’t even know how to be honest. 

And honestly? Even beautiful spiritual awakenings and realizations, such as the sudden realization that the world is an illusion, can be used to justify not looking deeply at those aspects of our experience that we are most afraid to look at. That’s exactly what I did: I had these realizations, and used them as a hiding place from my own crippling sense of inadequacy and deficiency, which I now was not allowed to have because oops! I’m “spiritual” now, and “spiritual” people don’t have those problems. They’re all illusions anyway, right? There’s a term for this that is used a lot in spiritual circles: “hiding out in the absolute.” The thing is, you can’t hide forever. The universe knows every hiding place, and it has your number. If you play “hide and seek” with the universe, it will find you, guaranteed. You are a very good hider, but the universe is a master seeker.

Yes, the world is an illusion. A REAL illusion. It’s a REAL illusion. It’s entirely paradoxical. Both sides of the coin are needed. The torment and anguish of a mother learning that her son has been gunned down in the streets... that’s REAL. The cancer patient who feels so desperately alone in this world... that’s REAL. The homeless people who don’t know where their next meal is going to be... REAL. The millions of minorities in this country who are subject to institutionalized racism and police brutality... you guessed it, REAL. It’s all an illusion... a REAL illusion. Suffering, Life, Death, The World, The Universe is an illusion... a REAL illusion. Everything is both illusory and real simultaneously, and an over-adherence to either side of this paradoxical truth results in imbalance, disharmony, and conflict with life. Just because you have seen the unreality of something from your perspective doesn’t discount the reality that exists in another person’s perspective.

As a species, we can no longer afford to cling to sentiments like “the world is illusion” in the hopes that all the nasty stuff we are too afraid to deal with will disappear. We can no longer afford to belittle the experiences of others as if we are the sole keepers of reality. To you, yes, someone’s experiences may be illusion. To you, they may seem completely delusional for seeing life in the way that they do. But to them, it’s as real as real gets. And when this is truly seen firsthand, we have nothing but compassion for all those who are suffering and have not found their way out yet. We have compassion for those on all stages of this journey, because in a very real way, we have been where they have been, and we know just how real life can get. We do not seek to force other people into our narrow ideological viewpoint, as if if everyone had the same experience of life that we do, everything would be hunky-dory. No, none of that. Life is far vaster than that. When we see the realness of the illusion, and the illusion of reality, the vast diversity of life is appreciated, respected, and honored. No one needs to change until they do. When the time comes, when conditions are ripe, change happens naturally. We cannot force people to change, no matter how hard we try. They change when they are ready to, not a moment sooner.

Kindness is what transforms this world for the betterment of all, not mental understanding and conceptual viewpoints. Be kind, be honest, be compassionate, and witness the magnificence of life unfolding in its brilliantly paradoxical splendor. We are all doing our best.  

[wynevans]

The Genius of Life

There is no such thing as a genius. Culturally, we have a collective set of images that we associate with these objective entities called “geniuses,” images of Mozart, Einstein, Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Beethoven, Freud, and countless others. We endow these images with greatness and superiority, and place ourselves outside of the wonderful qualities we see in them. But these images are not proof of the existence of people who are geniuses, they are simply images appearing now, nothing more, nothing less. 

There is a tendency to view these images in our mind and declare that these “geniuses” have something special, something other than what is available to us, the “non-geniuses.” But people who we label as geniuses are not any different from the general populace in any solid, permanent way. They do not posses something called genius that everyone else doesn’t have access to. The so-called geniuses of this world are not better, smarter, or more talented than others. The key “difference” between a Mozart and an average Joe is that the Mozarts of this world are in a position to fully allow the creative genius of life and the universe to operate at full capacity through them. They are not some superior breed of human, as is commonly projected. In fact, in order for the genius to pour through them, superiority must be abandoned entirely. The genius cannot flow unimpeded when there is a superior sense of self kinking up the line of creativity.

We all carry the genius of life within us already. Or, more accurately, we all ARE the genius of life already. It is our natural condition. Genius is not something that we have to manufacture. In fact, any forceful effort made in an attempt to create something called “genius” in some future time is the very same force that impedes the genius that is present right now from developing its full expression.

It’s very paradoxical, as life tends to be: in order to access the genius within, we must abandon all efforts based on attaining that genius. Why? Because the creative genius of the universe operates here and now, not in some imagined future. We cannot become a thing called a genius in the future. If you make an effort to be a genius at some point in the future, you necessarily must dismiss and overlook the extraordinary genius operating inherently in this moment. 

“Genius” is not a noun, it’s a verb, moving through and illuminating the gloriousness of life. “Genius” is not something you posses, it’s something that you notice happening right now. “Genius” does not belong to you. It is impossible to grasp onto and make into a trophy to show to your friends. It simply does not have the solidity and reality that we think it does, and believing in this solidity doesn’t make it true. “Genius” does not belong to you, and it never will. 

Does this dishearten you? Are you under the impression that you are not a genius now and if you work really, really hard you will be a genius in the future? Does this whole essay kind of piss you off? That’s all fine. But if that is the case, I can guarantee you that you are overlooking the genius within, the creative movement of life that is ever-present. Genius doesn’t have to to come in the form of a work of art, or a brilliant scientific theory. It operates on every level of reality, not just the stereotypical avenues we connote it with. Notice your breath flow in and out. Who is doing that? Are you? No, the creative genius of life is “doing” it. You are not the genius beating your heart right now, are you? We think that the genius that is beating our heart is somehow different and distinct from the genius who writes an amazing piece of music. This distinction exists in your mind, and nowhere else. 

Allow your creative expression to be like the effortless movement of your beating heart. You don’t have to “do” it. You don’t have to attain it. You simply notice it, listen to its rhythm, and allow its music to spill out into this world. You have nothing to gain from genius, and nothing to lose. Just notice it and let it work its magic.

May you discover the living, breathing genius of life in this very moment, my friend.

[wynevans]

Improvising without the improviser

I’m a theatrical improviser by calling, and it always amazes me how many people who do not improvise (and sometimes those who do) say things to me like, “I could never improvise. I can’t do that. I’m not an improviser. I could never make things up on the spot.”

To these people, I say: Wow! That’s amazing! If improvisation is acting without a script, then if you “can’t improvise,” you must have access to one doozy of a script. You have the script to life! I’d love to borrow it when you’re through reading it. I want to see how I’m going to feel at 3:15PM on November 11, 2018. And I’d like to see if my billion-dollar multinational corporation idea pans out in 2025. It seems absurd when I put it like this, but isn’t it true that most people go about their lives as if they know what’s going to happen on the next page of the script called “my life?” Do you even know how you’re going to feel a millisecond from now? If you are interested in being honest about your experience (and it’s fine if don’t want to!), you will see clearly that you have no idea what you’re going to feel in the next moment, because it hasn’t happened yet. You cannot plan “your life,” because “your life” doesn’t happen in the future, it happens right now.

