❛ Actually I was thinking about taking the Warblers on tour, get them out of state to really give them some experience in the outside world. The council have already approved it but it’s kinda hard to convince the guy’s parents that going on a road trip with their gay teacher is educational. So we’ll see how it goes ❜ Blaine shrugs his shoulders, back relaxing against the seat in hopes to achieve a tension free drive - at least for the rest of the way. Kurt would always be able to elicit certain emotional responses and given the history they both had it was a given but for it to be this bad? There was no need and for Blaine to attempt to encourage it would be an insult to what they had. So he makes a conscious effort to stop placing up walls so that Kurt couldn’t get close because while he’s physically right next to him, the distance emotionally is painful.
At one point they had this - inseparable bond, the kind that made his toes curl with excitement while his heart raced unnaturally at every given step of their life together. But that had become a dependency and that’s what had made it hard. Blaine would strive for more and more of it until Kurt had nothing left to give, driving him into a corner that he’d thought they were both comfortable with. He supposes that’s his own ignorance but that hadn’t stopped the other boy from perpetuating it further. Both were driven but both had their own flaws and those had clashed, it’d taken awhile for the surface to really show the friction marks but it had eventually surfaced. Scraping ever so gently until it had eventually sparked and destroyed like wildfire and looking back on it, from a perspective that had been healing - not hurting - Blaine can start to see where it all went wrong.
The time is what they needed and the mutual dependency that had fed off each other’s weak points had lessened the foundations of what had made them, them. They weren’t the same at the end as what they were at the beginning, and if you can’t look at the person you love and recognize who they are then your relationship was built on nothing but appearance. It was a shame but the trips to the Doctor had assured him that fretting over unchangeable history wouldn’t do any good ❛ How about you? Not booked your big Broadway break yet or are you saving that for next year? ❜ Blaine smiles, glancing over when it’s safe to assure the other that the comment wasn’t made out of anything but genuine interest.
Hearing the news that Blaine had plans but they weren’t solidified yet was both relieving and nerve wracking. Kurt knew he had one shot at this. One shot to convince Blaine that he should drop those tentative plans and put a mountain of faith in him by coming back with him to New York City. Faith in him. God, how quickly things can change. Something that you used to have in endless amounts could become something you were left hoping for a spoonful of and knowing you may never get even that. Time, hopefully, mended enough of what they were at the end to earn him some of the trust Blaine used to have in him back. They were both different now. So, so different. Kurt sitting there digging his fingers against the hems of his pants while trying not to freak out in the presence of someone who used to be home to him was a physical sign that he hadn’t judged how being near Blaine might truly affect him. He’d been so prepared to be brushed off while secretly hoping for this chance that he was struggling to keep himself calm and collected now that he had it. It wasn’t his usual jitters, no. It was hope, excitement and preparing himself for the worst case scenario while hoping like hell it wouldn’t happen.
“Before you jet off with the Warblers? I have a question for you. It can wait for dinner but I promise that it isn’t anything bad or something you should worry about,” he smiled reassuringly. Blaine didn’t know the lengths he’d gone to in an attempt to try to face some of his own demons. Or that work was the one constant thing in his life he was devoted to. A daily routine that he could stick to and felt comfortable in. He had no idea that Kurt put a pen to paper or fingers to a keyboard and ended up writing through his biggest fears and deepest feelings only to end up stronger, more confident and healed at the end when he looked into the eyes of his main character, saw Blaine there looking back just as changed, just as happy and comfortable and content and smiled at the thought. Excitedly, even. And could barely wait to jet out of the city once the script was picked up and pre-production started just to tell the man sitting next to him that this show? Was the thing he was proudest of. Not a relationship or a person that defined who he was that made him feel self worth or pride. But something he created. With his own hands and heart and soul and it was perfect and his but Blaine had been there all the while as part of that inspiration in such a delicately encouraging presence that Kurt didn’t fully realize it was there or the real meaning of it until he was finished. In a way, it was him finding himself. A lightbulb moment. Where he took a step back and just..lived.
“Oh? I..um.. I haven’t been trying out for any roles,” his voice was soft and when Blaine finally met his gaze, Kurt’s brightened happily and he perked up a bit taller in his seat. He didn’t, frankly, have the time left in either one of their schedules to prove himself. Or how steady and solid he was, taking strides towards the future. Courage used to be their message. Kurt, as a kid, used to think he got what that meant. It was only this year that he truly grasped the real meaning of the word. Now? Blaine just had to come with him and give him the leap of faith Kurt was asking for. Courage to hint of what he was up to and where this conversation was going. “I’ve been writing them instead.. It’s part of the reason why I’m--Ooh! Look, we’re here!” Eager to keep the ball rolling, Kurt bent over and scooped up the satchel from where he tossed it on the floor and put it in his lap. “The rest can wait til we’re inside,” he smiled again and flicked his chin in the direction of the restaurant. “Shall we?”
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