SAMIZDAT! @xanthossamurai - Tumblr Blog

asynca

Write that one-shot. Those 3 chapters will be the best 10 chapters you ever wrote

#attacked #writer life #accurate

spin-the-wheel-polls

you have this superpower! BUT you have this side-effect

is it worth it?

yes!!

the side effect is bad but ITS WORTH IT

meh it's okay

the side effect makes it unusable/not worth it

Results/option I didn't think of

Voting ended onMay 20

#I can fly #but I can't control it #IMO unless this also comes with invulnerability and I can shrug off a crash landing it's not worth it #Otherwise it's a really cool power I can use exactly once #This also possibly implies that I might just shoot upward like a rocket at any given moment or start hovering without warning #Slowly rising like a weather balloon and suffocating to death in the atmosphere is not nearly a metal enough way for me to go #I guess unless I happen to take an evil billionaire with me just to drop him when I get high enough #So you want to go to space rich boy?#Cool lets go on a one way trip together #You might not like the in flight entertainment though #poll

bumblebeebats

The crazy thing is, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, if you asked me on any given day "Would like to see a picture of some genitals?" my answer would be "😰 No, that's... No, thank you. I'm okay, actually." I have nothing but the utmost respect for people who do engage with the penis side of the internet, but personally, I've spent the better part of two decades doing all I can NOT to have pictures of dick and balls or sexy bikini babe buttcheeks blasted onto my retinas constantly. And yet... to be denied the penis? To have a jumped up pile of javascript tell me, a grown adult with an air fryer and an outstanding council tax bill, that I cannot be trusted to withstand the sight of a bare nipple unless I let it scan my drivers' license? I will move heaven and earth to see that fucking nipple, friend. I will walk a thousand miles barefoot on hot coals before I give you big brother bitches my passport number. A thousand miles through the desert with five VPNs just to press my face up against the glass and see the last uncensored picture of two My Little Pony Characters sixty-nining each other, and I don't even want! to look at it! But I will! I must! for the sake of our fucking democracy!

#boy howdy this is a huge mood #I don't want to see that stuff hardly ever #But fuck you for telling me I CAN'T #politics #censorship

krebkrebkreb

if your favorite oc ever broke containment and developed their own fandom, what would the most pervasive discourse about them be?

too beautiful/smart/skilled/strong/perfect/etc

blatantly evil in some way

was mean to someone once

the unforgivable crime of just being kind of annoying

“in the way” of a popular ship

age gap relationship (2-10 years)

age gap relationship (10-30 years)

age gap relationship (30+ years)

a stereotype/“bad representation”

female

op you forgot ______

character is bald / im bald / see answers

Voting ended onMay 6

(i’m not giving a “multiple apply” option on this one. pick the most applicable/what you think would be the most argued about.)

krebkrebkreb

incredibly pleased that everyone is following the instructions i forgot to give and reblogging to explain their choice in the tags 🙏 more of that please i want to know about your ocs and also i love you

#Creek is a Stereotype / bad representation in some ways but very not in others #The fun thing is that he's very aware of it in canon so it's kind of a meta stereotype / representation thing #Considering he's been kicking around since I was like 17 he has aged very well and I'm still proud of baby me for coming up with him

toastyglow

Alright, let's switch things up!

If you send me $9+ on Ko-Fi and share a photo of your pet in the reblogs of this post, I will do a silly little drawing of them like the ones above!

xanthossamurai

Hi hello, I would love a doodle of Luna giving me the MOST judgmental face I have ever seen on an animal.

#my dog

unwastelandunbaby

thinking david corenswet is hot is the most embarrassing reputation ruining annoying thing I could have done tbh like ohhh my god really? tall big muscles dark hair and blue eyes kind man is hot? god fucking really. are you fucking stupid I hate myself. oh you think superman is hot? fucking superman? groundbreaking type shit going on here oh my god he’s tall should we tell everyone he’s tall and his jaw is nice wow she thinks the attractive man is attractive. you and everyone else. is pizza your favorite food too. fuck you. everyone look at her she thinks SUPERMAN is hot boundaries are really being pushed over here should we get her a medal because she thinks Mr Smile is easy on the eyes. “hear me out” and it’s a fucking marching band. should we call people magazine. vanilla. I DISGUST myself. summer blockbuster. I should be killed

#This is Lois Lane's actual reaction to discovering that she thinks Superman is Hot and nobody can change my mind #superman #Lois lane

runawaymarbles

Discussion question: do people kink on your job, and are you personally capable of doing so?

