There Is Strength In Tragedy @xstrengthxinxtragedyx - Tumblr Blog

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xstrengthxinxtragedyx

This is me

Wish I could write on here again. Miss the people I write with on here. 😢

unitedleader

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒 .. 𝐍𝐎𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐃𝐘 . . ind. selective FINN HUDSON OF FOX’S GLEE. written by blake. please read pinned / rules before following & interaction. prev. untraditionallysmart & huhdson. primarily seasons 1-3 ( with s4 verse available. ) open to crossovers and aus.

Chenford’s story throughout 1x01 and 5x09. Scenepack Credit: @logolessfx on Insta.

This reigniting my chenford feels big time

thenexusofsouls:

xstrengthxinxtragedyx:

Of Attacks And Returns, Carl Lucas And Katrina Banks.

Luke… didn’t know how to react or what to say when Katrina go out of that SUV. He didn’t want it to see like he was disgusted by her or didn’t want to see her, but he couldn’t be happy either. She looked like hell. No, she looked like she had been through hell. And it was his fault. So how was he going to smile or look happy when she’d been hurt so badly. Geezus, they cut off her arm? The look on his face encompassed sorrow, guilt, and regret all wrapped up into one.

And yet… she was so strong, to carry on after all that. He knew he wasn’t that strong. After his accident, he’d had a lot of pity parties and outbursts, and cracks in his tough facade realy began to show. He wasn’t able to just keep on going, not for a long while. Truthfully, he’d thought about killing himself, but the one thing that had stopped him had been September’s threat to have Katrina assaulted if he didn’t do what she wanted. But they’d fuckin’ hurt her anyway. That pissed him off to no end. He pulled it together quickly, though, for her sake. She didn’t want his damn pity, what good would that do her? All it’d do was make her feel terrible and patronized, and he never wanted to make her feel that way. If she could be strong, then the least he could do is not break down or let his guilt affect her.

He knew case meant well, but he wished she wouldn’t call them “love birds.” It was a bit presumptuous to think that Katrina still loved him or wanted to be with him at all. Most people wouldn’t want to be with someone who lied to them and then got them mutilated and beaten up. He really didn’t think he had any right to still consider himself to be in a relationship with Katrina, so he assumed he wasn’t. If he was lucky, maybe he could keep her as sort of a friend. That was the best he was going to be able to do, he figured. “Yeah, she’s held up pretty well so far,” he said in response to her comment about the car.

His eyes lifted from the car to her when she said it was good to see him. Was it, really? He couldn’t understand why she’d say that. “It’s good to see you too…” he said. It was sincere but laden with that guilt he was having so much trouble holding back. He wanted so much to say he was sorry, but that wouldn’t go over well, probably. Seeing her flip Goldberg off was… nice. Luke felt like he deserved to be flipped off too, just not in so good-natured a manner. “I’m glad you’re back,” seemed like the only safe thing to say to her, and that was true too. He’d missed her a lot…

Katrina had moved her eyes slowly, her hands were resting at her sides, she was wearing a long sleeved shirt covering her bionic arm, glove covering the hand so it wasn’t all too obvious. She had folded her arms over her chest as she was breathing softly, her eyes had raised as a little bit. She had noticed the look on his face, her brows were furrowed as she let her eyes roll around from one side to the other. She had then looked down biting her lower lip as she could feel the pity rolling off of everyone around her.

Her lips were pressed together as she was standing there, hair braided and out of the way as she had felt her lips twitch in amusement when she had heard Case call them love birds, she looked down feeling a nervous sounding chuckle escape her lips, because even after what had happened she still loved him. She had moved her eyes up and looked at Luke, her arms were folded over her chest as she had rocked back and forth on her feet slightly, her eyes were intently focused as she had a smile on her face but by no stretch of the imagination did it reach her eyes. Her eyes almost looked lifeless even though she was standing there very much alive and breathing, it was like she was a shell of herself.

“I sure as shit hope so, precious cargo and all.”…she said with a low laugh moving to rest her gloved hand on the hood of the car, she had smirked slightly a brief glimmer of her former self had shown through when she gave Goldberg the finger which had earned a boisterous laugh from the other guy. She had then moved her eyes down slowly licking her lower lip as she had taken a deep breathe as she tilted her head and watched Luke after a brief moment as she licked her lower lip.

“Glad to be back”…she murmured as she moved carefully looking inside the car, her eyes were intently focused as she had looked at everything, her chest was rising and falling slowly as she had moved leaning against the car after a moment seeing everyone begin to get into their cars..”Looks like it’s show time.”….she muttered moving to get in on the passenger side, she had put the earpiece in and moved getting her seatbelt on clicking the various pieces into place.

