Percival

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[x-percival-x]

Can someone just take my brain. Out of my skull. I'm begging you please just take it.

[x-percival-x]

Ares. Let my body grow weary instead of my soul fatigued, let my soul grow for her even if my body were to decay. Please, let me grow like a plant in your garden.

[x-percival-x]

I'll always be right here for her.

[axgelexe]

Okayyyy for this one I was honestly just having fun with the shading and just messing around with a different techniques and yes, it says suggestive but in reality there’s nothing underneath that image, I just wanted to meme it for fun! Hopefully you like my current fixation and hopefully you all have watched Project Hail Mary since that movie brought me to tears, and Ryan played Grace so damn will. Still disappointed this movie didn’t get him an award since his performance was amazing :3

[x-percival-x]

Please, trust your sweet boy when he says "It Gets better." ❤️‍🩹

[x-percival-x]

I know I have you. I know you're mine. And I know sometimes you feel guilty. You see me giving to you and you know you can't give it back. But I'm willing to wait for you, willing to wait for you to get better. Willing to put you in a better place when the time comes. I'm ready, I'm willing for you. My love is no transaction.

[x-percival-x]

Alright, autism rant.

So I like trains, and I mean I really fucking like trains.

Elegant steam locomotives over anything, and I mean British or boiler style like the 4014 Big Boy but smaller and more elegant. Like a 2-6-2 or similar with a nice chassis.

Just the elegant design is to die for. Imagine having your own property, your own house. A nice wooden cabin a few miles out of town, not too small to where it's cramped but decently big enough to hold a family with space. Maybe a basement and a big shed off the the side, maybe even tucked into the woods somehow.

And a fucking steam engine sitting in that shed on rails, some darker themed color coding, maybe black and silver, or somehow some orange, brown, gold. Idfk

I'm a guy, I like cars, guns and motorcycles but. Imagine what it would be like just to live like that. A fucking steam locomotive.

And ladies, come on, how romantic would it be. Your husband is taking you on a date, in a train cart, driven by a train, around your own property where you can see everything you both built together in this life, kids giggling. Heading the steam pushed the engine along knowing he built it with his bare hands. And God if it was Victorian styling I'd melt myself.

But alas, too much time, too much money. Maybe in another lifetime. But if I could do it, and I mean realistically. I'd go with the Talyllyn sizing but the style of the Sterling Single. With hanging lanterns.

[axgelexe]

A new fixation to get me through this July lol but in all honesty, I’m very happy with how this piece is turning out, especially since I referenced another artist that I found on Pinterest that I do plan to credit, I used their art as a HEAVY reference for the way that Grace is sitting since I like the pose and I did add my little spin on it with his hands and face ^^

[x-percival-x]

“When there's a why for something, the how becomes easy.” Friedrich Nietzsche.

You're my why. Your happiness and prosperity is my why. Your soul is my why my angel.

So, the how is how do I stabilize us?

I will trust you, I will give you space, I will give you time.

I ask nothing in return. You're my why.

[x-percival-x]

I'm trying my hardest for you. And it's because you're worth it, it's because I won't abandon you like I've been abandoned. It's because I see you the way the Gods intended. I see you, not whatever you see yourself as. And I'll love you till death consumes me.

You're my most important person so of course I'm going to worry. After every time I feel I made a mistake, after every misunderstanding, after every fight, every argument, every tear. I'm going to feel as though I'm not worthy. My mind is going to want reassurance and it's not because you've given signs. It's because I'm afraid, I'm walking a path I haven't walked with someone. Trusting, being so close to each other.

Yes I'm going to want to have hope you'll still want to marry me after seeing the worst. Yes I'm going to want you to come to me for comfort. Yes I want to be on tour. Of course I'm gonna hope I'm the one you think about when you have your erotic thoughts. Of course I'm gonna pray for you and hope you think about me.

I'm going to need you to be patient. Right now we're both proving that every rose has its thorn. I'm not letting go even if the thorns tear my skin, I'll keep watering you, feeding you, helping you grow to be stronger. And I'm gonna hope you're not wanting my demise after we've had a misunderstanding.

I'm deathly scared, not of you, not of what you've done. I'm scared that my actions, what I've done when I'm hurt, tired, drained, overwhelmed, and scared. Have made you have thoughts of my unworthiness. If I'm gonna be honest, I don't know why you've stayed. I don't know what you see in me. And not because I hate myself, but because I've made mistakes.

With my own logical thinking, you don't mean me harm because if you did then you would've hurt me by now. You don't want to drain my money because you know I won't tell you no, yet you don't ask for it often, and when you do you don't ask for much. You don't want me to overthink because when you can you try to update me.

I don't know why you stay, I hope I'm worthy but I want you to feel these words when I say them. I'm going to make myself worthy of you. I'm sorry for my wrongs against you, just know I pray for you every night and I keep you in my thoughts.

