[xbadnews]

carrd || playlist || pinterest || headcanon || meme

a study in: revenge vs. forgiveness, redefining a sense of self, found family, running away but coming back, utilizing your demons, facing the consequences of your actions, healing not happening overnight, good people doing bad things, hard-won happy endings & much, much more!

indie percival fredrickstein von musel klossowski de rolo III of critical role. written by xan since feb 2023. under heavy reboot.

[xbadnews]

i have been sort of at war with myself about how tlovm is going to affect how i write percy & in short... i don't think it is going to change much. i really, really, really love the way season 3 went but i think i am going to stick to a mostly campaign-centered portrayal. i'll cherry pick what i like from the show but ultimately i think i like how things were handled in campaign a little more.

[xbadnews]

"I still believe in goodness." || @heirashari

a thin smile pulls at percy's lips. keyleth, in many ways, is an inspiration to him. he always found himself wanting to believe in the goodness she spoke of, grasping at it like a concept he didn't quite understand. when she wielded it, it was more tangible. he could observe it in practice, a tool in hands that were becoming more practiced by the day.

" in that belief, you inspire others, " he muses, settling in the spot next to her. shoulder to shoulder, he feels grounded. safe. it's a bit of a confession. she inspires him to fight the knee-jerk reaction he has to weaponize any tool at his disposal. there are better things to do than fight & kill & fight & kill. it was a familiar cycle, but one that wrought nothing but destruction. she was living proof that there was a better way, keyleth was forging it with every step of her journey. he lets out a small sigh, smiling softly, " it's infectious, especially in your hands. "

[xbadnews]

i'm drafting a few things, starting to ease back into writing percy. in the meantime, feel free to like this for a few memes!

[pinkrangermemes]

EPIC: The Musical

lyrics that absolutely fuck me up, feel free to change pronouns and such as needed

"A mission to kill someone's son, a foe who won't run, unlike anyone you have faced before."

"I'd rather bleed for you."

"This is the will of the gods."

"Don't make me do this."

"The blood on your hands is something you won't lose. All you can choose is whose."

"You're as old as he was when I left for war."

"How could I hurt you?"

"I'm just a man who's trying to go home."

"When does a man become a monster?"

"When does the reason become the blame?"

"Forgive me."

"We should try to find a way no one ends up dead."

"You can relax, my friend."

"Think of all that we have been through. We'll survive what we get into."

"This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms."

"I see in your face there is so much guilt inside your heart."

"Have you forgotten to turn off your heart? This is not you."

"Have you forgotten your purpose? Let me remind you."

"Don't forget that you're a warrior of a very special kind."

"Don't disappoint me."

"What gives you the right to deal a pain so deep?"

"Don't you know that pain you sow is pain you reap?"

"Your life now is in my hand."

"A trade, you see. Take from me like you took from me."

"You shall be the final man to die."

"It's just one life to take."

"When we kill him our journey's over."

"Captain?"

"You've hurt me enough."

"When I kill you, my pain is over."

"Mark my words now. This is not the end."

"Remember them."

"Who hurts you?"

"If nobody hurt you, be silent."

"He's still a threat until he's dead."

"Finish it."

"What good would killing do, when mercy is a skill more of this world could learn to use?"

"The blood we shed, it never dries."

"I am your darkest moment."

"I am the infamous _______!"

"This way, you won't disappoint me."

"This way, you won't waste my time."

"Unlike you, every time someone dies, I'm left to deal with the strain."

"I'll remind you, I saw you as a friend, but now we're done."

"This way, you won't plague my life."

"This way, you'll close the door and have your damn goodbye."

"Since you claim you're so much wiser, why's your life spent all alone?"

"You're alone!"

"This day, you sever your own head."

"This day, you lost it all. Consider this as my goodbye."

"Don't forget how dangerous the gods are."

"How much longer 'til your luck runs out?"

"You rely on wit, and people die on it."

"I still believe in goodness."