In both theatrical improvisation and in run-of-the-mill life, we tend to separate ourselves from improvisation by mentally formulating it into two things: me, the improviser, and this other thing called the improvisation. But to make this distinction between improviser and improvisation is to declare, on some level, that you are responsible for running the show of life. If you were truly running the show of life, wouldn’t things go exactly as you planned them all of the time forever? Do things go according to your plan of what should happen all of the time? If so, please sign me up. I want to visit whatever planet you’re currently on, because it certainly isn’t Earth!

Life is improvisation, and you are life. Improvisation is not something that we have to do. It’s not an action that an individual takes. Improvisation is a fundamental quality of this living moment, completely inseparable from reality, belonging to no one. Improvisation can only be separate from who you are in the form of mental distinctions. Prior to mental distinctions, improvisation and you are one.

From this understanding, it is seen that even statements like “I’m good at improvising,” while benign in nature, are ultimately false and limited. “I’m good at improvisation” implies that there is an “I” who is “good at improvisation.” In truth, improvisation is happening, and it is witnessed and experienced through us. It is not done by this character called “the improviser.” That is just a mental concept, existing nowhere, save the space between our ears.

“You” cannot be good or bad at improvisation. What you can be is the vessel, the vehicle and medium through which the improvisation of life that is always already happening here and now arises and passes away. The more clearly you see that you are the medium through which improvisation happens, the less credit you take for what arises and passes away. The improvisation is arising and passing away, with no separate character called “improviser” there to take credit for if it, whether it was bad or good. The purer the vehicle is, so to speak, the more effortless and synchronistic the improvisation that comes through is. It is improvisation without an improviser “doing” it, and it unfolds miraculously, better than any plan or script could ever have predicted.

So with all that being said, how does one become better at improvisation? There is no easy answer and if there was, it wouldn’t do you any good. But my suggestion would be to take a deep breath or two, relax into your body, and recognize that at this very moment, life is unplanned. At this very moment, you are not planning what is presently in your awareness, it’s just here. Recognize that no amount of thinking, planning, strategizing, or manipulation could have ever possibly brought you to this exact moment as it is appearing now. Rest in the awareness that witnesses the spontaneous unfoldment of life, and see that this character called “the improviser” is, like everything else, made up on the spot, consisting of nothing more than thoughts, images, sounds, and sensations.

You are already improvising beautifully because you are improvisation itself. There is no distinction between “you” and “improvisation.”

May you discover the omnipresent improvisational display revealing itself in every moment. May you be the improvisation of life itself that you have always already been.

[wynevans]

Nothing Belongs To A Self

In the human being, a sense of self is extremely useful to develop. Babies are helpless to take care of themselves because their sense of who they are as an individuated unit is not solidified. There is no difference between them and their environment yet, and so there is no intellect to help them find food, let alone which mouth to put the food in. As we mature from babies into children, this intellectual filter called “myself” begins to formulate, and thank goodness for that. We simply wouldn’t know how to take care of bodies or minds without some intellectual operations going on. This solidification of self process continues to calcify as we leave childhood and enter adulthood. It becomes so solid, in fact, that we forget that our sense of self is nothing more than a series of sensations, images, sounds, and phenomena arising and passing away in present moment consciousness. Our sense of self gets so deeply ingrained into our minds and hearts that we believe that we ARE the sense of self, rather than the space in which the sense of self arises and passes away.

In truth, nothing, nothing at all, in the entire universe, belongs to a self. This may sound crazy. It may sound radical. But radical truth is often seen as crazy until it is experienced firsthand. Remember when we thought the Earth was flat? Now we know that the Earth is not flat, that it simply appeared that way from our limited perspective. Maybe in one hundred years, people will be saying, “remember when we thought that things belonged to a self?” 

If you wish to know the radical truth of no-self, you must examine your present moment experience. I know you BELIEVE that the thoughts you think, the images you see, and the sounds you hear belong to someone called “myself,” but have you ever found this self directly? I know there is a lot of evidence pointing to the existence of this thing called “myself,” but have you actually ever found it? 

Test this for yourself (I know, I’m using the word “yourself” to refer to the reader and at the same time saying that there is no self. Language is very limited.) Look deeply into this present moment and see for yourself if there is anyone here. Is there an objective, contiguous, solid self here? Is there a self in this moment? Yes? What part of this moment are you referring to when you say that? What portion of this moment is “your self?” Does that even make sense? If your “self” is a portion of this moment, then who or what is aware of that portion? What surrounds this portion of now called “myself”?

When you are ready to be totally honest and really look (and I completely understand if you believe you are not yet ready!), you will discover that nothing that you can be aware of belongs to this objective thing called “myself.” When you are ready to see what has always already been the case, “no-self” will unveil itself for you, as you. In this space of selflessness, all distinctions between “myself” and “other than myself” become utterly meaningless and inconsequential. They simply do not have the solidity and reality that we think they do.

Relax deeply into the present moment and see that who you are is already totally relaxed in the present moment, without a need for a self-definition of any kind. The more you rest into presence, the more you see that rest is not a manufactured mental state. You see that who you are is not a state of mind at all. We are rest, we are relaxation, and there is nothing we need to do in order to be at peace. Rest is not something we achieve, it is a facet of who we are beyond all energies, mental states, names, forms, and images.

It is my sincere wish that all people wake up to the truth of who we truly are. We are not objective “selves” running around separately from each other, in fierce competition for survival until we perish, never to be again. We are the timeless space of presence in which all selves, all energies, all forms, and all names arise and pass away. May you look within and discover this ineffable reality for yourself, as yourself, for now and eternity.

[wynevans]

The One Practice That Is Needed

In the world today, there are countless spiritual practices. There is an immense number of meditations, contemplations, prayers, chants, substances, and myriad activities one can engage in to realize a connection to our true nature, but in truth, there is only one that you can engage in at all times. There is only one that you can use with all people. There is only one that you can activate in all places, circumstances, and situations. This one spiritual practice never loses its validity, not even for a millisecond, and it never will. It requires no special training, and in fact is innate to all human beings. On some level, you are always practicing it in one way or another. Here it is:

Love.

Love. That's it. Really! No fancy mantras, no esoteric hand positions to memorize. Just love. That's all that we ever really needed, anyway. All of the other spiritual practices are designed to wear down our defenses against love, so that we finally throw up our hands and realize that love is the only option. 