[x-percival-x]

I'm tired. I'm incredibly fucking tired. My mind wants to run rampant while life runs my over. Life stacks on bills, accident's, owes, money issues, stress, fighting, drama, childish people and then makes you so sympathetic that you can't stand it when others go through the same so you end up helping them before you help yourself. And when you go out and say it like j did, I help others before I help myself, I get scared that they are gonna hate me. Either for saying that I choose to help them over me and they want me to focus on myself, or they feel bad, feel guilty that I put them first. And that's not them, that's the human mind fucking them senseless. The human mind creates wounds that aren't there, that are only perceived as existing but they never really happened. Now truama is different, that's a scar done unto your by wretched people. And there are 5 types of people in this word. Probably more.

Those who's trauma made them traumatize others

Those who's trauma mad them go mad and ruin themselves

Those who's trauma made them protected everyone else

Then they're are the ones who hurt others, but also are mad

And finally, the ones who ruined themselves going mad but still choose to help others.

Some days I stay in my room, writing like a mad poet or philosopher. Not because I know everything but because it ALL FUCKING HURTS. I mean I just can't stand all this pain, it drives me up the FUCKING WALL. If I write about it, it helps. But oh goodness gracious the moment I fucking POST IT, my mind starts screaming at me. "OH MR. ATTENTION SEEKER OVER HERE" "DOES SOMEONE NEED A FUCKING SHOULDER TO CRY ON? PATHETIC" "YOU'LL NEVER BE WORTH ANYONES TIME OR AFFECTION SO QUIT YOUR WHINING" "YOU NEVER EARNED COMFORT A DAY IN YOUR LIFE BOY".

And then I have to suffer, even with those who help and those who attempt to help. Some can't help, some don't know how, some want to, but it never goes far. Some words and sentences land, and stick, and stay. Which I'm grateful for. But others push me deeper. And deeper. Now to those who read it, only one knows me. And to you I say, I know you try, I know you try your hardest and I know you suffer as I do. I know our relationship hasn't been the best and well. I wanna stay with you, I want you and only you. I don't hate you and none of this is about you. I needed to write and I haven't in months. I love you my darling wife.

[fairyinthetrees]

lost myself for a bit there but i’m going to find myself again if it’s the last thing i do

[conifersncoasts]

For a minute there

I lost myself, I lost myself

[x-percival-x]

My heart: I can love

My body: I can work

My soul: I can smile

My brain: I can think

My mind: I can make you shut down. I can make you see, hear, and imagine things that would make your soul scream in rebellion. I can make you think so badly about yourself that your brain would argue it's illogical. I can make you see the worst in yourself that even God himself would struggle to find. I can hear you apart and make you think you put all the pieces back together. Just to find out you forget a few and you just break. Again, and again, and again, and again. I can hurt you in ways that will leave your muscles and bones alone, that won't appear as blemishes on your skin. But will make your soul wither away and tangle with its own darkness. Your brain stop working logically just to combat me. Your heart stop working right as it feels like it's about to break through your ribcage. That'll make writing feel like you're trying to get attention. Like asking for help means you're wasting people's time. I can ruin your life.

[axgelexe]

Okayyy so my hand slipped, and no I will not be apologizing for it :3 enjoy the freaky art and hope it doesn’t get taken down over dumb censoring bro it’s not that damn detailed, I ain’t Picasso smh :(

[x-percival-x]

I know it says #donotstalk but that doesn't apply to me my darling wife<3

[x-percival-x]

Life is scary, it's utterly terrifying. It's tiring as well. And I'm gonna be honest, I know I have a soul because I feel the pain, the regret, the worry, the self disappointment, and I know my partner feels this so. She has a beautiful soul that shines brighter than the moon I worship, I know she has had and has a rough life, but I trust her like any partner should. I love her and learn how to truly show her that I love her, I just pray to the gods to hear me, help me, to Guide her and make her paths more stable. And to help me be the best partner I can for her, she's worth it, despite everything. Despite all her regrets or anything she thinks she's done to make herself unworthy of my love, she's precious to me. I can see her soul and see she means no harm, that she's tired and just hurting. That she's drained herself but drowning in emotions she doesn't wish to feel, that she's numb and wishing the pain would stop. But I'm gonna be here for her, Hecate and Apollo guide her. I'll pray to my gods that her path is one that leads her to whatever life is best for her. Even if it's one where I'm not with her, I love this woman.

[axgelexe]

Lil edit of my vent, song is literally how I feel at this time

[x-percival-x]

My love, sometimes I even scare myself with how much I worry and I know I can scare you in even more ways. I know my flaws and things I just fix, like assuming I did wrong, and being too anxious (which I'm now fixing, all I ask for is the guidance you've been giving me). But I wanted to let you know that I will listen to you and do what I feel must be done to keep you safe and happy. And my dear I'll always be here for you, even when we're both ghosts. Even on days when the world is heavy or we just can't seem to understand each other. I'll never put pressure on you again to be happy, just be yourself and let me hold you my love.