You Have More Skills Than You Think
If we ever had coffee and I asked you what your skills are, after quoting Liam Neeson from the movie Taken, you’d probably tell me one of two things: 1. I don’t know what my skills are. 2. I don’t have (m)any. The first answer might be born from the simple fact that you haven’t thought about that question ever. I once had a job that required us to do self-evaluations of our own skills. This exercise felt like an invitation to invent new ways you were awesome. We were motivated to do this because we all knew our raises were dependent on it but we still had a hard time coming up with a list of skills. My coworkers and I would scratch our heads and write things like “numbers.” My skills are numbers. That’s not a skill, that’s The Count from Sesame Street’s passion. That’s a noun. The second answer, the belief that you don’t have many, is probably because you’re human. We humans have a difficult job seeing our own skills as skills. Roy H. Williams, author and marketing expert, says, “It’s hard to read the label when you’re inside the bottle.”1 We don’t consider them skills but rather just things we do.
So during this fictional coffee, the first thing I would do is to try to help you figure out what skills you already have. I’d even pull out a stack of note cards, which would probably make you recoil a little. Because once again, we’re about to cross the threshold between dreaming and doing. Dreaming is fun. Future results are enjoyable to talk about. Present efforts are not. But I’d push through all the hope you’ve stored in someday and try my best to get you to focus on the skills portion of your CSA today.
We tend to focus on “how to get more skills” first, which is understandable. “Get more” conversations invite you to dream. Assessing what you already have forces you to be honest. One of those is clearly more fun.
But this is a critical point in this section. Because now we’re going to do some work. The goal is to create a list of our current skills so that we know what we have to work with, what might be missing and what we want to improve. Don’t worry—we won’t be using note cards in the hustle or character sections—but when it comes to skills we need a method for figuring out where we are in order to head toward where we want to be.
We’re going to build on the approach we started with in relationships. In that section, there was only one step: Write the name of someone you know who can help with your Do Over. Skills take a little more detail, but I assure you this is just as simple as the first exercise you already crushed. ■ What We’re About to Do There are only two steps to this exercise: 1. Write down ideas. 2. Look for patterns. For my high-detail friends this is like some sort of dream come true. You probably already have a note-card drawer sorted by color and size. For my low-detail friends, you are among company. I feel your lack of organization but I assure you that your career is worth it. ■ Step 1: Write Down Ideas I have a stack of cards on my desk. One of them just says, “Naps.” I have no idea what that means now. It’s possible that at one point I was creating a list of things that are awesome or perhaps brainstorming activities Winnie the Pooh likes. Hard to say, but here’s what’s important: It doesn’t matter.
I don’t want your cards to be perfect. I just want you to write. I want you to work your way into the freedom to write down any skills that you like. I say work your way into it because like most people, you’ve been taught to be safe. Somewhere on the road to adulthood we decided that dreams were dumb. We stopped wanting to be firemen and astronauts and settled for stuck and predictable. We accepted the lie that Monday must be boring.
Step 1 is all about quantity. One skill per card, as many cards as you can come up with. This is not the time to edit. For now, we’re going for volume. Don’t ask yourself “Is this dumb?” It might be, and that’s OK. All I want you to do is write one skill you currently have per card. Don’t try to cram multiple ideas onto a single card.