Love. Love yourself. Love others. Love the world. Love the universe. Love anything you feel capable of loving and love just a bit more every day. Love yourself when you are in pain. Love others when others are in pain. Love the feelings you feel, the experiences you have, and the thoughts that you think, as best you can. Love what life brings to you. Love what life brings you to. And when you can't do that, love the one who cannot do that. Love the one who hates itself, love the one who is neglectful of itself, love the one who believes that it is not worthy of happiness, abundance, joy, and peace. Love for absolutely no reason other than knowing that more love in this world, not less, is the only course of action that makes any sense any more. More love in this world is never, ever, ever, ever, ever a bad thing. Those who would tell you that being less loving is somehow a reasonable response to the world's present situation are the ones who need love more than anyone else. The ones who deny the importance of love are the ones who are waiting for the world to give them the love they feel incapable of giving themselves. So give them love today, to remind them of who they are, so that they may one day dance in the eternal light of their own love.

Let love be your compass today, my friend.

It will never lead you astray.

Its only option is to pull you deeper into your own divinity, your own connection to all that is, was, and ever will be. 

Take the leap. Trust love's eternal guidance, and discover the infinite beauty of this magnificent creation that you are.

May all hearts awaken as One. May all beings that I am explode into the infinite ecstasy of true love. So it is.

I love you.

(This essay’s message was particularly inspired by the teachings of Matt Kahn. While this teaching flowed through me in its own unique way, I wanted to give credit where credit is due. Big love, Matt! Check out www.truedivinenature.com for more info)

[wynevans]

The Parable of The Red Shirt

Imagine for a moment that every day, you wear your favorite red shirt. You walk around all day wearing this red shirt, but over the red shirt you also wear a purple shirt that you don’t like as much. Anyone who interacts with you, if asked what color shirt you are wearing, would say “purple,” since that is the color of shirt that is visible to them. If you went around telling people, “actually, I’m wearing a red shirt,” everyone would tell you you’re crazy, since to them you are obviously wearing a purple shirt. For the purposes of this example, let’s say that for whatever reason, you can’t take off the purple shirt to reveal the red shirt underneath. You would be the only one who knew you were wearing a red shirt, and the only way you could communicate that you were was by telling people about it. 

Imagine for a moment that no one believes you when you tell them the truth of your shirt situation, and calls you a liar, crazy, and other assorted nasty names. The question is: would it really matter to you whether or not they believed you? If you truly knew, for yourself, with absolute certainty, that you put on a red shirt this morning before you put on the purple shirt, would it make the slightest difference to you whether other people could confirm that to you? It wouldn’t, right? You don’t need to convince people that you are wearing a red shirt, because you already KNOW that! It would be absolutely bonkers to struggle to convince people that your shirt is red in an effort to convince yourself of that fact that you already know is the case!

“No, you have to believe me! Really, my shirt is red! I really need for you to see that my shirt is red,” you scream desperately at a friend of yours.

“You’re nuts,” he replies. “Your shirt is obviously purple.”

You walk away, dejected that your friend misunderstands you and your shirt color so much, as if you didn’t know already that the shirt is red and needed external proof from an outside source that they see something only you can see. You may even start to doubt yourself that you are wearing a red shirt! After all, your friend sure doesn’t seem to see it, so maybe he’s right!

In this scenario, the insanity of such a perspective is crystal clear (hopefully). If you saw someone behaving like this, wouldn’t you think it a little nuts?

And yet, this is the very way that the vast majority of people behave in the world. To see what I mean, imagine that your “red shirt” represents your innate goodness, worthiness, and lovability. The “purple shirt” represents the feedback you receive from the outside world about what it thinks you are. Most people go around all day trying to convince other people that they are worthy of the love and respect that deep down they know they deserve. But if you go about your life in this way, all you will ever receive back is “proof” that the outside world doesn’t perceive you in the way you know you deserve to be perceived. In other words, you are trying to force people and external circumstances to confirm your own internal sense of worth.

“I’m so worthy of love, right world? I’m a good person, right? I know that I’m lovable somehow. It must be true, so please love me, world. Why won’t you love me? Maybe I’m not worthy of love after all.” equates to:

“I’m wearing a red shirt, right? I’m a red shirt person, right? I swear I put on my red shirt this morning. It must be true, so please tell me that I’m wearing a red shirt, world. Why won’t you tell me I’m wearing a red shirt? Maybe I’m not wearing a red shirt after all.”

And the external world replies (or seems to, at least), “You’re not worthy. You’re not a good person. You’re not as lovable as you feel yourself to be. You’re wearing a purple shirt of unworthiness to us. If you were really wearing a red shirt of worthiness, then why on earth would you be asking us if you are? Wouldn’t you know that already if it were true? Sounds like you don’t believe it, so why on earth should we?”

If you are tired of this insanity, of proving to the world that you are a red-shirt worthy person, here’s a kinder solution: Wear your red shirt, your innate sense of self-worth, with dignity. Put it on every morning, and know that you are doing so. Know for yourself that your shirt is indeed red, and acknowledge that other people are going to see the purple-shirted version of you. (Certain people will acknowledge your red shirt, but you can’t count on them to make you satisfied. Most people will see nothing but purple.) Allow yourself to be okay with that. Let other people have their own experience of you and know that it has nothing to do with the truth of your red shirt at all.

Stop looking for confirmation of your red shirt out in the world, and remember to find it where it’s always been: on your body, just beneath the purple shirt that everyone else sees. Stop looking for your self-worth in the world, and recognize that the only place you will ever find it is within you, in your own experience right now, this very moment.

You always wear the red shirt of goodness. You are always going to have some people believe that you only wear the purple shirt of false perception. But it’s okay! If you truly know in your heart, in your direct experience, that you are wearing a red shirt, it won’t bother you if they see only purple. Let them see purple! In your heart, you’re red.

So the next time you try really hard to convince someone that they should pay attention to you, that they should love you and appreciate you and they don’t, instead of wallowing in misery and self-pity, take a breath and say to yourself: “Ah, they must only be seeing my purple shirt! It’s up to me to see my red shirt, since I am the only one who knows about it directly. Let them see my purple shirt. I know the truth of my red shirt, and all is well.”

“Okay, buddy,” you may be saying. “This is all well and good. Neat shirt metaphor. But what if the world is right? What if I am unworthy? What if I am unlovable? It certainly feels that way most of the time. What if I’m just wearing the purple shirt, and nothing more? What if the red shirt is just a feel-good myth?” Understandable question! My response:

You are always wearing the red shirt. You might have forgotten you put it on, since other people have been telling you about the purple one for so long, but from one red shirt wearer to another: it’s there. Have you actually taken the time to look?

May you be blessed with your true worthiness today, along with the joy, abundance, love, fulfillment, and endless riches that it has to offer you, my friend. Wear the hell out of that red shirt of yours!

[wynevans]

There is Only One Being

You have never experienced something other than yourself. You have only experienced yourself. You have never felt another being's energy, you have only experienced your being’s energy. You have never felt another being's pain, you have only experienced your pain.