People think my job is sexy, but I do not

People think my job is sexy, including me

People do not think my job is sexy, but I do

Nobody thinks my job is sexy, including me

I am unemployed

Voting ended onMar 11

Context: reading fics where my job is used as a porn premise, and I find it very funny because I cannot imagine being horny under such circumstances.

runawaymarbles

The reviews are in

#I dare someone to try to make my job sexy #99% of people don't know what the fuck my job title means #and 90% of THOSE people assume I stuff dead animals #I'm a taxonomist #(It's not taxidermy)

czech-hunter-reject

Teeheehee, off to do my little schemes 😜

czech-hunter-reject

Teeheehee, on my way back home from doing my little schemes 🤪

#Pangolin identified must reblog #pangolin #they are the weirdest little dragons #look at that artichoke he's so pleased with his schemes #how the fuck are you so horizontal and yet bipedal #pangolins my beloved

chaotic-neutral-knitter

never be good at your job. it's a trap. they'll just give you more and harder stuff to do and it'll pull you away from your true passion of writing gay fanfiction for people on the internet

#this is real #i recently had a whole epiphany #I realized if I Actually Try I can get all my work done in a couple of hours at work #and use the rest of my work day to write #so that's what i'm doing

honestlyvan

Another thing fandom needs to start doing more of is projecting on tops.

There are delicious amounts of psychological distress you can inflict on that guy once you get into his head. The brainworms of forcing agency and initiative on someone who genuinely is Not Fucking Ready For It are exquisite.

honestlyvan

To quote myself: Domtops in fics are always written to have such uncomplicated and healthy relationships to their sexualities and for my mental health I need us to collectively start giving them complexes about being some kind of monstrous predatory freak of nature instead.

Make that guy have a panic attack b/c someone in his daydream told him to stop and he kept going anyway.

honestlyvan

New and improved! Sad Wet Dog of a top is thinking about how he wants to hurt you but doesn't want to hurt you and the contradiction is slowly and steadily making him Lose His Whole Fucking Mind.

#Man I really need to work on That One Fic #I literally tagged it as “psychological study masquerading as porn” for a reason #fanfiction

mrsterlingeverything

An angel appeared to me and gave me a baseball bat with nails in it

#this is literally what happened to Jason in the afterlife when he died #I don't make the rules #jason todd

uwillneverknowwho

Hey. Stop for a second. Take this moment to appreciate that you don't have to write a paper right now. No one is asking you to write a paper. You don't have to think about the paper or plan your time around the paper. You have the freedom to think about whatever you want. Everything is going to be okay. At least you don't have to write a paper right now

#After going back to grad school and getting a masters in my late thirties #i can tell you that this is a joy that nobody should ever take for granted

mysral

Find a set of random coordinates here.* You are promptly teleported to that location, with nothing more than the clothes and other objects on your person. How bad a time are you having?

*: Reroll open ocean results. Let's assume the teleporter has the decency to at least deposit you on solid ground.

Teleporting results:

Mortal peril - Exposure to the elements

Mortal peril - Dangerous wildlife

Mortal peril - Dangerous humans

I'll have a rough time, but I'll live

Mostly okay, though still a weird experience

Hell yeah, impromptu vacation~!

Voting ended onDec 29, 2025

#Literally Antarctica #I'm in shorts and a t-shirt #i am not surviving unless it happens to be right next to one of the bases #and i'm too lazy to look up the coordinates of where those are #May my frozen corpse nourish a penguin

This year is gonna be the year I finally address all the trauma I have around art that I've been carrying around since school.

I always feel slightly ridiculous saying that I have "art trauma" but I really can't think of a better way to put it. But I should get to enjoy making art, even I'm not good at it, and THAT is what I want to cultivate.

#xan post #fuck every single art teacher I ever had #I'm done carrying your negativity in my head

mutationgirl

it’s bullshit that being under this much stress has yet to awaken my latent psychic abilities

#accurate

punksalmon

whenever you take too much time to write something know it is because stephen king has been stealing your life force

#you know what i'll believe it #writing #writing process #stephen king

knitmeapony

Bsky posts from the US Consumer Product Safety Commission official account:

Don't you dare put that baby in pelican mouth.

"Yeah, it's me. I need you to list all the ways a pelican's mouth is an unsafe sleep environment for a baby... ... ... Well, I didn't INVENT the internet, Celeste! I just work in it!"

What a way to end Baby Safety Month.

Source

xanthossamurai

Extremely important addition from further down in the thread

#put baby in pelican mouth #i cannot believe this is real i'm losing my mind

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