Your Writer

A reminder from the past. But a past that will forever adore you.

[xkseii]

An old ghost ⎮writer ⎮

the world never stop turning, but I’ll remember you even if you leave ⎮ drinking tea every day

⎮ All works here belongs to @/xkseii ⎮ Do not steal or copy any of my work, do not spread it on other platforms, heavily edit, modify or repost it, translations aren't allowed

[xkseii]

Well, good day!

I realize that I really do come back at random times, and very odd hours. I saw a few asks and I admit that it made me very happy and a bit tearful (I’m especially talking about you, 🫂).

I feel like I want to share a bit of happiness, and also answer some questions I was asked on how I’m doing now. I don’t know how long it will be, so I’m putting a separator just in case.

[Before that] I just want to say thank you. I feel truly grateful and happy whenever I come back here and see what I missed, I’m always glad to see that some people are still active and posting, it warms my heart.

I wish to all of you the most happiness and joy, for this year and the years to come. I feel forever grateful and blessed for your kindness and sweetness, for the ones who accompanied me on my previous journey here. Sending you all my most sincere wishes.

Hi again!

I have a lot of great news to share for once, a lot of things have happened, maybe too much to even follow without being lost sometimes.

About my online life, I haven’t started writing again since I left this account. It’s not negative, I’ve started to focus on other things and it’s going well, I still struggle but I feel less pressured than how I felt years ago. I’m less active online, cut contact with many people, but I do keep contact with a few and I regularly get updates on them too. I’m very happy everyone is doing well.

About irl, it’s a mess of news. The most important one, Sherlock is still doing awesome! Getting old but still living his best life, a spoiled brat as ever, hates the heat and hated me during the heatwave. But he’s living his little awesome life, he even made a friend with the neighbor cat!

For me, it’s a bit of a mess. I don’t know if it will be a surprise, but I transitioned a bit over a year now. My gender got finally changed on my official documents a few months ago, and I changed my legal name too. I feel much more like myself than before. So, I am officially and legally a woman now! (Sounds weird to say it like that, but you understood what I mean)

Other insane news… I got engaged. I’ve been with someone for a while now, we moved in together a few months ago, got a nice little apartment not far from where I was living before. And we proposed to each other on the same day (because we’re idiots and had the exact same idea in mind, but it’s cute because we both have rings now). Shared braincells, but not for studies unfortunately, they’re as dumb as me. We didn’t decide yet when the marriage will happen, we’ll be surely waiting for a year or two at least.

I’m still a student, finally finished my precious years, and I’m continuing at a higher degree/level (?? Can’t speak English anymore). But it’s going really damn great, I’m considered one of the top students and I’m working my ass off. I’ll be soon be working in a field I like, and I already got a promised job for when I graduate, thanks to a few internships I did.

I think that’s the main things that happened to me since I left! I suddenly feel like an adult when I say things like that and give positive updates for once. I do want to say that I feel like it’s thanks to a lot of you that I managed to be here now. If I hadn’t started that account and got allowed by all of you to share what I love(d) to do, I wouldn’t have been able to open up the way I am now.

That’s why I want to really put first that how grateful I really am, to everyone. I feel nostalgic of my time here, but I also manage to keep such great memories that I’m not too sad about it.

I’m sending all of you, even the ones who aren’t on tumblr anymore, a lot of love. I pray and hope for you, I admit that I do a prayer once a month specifically for everyone here, it keeps me happy to do that.

I love all of you, and I hope you will all keep loving yourself or learn how to. Struggles come and go, but I know that you can do it, even if it takes time. Life is precious, you are precious, and you all always deserve much more than what you are allowing yourself.