To get started, here are some questions you can answer about your skills: 1. What are you good at? Screw humility. This is no time to be humble. This is the hero’s slow walk from an explosion moment. What’s something you’re good, dare I say, amazing at? Do you create great marketing proposals? Can no one balance a budget like you can? I’m not talking about just in your current job either. Go way back. If you were a fantastic paperboy, write down “On-time delivery.” With relationships, we surfaced the casual ones because there’s no telling where they might lead. Same with skills. Surface them all! 2. What comes naturally? This question will generate some “Oh, this?” skills, those things you don’t even think about because they come so naturally to you. You think everyone can do what you do, but we can’t. The elaborate dinner parties you throw so easily, like Sarah and her Neighbor’s Table, are indicative that you’re amazing at event planning and connecting with others. That thing that comes naturally to you is difficult for the rest of the population. Just because it’s easy doesn’t mean it’s not a skill. 3. What do people pay me to do? If you’ve ever had a single job, this question is going to generate at least one note card. What were your responsibilities at your favorite job? Write them down, one card per skill. For instance, if you were in charge of quality assurance for software launches, write down, “quality assurance.” Increase the cards this question generates by asking, “What skill would people pay me to do?” (Hint: The answer is “Almost anything.”) 4. What are you afraid of? Bears, obviously, but besides these furred denizens of death there are plenty of important skills hidden inside our fears. The reason is that great passions usually come with great fears. You’ve known you were supposed to do something for years, but have been avoiding it because you’re afraid of it. Write that down. For example, I would list “writing” as one of my fears. Isn’t that stupid to be afraid to do the thing I feel most called to do? It is, but no one ever accused fear of being smart. This one might feel counterintuitive because we’re often told to answer the question “What do I love doing?” when it comes to figuring out our dreams and skills. I think that’s an important question and one you could certainly ask with this exercise, but I’ve also learned we can be afraid of the things that really matter to us. Be honest with yourself. Do you really dread public speaking or are you afraid of it because you’re worried you might not be good at it and it’s something you secretly want to do? 5. If you wrote an eBook, what would the topic be? Times are tough. Bills are due. Ma and Pa are about to lose the beet farm. The only way to save the situation is to write a twenty-page eBook that teaches eager shoppers to do something you’re good at. Are you renowned for your ability to pack ten days of clothes into a small carry-on for business trips? Have people marveled in the past at your skills in creating marketing strategies for book launches? Have you figured out a unique way to fit a fully functional wood shop in your garage but always thought of it as a silly hobby? If you had to create an eBook today, what would the topic be? If you had to write a series of three, what would be in your trilogy? ■ Step 2: Look for Patterns Now that you’ve got a few skills labeled you’ll start to notice something: Some of the ideas are related. They might not say the same thing, but they are at least cousins in the family tree of creativity. As you start to see some that are similar, begin grouping them together. Cluster them in a way that you can still see the nugget of each idea at a glance. If you create a vertical stack that covers up all the ideas except the one on top, you won’t be able to see them all at once and might miss something important. Group them in the way that works best for you. Maybe you want to group yours by “Skills I love doing,” “Skills I get paid the most for,” “Skills I want to improve” or “Skills I haven’t used in a long time.”
Don’t worry if you don’t come right out of the gate with some patterns. If this is your first go-round with an activity like this, you shouldn’t be great at it yet. Try tweaking this exercise to make it work the best possible way for you.
Please don’t get stuck using a tool that is designed to help you get unstuck. This shouldn’t be a perfect process. In fact, I hope it’s not. You should only spend a few minutes when you initially do this, then walk away. Building a Career Savings Account is a lifelong process; you’ve got time. Put your cards in a spot where you will see them during your average day. I want you to bump into them as you walk to the kitchen or garage. Some (most) ideas are elusive. They don’t walk into our heads and announce themselves; we have to capture them. And often they won’t come out until they’re positive we aren’t trying to find them. Don’t believe me? OK, so how come your best ideas come in the shower? Did you step into the shower and tell yourself, “Today I will condition my hair and try to brainstorm solutions to that problem at work”? Of course not. That wasn’t even on your brain and yet, mid “repeat as necessary” the solution hits you!
I don’t think you should bring waterproof note cards into your shower, but you should keep a stack of regular cards around. Fear would love to add the inconvenience of searching for one as a way to prevent an idea from seeing the light of day. Beat it back by keeping a stack in a few locations at home. And keep some in your pocket. It might feel a little strange, but anyone who judges you for writing down an idea and trying to be smarter about idea capture is a jerk. (You could always do this using an app on your phone but remember, there’s still something powerful about physically writing an idea down.)