"Lead from the heart, and see what starts."

"And what will we do when it tears us apart?"

"You're like the brother I could never do without."

"How much longer 'til your strength takes leave?"

"I can't have you planting seeds of doubt."

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

"Sometimes killing is a must."

"Friends turn into foes and rivalries."

"Never really know who you can trust."

"The end always justifies the means."

"So much has changed, but I'm the same."

"I'm left without a choice and without a doubt."

"Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves."

"You are the worst kind of good 'cause you're not even great."

"You are far too nice."

"Mercy has a price."

"Unlike you, I've got no mercy left to give."

"The line between naivete and hopefulness is almost invisible."

"What have you done?"

"I am your darkest moment, the monster that always draws near."

"Remember me."

"There's only so much left we can endure."

"Think of your past and your mistakes."

"No, I'm not a player. I'm a puppeteer."

"I can hardly sleep now, knowing everything we've done."

"It's a game of wits, but you don't have to play."

"A foe like ____ is not to be messed with."

"You could be hurt or you could beat her."

"I'll help you conquer her."

"Wouldn't you like your outcome preferred?"

"Don't thank me, friend, you very well may die."

"Did you do something to them?"

"I don't know who you are or why you're here, but let me make this one thing clear."

"I've got people to protect, friends I can't neglect, so now there is no turning back."

"Back at home my wife waits for me. She's my everything, my _____."

"Maybe showing one act of kindness leads to kinder souls down the road."

"This land confuses your mind."

"All I hear are screams every time I dare to close my eyes."

"I no longer dream, only nightmares of those who've died."

"Why would you let _____ live when ruthlessness is mercy?"

"I keep thinking of the infant from that night."

"____, when you come home, I'll be waiting."

"Even if you're the last thing I see, I'll be waiting."

"I took too long."

"I'll always love you."

"Your past is always close behind."

"I see a song of past romance."

"I see portrayals of betrayal and a brother's final stand."

"I see a man who gets to make it home alive, but it's no longer you."

"We've suffered and sailed through the toughest of Hells, now you tell us our efforts were nothing?"

"I see a wife with a man who is haunting. A man with a trail of bodies."

"How has everything been turned against us?"

"How did suffering become so endless?"

"Do I need to change?"

"What if I'm the monster?"

"What if I'm the problem that's been hiding all along?"

"If I became the monster, and threw that guilt away, would that make us stronger?"

"So what if I'm the monster lurking deep below?"

"If I gotta drop another infant from a wall in an instant so we all don't die, then I'll become the monster."

"I'll become the monster."

[xbadnews]

also, since i am deep in my dragon age phase i would love to clarify some points on percy's da verse

percy ( & cassandra ) were held by the briarwoods as prisoners for the entirety of the blight. when he escapes, he is like ' what the fuck happened to the world ' because i think it is hilarious. if i were to write in origins, i think i would place whitestone as a potential quest for the warden to deal with. discover the prisoners, free the prisoners, try to make allies out of the de rolos & quickly realize that is no longer an option. but default is that he doesn't make it out until afterwards

i like to think that he flees ferelden to keep out of the briarwoods eyes / works on his gun elsewhere. i want to allude to him taking warlock abilities by giving him a slight inclination for magic. just enough to bond w orthax who is going to be some sort of spirit. his magical abilities Blow they aren't great & hes barely aware of them, which is why he's trying to make guns in the first place. gotta even the playing field somehow.

anna ripley is still an agent of the briarwoods, at least for a while. percy hunts her first, furuously & obsessively. it leads him to kirkwall & then to the gallows, where vox machina manages to save his life. how? i don't know. the templars there are insane. but they do. i think percy could be a companion here as an in with this group of mercenaries making waves in the pond. idk when / why they leave yet but i do think it is before anders Blows Up & Acts Like He Dont Know No One

i think vm establishes themselves as dragon hunters / monster hunters. they're a mercenary group that makes waves across thedas wherever they go. it's part of why they're welcomed into the inquisition. i think his companion quest here is taking down ripley / whipping the briarwoods asses. it does change the timeline to him getting whitestone back after 10 years instead of 5 which could be soo messy.