Luke really didn’t mind having Case as a navigator. They got along well, she was smart, funny, and sassy, and she was good. He needed someone to watch his reckless and impulsive ass out on the track, and Case did that perfectly. Over the weeks that Katrina was absent, Luke thought he and Case had become pretty good friends, at least as well as anyone could become friend with someone in the situation they were in. But… she was no replacement for Katrina, especially in Luke’s heart. And the longer Katrina was way, the more Luke started to lose his shit.

Hearing bits and pieces of what had happened to Katrina, but never the whole story, Luke’s anxiety was through the roof on a fairly regular basis. He wanted to get to her, to comfort her, but would she even want him to? She had to be pretty pissed off at him for a million reasons, despite Case’s reassurances, not the least of which was lying to her and now getting her beaten simply because of her association with him. He’d… been nothing but bad for her, yet she’d been nothing but good for him. Luke felt terrible about that.

Not being free to see her or check on her condition, all Luke could do was continued to try and win races. But although Case kept him safe, his driving was slipping. It had noting to do with the lingering physical effects of his accident and more to do with his mindset. His head wasn’t in the game anymore. He’d come in second twice in a row, and it was starting to really piss him off. More and more it was becoming apparent that Katrina was major part of what kept him going and what helped him get through each day. Without her, he was falling apart.

Then one day, just as they were getting ready to start a new race, Katrina suddenly appeared. Luke didn’t know how to feel. She looked different. The changes were mostly in her eyes, aside from scars here and there. Her eyes, though… that’s what he noticed the most. It caught him off guard to see her this way, and he didn’t know how to respond. “Yeah…” he replied as she said it had been a long time. But then when she said he couldn’t get rid of her that easily, he shook his head, a sadness lingering in his gaze. “I never wanted to…”

“Of course I do,” he said. There was no way in hell heh was gonna reject her, even though he guessed things were pretty much over between them. He still loved her, and he was gonna act like it until she told him to stop. And even then, he might not be able to stop. “Sorry. No hard feelings I hope,” he then said to Case with an apologetic smirk. “Thank you, though. I mean that.” She’d saved his ass numerous times and he was grateful to her for it.

Katrina had been fighting like hell to get back to everyone, even though it was taking a lot of work from her because she had much to heal from. Her eyes were partially opened as she had taken a deep breathe. She had seen Case often and would tell her to tell him that she was alright. She didn’t want him knowing the extent of her injuries because she didn’t want to risk it throwing him off his game when he had much to focus on. She shifted her jaw as she had let her eyes move around from one side to the other as she had stepepd out of the guarded SUV.

She was standing there quietly, her fingers were bent while standing there, her now bionic arm was covered by the sleeve of her shirt and the glove she had on over it. She swallowed hard as she was standing there, eyes had rolled around from one side to the other as she had shifted her weight. She bit down on her lower lip, feeling that everyone was looking at her had made her a little bit uncomfortable bit she was doing her best to focus strictly on Luke as she had taken a deep breathe.

She looked sideways hearing Case laugh..”No hard feelin’s, just glad I was able to help out Kat.”…she said..”Kick ass out there love birds.”…she said moving to stand beside Lists and Goldberg. She had shifted her jaw as she was still going to be on the team just in case that Katrina had needed help with anything, she’d still be there for her and the rest of the team. Katrina had moved quietly, her hands were resting at her sides as she had licked her lower lip gently. She let her eyes move around lightly as she was standing there looking at Luke with a small smile on her face.

She had taken a slow breathe moving to walk near the car he chose..”Case was right, you did pick the best one.”…she muttered placing her gloved hand on the metal, she chuckled, it sounded flat, like there was no humor behind it. She had turned and looked at him, her eyes were focused on his..”It’s good to see you.”…she said softly, her eyes were barely opened, her braided hair was resting against the center of her back while she was leaning against the car, her head had tilted slightly.

She had pressed her lips together as she had raised one eye hearing Goldberg make a funny comment..”Just because this arm is bionic doesn’t mean I still can’t do this.”…she had raised her hand up and gave him the middle finger which had earned a laugh from them, a smile had passed over her features before she let her hand fall to her side. She had even felt a laugh escape her lips, one that made her sound like the old version of herself for a moment.