Sincerely, and with the most sincere wishes of happiness,

Aleksei, or also now known as Héméra

[xkseii]

COME BACK WE NEED U I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN DO IT FOR ME 😣😣

Nuh uh ๑(◕‿◕)๑

(sending you a forehead kiss for telling me about the Wattpad stealer drama)

[xkseii]

=＾● ⋏ ●＾= ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

[xkseii]

I hope you are all doing well. Do not forget that your feelings and thoughts matters. Please, take care of yourself and always put your mental and physical health first. I hope you will all be successful in your life, according to your goals and your personal view of life/happiness. I’m wishing the best to all of you, and kindly remind you to drink water, eat well, and take a break when you need to.

[xkseii]

Heyy, I know you’re probably not going to see this since you’re not using this account anymore but i think i used to be ⛄️ anon. You might not remember me but that’s okay 😭😭🙏 I loved this account soo much i used to read all the posts on this acc on my free time last year 😭 espicially when im at school in breaktime (and sometimes in class..😟) but after graduating everything has just been busier and life yk 😪 so i never got the chance to read all your amazing fics anymoreee for a long time. I think we only talked once on the posts, LIKE I WAS SO SHY LIKE I WAS THINKING SHOULD I SEND THIS? OR SHOULD I NOT? WILL I GET BULLIED 😭?? I don’t knoww i just looked up to you smm like you’re such an amazing person like you were so nicee to me and stuff and i just wanna thank you for all the amazing memories you gave me this year and last year 😭🫶🏾🫶🏾 idk if you know but you had a big impact on me this year n last year. Your posts taught me how to set boundaries wit ppl, to take care of myself and that its okay to take breaks, how to write really good fics 😈and your adorable little son who always brightened up my day and made me smile whenever i felt shitty 😋 EVEN THOUGH I FEEL PRETTY SAD THAT YOU’RE LEAVING IM REALLY GLAD TOO, like im glad you’re prioritising your mental health and just i dont know how to explain it but im really happy you’re doing whats the best for you 😭😭 I hope you continue to make more fun and pleasant memories in the future and continue to do the things you love and brings out the best in you 😁 OKAY I THINK I’VE YAPPED ENOUGH IDK HOW TO MAKE APPRECIATION LETTERS BUT I REALLY HOPE YOU’RE DOING BETTER NOW THANK YOU FOR BEING IN MY LIFE AND MAKING ME HAPPY IM GOING TO MISS YOU SMM BYEEE I REALLY WISH YOU THE BEST AND IM GOING TO MISS YOUR SON SM BUT THATS OKAY 😭😭 OKAY ENOUGH ENOUGH BYE DRINK PLENTY OF WATER AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BYEE <33

I do remember a ⛄️ anon! (I think I remember almost all the anons I had, even since I started this account.)

You shouldn't be reading fics during class time! (but I did it sometimes too so I can't say anything.) Congratulation for graduation by the way, that's awesome and I'm really proud of you!! It's a big step, and even if the path after gets busier and more difficult, it's something to take huge pride in.

I am happy when anyone send anything, even a comment or ask without words, so thank you for taking the time to do it. I think I should thank you just as much, along with everyone else who accompanied me this year and part of the year before. You did make my life awesome, and I've rarely been this happy before, so it's thanks to you all.

I'm grateful for reading this, that really bring a smile to my face. I wish you the best just as much, that you can enjoy yourself and your life, make friends and be happy. Keep setting boundaries, prioritise yourself and your feelings, be a lovely and nice person. Don't forget to drink water and eat easier, take a break when you get too tired or start to burn out, and stay positive about all the small things that make you happy.

Thank you a lot, and I wish you a Happy New Year. My son (Sherlock) does too.

[xkseii]

its been 2 months and i been missing you. i hopr ur doing okay!! i wish you all the best.

I'm missing all of you too, a lot. It really has been two months already, it feels weird to login again and see dms, asks, comments, because I kinda thought everyone would forget about me.

I hope you are doing okay too, that you are taking care of yourself and enjoying your life. I wish you the best, wish you great holidays and a happy new year. Please, don't forget to drink water, eat properly, and have a break when you feel tired. No one is better at taking care of yourself than you, so treat yourself well.

