It's All About Having A Servant's Heart

If you think you’ve discovered the entirety of the human experience, think again.

[zetrystan]

Sometimes, you’re so bad at something it makes you good at something.

[beautifulgodzilla]

THIS TOOK A FAR DIFFERENT TURN THEN I EXPECTED

[beautifulgodzilla]

[mariesbookblog]

I HAVE NEVER SEEN THE SECOND PART

[rudolph-the-red-knows-rain-dear]

Thats so nice!

[seven-oomen]

We can start with coffee, my man’s smooth 🤣

[eijiroukiriot]

this is the funniest tweet i’ve seen in months bye

[bigratbastard]

[fxr-yxur-amusement]

[chaos-storm]

[aaawunder]

[nomuru2d]

these are all the geek equivalents of Lovecraft’s Cat’s Name

[official-lucifers-child]

his cats name couldn’t be that bad!!!! it’s a cat, what’s the worst name?

[official-lucifers-child]

i am wrong, what the fuck

[ruriginzuishou]

Me every time this post comes back

[might-be-somebody]

go Google why chainsaws were invented, it’s really fun :)

[queer-cosette]

why.

[xbubbledumbbx]

I’ve seen everything at this point, so why were chain saws in-

[insomniac-arrest]

finding out that almost all other animals don’t have periods like we do and instead simply reabsorb the egg back into their uterine lining to reuse the nutrients is like finding out the rest of the class has been taking WILDLY easier tests than you for the whole semester

like, hey, cat why don’t you have to use your Cat Dollars to invest in tampons? And cat is just like: fuck that noise, my body is OPTIMAL for not being made of inconvenient nonsense, sucks to be you

wack.

[insomniac-arrest]

humans: hey, bleeding every month is actually really cumbersome and I lose both valuable nutrients AND fluids I need for survival? What the fuck is up?

evolution: yes, alright, but have you considered this about it? *cartoon blow horn noise* 

[what-even-is-thiss]

Human bodies suck for many reasons including but not limited to:

Periods

Bad backs

Permanent breasts that do not leave once baby is weaned

Dangerously large, unprotected, and non retractable male reproductive systems

Huge brain takes up way too much energy gotta eat more sleep less

Baby brain bigger than hips guess birth is life threatening now

Takes like 25 years for big brain to even finish maturing

[durzio]

•Teeth are critical to living, yet not designed to last more than a few years without constant intervention and upkeep, and don’t grow back if this is not accomplished. Also, losing your teeth means the bones in your ear will shift, and your hearing will worsen.

•Breathing, eating, communication all from the same pathway, major choking hazard. Give me a dolphin style breathing tube.

•Most pleasurable nerve endings on the body locating on the filthiest parts of you, guarenteed spread of bacteria.

•knees and shoulders have almost zero capability to heal correctly, once they break, they’re basically broken forever without massive outside influence.

[larariumluparum]

truer words

[nevver]

The Past is The Past, Matt Bors

[wha-et-deactivated20210209]

Let’s reblog this until everybody sees it

[whitepeopletwitter]

[nutsacktorturer]

[nutsacktorturer]

I like to think they're the same apartment

[cr0wlet-deactivated20201225]

[evilphrog]

One of my favorite parts of the Hunger Games was how, in the beginning, Katniss was jealous amd resentful of the townies for not having to work in the coal mines. Then, over time, she realizes they aren't the true enemy. Then she sees the other district kids as so much better off than she is, because at least they don't come from district 12. But then she realizes they aren't the enemy either. And then she hates the other victors, before realizing they have all been exploited just as much as she has. So the enemy must be the Capitol citizens, who benefit from the exploitation of the districts, right? Wrong again. They are just uninformed and pampered people who have been kept in the dark about the true horrors faced by the rest of the country. Most of them, when push comes to shove, are perfectly willing to help the war efforts.

And slowly, over the three books, all theses separate factions of downtrodden people start to see each other as allies instead of enemies, and that is what propells them to eventual victory over the true enemy, the government that tried to pit them against each other. Just fun, totally fictional things to think about that have nothing whatsoever to do with our current life.

[just-shower-thoughts]

It’s a shame you can’t enjoy sleep while you’re sleeping.

[https-graces]

Japanese legend: you have the face of who you loved most in a past life

[loveable-korrasami]

THE NEXT AVATAR ABOUT TO LOOK FINE AFFFFFF

[cupofsorrows]

Oh, so YOU guys can just see a face and be like “I like that face, I’m gonna make it my face” and everyone’s just COOL with that. But when I, Koh the Face Stealer,

[eugeniedanglars]

BEYOND obsessed with this house in fort worth, texas i mean

okay pretty normal, let’s look at the interior photos—

WHAT THE FUCK

here we see the first example of a pattern that will recur throughout the house, which is that once your eyes adjust to the bonkers dictator chic marble-and-gilded-everything, you notice some pretty egregiously shoddy workmanship. look at how that baseboard intersects with the outlet. look at how the marble… uh, thing on the wall (i was gonna call it a fireplace but it’s not a fireplace, i have no idea what that is) has gaps and weird angles wherever two pieces meet. it’s like they’re trying to recreate versailles on an ikea budget

i… don’t hate the kitchen. i mean, obviously it’s ugly and #toomuch and there was zero effort made to match the very modern appliances and sink to the cabinets, but still, i’m a sucker for a pass-through and a big sink with a window above it.