#guest muse: Case

@xstrengthxinxtragedyx

“You’re not askin’, I’m offerin’. Besides, what am I supposed to do, sit there havin’ a big glass of wine right in front of you? I might be a jerk sometimes, but I’m not that kinda jerk,” Luke said with a chuckle. “I don’t mind givin’ up alcohol while you have to. We can do it together, think of some interesting virgin drinks we can make or somethin’, why not?” If it would make her feel better, of course he’d do it. Hell, she was having his baby, and she agreed to marry him. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her.

He knew the others would be all over it once they heard Katrina was pregnant, and maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing in some ways. Having friends he trusted and could count on would be more important than ever now that was starting a family. “That is true. Havin’ plenty of babysitters is definitely a good thing. ‘Cause uh… we’re gonna need lots of alone time. So I guess we let them have what they want, and we get what we want. Sounds like a good deal to me. But yeah, we’ll wait to make sure everything is all good before we tell a lotta people, alright? For now, it’s just between us,” he said, smiling at her.

He grinned as she teased him about his fast driving. “Hey, I always go the speed limit,” he said, but then after a second he added, “Yeah, my limit, not theirs.” Luke was good with cars and had been all his life. He understood them and how they moved better than most people. As a result, he felt more comfortable going faster, even in traffic, than most would. “I gotta be careful though… I got precious cargo in the car,” he said with another smile aimed at her before he started off. He held her hand, giving it a squeeze every now and then, as he drove with the other. “Hey, if you want a minivan, I’ll get one, I just won’t be happy,” he said playfully.

It felt really good to have these domestic moments with her, where they could just talk like normal people in love instead of the criminals the world would probably always see them as. Just normal people with normal lives… that’s what Luke wanted now. “Oh, I don’t know… I think you’d be really cute overly emotional,” he said. “It’s okay, baby, let it out. I won’t hold it against you.” He lifted her hand that he was holding to his lips and kissed it. “I love you just the way you are, hormonal or not.” It was true. She was his girl, and he was devoted to her. That was never going to change.

Her eyes were intently focused as she leaned back in her seat letting out a low laugh..”You’re more then welcome too.”…she said as her eyes were partially opened. She had tapped her foot lightly as she shifted her jaw while she was sitting there. Her eyes were intently focused as she had never passed up a chance to tease him about his fast driving. She had looked down at her hands for a moment feeling a loud laugh escape her lips, it always amused her when she would tease him about his driving, she was never malicious about it.

She had shifted her jaw as she laughed lowly..”It could end up being a bad thing, I’d end up getting pregnant again”…she said with a grin on her face. She swallowed hard, having plenty of baby sitters would be helpful but it could also end up with them having a little too much free time. Her lips twitched in amusement as she was sitting there, her hands were resting on her lap as she swallowed softly, her foot swayed back and forth as her eyes were locked on his.

“Exactly, you’re limit.”…she said as she rested her hands on her lap in amusement as she was breathing softly, her fingers were bent while she was sitting there, her eyes were rolling from one side to the other as her head had tilted. She shifted her jaw as she swung her leg back and forth while she was sipping her water, her eyes were intently focused on his as she swallowed softly. She snorted lightly shaking her head in amusement..”Not unless you would alter the hell out of it.”…she said with a laugh, her eyes were focused as she shifted her weight. She bit down on her lower lip as she let her eyes were raised as a laugh had escaped her.

She scrunched her nose up rubbing her hands over her face as she had laughed a little bit. She shifted her jaw as she licked her lower lip gently..”you sure about that?”…she said as she swallowed lightly. She knew that her emotions fulll well could get the best of her at any given moment. She shifted her weight as her eyes had moved slowly..”I will do my best to not lose it in public.”…she said with a light laugh, she had tilted her head a bit while sitting still.

@xstrengthxinxtragedyx

Luke was looking at Case a little bit differently now. “Wait, you know Katrina?” His eyes narrowed, half in suspicion but also out of concern. “What do you mean she’s not better off without me? Did somethin’ happen to her?” The idea pissed him off badly, but it’s not like there was anything he could do about it. He didn’t have the freedom to get to her and protect her. Regardless of the mayhem the racers went through on an almost daily basis, they were still prisoners with their every move watched and controlled.

Her words and the way she seemed to believe in him… actually helped a little. Luke felt like a freak, a failure, and pariah, but Case seemed to think he could still do this, and do it well. Maybe he could. Now wasn’t the time for a pity party, really, so maybe he should just put everything he’d got into this, whether he felt motivated to or not. “Okay…” he said. “But listen, uh… Nothin’ funny, okay? If we’re gonna do this, I gotta trust you. I’ve been betrayed before and I’m not gonna deal with that ever again. Be straight with me, I’ll be straight with you, and we’ll both live trough this. Deal?”