The goal of looking for patterns is greater clarity into what skills you possess. If you have ten skills written down, for instance, and nine of them fall into the category “Skills I don’t use at my current job,” we need to fix that. We need to find a new job that uses more of your skills, bring more of your skills to your current job or learn the skills your job actually requires.
If you ended up with two note cards and a pattern of “I have no skills, I hate you Jon Acuff,” it might be time to phone a friend. Grab coffee with someone and ask them flat out, “What do you think my skills are?” If they’re like my friends their first temptation will be to say something about your ability to pay “da billz,” but immediately after they go to the extreme and rock a mic like a vandal they will surprise you with skills you forgot to write down. This conversation will definitely help you, but it will also be excruciating. It will feel like you’re asking a friend to list all of the ways you are awesome. Even if you set it up the right way and ask for a tangible skill and not a flowery compliment, you’re still going to squirm while they respond. Suck it up. You’re good at something. To pretend otherwise is a waste of time. The point of the note-card exercise is to generate two different things: 1. Hope 2. Awareness The first one is simple: Launching a Do Over takes a tremendous amount of hope. At the start of a journey like this, it’s very easy to get discouraged and think you currently don’t possess many career skills. Hopefully seeing them on a handful of note cards for the first time has encouraged you that just like with your relationships, you’re better off than you thought. The second goal, awareness, is something that will also come up in greater detail in the hustle section. In the skills portion, the purpose of increased awareness is to help you see new skills you might want to acquire. Whether you want to get better at your current job or find a new one, chances are you will need new skills. Seeing what skills you currently have on note cards often helps increase the awareness of what’s missing, those new skills you might need for a new job or to break through a Career Ceiling.
Remember Relationships get you the first gig, skills get you the second. You have more skills than you think. Writing them down and looking for patterns is a great way to discover that.
Don’t let fear hide a skill you’ve always had or wanted to pursue. Just because you’re afraid of doing something doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. If you have a hard time filling out note cards, tag a friend in to help you.
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How to NOT burn bridges in the workplace
Some people are not going to like you. There are people you work with right now who don’t like you. There are people at your last job who don’t like you. You don’t control what other people think about you. Your Do Over might mean staying put at a job and improving it from the inside out. It could mean jumping jobs to another company. Stay or go, you’ll have the opportunity to burn some bridges along the way.
Time management about how to address that aspect
1 Use small pockets of time in the day to sort out minor tasks
This is a key strategy for effective time management. Use time waiting in queues, on a bus or even waiting for the kettle to boil to recap on your learning, formulate lists, work out a problem, etc.
Keep a pencil and small notebook with detachable pages nearby to jot down your ideas. Make a mental note of the times in the day when you could multi-task in this way. This strategy also reduces the stress associated with queuing and tedious tasks.
2 Motivation to ‘get going’
We saw in how important motivation is to success. If you do not feel motivated, then be active in finding a source of motivation or inspiration. Focus on your long-term goals: check these are still important to you. Remind yourself of the benefits you expect. Write these where you can see them. Set short-term targets that you can manage, so that you get frequent tastes of success.
3 Time tasks
Time management requires you to know how long something takes. This is easier if you break a larger project down into smaller tasks. Often, one or two of these will take longer than you expect. It may be aspects of starting and finishing tasks that take longer than expected. Plan for all stages, and find out how much time you need to allocate for each stage.
4 Cost your time
Work out whether the amount of time you spend on each aspect of a task is ‘cost-effective’. Usually the return (such as extra marks) decreases after a certain point. Academic work is hard to get perfect, as there isn’t usually a single right answer. If you gain satisfaction from the additional study time, that is fine, as long as you have calculated what you are giving up in exchange.
