Thank God, I survive!
Hi! It’s been so long since I have posted anything on my tumblr.
There are soooo many things happen in my life during these past couple years. Some are important events (which I cherish the most) while others are not.
Let’s start with the important events.
First, I have finished my college after 5 years. It had been so hard from the beginning for being far away from home, not getting used to the new environment, and the recent event after my dad is passed away.
Things were getting worse after I had my very first experience of panic attack due to depression after losing my father (I thought I was fine at that time while I wasn’t). I still remembered the fear and the series of my panic attack episodes which led me to stay awake for three or more days without sleeping at all. Yes, I couldn’t sleep because I felt like I wouldn’t be awake on the morning or worse died. My legs were trembling every night and honestly it was very uncomfortable experienced ever.
Lesson learned from the event: seek for professional help rather than trying to cope with it all by yourself.
Second, I have got my VERY FIRST JOB ever in my life. This was bit funny actually since I got offers to work in two places. One was very far away from my hometown while another was really closed.
The one which is far away from my hometown is in media industry. Honestly, working in media industry had become my dream during the college. Although I was not really into reading, but I found writing was fun and thing that I really wanted to do. At that time I loved writing fictions and posted it in a website and I never took credit from it because I used my penname instead of my real name. Woah, writing this made me miss writing.. anyway, I rejected the offer. Stupid, right? I know. I gave up the offer because I wanted to get close to my mom because she was all alone and did not want to move back to our old house in the big city.
Then, I accepted the other job offer which is closed from my mom’s home. I found the job was hard at the beginning since it was not related to my study at all. I was really stressed for months. I even lost my weight (lol, silly me). I struggled a lot since I did not have someone to back me up (if you know what I mean). Without connection (to the powerful ones), I experienced lot of difficulties and sometimes got humiliated in front of lots of people without a chance to explain anything. Well, at that time I felt like I was a bubble in the ocean which can disappear anytime and no one would notice.
Luckily, I got the grip after six-struggled-months Things were getting easier after I got used to and learnt everything all by myself (there was not such thing as training). Thank God, I survive until now (it’s been my third year).
Third, getting married. After being hurted, fooled, ghosted (LOL), I have met the ONE and got married in three months since our first encounter.
Have you heard that your soulmate probably is really closed to you? Well, that happens in my life. His mother was used to style and cut my hair when I was a teenager. He mentioned his father name (it was coincidence since he was telling me a story which related to his father) and all of sudden I realized that I knew his mother. We laughed at that time realizing how small the world is.
I had to say our relationship is not as smooth as the highway. There are some dramas which I don’t want to mention but we believe we can make it worked. Thus, we end up being together.
I love you baby. Always.
Well, moving on the worst experience in my life...
Got infected COVID-19.
How did I react when I heard that my swab PCR was positive?
I was really mad, sad and confused. First, I was really mad to the people who held the wedding during this pandemic which causing my mom got the COVID-19 in the first place (then the virus is transmitted to me). Although, one of THE PEOPLE is passed away, I still got mad and felt sorry at the same time.
I was sad now that I have to do self isolation and being separated from my husband (who also got infected shortly after his co worker was tested positive).
I was confused because my mom’s condition.
During the self isolation, I found that it was very stressful. I got fever for almost a week. I could not think clearly for couple days because of the headache. I even felt like I was dying. Having trouble sleeping at nigh and feeling desperate while reading or watching the news or my friends’ posts about COVID-19 made things gone worse. I also experienced stomachache because the medicines that I took.
Whoever says that COVID-19 is conspiration or worse those who do not believe in it is idiot. Super idiot.
Well, that sums up my post for today.
I am happy that I survive these past few years. Although, I sometimes found my life is hard but luckily it did not stop me. I wish that life could be easier and healthier since I am getting sick and tired of “lockdown situation” in my country.
Good bye,
for now.