This may sound a little strange to you. When you see a crying child, it certainly appears that you are feeling their pain. You certainly feel something in response to what they are feeling. But is that the same thing as feeling what they are feeling? As far as I can tell, I have never directly experienced the pain of a crying child (unless I was that crying child). I see certain signals that indicate that the child may be in pain. But I experience my own interpretation of those signals, which comes from my perception, not the child's. I have never experienced something that is outside of my own perception, my own Self. Is your experience similar? If you have solid, tangible proof that you've experienced something other than yourself, please let me know! You just might be the rarest being in the universe.

In the external world, it certainly seems like there are billions and billions of beings, all with their own unique identity that is distinct and divided from your own, but this is not the case internally. The external appearance of other beings arises internally within your being, within the space of your individuated conscious awareness. Therefore, you have never experienced another being internally, you have only experienced your own perceptual interpretation of "other" beings. Externally, there appears to be more than one being, but internally, in your direct experience of reality, there is only one being. You are that being, and from your perception of reality, so is everyone else.

Now, this may strike you as a bit solipsistic. "Is this dude really telling me that other people don't exist, that only I am actually real and that everyone else can go take a hike? Is he saying that it's okay to be inconsiderate of others and ravenously pursue my desires at their expense because they only exist in my imagination?"  Nope! That is not what I am saying at all.

Yes, in a sense, your being, your Self, is the only being in existence. That's the grain of truth in the theory of solipsism. But this does not mean that other apparent beings do not deserve your love and respect. If you really experientially grok that everything you experience is your own Self, you will automatically treat "others" with kindness and compassion. After all, they're you! There is only one being, only one Self.

An example that may help clarify this: a single cell of a human liver wakes up to the fact that it has only ever experienced its own being-ness/selfness, never the being-ness or selfness of any other liver cell. It sees the truth that it has never actually experienced another liver cell's energy. Would the liver cell stop giving a crap about being a healthy, functional part of the liver? Would it say to the other cells, "to hell with you guys, you aren't even real! I'm done helping you guys filter poison, it's really not my bag. See ya, suckers!" No. Because it recognizes that other liver cells are one with its own Self, and therefore what is best for them is best for it.

Unhealthy solipsism is using the fact that there is only one Self to justify small-minded attitudes that are out of alignment with the totality of existence. It is a purely intellectual understanding, and thus is dysfunctional and out of touch with reality. Healthy solipsism is recognizing that there is only one Self, and therefore, the best way to be in alignment with the totality of existence is to be kind to the one Self that is everywhere. It is not a mere intellectual understanding, it is an experiential understanding, and is therefore grounded in a depth that the intellect cannot even begin to fathom.

Duality, or "more-than-oneness," is a necessity only in the realm of interpersonal communication. It would be really hard to tell someone to pass the salt at dinner if you were unable to distinguish them from you! Dualistic concepts are very useful in practical matters. So we say, "other being, please pass this being the salt." We make a mental distinction between two people for the purposes of communication. And that's totally awesome and okay! But duality exists only as a concept, and all concepts are limited. If we believe in duality as an actuality, that "others" actually exist as separate from our own Self, then we will treat them as if they are a threat to us. The only reason that war happens in this world is because of the belief in duality: "us" versus "them." “Me” versus “You.” How could you ever be in conflict with anything if everything you experienced was known to be none other than yourself?

Non-duality, or "Only-Oneness," is the way that this universe sees all of existence, with no artificial divisions or separations to found anywhere. It’s how this cosmic game is set up. Duality exists only in our minds, nowhere else. There is not "this being" and "that being." You have never experienced more than one being, you have only experienced one being. But please don't believe me. Look for yourself and verify the truth of this in your own present moment experience. May your recognition of "only-oneness" inspire you to be a bit kinder to yourself and all "others" today than you have ever been before!

[wynevans]

Ending Insanity

I have been seeing a lot of talk on Facebook about how it's wrong to call perpetrators of violent crimes mentally ill. That the wiser path is to call them some sort of nasty name, like “terrorist” or “evil” or “motherfucker”, and somehow this act of dividing people into "us" versus "them" and "good" versus "evil" will inspire us to take empowered, loving action in our lives and do our best to help heal this world in whatever way we can without succumbing to negativity and hopelessness. That by giving ourselves an enemy outside of ourselves and viewing ourselves as victims of that enemy, we are somehow enabling ourselves to uplift the people around us and be an example for others to look up to. That the better path to take is the path of hatred, guilt, shame, division, and condemnation, because gee whiz, it's been so gosh-darn effective in the past, right?

What if there was a kinder way of seeing things? In this essay, I am proposing a way of viewing tragedy in a manner that does not alienate us from each other, our own humanity, and the people who need our love and understanding the most, not the least.

Let's get one thing perfectly clear. You MUST be mentally ill if you perpetrate a violent crime. There is no other box to check. Mental sanity does not drive people to violence, only insanity does. Doesn't that make more sense? Do we honestly believe that someone with a spotless bill of mental health, in tune with life and all of its magnificence, would even CONSIDER, for even a nanosecond, coming into conflict with another human being? (This applies to conflict on any level, in any form. Whether it’s a mass murderer killing people or arguing with your spouse over which TV show to watch, the mechanism is the same, differing only in scope and scale.)

Perhaps clinically, yes, people are correct in stating that mass shooters or other similar people aren't technically mentally ill, according to the rigid textbook DSM-V classification. But I invite you to accept a much broader, much more realistic definition of mental illness, one that the vast majority of humanity suffers from each and every day. If you are reading this, there is a good chance that you suffer from it at this very moment.

Here it is:

Insanity is conflict and disharmony with life. On any level. In any form. Period.

To help you get a better sense of this, I invite you to explore the following example. If your stomach one day starts spewing acid erratically and destroying your liver and small intestine, it could be said that it has temporarily fallen out of synch with its greater purpose. Is the stomach "evil" for behaving this way, or is it just a little nuts? Obviously, something went haywire at some point, and the stomach got a hold of some incorrect operating instructions. If the stomach knew what it was doing, the harm it was unnecessarily causing to the body that kept it alive (thus harming itself in the process), would it continue? No, because the stomach has no idea what it is doing to itself. It's bonkers to claim that a malfunctioning stomach is "evil." It’s just doing its best with the instructions it has.

When a single human being causes harm to other humans, that human being is operating just like the malfunctioning stomach: ignorant and out of synch with its higher purpose, causing wanton destruction to itself and the collective because of something going “haywire” at some point. You may have heard that quote by Jesus where he said as he was being crucified, "forgive them, for they know not what they do." Insane people who are out of synch with their higher purpose in life and harm others literally do not know what they are doing. Otherwise, they would not do it. They are simply doing their best to get the love and attention they crave with the faulty instructions that they have been provided. No one is consciously insane. 