in veilguard percy is there as a (reluctant) weapons expert. he keeps the secrets of his guns to himself the best he can but does try to find otherwise to fight off the gods / mitigate the firearms ripley have put into the world in the meantime ( this is his vg companion quest, i might move it to da2 & change it to vecna being one of the gods tht they're dealing with but idk yet bro )

also i might change all of this. i have another variation of his da verse i have thought abt in the past but this is the one in my mind rn. who knows if it will stay this way? i dont!!

[xbadnews]

i thought about remaking / moving blogs, but instead i am going to just clear my inbox & vet my following list to make it more manageable. my main focus lately has been over @elliscousland but i have been missing percy very severely lately, so expect some activity here!

[drops-of-universe]

im sorry i was so weird the other night. thats how i am every night

[sunderdust]

@xbadnews asked: ❛ well, what’s so strange about that? ❜

There’s a marked anxiety in the wizard as he peers upward, into the confines of a murky tank filled with unrecognizable gray fluid. The device is an elaborate hybrid of new-age machinery and powerful enchantment—a hulking behemoth of piping and crystal foci—but that isn’t what has him on edge. He’s seen any number of devices like these before: experimental contraptions designed to channel power for some nefarious purpose. It’s borderline predictable at this point.

The device is nothing special. But its effect…

“Magic isn’t supposed to work like this,” he finally says, dragging his gaze away from the tank to look at Percy. “When someone casts a spell—wizard, sorcerer, cleric, it doesn’t matter who—they’re channeling the Weave. An ambient energy that serves as a form of raw magic with which mortals can interface. That energy always comes from somewhere. But this?”

His hand hovers over the glass of the tank, as if to touch—then he recoils abruptly, fingers anxiously smoothing over the short of his beard. “This is creating raw magic. That’s not supposed to be possible. It’d be like… someone just conjuring sentient life from nowhere.”

[xbadnews]

percy's body tells him that he should be afraid of what he's witnessing. the creation of magic, of energy, magic like this was a threat. but when his heart beats too quickly & he feels it in his throat… he knows whatever he's feeling is closer to excitement.

this was something he had never seen before, something that shouldn't be there & yet his mind already races with every idea of what they could do with it. but he's getting ahead of himself, isn't he? he tries to contain himself, to reel in his glittering green gaze but he's already betrayed himself. percy straightens his spine, as if it will make him look a little less mad.

"that is… something, " he says. he feels like he's caught in it's orbit, like if he looks away from it he will miss something, " I suppose there are all sorts of nefarious things someone could do with this. "

" i take it this isn't the sort of thing you see every day? " there is a tinge of sarcasm folded into his words, percy was a man of science, he was missing more than a few chunks of knowledge when it came to magic. still, the answer is clear on Solomon's face. this was impossible, dangerous & incredible all at once.

[ohisms]

↪     𝑴𝑼𝑺𝑰𝑪 ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ 𝑺𝑶𝑼𝑳 .    (  a  collection  of  various unsorted lyric starters .  adjust  phrasing  as  necessary .   will be updated frequently .  )

i’m not sticking around to watch you go down .

i hope that you don’t suffer ,  but take the pain .

the truth is , i’ve never seen a mouth that i would kill to kiss .

we will be everything that we’d ever need .

you only listen to your fucking friends .

you made a few mistakes .  it’s alright ,  it’s okay .

i’m trying to get better , but i can’t do that when everything is about you .

i can name a couple ways this shit might go .

can you feel my heartbeat fuckin’ kickin ?

you were my everything and all you did was make me fuckin sad .

it’s kind of tripping me up , i’ve got it bad for you .

i’m on my own , i had some space to deal with it .

i’ve got it too good to cry .