With September gone, Luke felt some of his tension and anger ebb away. “Couldn’t’ve happened to a worse bitch, right?” he said with slight smile. That smile only grew as Case commented on her stay in hell. “She’s probably already tryin’ to sleep with the Devil to get better accommodations,” he said with a chuckle. With regard to a replacement, he shrugged. “Yeah, probably. Guess I’ll have to run over them too, huh?” he joked. Case had good energy, and it was uplifting him a lot. That could mean the difference between winning and losing, between life and death.

He listened carefully as she gave him some information and pointers about the other drivers, nodding at she did so. “Good to know,” he said, looking around at whichever other drivers he could see himself. As Case prepared herself and the light began to change, Luke gripped the shift knob and revved the engine. “Let’s race,” he said, throwing the car into high gear and flooring it. There were some new drivers now which he had to feel out for their strategies, so he didn’t look to punch out ahead early on. He let them play with each other, target each other, slam into each other… hanging back a little and watching.

Case had been right about her assessment of some of them, and when he had a clear shot to take some of the weak ones out, he did so. With the playing field made smaller, Luke started to care about the actual race. Quickly taking the lead made him a target, but he knew the car well and what it could do. Driving over a shield pressure plate, he knew he had some defenses now at his disposal should he need them. And he just might… with the guy who was now practically in his trunk and trying to shoot him off the track. Luke checked the rearview mirror with annoyance. “What’s this guy’s problem?”

Case leaned her head looking at him quietly, her fingers were bent..”You do realize all women are in the same..block or whatever you want to call it, we became close friends really quick so.”…she said with a slight shrug as she shifted her jaw. She pressed her lips together..”She was attacked, it’s why I have stepped in, well she asked me to step in because she doesn’t trust anyone else.”…she whispered as she was sitting there. She had raised her eyes a bit as she licked her lower lip watching intently as she kept her eyes focused on everything going on.

She tilted her head looking at him..”you do realize I am not here to play or…mess around I am here to help you, keep you alive because it’s what Katrina wants.”…she muttered, her chest was rising and falling slowly as she too felt a sense of tension released from her as well knowing that September had paid for what she had done. Her fingers were bent a bit as she shifted her jaw as her hair was covering her shoulders as she had turned her head looking around, her jaw was clenched as she moved her eyes upwards.

Her eyes were intently focused as she laughed loudly at that comment, her fingers had bent as she was sitting there..”yeah, let me be in the car for that one, run over everyone, the replacement will probably worse then the others.”…she said as her eyes were moving around from one side to the other as she had clenched her jaw moving to keep her eyes focused as she had moved sliding herself out of the car and turned a gun. She moved slowly..”When the weapons shield is activated it will take less time for me to have to spin it around.”

Her eyes were narrowed slightly as she had moved holding onto the side feeling a car slamming into them, she grunted hitting her head slightly as she darted her eyes sideways..”You just became the big guy on campus, everyone is gonna wanna take ya down now.”….she mumbled. She took a breathe..”Hit a weapons plate next, I’ll start firing.”….she was quiet while she kept her eyes moving around at all times, she ducked slightly feeling a few bullets hit the back of the car..”Idiot I can’t wait to fire at him.”…she growled as she let her eyes dart sideways.

She narrowed her eyes a bit while she had turned slightly watching everything around her seeing a car come up on her passenger side..”swerve.”….she said putting her arms up against the ceiling of the car bracing so that she wouldn’t rock too much when the car inevitable impact would happen as she glared sideways, her chest was rising and falling steadily as she kept her feet anchored down.

Of Bosses And Family, Logan Donovan And Luther Donovan.

Luther knew who Alexandra Duchenko was. She’d been a longtime contact of Andrei’s, a boss in her own right but still willing to do business with another. Maybe it was their shared Russian heritage that fostered some amount of trust between them, about as much as could be had between two powerful and paranoid people. She was a woman who clearly knew how to keep herself on top, using both her mind and her sexuality to get what she wanted. From what Luther had seen and heard, she’d been very successful at it, but one thing she seemed to have trouble with was keeping people in her employ.