5 Say ‘no’
Identify what lies behind your difficulty in saying ‘no’. It may be your beliefs, such as that ‘a nice person’ always helps out. If so, think what it means to be kind to yourself. Also, what are the negative consequences of always saying ‘yes’? For example, does this give other people a chance to be kind or to take full responsibility? Alternatively, this might be a question of assertiveness or negotiation There may be very long-standing or domestic issues which contribute to your difficulty in saying ‘no’.If so, you should speak to a student counsellor.
6 Delegate to others
Identify what lies beneath a reluctance to delegate. For example, do you distrust others to do the job well? If so, what are the effects of this on your own time management, stress levels and personal efficiency? What would be the benefits to you and to others if you delegated more? How will others learn to do a job well if you do not delegate? Could you find a compromise where you share some tasks in the shorter term?
7 Ask for help
Recognise your own limits. Support services are set up because it is expected that people will need help. This is especially true for students. Asking friends and colleagues for help can contribute to their own personal development too. It can build their self-esteem and problem-solving skills. It gives them an opportunity to be helpful, which they may value.
8 and 9 Starting strategies
Use a basic starting strategy such as brainstorming or writing a list. Start with what you can do – and work from there. Often, a problem arises when we focus too much on what the end product should be rather than building from what we already know. Start small. Branch out. The ideas will come. If not, look for ideas
10 and 11 Use a diary
A diary is an essential life tool. Some people prefer electronic organisers. Choose one that is light enough to carry around at all times. Check it at least three times a day. Develop the habit of writing everything in it to avoid double-booking. Enter all targets. Enter deadlines on the date of the deadline and the day you want to start work on that assignment.
Day Planner
12 Plan activities out in a logical order
Write a list of all the tasks you need to undertake during the day. Re-write the list, grouping the activities by place. Allow sufficient time to move from one place to another. Write the locations in your diary.
Block in all your lectures, seminars, tutorials, workshops, lab-sessions, and assignment deadlines for each term or semester and then copy it. This saves writing it out several times. Indicate the room, the lecturer, and any materials you have to bring with you, so the information is easy to find.
Things that get forgotten
The time it takes to travel between appointments –mark that in.
The time when work for a deadline should begin-rather than just the deadline itself.
New locations.These may be hard to find. Plan to leave time for getting lost.
Queuing time.
Transport delays. These are not usually accepted as excuses unless they are very rare with unusual circumstances.
Information technology going wrong; waiting to use a shared printer, etc.
Time management for academic work is covered in more detail in The Study Skills Handbook (Cottrell, (2013).
Attitudes
Up to a point, every man is what he thinks he is.
F. H. Bradley
What’s in a thought?
No two people respond in the same way to the same event. One person may be angry and determined to take action if something goes wrong; a second may shrug and forget it; a third may feel it is ‘yet another example of why there is no point trying’. Our thinking about an event influences our response to it and the outcome. Our thoughts shape our experience, affecting what we feel physically and emotionally, how we interpret events, how we respond in a crisis and how we direct our lives.
Taking responsibility
One of the first steps in managing a situation is taking responsibility for oneself as an active, thinking, creative agent within the process. It may well be the case that ‘someone’ should have acted better, or may even be to blame for what happened. Taking responsibility does not mean excusing or taking the blame for somebody else’s actions. It means moving beyond the ‘blame’to find the most constructive outcome possible. The responsibility here is to yourself.
Often, the internal story that we create around events focuses on what went wrong and whose fault it was rather than on finding the best outcome. We run ‘pre-recorded messages’about ‘they’ or ‘it’, such as:
The Big Bad ‘they’
they make me …
they should take the first step …
they shouldn’t put me in this position …
they shouldn’t set these deadlines …
they should help me more …
they started it …
they design these so badly …
The Big Bad ‘it’
it is too difficult …
it is too soon …
it is too complex …
it overwhelms me …
‘it’s doing my head in’…
it won’t work …
it’s a waste of time …
it keeps doing this wrong …
Reflection: The pre-recorded message
Which ‘it’ do you tend to blame (if any)?
Which ‘they’ do you tend to blame (if any)?