[xkseii]

How are you feeling these days? I hope you're alright<3

Hi! It's been a little while, I hope you are doing great!

I'm kind of struggling with my personal life, along with mental illnesses. Life isn't as great as I want it to be, leaving tumblr was really difficult as it took an important part of my emotional life. I am trying to get better, feeling better about myself and resolve past traumas that I never took care of until now.

Though, I am far less stressed and anxious than before, which came from the pressure of writing a lot. I am doing better on some aspects of my life, and some are worse, but I'm doing my best.

I wish you the best, I hope you are doing great and that life is treating you good. (Late) Merry Christmas, (Late) Happy New Year and I just hope you spent a really good time during the holidays. Thank you, for checking on me, I appreciate it a lot, and it does make me really happy.

[xkseii]

It's a goodbye

It's a bit overdramatic, but I'm a bit of a drama king, so it's no surprise for everyone.

As stated, it is a goodbye. I am not planning to continue this blog for various reasons. This account both fueled my passion for writing while also fueling my hatred for my own writing. I have the feeling that I can't keep up with the expectations, and neither do I feel like I will be able to spend much time on a work that satisfies me.

I've met amazing people, whether they were anonymous or we ended up being mutuals, or friends. This year was amazing for me, even if there were some moments that dragged me into low mental states. I'm thankful to all of you, even if you were just here and enjoying my writing, it made me really happy and feel supported.

I may log in from time to time to reply or read some asks, because there are some anons that I have grown closer to, and even if I leave, I would love to have life updates! Maybe one day, I'll drop by to post a fic and leave again, but I doubt it will happen. None of my work will be deleted, and my account won't be deleted either, everything will stay as it is right now.

→ ✉️

My dearests,

To the current 3.799 people who took the time to follow me and perhaps give me some kind of place in their hearts and lives,

Thank you very much, to all of you. I wish you the best in your life, whether it's in your studies, in your job, or any other destinies.

Don't forget that you all deserve the best, and to be happy. Prioritize your mental health and your feelings, don't forget that you are a human being and deserve to be treated as such. You are loved by people—at least one person, which is me right now. I love all of you.

Please, take care of yourself. Don't forget to drink water, eat, and take a break when you need to. Do not pressure yourself; it won't make you work better; it will only stress you out more. Take your time and go at your own pace; even if you go slowly, it will always be a step forward toward your goal.

Be happy and have a good life. I hope I'll be able to interact with some of you again.

Ever your writer, valeksei, xkseii, onirique-amaranth.

But ultimately, your Aleksei.

[xkseii]

no clue how I found u but I looked thru ur blog and ur seem like the sweetest person ever like….

Thank you very much, that's so sweet!

You are really nice and lovely, I appreciate it.

[xkseii]

The magnificent bird and the golden cage

— Including: nsfw (-17)

— Warnings: gn reader, toxic behavior & manipulation from both reader and Otoya, unhealthy relationship, cheating.

— Summary: Who is the magnificent bird in the gold cage, and who keeps him locked there.

Part 3 -> Don Lorenzo, Tabito Karasu & Eita Otoya

✖︎ You are the gentle falconer, and he is the lovely Magpie.

— Don Lorenzo is a man who lived a difficult life. As he was born into a miserable household, abandoned by his parents, living on the streets for a long period of time… It’s no wonder that Lorenzo kept a difficult relationship and point of view on money, even if he can live comfortably now. His obsession with money represent a huge part of his personality, and he can’t help but never be satisfied with what he has, the internalized fear of losing all his money and ending up on the street again is eating him from the inside.

— Meeting you did not change him, his fear still eating him alive and distracting his mind. Even if your close relationship did not affect his traumatized self, it still changed a few of his habits. The fact that you were earning less than him and lived a pretty average life was stressing him out, he started to fear that you would end up without money at some point if you stop working, or get injured. Every week, he can’t help but transfer a specific amount of money, which is higher if you got sick or went on holiday during the previous week.