i don’t know where i am or where i’ve been .

don’t treat me like some situation that needs to be handled .

finish up the bottle , then we’ll go .

this room is so suffocating .

motherfucker , don’t play with me .

there’s no doubt in my mind that if you could ,  then you would try .

i’m not the type to be out past dawn .

it’s been a long time since i felt this good on my own .

i really wish that i could say it to your face .

i kinda like it when you talk to me the way you do .

i’ve got something up my sleeve , i walk my talk .

i love you , but i know i’ve gotta let you go .

it’s getting hard to find a silver lining .

of course it hurt , of course it fucking hurt .

i know that you’re hiding something from me .

i don’t need to be loved by you .

trying to ignore it is fucking boring .

i tried to pretend ,  but it just doesn’t feel right .

i just can’t take it anymore .

i’m not trying to change your mind .

living in the city isn’t where it’s at .

don’t waste the time i don’t have ,  don’t try to make me feel bad .

i almost did it … glad that i didn’t .

you better run , you better do what you can .

yeah , i don’t really wanna be here .

pretty things should be seen and not heard .

can’t you bother someone else ?

now i’m sitting here wondering , when did this all start ?

i’m terrified but i can’t resist .

is there someone else or not ?

i’ve been around long enough now to know that good things never last .

i’d rather be the girl that got away than be under your thumb .

it ain’t so bad if i wanna make a few mistakes .

wish i could get some fuckin’ sleep without wasting all my weed .

you scared me to death ,  but i’m wasting my breath .

i feel like a kid again .

you were always taught to believe that everything you think is the truth .

nothing comes without a consequence or cost .

i don’t deserve someone loyal to me .

thought you were headed somewhere new .

touch me like tonight we’re gonna die .

can we go back to the world we had ? 

you should know right now that i never stay in one place .

i’d suffers hell if you’d tell me what you’d do to me tonight .

the games you played were never fun .

you said you’d stay , but then you ran .

if i can’t hold you like a lover , i won’t hold you at all .

you and i have history ,  or don’t you remember ?

i’ll be the one to deliver the news .

i’m better than this ,  i know my worth .

there’s something tragic about you .

you don’t know what it’s like , waiting up all night .

thank you for teaching me how i could live without you .

tell me what it is you wanna know .

you’re not a monster ,  you’re just human .

maybe i need better friends . or maybe i need a wake up call .

there’s so much to do , i’ll never have the wherewithal to do it .

i know i’d miss you ,  if i left right now .

i don’t like anyone better than you .

they told me once nothing grows when a house isn’t a home .

what makes you sure you’re all i need ?

i know you feel the way i do .

forever never really felt so right .

i overcommunicate and feel too much .

you say you’ve changed and you’re sorry ,  but i don’t wanna know .

i know i’ve got friends ,  i still get so lonely .

i’ve been doing greater good for a long time .

i’m no hero ,  but i can take a punch .

i thought it would all be great when i was older .

i used to be the one that was lying .

i can’t stand your condescending tone when you talk to me .

we’re still going cause we’re not quite dead .

i wanna scream ,  but what’s the use ?

i know what’s going on in your head .

you know ,  i never wanted to hurt you .

i don’t want to be a prisoner to who i used to be .

if we could stay this way forever , would it be enough ?

can’t you see that i’m getting bored ?

i hope you don’t think that shit’s fair .

i never knew you had such a dirty mind .

sometimes i don’t have a filter .

i’m the worst mistake that god has ever made .

you know i love you , but i’m still learning to love myself .

darling , you’re sick in the head .

am i someone you can’t live without ?

if you don’t come back , at least i’ve got nothing to lose .

did you think that i should listen to you ?

the meds aren’t working for me anymore .

goodbye to my good side ,  it only ever got me hurt .

you know ,  you’ve got a real smart mouth .

i know i’m where i belong .  deep down inside ,  i’ve known all along .

