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[xmonstermuttx]

It's strange how being nonhuman just follows you everywhere even if you try to deny it.

[devils-queen]

✞ 666 ✞

[xmonstermuttx]

I am still a stranger to myself

This is like the only corner of the internet, and in return, my mind, that I allow to really engulf myself in my more monstrous canine side. When in the human world, I have some things that I am able to sort of get my creature self out, but I still don't fully feel myself.

Recently, like a few months ago, I took the plunge and got 'angel fangs' with my friend and I will say, it was def a new part of me that felt whole and like right. I struggle with my human teeth, so having piercings that mimic fangs are really nice.

I work my human job. I do my human things. But I def crave more. I crave the more creature side of life. I don't know exactly what that looks like anymore. I feel crazy when I dive into my spirituality and try to align more with how I feel, but it just feels like...idk. I feel like what I want is more than the people around me in terms of what my living life looks like. Whether that's visuals like how I dress and look, to decor, to even how we respond to political things.

I feel halfway strong halfway weak. I feel in-between. In a middle state. I still feel strange to myself. I feel strange to the people around me. I feel like an outsider everywhere. I just don't get it.

Blabber over.

[xmonstermuttx]

I feel best when surrounded by smoke clouds

[whispy-wolf]

Don't look at me too hard, I'm doing

Creature™ Things

[xmonstermuttx]

I want to just fit in.

I'm so exhausted from being on the outside, I want to fit in.

I'm so exhausted from being just another puzzle piece. I want to fit in.

I'm so exhausted from never finding a position in bed. I want to just fit in.

I want to fit in like a click when something fits just right. I want to fit into place like a lock with a key. I want to fit in.

I want to fit in like already broken-in shoes. I want to fit like your favorite socks. I want to just fit in.

I'm tired of being too jagged to fit any place perfectly. I'm tired of cutting and chipping and molding and hitting pieces of me to fit in. I just want to fit in, unconditionally.

I don't want to be the last person you think of when you want to hang out with someone. I don't want to be the person who has to take the back seat of a four person train. I don't want to be on the outside seat. I don't want to walk on the grass, make room for me on the sidewalk. I want to fit in.

I just want to find the place where I fit in...I'm tired of being alone.

[winrytheweirdo]

"your so stupid! you can't even talk right!!1!" <- mf at school

yea no shit I can't talk right. I'm a dog. of course a fucking dog can't talk right

[xmonstermuttx]

I was like a young Mindfang at Ren fair today. Was cool.

Ps a gem did fall. Oh well.

[gl1tchtast1c]

[xmonstermuttx]

The animated trailer, paired with wplace just made for the perfect storm to bring us elder stucks out of hiding lol.

Basically I'm just making Homestuck stuff until I can't. All was made by me so far besides the CG and the Aries extended zodiac sign and the unrelated art. Other than that, yep, Skaia is coming out the beta kid house. I'm in the process of drawing Alternia and it's moons.

[xmonstermuttx]

Me: lemme get back on here to maybe find community

5 mins in

"do I have to be leftist to be goth?"

Homies. Please.

[winrytheweirdo]

“when’s the next full moon?” i ask with definitely no howling related plans

[animatedglittergraphics-n-more]

[talon-dragonbeast]

im so fucking good at compartmentalizing

*turns into some sort of creature at the smallest sign of stress*

[makingimages]

[xmonstermuttx]

I do not remember my name. Nor do I remember when my time was. But what I do know is that I am monsterkin.

Not bad monsterkin. Not scary by choice. I was a smoke creature, but not sure if that is my final visual form. I dont have much memory of my past life so far as I kind of fell into a deep spiral and disconnected from what I knew. No introspection. No shadow work. Just spiral.

Not many know I am monsterkin but my cat knows. I strongly believe my cat is my past bear companion in a new form. The way he communicates with me, the way he always finds me when I am in distress. The way he looks at me. It all is too familiar. I thought my companion was in the form of a mate but that is false.

I hide my creature tendencies behind that of a pet player and primalist. I am most comfortable as a dog. Dehumanized but adored. This human life is too much.

I honestly just want/need more friends and real life isn't working anymore. I have been on other social media but none have felt right nor have they been beneficial to my mental health.

I hope to figure out more of my past lives, if many at all. I want to find and connect with others. I just want to be welcomed to some degree. I am very introverted but enjoy being part of the pack.

[xmonstermuttx]

I crave connection but am always on the outside.

I want to find where I belong.

This human existence is terrifying when you are a monster.

It is scary when you are alone.

No one who understands. No thing to turn to.

Howling endlessly.