— You didn’t want to take advantage of his fear and only put his money on the side, without using it, keeping it only for an emergency. When you hang out with Lorenzo, and often Snuffy, neither of them let you pay. At first, it was always Snuffy paying for the three of you, then, Lorenzo took the habit of paying sometimes. The second you take out your credit card, your hand is slapped away without any care, so in exchange, you regularly buy them gifts, such as golden items for Lorenzo, football related items, or cute decorations for his apartment.

— The moment you started dating, he was very much always with you. You work from home as much as you can, he brings you to his practice when you aren’t busy, he follows you around in the morning. After all, Lorenzo doesn’t just have an obsession on money, but also on love and affection, since he lacked this part of a relationship his entire life. Hand holding is necessary for him, resting his chin on your shoulder is a must, the sensation of having you close to him physically and mentally.

— You rapidly move in together, and instantly, he creates a joined bank account for you two. Lorenzo often tends to give you money if you do something for him, buys you anything that he thinks will suit you. A few of his teammates were convinced that you were only with him for money, until they notice what was your kind of dynamic you had together: the constant wholesome reassurance, the support you always give each other, the almost childish way of teasing the other to bring a smile to their face. You had the most healthy relationship possible, even with your shared or distinct experiences and trauma.

— In the end, you keep Lorenzo in the most comfortable cage, filled with silk pillows and most expensive food. He is more dependent of you than you are dependent of him, but it didn’t create an unbalanced or one-sided relationship. You have different love language, and both give the most love to the other as possible, while trying to learn how to grow past the difficult experiences together.

✖︎ You locked each other in the same golden cage.

— Karasu has that habit of looking down on people he deems as ‘mediocre’, but it isn’t to the liking of everyone. And it certainly wasn’t to your liking. And the fact that he uses his sharp tongue to insult friend or foe without any distinction only annoyed you more. There was this sensation of sheer annoyance sweeping through you whenever he opens his mouth to say something else than something about the game itself.

— Your relationship with Karasu started off the wrong foot, with a mutual annoyance that eat away your similar play style. You could be working so well together, but your behavior and temper made it impossible to even stand in the same room without glaring at each other.

— Though, you are both perfectionist, and both dislike when something well planned goes wrong. Whenever it’s important or not, and make a difference or not, you both react the same way: complain and say what went wrong. And it was the only moment you both understood each other perfectly, while the others thought that you were dramatic and always complaining. This is how you managed to more or less get along, externalize the frustration of a situation by talking to each other, and exactly getting where it was bothering the other. It was a pretty therapeutic way of relaxing, and you both wordlessly agreed to listen to each other when one of you needed it.

— You start to spend more time with each other, spending a good hour everyday just talking to each other and talking out any trouble or something that annoys you. It went to the point when you couldn’t even imagine talking to someone else about all of this, even for a short instant, it was engraved in your brain that you could just come up to Karasu and start talking. It was the same for him, and the rest of your teammates were surprised when they almost never heard neither of you complain many times per day anymore.

— This habit turned into dependence for each other's presence, and it became a daily need that could lead to extreme frustration if it wasn't given. When the new Selection began, you were both separated and both your mood were the worst anyone had ever seen. Karasu was complaining about every little thing, his sharp tongue turned deadly, his insults becoming harsher, more frequent and towards absolutely everyone. On your side, it wasn't any better if it was from a collective agreement to let the players walk around when they weren't training, so you could see each other.

— You never really began any romantic relationship, but this dependence to the other led to being together almost all the time. A game of control and reassurance between the two of you, since you didn't want the other to go see someone else, and it was the same for the other. It was a constant push into following your ideas, meaning that even if one of you were having a bad and dangerous idea, the other would constantly support them without trying to direct them onto a better path.