But we usually do not take this view when it comes to violent criminals in our society. We don't see them as innocently, unconsciously insane, unaware of the obvious immense harm they are causing to themselves, others, and the collective. We treat them as if they are some force of pure evil and there's no reason to show them compassion for the hell they put themselves and everyone who touches them through. We are not taught as a society to show compassion to criminals, we are taught to hate them. We are taught that the best way to deal with them is to put them in a little box away from the “normal” people until they’re “better.” We are taught that to show kindness to someone of that ilk is dangerous. We are taught that to express or harbor even a kind wish towards a violent offender means that we somehow are CONDONING their actions, that if we even displayed an ounce of compassion for them, that somehow we are telling them that we think that what they did is okay and should continue. (and funnily enough, conflicts and violent acts seem to continue, no matter how much we condemn them. Have you noticed?) Above all, we are taught that because people do harmful things to each other, this is proof that we are a miserable little species, powerless and helpless, simply trying to gather as much pleasure as we can in our rotten little lives until death comes and shows us how meaningless it all was. If you do not believe that our society trains us to look at ourselves this way, open your eyes. It’s on our televisions. It’s in our governments. It’s in our media, our lifestyles, our businesses, our corporations, our advertisements. The message is clear: you are helpless and powerless, a victim of life.

We as a society have been trained to be victims, to blame others for everything we feel, to take the circumstances of the world as "proof" that we are all doomed and that we might as well just wallow in self-pity and disgust at the mess we have made for ourselves. I say, no more. I am tired of being told that I should only feel loving, peaceful and kind when the world looks perfect. I know that we are trained to believe otherwise, but in truth, it is not very kind to view people as victims. When you treat anyone as if they are a victim, you are telling them that they are powerless, that their circumstances have power over their state of being. This is not kindness, it is energetic vampirism.

I refuse to be a victim. I refuse to allow circumstances to dictate the kindness and compassion I show to all people whom I come into contact with. I refuse to hate anyone, for any reason, even if they walked up to me and ripped my heart right out of my chest. I know, through personal experience, that fear, hatred, condemnation, and victimization is not the way to peace and understanding.

Do you really want violence to end? Do you really want peace? Do you really want to make this Earth a place where our children, and our children’s children can live in harmony and prosperity? Really? Then a good first step is to stop separating yourself from the perpetrators of these horrific crimes by labeling them something that gives you a free pass to judge them, to hate them, to fear them, to see them as inhuman and fundamentally different than you, to see them as anything other than a tortured soul crying out for love and understanding. Any opinion or belief you hold that separates you from your fellow man is in the service of madness, not sanity. Any belief you hold that tells you to fear more and love less is in the service of madness, not sanity. Any time you withhold love and compassion for anyone, you are withholding love and compassion for yourself, not them.

I am in no way saying that the innocent lives lost in Charleston are less important that the life of a killer. That's pure bullshit. All life is sacred, and it's pointless trying to ascribe higher value to some human lives and lower value to others. But what I am saying is this:

Which world do you want to live in? The world where these innocent people were murdered by a manifestation of pure evil, completely outside of our control to put a stop to, or the world where these innocent people were murdered by a manifestation of dysfunction and insanity, a misguided attempt to gain love and attention, which is entirely within our power to counter with sanity, love, kindness, compassion, and understanding? The world where innocent people died for no reason, or the world where innocent people died to remind us to love ourselves and everyone else just that much more? Which world inspires you to be kinder to yourself and others? Which world engenders fear, victimization, and feeling sorry for yourself? Which world makes you feel isolated, alone and lost in an uncaring universe? Which world makes you feel that no matter what happens, you are powerful and worthy of everything that makes life worth living, and that we can all uplift humanity together?

Do you want to do something about the state humanity currently finds itself in? There’s a really simple, supremely effective way to begin the healing that is necessary if humanity is going to survive. Here's the secret:

Be kind.

Be kind to yourself for feeling the way that you do. Be kind to others for feeling the way that they do. Be kind to the pain, the suffering you experience within yourself and all around this planet. Be kind to everyone you come into contact today, no matter how they respond. Be kind to strangers you see on the street. Wish them well for no reason, because it feels true, because it feels real to do so, not out of some sense of societal obligation. Be kind, be kind, be kind! There is only one person who can stop the violence raging in the heart of humanity, and that person is YOU. Yes, you. Peace, love, and unity starts with you, right here, right now. Not with anyone, anyone, ANYONE, A N Y O N E else. You.

You are not a vicim of circumstances, being tossed about on the sea of misfortune and evil, helpless to empower this world and the beautiful people who inhabit it. You are love itself, embodied temporarily as a human being. You are loved. You are supported. You are worthy. You are capable of surmounting any challenge. You are Good, beyond all description. Be That, for everyone you encounter today, and enjoy your precious, amazing existence here on Earth, and the suffering you see all around you takes on a sacred purpose: to show you the way back to your own heart.

May all beings be blessed. May all insanity be brought to the light of sanity. May all broken hearts be healed.

[wynevans]

An Open Letter to The Broken Heart

Dear Broken Heart,

As I look back at all of the circumstances and choices that have led me up to this very moment of life, it is clear that of all my teachers, you and the pain you share with me have been the greatest. Thank you for never giving up on me and always showing me exactly what I needed to see, even when I treated you unkindly. I see now that every time I cursed you, spat at you, and/or attempted to diminish or belittle you, I was trying to escape from you and the pain you so freely offered me. I love that when I responded to you with hatred, I was actually responding to myself with self-hatred, and that hating you or myself was not going to sway you from your sacred mission, not even for a nanosecond. I see that every time I honored you, allowed you to feel however you were feeling, let the pain you shared with me burn and extinguish everything that I no longer needed, let you break open even further, you revealed yourself to be pure innocence, gently (and sometimes not so gently) reminding me that everything is here to be loved, not rejected. When I really saw your intentions for me and my life, I couldn’t help but to fall head-over-heels in love with you, my whole life (ALL of it), this beautiful planet, and each and every one of the magnificent beings who inhabit it. The pain you so freely share has been the primary fuel, the catalyst for my evolution, growth, and expansion into this infinitely awesome mystery. 

What would my life be without you, broken heart? I can’t know for sure, but I imagine it would be small, flat, dry, stagnant, mired in limitation, self-hatred, apathy, and greed. Whenever I have been content to rest on my laurels and declare to the universe, “my evolution is done,” you have showed up at just the right time to respond, “No. This is not where the journey ends. You have more to give, more to share, more to discover, more to embody, more to be. This is just the beginning. Don’t give up. Love yourself. Love others. Love the world. Love, more than you have ever loved before, and keep going. I know you can do it.”

I love you, broken heart. I love everything you have taught me, are teaching me, and will teach me. May you be blessed.

Your eternal friend and companion,

Wyn Evans

[wynevans]

Asking Helpful Questions

Oftentimes, when our lives hurt and we are in pain of any kind, be it emotional, physical, or whatever, we attempt to free ourselves from it by asking ourselves the question:

How do I become more loving? 

Or the related questions: How do I get to a place where I love everything and there is no more pain?

