The truth is that I’m lost.
Maybe I’ve always been that way. Maybe I’ll never find my path.
There’s times I’ve pretended to be strong when in reality I never gained any strength.
There’s times I still am sad even though I’m doing alright.
In reality, I’m lonely. I felt like I’ve lost everything. I don’t have true friends I can turn to anymore. I’ve disappointed my parents even though they’ve done nothing but love and support me. I waste my time not growing or knowing how to grow. I don’t have a life I can truly feel proud of if I I leave this earth.
Mentally I’ve never been alright. I don’t put in the efforts to fix myself nor do I try to. I claim of being independent but it’s only because I’ve pushed others away or feel too depressed and find myself disassociating every day.
I’m weak. I don’t know where I’m going and I am too stubborn to seek help. I don’t want to bother anyone. I have always been the one that brought the mood down or be overshadowed in conversation. I don’t have anyone to blame but myself however.
I just want to be alright. I want to be better. But reality is showing me that time is passing by with nothing but failure at every turn. Self fulfilling prophecy they say. I wish I had the courage to just leave this earth because I know I’m not going to make any attempts to be better myself like I continually keep telling myself I will. I hope one day I can just disappear.
If you know me. I do apologize for this post. But please do not reply or ask me how I am. I will sadly not reply. I feel like I am in a void I want to stay in until life finally eats me up and I cannot take it anymore. I’m waiting for that day I can finally leave without a trace.
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