What other responses do you make when things go wrong that avoid taking personal responsibility for a constructive outcome?
Constructive messages
We can create alternative messages that lead to more productive outcomes. For example:
I can do this …
It’s OK. There is a way of dealing with this.
We can find a solution.
In the circumstances, the best step is …
The first step is …
I take responsibility for my part in this.
I’ll have a go.
If we repeat these often enough, these become new ‘pre-recorded messages’ that will kick in automatically.
Activity Change the message
Write down five constructive responses you could use when things go wrong.
Check that these enable you to take responsibility for yourself.
Choose the one you like the most and write it where you will see it this week. Try it out and record what happens.
Self-belief
Belief in oneself and one’s own capabilities is essential. Low self-esteem creates stress, which makes the brain less efficient. It is also more likely to encourage a sense of defeat and a belief that there is ‘no point’.
Self-confidence, a belief that one has the right to be and think and do what one wants, subject to reasonable limits and concern for others, enhances performance. It motivates and drives you forward.
Brainstorm a list of 30 things that you like.
Go through your list, and underline all those that contain a positive description: ‘I’m a reliable person’, ‘I am kind’, ‘I am helpful’, etc.
If there are fewer than 30 such positive phrases, add more to your list until there are 30. Don’t underestimate yourself. If any phrases contain the words ‘I try to …’ or ‘I am quite …’, reword these so they are more definite and positive.
Which three descriptions of yourself do you like the best? What reasons have you for believing that these descriptions are accurate?
Reflection: Self-belief critical incident
In your reflective journal, jot down a list of things you have done, no matter how small, that you are pleased about or proud of. Then, choose one to think about in more detail. Jot down:
What happened? What did you do or say?
What were the consequences? How did you or others benefit from this situation?
What personal characteristics are demonstrated in this incident?
What can you find in this incident that should ma ke you feel good about yourself?
It is also attractive to other people. This can bring more interest, resources and support, increasing the likelihood of success.
Self-permission
Sometimes, we are unable to move forward because we refuse to give ourselves ‘permission’. It is as if we hear a pre-recorded message saying:
‘I’m not allowed’
‘I’m not good enough’
‘I’m not worthy of the risk’
‘I’m not deserving of the consequences’
‘I’m not made for this sort of thing’
‘I’m not strong enough to cope with failure’
‘It’s not me’.
This can be true of anybody, but it is especially the case if there were strong messages at school or in the family that encouraged low expectations.
Activity Permission
Take three minutes each to complete the following two lists. Write quickly, without analysing your responses as you write.
List 1
I am allowed to …
(write as many things as you can think of).
List 2
I am not allowed to …
(write as many things as you can think of).
Check back over your two lists and see if you can spot any themes.
What sorts of things are you ‘allowed’ to do?
What sorts of things are you ‘not allowed’ to do?
Which list is longer? What might be the reason for that?
Who says ‘you are not allowed to …’? Is it really true that you do not have permission to achieve in these areas?
Consider whether you could give yourself more permission to try out some of these things.
From this activity, you may recognise messages from a long time ago that are still echoing in the present. Many of the ‘permissions’we refuse ourselves today began a long time ago. These do not have to remain as barriers to achievement. Take a look at your list and identify those on the ‘I am not allowed’ list that you could transfer to the ‘I am allowed’list. Write these down.
Taking a solution-focused approach
Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em,
Certainly I can! –and get busy and find out how to do it.
Theodore Roosevelt
Solution-focused versus difficulty-focused thinking
Difficulty-focused thinking
Focusing on the difficulty usually produces negative responses: the problem can seem insoluble. It depletes your own and other people’s emotional and physical energy, creating a sense of weariness, hopelessness or helplessness. The dominant message is that the problem is difficult, it will be hard work to find a solution, and solutions are unlikely. The difficulty-focused approach uses words and phrases such as:
‘but …’
‘I can’t see how …’
‘oh no!’, ‘not again!’