If I were to become more loving, would that take my pain away?

We ask ourselves these questions because we feel powerless and unhappy, and we are innocently trying to escape from those limitations that we know on some level are not true for us. We feel that we are unworthy and we need to somehow become worthy in order to feel powerful and happy, and the best way to do that is to become more loving towards everything, in essence to "prove" to the universe that we do not deserve to be in pain, that we are good boys and girls. For a while, these questions can be very liberating and energizing, because they give us some degree of hope that in the future, things will be better. All we have to do is become more loving! All we have to do is train ourselves to love everything, and poof! Life will become totally pain-free! And then we try very, very hard to be more loving, we struggle with all sorts of techniques and methods and affirmations, "spiritual" or otherwise, to become more loving and finally be rid of all the pain that fills our lives.

Sometimes, these techniques work, at least for a while! If we really apply ourselves to them, we notice that we are more able to love certain things that we were not able to love before. We feel more powerful, more peaceful, wiser and kinder. And then, inevitably, life presents us with a circumstance which exposes us yet again to our pain. Maybe we feel super loving for a couple of weeks, and then all of sudden, deep sadness and depression arises out of the blue. We take this as evidence that we are not yet loving enough, not yet worthy enough of happiness, because we believe that if we were actually totally loving, pain would never arise for us ever again. We take the pain to mean that we failed in our quest to be pain-free, and despair settles back into our experience. This cycle between self-condemnation, self-referencing, and self-improvement continues on and on, between feeling pained and unworthy of our existence, trying to fix ourselves by becoming something we believe we are not already, and then feeling despair at our apparent failure when pain and feelings of unworthiness appear yet again. It's a real bummer, let me tell ya! Fortunately, it's also not reality, it's a very convincing illusion constructed by our belief systems. It's something we impose upon our reality, it is not intrinsic to our reality.

What if our hearts are in the right place, and that desiring to be free of all pain is totally valid and beautiful, but we are simply asking ourselves the wrong questions? If "wrong" isn't a term that resonates for you, you can substitute it with "less helpful." There is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to become more loving! It's just not very helpful to approach it in certain ways. If you want the most beneficial answer, you must ask the most beneficial question.

What if, just for fun, just as an experiment, instead of asking:

How do I become more loving? or How do I get to a place where I love everything and life doesn't hurt?

We ask ourselves:

How is it possible that I am not already infinitely loving and worthy of love?

Is the fact that I am in pain right now proof that I am not infinitely loving and worthy of love?

Is pain here to show us how unloving and unworthy we are, or is pain here to show us the true depths of our love and worthiness?

When we ask ourselves these questions, we do not feverishly rush towards an immediate answer, for that is just another attempt to escape our pain (and it's quite impossible to escape from pain in the moment that we are experiencing it. Have you noticed?)

Instead, we sit patiently with the questions, we plant them like seeds in our minds and let them germinate in our consciousness for a while, without expecting any particular answers to flower from them. If you really are sincere (not serious!) about these questions and give yourself the space to explore them in detail, you may discover some surprising things. You may discover you've been believing things that are simply not that true. In fact, if you’re really lucky, you may discover that you've been totally insane all your life! If you sit long enough with these very powerful questions, you may discover that for your entire life, you've believed something very, very insane (innocently so, mind you!): that you are not an infinitely loving, infinitely worthy being.

That assertion may seem strange, even dangerous to you. Our society is designed in such a way as to discourage people from seeing themselves as infinitely in any way, so it's totally understandable. But consider this: any fragment of infinity is in itself also infinite. If it wasn't, it wouldn't be part of infinity! Any fragment of this infinite universe, for example a “fragment” of love, is also totally, endlessly infinite. Thus, if you are a part of infinity, and experience any amount of love, your fragment of reality is infinite and you have access to infinite love as well, unique to your fragment.

But most of us believe the total opposite: that we are finite, limited beings, disconnected from infinity, and thus disconnected from the universe and everything we experience around us. If love exists, and it is within the infinite universe, doesn't that mean that any expression of love is also in itself infinite? Does it really make any sense that we are in actuality not already infinitely loving? Could it be that the belief that we need to be more loving is based on the underlying belief that we are somehow outside of the totality of the infinite universe? How could that possibly be the case? Do we actually, honestly believe that there's this infinitely powerful thing out there called "the universe" full of all these wonderful eternal qualities, and then there's this helpless little thing called  "me" and "my life" that is somehow separate from that? If you allow it to, these questions will aid you in burning up your belief that you are a separate, finite, limited, not-totally-loving entity. You may burst out laughing when you really see the truth of this.

Now, you may be saying to yourself: "Yes, I guess I understand intellectually that I am infinite, but my experience doesn't seem infinite to me. I have this limited mind that can only think certain things, I have this limited body that can only behave in certain ways. I can't do everything at once. I can't be everywhere at once. I can only love some things, but I can't love other things. I certainly don't seem infinite." To this I say: The fact that you are having a limited experience is confirmation that you are unlimited. Your seemingly limited experience contains endless levels of complexity, making it unlimited in that regard. Limitation arises within the totality of the unlimited. Otherwise, it would not be able to be experienced, since the totality of the unlimited is that which is experiencing this very moment!

So how does this relate to self-love? Well, let's say you only love one thing about yourself in your life. For the purpose of this example, let's say that hypothetically, you feel are only capable of loving your left foot and nothing else. You absolutely despise every other aspect of your experience, but you love your left foot dearly. This love that you feel, which appears to be limited to one discrete and separate entity (your foot), is actually an expression of unlimited love. Remember, anything that has limits arises within limitlessness and is an expression of limitlessness. Your love for your left foot, while seemingly a limited expression of love (because that is all you feel you are capable of loving) is a fragment of universal, unlimited love, containing endless multitudes of love within itself, and is therefore totally unlimited as well already.

If you are capable of loving anything, anything, anything at all, you are capable of loving everything. But don't make the mistake of taking your present circumstances as proof that you are not already infinitely loving, because that lands you right back into a sense of struggle and limitation, a little finite "me" battling with an infinite universe. Be gentle with yourself. Start where you are, keeping in mind that any seemingly finite expression of love contains within itself infinite levels of love, so any love you can feel is good enough. There is always something you can love about your experience, no matter how small and insignificant it seems to be to you right now.

Let's say you are experiencing a totally debilitating and painful sense of anger that you wish to be free from. You couldn't in a million years imagine being able to give love to that anger. Great! Instead of forcing yourself to love something you don't feel capable of loving, could you give love to the resistance you feel towards loving the anger you are experiencing? If you feel incapable of loving the resistance you feel, could you give love to the feeling that you are incapable of loving resistance towards the anger you are experiencing? Could you love the fact that you are even capable of experiencing the miracle of the emotion called anger? You get the idea. Take this as far as you need to. Even a pinprick of love will do, because even a pinprick of love contains within it infinite multitudes of love. If a pinprick of love is all you feel capable of allowing, focus on it and allow it to be. If you are sincere (not serious!) about this practice, you may be astonished to find out what happens to the quality of your life.

