âToday I am wearing lacy black underwear
For the sole purpose of knowing I am wearing them.
And underneath that?
I am absolutely naked.
And Iâve got skin. Miles and miles of skin;
Iâve got skin to cover all my thoughts
like saran wrap that you can see through
to what leftovers are inside from the night before.
And despite what you might think, my skin is not rough; nor is it bullet proof.
My skin is soft, and smooth, and easily scarred.
But that doesnât matter, right?
You donât care about how soft my skin is.
You just want to hear about what my fingers do in the dark.
But what if all they do is crack open windows?
So I can see lightening through the clouds.
What if all they crave is a jungle gym to climb for a taste of fresher air?
What if all they reach for is a notebook or a hand to hold?
But thatâs not the story you want.
You are licking your lips and baring your teeth.
Just once I would like to be the direction someone else is going.
I donât need to be the water in the well.
I donât need to be the well.
But Iâd like to not be the ground anymore.
Iâd like to not be the thing people dig their hands in anymore.
Some girls know all the lyrics to each otherâs songs.
They find harmonies in their laughter.
Their linked elbows echo in tune.
What if I canât hum on key?
What if my melodies are the ones nobody hears?
Some people can recognize a tree,
A front yard, and know theyâve made it home.
How many circles can I walk in before I give up looking?
How long before Iâm lost for good.
It must be possible to swim in the ocean of the one you love without drowning.
It must be possible to swim without becoming water yourself.
But I keep swallowing what I thought was air.
I keep finding stones tied to my feet.â
-Hannah Baker, 13 Reasonâs Why