‘it’s hard to believe …’
‘that won’t work’
‘I doubt it’.
At worst, difficulty-focused people tend to pick fault with every proposal, draw attention to flaws in the best possible solution, and discourage others from believing that there could be a sensible solution.
A solution-focused approach
A solution-focused approach describes the situation, identifies the points of difficulty, and moves quickly to a search for the best possible resolution. It uses words and phrases such as:
‘yes, and we could also
‘what if we …?’
‘are there other ways of looking at this?’
‘let’s brainstorm ideas …’
‘let’s look again at our options …’
‘let’s see if we have missed any options …’
‘let’s check whether we can make this work …’
‘what could we adapt?’
‘who else would know about this …?’
The dominant message is that a solution of one kind or another will have to be found eventually, even if it is an interim one, so it is better to focus energies on finding the solution sooner rather than later. A solution-focused approach is often expected of those in managerial roles. As most graduates enter jobs with managerial responsibilities, it is worth developing this approach. If you have been surrounded by people who take a difficulty-focused approach, you might find this a useful challenge.
Reflection: Solution focus
Do you tend to use the words and phrases associated with a ‘difficulty-focused’approach or a ‘solution-focused’ approach?
Which words and phrases are typical of you when faced with a complex situation?
Do you tend to employ a solution-focused approach?
What could you do to develop a more solution-focused attitude?
Ways of addressing a new challenge
Lazarus (1999) identifies two main strategies for approaching a difficulty: ‘problem-focused coping’and ‘emotion-focused’ coping:
problem-focused: looking outwards to the external, concrete problem and its circumstances
emotion-focused: looking inwards at personal attitudes and emotions that impact upon your individual reaction to the situation.
A solution-focused approach can use either approach, adopting a constructive and positive attitude for either. The solution-focused approach takes the position that there is a solution to every problem and that we have that solution within us. Sometimes, we arrive at the solution more easily if we talk to others or use a particular strategy. The ‘solution’is the best constructive outcome that can be found for the situation in the circumstances. This may not be everything that we would like, but it directs energy in a positive way so that the best outcome possible is achieved.
A solution-focused approach requires very little, beyond an attitude of mind.
Changing your environment
A negative, blaming, ‘can’t be bothered’ environment is not inspiring. A few people with such approaches can spread negativity very easily. They can even create a culture which is self-defeating. You can probably think of the people around you who create an aura of negativity. (Maybe you are that person?)
As adults, we can monitor the impact of our environment on our responses, taking note of what leaves us feeling encouraged and what does not. We can take action to create an environment around us that supports what we want to achieve.
Identify positive inputs
Identify the people around you who leave you feeling positive about your goals, direction or programme of study.
What is it about them that seems to increase positive responses?
What other things in the environment support your goal? Competition and constructive criticism can be included as positive inputs.
Jot down these factors, starting with ‘I …’, and identifying how you could increase the positive aspects of your environment. For example:
I appreciate the way Busola makes a point of saying she enjoys good seminars. I could identify the things I find positive about each seminar.
I find it useful that the library is open until 8:00 p.m. I could use it more in the evening.
Identify negative inputs
Which people leave you feeling dejected, anxious, tired, despondent?
What do you feel or do when you are in the presence of negative attitudes?
What factors in your current environment could undermine or sabotage your goals?
What can you do to reduce the impact of such factors upon you?
Emotional intelligence
Evaluating your emotional intelligence
The following activity enables you to evaluate your emotional intelligence. This is not a scientific test: emotions do not lend themselves easily to such testing. However, it gives you an opportunity to reflect upon your emotional life through a structured activity.
Activity Evaluating your emotional intelligence
1 Emotional management (self)
For each item, identify which one response is most true for you, indicating this with a tick.
2 Emotional management (others)
For each item, identify which one response is most true for you, indicating this with a tick.
3 Emotions in action
For each item, identify which one response is most true for you, indicating this with a tick.
Selection criteria
Selection criteria service