i’ve been putting myself on the sideline .

i was worth something , and it felt better in my mouth than fresh warm food .

i know i took the path that you would never want for me .

my tongue’s gotten real tired of me biting it .

you’re acting like your deadbeat dad .  you’re better than that .

i swear i changed my ways for the better .

i hate it when dudes try to chase me .

when you’re in love ,  you get so cruel .

sorry , but i guess i’ve gotta let you down again .

just fucking leave me alone .

i walk through this world just trying to be nice .

i can’t be your savior ,  i don’t have the power .

will heaven step in ?  will it save us from our sin ?

follow my lead ,  take my hand .

you should’ve made some plans with me ,  you knew that i was free .

there are things that we’ll never say , but we know .

the only way you can know is to give it all you have .

i’m not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain .

you get me through every dark night .

i know that i’ve done some wrong ,  but i’m trying to make it right .

now you’re over there ,  and i’m way over here , what are we gonna do ?

think about what you believe in .

if i keep my eyes closed ,  he looks just like you .

i don’t wanna feel better .  no one’s ever gonna love me like that again .

there are things that you say ,  and you don’t say .

all my filthy life i loved someone i barely knew .

bless your soul ,  you’ve got your head in the clouds .

what did you say ?  you’re breaking up on me .

if you adore me ,   why do you ignore me ?

you’re not as brave as you were at the start .

it was a bad idea ,  calling you up .

i see it on your face ,  you’ve had a bad day .

people are so fake ,  this world is a cruel place .

i’d rather be hunter than the prey .

someone’s gonna hate ,  it’s never gonna change .

you used to be so kind .

never gonna be easy ,  was it ?

every day’s another shot but all i do is fuck it up .

i can take the hate and all the pain .

it doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right .

tell your baby that i’m your baby .

they’ll kick you and they’ll beat you ,  and they’ll tell you it’s fair .

i wanted to pretend that this time was the end .

no one around me knows who i am or what i’ve done .

i would’ve gave it all for you .

i won’t run ,  i’m not afraid .

same way that they come ,  that’s the way they go .

somehow ,  i just want you more .

i never regretted the day that i called you mine .

i don’t want to get over you .

take it out on me .  i don’t mind if we fight if you make me bleed .

you look better in that dress than i do .

i know i let you down ,  didn’t i ?

it’s a cruel ,  cruel world .

i know i don’t want to live without you .

i’m always tired ,  i just can’t fight it .

i’m too consumed with my own life .

you didn’t think it’d be so much fun .

i won’t let you go ,  so don’t let go of me .

darling , you’re so pretty it hurts .

how’d i ever get so off my rocks ?

tell me where i went wrong .

what’s a king to a god ?  what’s a god to a non-believer ?

they’re out to get you ,  better leave while you can .

i know i’ll never know just what to say .

goddamn it ,  i was worth something .

we don’t need to be enemies .

should’ve kept my ass in bed .

i tried to love you ,  but you’re not my type .

there’s something here that i just can’t explain .

baby ,  is that really what you want ?

i’m not good at making friends .

i keep a close watch on this heart of mine .

i’m obsessed ,  i’ve never met someone like you .

can’t you see that you’re lost without me ?

when i’m like this , you’re the one i trust .

i was born into this , won’t hesitate to use my fists .

i always get my revenge .

the world thinks i’m a mess .

there’s something wrong with me ,  cause all i wanna do is get high .

it’s been a long time since i gave a shit .

sometimes i have these thoughts , they leave me all confused .

when i said take me home ,  that wasn’t what i meant .

oh my god ,  why are you sad again ?

you have to show them that you’re really not scared .

i don’t have many friends .  most of them are pretend .

i had my cake ,  and i ate it too .

i’m too afraid about the things i might say .

shit wasn’t real ,  it was all in my head .

it’s too late to apologize .

i know my disposition gets confusing .

you’ve gotta be so cold to make it in this world .

satisfaction is a distant memory .