You are a being of infinite worth. You are a being of infinite love. Your pain is in no way, shape or form "proof" that you are somehow wrong and need to work very hard in order to become right. Pain, like everything else that arises within your experience, arises in order to show you the true depths of the love you are capable of. Love what you can, and know that it is a confirmation of your infinite, limitless true nature. But whatever you do, for Pete's sake, don't believe me! If you really wish to know the truth, you must confirm it for yourself, in your own body and mind, in your own direct experience, in this living moment of Now. If you walk away from this message with a new set of nice-sounding beliefs and feel-goodies without actually checking their validity for yourself, then they will be of absolutely no use to you. No one can give you the magnificence of who you truly are. You must discover it for yourself. And I wish you all the best on your journey! You're doing just fine.

[wynevans]

The Absurdity Of Seriousness

Imagine, just for a moment, that for the rest of your life, absolutely nothing went your way. Imagine getting zero percent of what you desire. If you wanted orange juice for breakfast, you would be served a glass of tabasco sauce. If you wanted to catch the taxi to get to work on time, all of the taxi workers would go on strike and you would be fired via text message. If you desired to be a librarian, you would be forced by the government to be a stand-up comedian. If you desired to wear shoes, you would have to wear styrofoam cups on your feet. Put simply, if your life was a house and your desires were the blueprint, your house would be the total antithesis of the blueprint, resembling it in no way, shape or form. Horrible, right?

Sorta. Not really. Maybe from a relative, limited, personal perspective, the above scenario would be the worst possible thing that could befall you. (No one wants to drink tabasco, and I’m guessing styrofoam shoes aren’t very good for long hikes.) But seen from the perspective of the universe in its entirety, not getting what you think you want from life is not a big deal at all. I do not intend for this statement to imply that we are not worthy of our innermost, heartfelt desires. I am simply pointing to the simple truth that there are an infinite number of things more “important” to the universe than our desires. And at the same time, there are an infinite number of things less “important” to the universe.

If you are having difficultly grokking this truth, imagine for a second what an ant walking across a sidewalk desires. You may say, “How could that ant’s desires possibly be important? It’s so small. What it wants for its life is obviously insignificant compared to what I want for mine.” And yet, from the perspective of the ant, its desires are completely relevant, even if from your experience they are not. And, by the same token, if the ant was given this same thought experiment and asked to imagine the problems of a bacteria, its answer would likely be the same (assuming that we stumbled upon a talking ant capable of abstract thinking). Same goes with the bacteria imagining the desires of a water molecule, and the molecule imagining the desires of an atom, and on and on and on. Imagine the sun looking at your desires. Imagine the solar system looking at the sun’s desires. It extends endlessly. Every level of creation is both infinitely more significant than all preceding levels, and simultaneously less significant than all subsequent levels. We are infinitely small, infinitely large, and therefore by definition infinitely worthy of this experience called life and all that is has to offer. Chogyam Trungpa puts it like this: “You are the emperor of the universe because you are a grain of sand.” The willingness to be infinitely insignificant reveals to us the true depths of our infinite significance.

Reality is far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far vaster and deeper than we could possibly even pretend to fully comprehend on every possible level. When you are serious and stern with yourself about anything (desires, dreams, circumstances, relationships, career, money, etc. etc.) this is what you are saying to the universe: “I know you are infinite, you big galoot, but look at this! I have concocted this very limited, finite plan for my life that I need you to fulfill exactly to ensure my happiness. So I’m going to work really, really hard at and be very, very hard on myself and stress myself out and force myself to do all sorts of things to make you act right.” Doesn’t this strike you as a little ridiculous? An insane way to run your life? And yet this is what the vast majority of human beings do on a daily basis. Look around you. Has it worked?

Essentially, whenever you are rigid, inflexible, and serious in your relationship to life, you are acting as a limited entity forcing the infinite nature of reality to conform to your finite demands. Seriousness afflicts countless individuals and can get very, very subtle, even in people who are otherwise established on a spiritual path and have seen clearly who they are. An element of seriousness in the makeup of your experience is a glaring sign that the infinite depths of reality is not good enough for you, that you would rather have things go your own cut-and-dry little way for the promise of some future worthiness because you were a good little human and "took your life seriously" just like your society/community/parents/friends/guru/lover told you to. No offense intended! It’s okay! I myself was a rabid, ardent zealot of seriousness for many years of my life. It’s all part of the game. Once you realize that your life is a sort of a divine game, you can choose how you play that game. Instead of choosing to see every little thing that’s “wrong” with our lives like it’s the end of the world, we can choose to see that anything we experience is both totally, humanly, wonderfully relevant and also laughably, stupendously, extraordinarily irrelevant. If you keep this paradoxical truth in mind, you will find it virtually impossible to take your life, your circumstances, your problems, your whatever-the-hell-it-is-that’s-bothering-you, seriously in the slightest. When things don't seem to be going your way, who cares? There is an infinity of things that are larger and smaller than yourself. Enjoy your life and be loving. When things do seem to be going your way, who cares? There is an infinity of things that are larger and smaller than yourself.  Enjoy your life and be loving.

The following piece of advice, if applied conscientiously, is guaranteed to vastly improve the quality of your life in every conceivable aspect. And here I am giving it away for free, like a sucker! Here it is:

Stop taking whatever happens so seriously.

That’s it! If you consciously follow this advice only 10% more in your daily life than you currently do, your life will feel 90% lighter, guaranteed. Why? Because when you stop taking life seriously, you begin to take your life sincerely, with a sense of humor and lightness about whatever happens or doesn’t happen for you. A sense of humor becomes an absolutely essential ingredient for successful living.

Why do we love things that make us laugh? Because they remind us to not take ourselves seriously! They remind us that there is no universal condition that dictates that we or our surroundings should appear in a certain way that is in line with our rigid, limited concepts of what a good life should look like. The man at the free open mic at the dive bar wearing a dog dish on his head and accordions strapped to his legs singing "God Bless the USA" in Turkish makes people laugh because they see a being who is not taking his life seriously, a sincere being who is embracing the vastness of reality. Perhaps the actor is serious offstage when he gets home, but the character he portrays is an expression of freedom. He's unlimited! He’s easeful in his innocence, and he inspires that ease in others. We can live our lives in the same way as this wacky hypothetical fool: in sincerity, with courage, with a sense of humor about our circumstances, without a shred of seriousness. 