this ceiling Fucks but the wrinkly, uneven curtains and terrible caulking around the faux-column in the middle anti-Fuck

why did we suddenly completely switch aesthetics. why is there an old TV set into the wall at floor level. why is there a tiny set of doors next to it. why does the fireplace look like an asset ripped from the original dark souls. i feel a sinister presence sucking at my soul the longer i look at this photo

i feel like whoever designed this monstrosity started with the dining room and then once they’d finished it realized they’d blown half their budget on just this one room. it’s so overdecorated that the gaudiness feels intentional, like it’s a statement rather than a side effect of genuine tastelessness. i can applaud that.

here we have the antithesis of the dining room. i don’t know what this room is supposed to be but i hate it. i’m pretty sure everything in this photo literally came from ikea. there is a lack of commitment here and it is rancid

ladies, gentlemen, distinguished colleagues, we have now hit the cornerstone of any great tacky real estate listing: the heart-shaped bathtub! this one gets bonus points for being next to a gilded mirror and surrounded by bright red damask wallpaper. as a bathtub i’d give it a 1/10 because those angles look incredibly uncomfortable, but as a place to shoot my lover through the heart while wearing a gauzy fur-trimmed bathrobe before fleeing with our ill-gotten fortune i’d give it a solid 11/10

here we are with the lack of commitment again. this literally looks like the kitchen in my college dorm but with a weird fringey lamp and some curtains that are absolutely too long for their windows

again, the mix of styles here is just killing me. half damask wallpaper and carved wall panels, half normal-ass bathroom? really? isn’t there anything truly unhinged left in this house? anything truly opulent, decadent, off the chain, extravagant, gaudy—

THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT BAY BEE!!! THAT’S MORE THE FUCK LIKE IT!!! COMMIT! TO! THE! BIT! GO BIG OR GO HOME! IF YOU’RE GONNA STICK A CEILING DOME IN THE FOYER OF YOUR SUBURBAN TEXAS HOUSE IT HAD BETTER BE TWELVE FEET IN DIAMETER AND PAINTED WITH DOZENS OF FLOWERS OR ELSE WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE EVEN DOING HERE??

and finally, to close out the show, a reminder that this entire acid trip of a real estate listing took place in an ordinary, modern single-story house in texas, one with a backyard and utility boxes on the exterior walls and neighbors who may be blissfully unaware that they live mere feet from a yawning pit of madness.

i love tacky real estate listings.

[jhaernyl]

@thebisexualmandalorian

[petty-revenge-stories]

21 Petty Revenge Stories That Will Give You Some Great Ideas

[timeshadow01]

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

two medieval knights jousting but instead of poles they have those sticky hand toys and when they get close they swing and try to stick them to each others armor

[kotaku]

The End, by Alister Lockhart.

[walkinchicken]

Bruh, if you don’t think that having historically significant events well documented from multiple perspectives is a good thing, then idk what the hell u doin.

[purplebloodedmajesty]

Besides, like, that is literally a Giant Monster Rampaging Through The Town. What the fuck is the everyday person gonna do other than Tweet/Instagram/Post about it going “It’s the apocalypse you guys! Eyyyy lmao #apocalypse #deathrising #nofilter”?

[nbkatara]

#like come on your cellphone may not defeat the beast#but it can gain you like 50000 followers before the skies start raining blood so#who’s the REAL winner here? (via @purplebloodedmajesty)

[songofsunset]

And heck, even if your own death is inevitable getting information out could help save other people, even if it can’t save you. ‘Here are 20 livestreams of the giant tentacle monster including how it moves and attacks, how can we beat it?’ is way more useful than ‘an entire city got wiped off the map and things smell vaguely of calimari idk man’

[steppsful]

reblogging for this perfection: ‘an entire city got wiped off the map and things smell vaguely of calimari idk man’ 

[fangirljeanne]

I personally would be trying to give the Great One flowers and chocolate, but I don’t fault others for watching to get a picture of something so glorious and terrible. 😍

[hussyknee]

These are photos taken by Robert Landsburg of the eruption of Mount St. Helens in 1980. He realized he would never get to safety in time, so he kept taking pictures of the ash cloud for as long as possible. Then he put the camera securely in his bag and lay down on top of it to protect it before being engulfed in the pyroclastic flow. When they found his body, the recovered the pictures were invaluable to geologists because no one had ever been able to document an eruption that close up before.

There are many more such photographs of unimaginable perspectives taken moments before death, only because of the compelling human desire to assert that we were here, this happened, this was real. It’s the most human desire there is - to reach out across time and space to connect with our fellow beings until our last breath.

[aquilacalvitium]

That’s haunting

[feanor-the-dragon]

I fucking tear up every time I see this post because that’s it. That’s the essence of what it means to be human.

I was here. I explored. I saw this. Remember me.

Fuck

[constanzeofficial]

Visit Original Link

Doesn’t sound demonic, which is a nice change of pace from the typical 8x slowed down songs.

[didyoubringyourdog-moved]

[ranty9000]

I’m dying of laughter

[deacytits]

IM LEGITIMATELY CRYING

[inspiring-prompts]

You trained the king. You helped him destroy his enemies. You made him into the most powerful man in the world. Now, you have a chance to rest. 

And now, you put the next step of your plan into motion.