no one can ever know .

there’s you in everything i do .

i wish i could say that i’m sorry ,  but i’m over that now .

you’re playing with your life ,  this ain’t no truth or dare .

fool me twice ,  and i know that’s all i need .

i hope if everyone leaves ,  you choose to stay .

i was afraid to leave you on your own .

where along the line did we stop seeing eye to eye ?

if they laugh ,  then fuck them all .

i’m sick and tired of everyone in this place .

i miss the way you made me feel .

he’ll never stay . they never do .

take a dose of something to forget .

aren’t we too young for this ?

i’m not the type to admit i’m wrong .

i shouldn’t think the things i’m thinking .

i don’t wanna know where you’ve been ,  or where you go .

[xbadnews]

i'm going to try & be around tonight! i got out into the world, touched some grass & i'm feeling creative so uhhh. if any mutuals want to plot i am game!

[steampunkforever]

Once I finish killing this guy the cycle of violence will be over, trust me guys

[xbadnews]

cont. || @allexandrianrejects

green eyes watch alexei closely, carefully. percy is studying him, dissecting every word, every syllable for any detail he may miss. truthfully, percy had first thought this was some twisted nightmare. another ghost come to haunt him, one that couldn't be put to rest with the liberation of whitestone. it wasn't something percy could digest very easily. none of this felt real yet... but he operates as if it was, processing the moment in a distant place in his brain.

"we will get to how much you remember soon, " it's a promise. he remembers to blink then, expecting alexei to disappear when his eyes open. but he's still there, bruises around a neck percy had thought was broken, swaying from the sun tree.

his heart felt too raw, too vulnerable & so he throws his defenses back up. he tries not to think about how Alexei's dry voice hurts to hear, how his brain tried to fill in any horrible unknown in what had led them here. the first thing he preaches is forgiveness, the first thing he claims is ignorance. half of percy begs to listen. the other begs for justice that had already been served," but first… let's get you some water & a healer. "

[xbadnews]

CEMETERY :  for one muse to find the other at a gravestone memorial (danny + percy!!) || @stubborngods

percy had shared many nights with the dead of whitestone. time had put their ghosts to rest, distanced grief until it became a remote acquaintance. it was often more complicated than that, but there was a certain catharsis in sitting with lives passed. there was more to feel than helplessness, connections to be found. he had wandered to a memorial, shrouded in starlight & memory.

he had spent many nights here, too. pondering the stony visage of vax'ildan, bound by the threads of fate he now wove. rarely did he find the gall to step foot in the temple of the raven queen. this did not stop him from paying tribute to her champion, his friend. sometimes, percy still got angry thinking about it. how She had plucked vax from his victory, denied him the rest of his life. but that was beyond them now. there was no room for that anger in his heart anymore, especially not with his son before him. there were new lives to be lived.

" danny, dear, what are you doing out so late? " percy places his hand on danny's shoulder, announcing his presence. percy wasn't sure if danny had heard his approach, but the touch was meant to draw him from whatever train of thought had led him here. percy already knew. the world seemed more whole when connected to lives past. danny knew this best of all. his spine stiff & his words are awkward, but sincere, " you'll catch a cold. "

[xbadnews]

i have had super low spoons when it comes to ooc stuff the last few days but i can feel myself coming out of it. i want to respond to conversations but trying to be social has been like throwing my brain at a brick wall. i'm not going to say i'm sorry for this, but i do want to clarify by saying there are so many people i've been meeting the last few weeks that i am so excited to know & create with.

i'm afraid that my slow responses might look like a lack of interest & i just felt the need to make a post saying that it's not!! that part of my brain is just not Happening right now i am, however, wanting to work on writing tonight whether it's here or on my other blogs ( @sporefound & @elliscousland ) but i might not be super available ooc!

[xbadnews]

sketching That bitch face

[xbadnews]

tomorrow when we get the tlovm teaser image i am gonna be inconsolable