Now it’s important to clarify what I mean by “serious.” Not taking life seriously doesn't mean that we treat our circumstances with neglect, ignorance, or unkindness. "Nothing is serious, so to hell with this experience. I can hurt people and be a real jerk because nothing is serious." No. That is not what I am saying. In the way I’m using “serious,” it’s more closely synonymous with grim, stern, severe, harsh, hell-bent, and demanding. Sincerity is the opposite: lighthearted, innocent, easeful, open to possibilities, effortless. When we stop taking what happens seriously and begin to approach everything with sincerity, our completely natural capacity to enjoy the comings and goings of life for what they are and to approach ourselves and everyone else with love expands naturally, without us having to do anything about it. We become more willing to be spontaneous, to honor our desires and to take actions to fulfill them if they are relevant for us, without being overly invested in outcomes. If the desire comes true, great! I’m infinitely significant, after all. If the desire doesn’t, great! I’m infinitely insignificant, after all. Imagine not getting your dream job and only feeling disappointed for a moment before you laugh and say, “ah, there I go again, taking my circumstances seriously! ha ha ha ha! Life is good. Moving on.” Doesn’t that sound like a more pleasant way to live? Put it to the test in your own experience and see for yourself.

We've been going about this whole desires thing backwards. It's not desire, desire, seriousness, life sucks, must get what I want, god this is awful, get stressed out, worry, worry, failure, success, failure again, desire some more, THEN happiness and enjoyment of life. It's: stop taking every little thing seriously, enjoy the ride of life whether or not your desires are fulfilled, and then the world will naturally give you what you want in wonderful, synchronistic, harmonious ways. Or it won't. But it won't matter, because you no longer take things like that seriously!

Enjoy your life. Love yourself and others as best you can. And please, for Pete’s sake, do yourself a favor and laugh at the absurdity of that little imp called seriousness!

[wynevans]

Two Kinds of Magic

There are two kinds of magic available to human beings. The first is the typical kind of magic, otherwise known as getting what we want, when we want it. This is the kind of magic that most people are typically looking for in life. When we get what we want we are rewarded with certain sensations that signal to us that we are happy. We go out and buy a new pair of shoes, and they are just the right price and fit perfectly. We walk out of the store, and we are rewarded. Pleasurable chemicals surf through our bloodstream, and we feel fabulous. This kind of reward is not persistent, however; the feelings associated with the fulfilled desire linger pleasantly for a time, and then they dissipate naturally. The happiness associated with them comes and goes. This kind of magic is a kind that must be produced by things being a certain way. If, for example, the shoes you want to buy are way out of your budget and you really, really wanted them, the typical kind of magic will not work for you. The feelings of pleasure will not flow through your system, and instead negative feelings of dissatisfaction and stress chemicals will be predominant in your experience. The typical magic of getting what we want is inherently tenuous, entirely dependent on the idea that happiness is having things being how we imagine they should be. That’s typical magic, and no matter how many times you use it, it never brings you to place where you don’t have to use it again in order to feel okay about life.

The second kind of magic available to human beings is extraordinary magic, the magic of what’s actually happening. This is the kind of magic that is entirely independent of things being a certain way, and entirely centered around the way things are right now, at this very moment. This is the magic of the unique way that fingers fly across the keyboard, creating distinct percussive clacking sounds, never to be expressed ever again in the same way for the entire history of the universe. This is the magic that looks at a floor and sees the intricacy of each grain of wood, placed exactly in the way that they are by unseen forces. This is the magic that sees that even something as simple and mundane as a wall is in actuality an extraordinarily complex and diverse landscape of completely unique bumps and textures, with each square micrometer being perfectly distinct from the one next to it. This is the magic that delights the sheer diversity and fractal complexity of every aspect of this magnificent reality we all share.

The first kind of magic works for us only on rare occasions (more often if you are lucky). And it’s totally fine to practice this kind of magic. There’s nothing wrong with getting what we want. It certainly is nice when things go our way. But if this is the only kind of magic that we pay attention to in our lives, we will live restlessly, always searching for that next hit of dopamine, forever in pursuit of what we believe will make us happy (which, by the way, always seems to be in the future, never right now). We will never have the peace we are looking for if this magic is the only one we choose to invoke in our lives.

But fortunately, the second kind of magic, the extraordinary magic (or perhaps, the completely ordinary magic), is always available to us. It is always right here, in this very moment. It is not dependent on things going our way. It is just as available when we fail to get what we want as it is when we succeed in getting what we want. It is intrinsic to all human beings, even if they feel they do not have access to it. It is simply a muscle that we can choose to exercise. If we tire of the constant search for that next thing that will complete us, forever and always (hint: it won’t) we have the capacity within us to practice extraordinary magic. All we need to do is really look, and open to the way things are.

[wynevans]

Searching for Happiness

All day long, we are searching for happiness. From the moment we wake up to the moment we fall asleep, we are engaged in a search for that which we believe makes us happy. Everything we do is directed towards finding happiness. And yet, for most of us, happiness eludes us much of the time. Why is this? Wouldn’t it make sense that if all we are doing is oriented towards happiness that we would find happiness a majority of the time? Why is happiness so scarce? The problem isn’t that we want to be happy. Being happy is truly the reason that we are here. There’s no problem with wanting happiness. But most people are looking for happiness in a way that guarantees that they will never find it, at least not permanently.

When most people talk about happiness, they are bringing to mind specific mental constructions that are associated with that ideal happiness. Perhaps the image of the perfect lover, the smell of the beach on a tropical island vacation, or the sound of beautiful music. There may also be a strong emotional component, such as feeling the excitement of meeting with good friends for dinner. And all of these mental constructions are all well and good. The only problem is that are not very substantial. As soon as you manage to acheive the ideal combination of images, sounds, and feelings that you can label as “happiness,” they are already dissolving back into emptiness. You cannot cling to the objects of consciousness for long, because they run through your fingers like sand. And yet this is what we are attempting to do all day, because we have been taught that this is how human beings should move through life.

What if our happiness can be highlighted by situations and objects, but cannot be contained by them? What if our happiness and satisfaction was not the correct combination of perceptions and feelings? What if the game of seeking happiness, of collecting “good” experiences and rejecting “bad” experiences, was totally unnecessary for the lived realization of happiness? How would we move in this world if we were not searching for happiness outside of this moment? These are not questions that need answers, but questions to be absorbed, taken in, and reflected upon.

The only true satisfaction, the only happiness that lasts indefinitely, is the happiness of no requirement. What do I mean by that? When you are finally exhausted, truly worn out, by the search for happiness, the searcher inside stops for a moment. And when the searcher stops and really allows whatever is here to be here, with no attempt to pull it close or push it away, a remarkable discovery is made: everything we have ever needed, everything we love so dearly about this precious, precarious existence called life, is found within the silence of our being.

This is not something to hang our hats on. It can be read about, printed in beautiful letters and put up over the mantelpiece, but it will have no value to you until you actually make the discovery for yourself. And the good news is: we all can do it. This is not something that only the few and the priveleged have access to. Everyone can make this discovery, if they are ready to.