— This dynamic based on reassurance, mutual frustration, anger, and need for perfection was utterly unhealthy but also led to a reassurance and support that was greatly needed. In the end, you were so similar that you held onto each other even in the worst decision and time.

✖︎ You are the falconer, he is the Smith scribe.

— Eita Otoya, a professional cheater. You have no idea how it happened, but you ended up going out with him only to get cheated on and broken with because he was too 'bored'. It wasn't even a proper break up, as he just sent you a text saying that it was over between you.

— The frustration only grew when you saw him get more and more partner, never learning the lesson, despite the fact that he was getting slapped almost every time. This blatant disrespect, the number of hearts you saw him break made you want to get revenge, or at least, get him to understand what he was doing to those poor souls. You had a few mutual friends with him, and you more or less know what he was becoming and hear more details about his recent behavior.

— Without any surprise, none of his previous partners would ever be willing to get in contact with him again, and you ended up being the first one to do so. On the note of wanting to just catch up with him and hear about how he was doing, a kind-of date at a coffee shop was decided, and you saw him face-to-face for the first time in months. His lack of shame was even worse than you thought, as he proudly said that he didn't have any partner, even if you knew he currently had a girlfriend.

— Meeting him at this coffee shop felt more like a date than anything else, he was being as flirty as when you met him, and he behaved like he was trying to win you over again. It irked you so much but kept calm, in the few months between your break-up, he didn't change in the slightest and tried to use the same cheap tricks to get you to go out with him again or spend a night together.

— You accepted the implied offer, and spent the night with him. But unlike what he was expecting, you weren't all over him the night morning, you just put on your clothes after grabbing something to drink and left. Otoya that was so used to get and keep the attention of his partner until he cheated felt lost, like he had lost a game against you and his ego really badly took the hit. And you gained an Otoya running after you while trying to not make it obvious, doing everything to get your attention and get into a relationship again.

— His ego when he saw you with someone else, seeming to have fun and be into a nice relationship, was the biggest blow. It was like telling him he was good enough for a night, but he wasn't deserving to be officially with you, only a guy on the side when you felt bored. He gave even more efforts into getting you to pay attention to him, pushing any flirt away to focus on getting you, which started a game of cat and mouse, but the mouse was actually a dog waiting to strike.

— You gave attention to Otoya for a day, before ghosting him, gave him attention again, before being seen with someone else. It lasted for weeks, until you finally accepted to go out with him. Your previous behavior was forcing him to always only be with you, from the fear of seeing you leave with someone else. And in the end, Otoya has been trapped into his own game of flirting and cheating.

— Even if you weren't planning on cheating on him, since you didn't want to be the same kind of bastard as him… You let the anxiousness of it growing at the back of his mind, soothing his heart when you felt that it was getting to him too much. You didn't know for how long it will last, but for now, he had been a loyal boyfriend to you.

— Thank you for reading! I wish you a great day.

— here is my masterlist & ko-fi —

[renesyce]

reunited in an endless blue

[xkseii]

Omg my first mutual hiiiiii

Hiii!!!

[xkseii]

OMG hiiii how're you?? Is everything fine? Your cat?

Are you drinking enough tea?

Hiii!! Everything is fine, much better than before. My cat (my baby, Sherlock) is doing just fine! He’s getting a bit older so I’m being careful with him!

And I’m drinking as much tea as usual! 1 liter a day (💀) but I’m not getting bored of it at all.

Giving you a little kiss on the forehead.

[xkseii]

Hello, darling! How are things?

-Ember 🐣

Emby, hi!

Did you get the results of your exams?

And I’m doing well, things are going perfectly fine. How about you? I hope you’re taking care of yourself. <3

[xkseii]

happy belated birthday

My answer to this ask is just as late,,,, (hope you aren’t mad)

And thank you! <3

[xkseii]

happy one year anniversary of your writing blog!! looking aesthetic as always 💜

I giggled. Thank you Arsy!! 💜