Almost every time Duchenko came to “visit” and discuss various things with Andrei at the Petrov family restaurant, she had different associates and bodyguards at her side. Luther wondered if that was because she was difficult to handle and they simply quit on her, or if they were… taken out. He suspected the latter, but it wasn’t his place to ask. It wasn’t his place to do anything without orders. Well, except bring out the bottle. Luther knew that every time Andrei sat down to talk business, a bottle of vodka and two glasses needed to be brought to them immediately. The second he and Duchenko sat down, Luther grabbed the vodka - top shelf, Duchenko could tell the difference - and brought it over, putting the bottle between them and setting the glasses down.

Back behind the bar, Luther began to scan the room as he was trained to do. How many guys, how many weapons, where was everyone, what was everyone doing…? “Guys,” though… Maybe that wasn’t accurate. Duchenko had someone Luther had never seen before with her, yet again, and this time it was a woman. After he’d assessed everyone else, his eyes lingered on this woman he didn’t know. Something about her made him want to know more, but as with all things, it wasn’t his place to ask. So he just watched her, and before long, she seemed to catch that he was on to her.

Their gaze met, and neither one faltered. It wasn’t a friendly meeting, maybe, but neither was it an antagonistic one either. It was more of an “I see you there” kind of thing, with each person there to protect their boss and not play games. After a bit, Luther continued wiping down the bar and doing odd things here and there as Andrei and Alexandra spoke. He always looked so calm, so casual, and most of all… so busy. But Luther was ready to act at a moment’s notice always, eve if he didn’t seem that way. Andrei liked that, because sometimes it drew out the impulsive and the stupid in the room. If they thought Luther wasn’t paying attention, they might try something, but he was always paying attention.

So far it was just a friendly meeting between the two bosses, with business discussions going well. With any luck, it would stay that way. And yet, Luther found himself watching the female bodyguard closely. Something about her stance and the way she carried herself told him that she wasn’t just a good. This woman was trained and alert… just like him.

Logan was standing there, her chest was rising and falling slowly as she was standing close to the front door, her eyes were partially opened as she was intently focused on her boss. Her body was tucked between the door and the window where she could keep herself intently aware of her surroundings. She had taken a breathe looking sideways, her eyes had then moved upwards as she was taking note of her surroundings before she turned her attention to her boss once again. Her chest was rising and falling slowly as she had tilted her head, her eyes were barely opened, she clenched her jaw lightly standing there.

Her eyes had snapped to the set of eyes she had felt on her, her eyes were intently focused on his, she didn’t look away from him at all. Her braided hair was resting to the center of her back, she didn’t move a single inch, no one knew she was there, unless she wanted them to know she was there. Her lips were pressed together as her eyes were locked directly on the man once again though simply staring in his direction, her head had tilted, her jaw was clenched as she was staring ahead blankly keeping her eyes focused on Duchenko without directly looking.

She didn’t seem the slightest bit bothered as she had shifted her jaw, her eyes would dart sideways after a few moments as she bit down on her lower lip, she was listening for the cars going by the place. Her eyes had shifted slightly turning her attention once again, towards what was going on within the place. She was standing there looking ahead, her hand was resting right near her gun keeping close to her as she shifted her jaw.

She bit down on her lower lip as she kept her hand on the weapon, her eyes were narrowed a bit just looking in silence, her eyes were rolling around from one side to the other, she was staring, her blue eyes were intently focused as she was quiet. She didn’t speak unless she needed too, her back was resting against the wall staring but looking at the man behind the bar, she was curious about him but not enough to let it distract her from her job, her arms were folded over her chest after a few moments whie she was standing there.

She hoped it would stay a good meeting and that no bullets would have to go flying but she would be ready at a moments notice if she needed too. Her eyes were partially opened as she kept her arms folded, hand resting near her weapon as she was standing still.

His resolve to make this all come together for Natalie, to have this prom be a great experience for her, was only strengthened by listening to her talk about her father and grandfather. Luther had never known that at all, that Natalie felt like Evan just wasn’t there for her a lot of the time. Did Gabriel and Boris feel that way too? And here for so many years, Luther had thought Evan was dad of the year. Sure he made mistakes, everybody does, but he really hadn’t thought things were that bad. It made him sad, especially since he knew that now there was no chance for forgiveness and healing, because Evan was gone.

Here she was saying that he’d always been there for her, throughout everything. That he was always in her corner. More so than her own dad. It hit him hard and he stared at her for a moment, a flash of something vulnerable in his eyes before he looked away. He didn’t feel deserving of that kind of praise, especially from her or anyone in her family, but man did it ever touch him. “That’s… that’s very sweet of you to say, Natalie, thank you. I… You kids really meant a lot to me. You still do. I’ll never have any of my own, so I… I guess I’ve… always loved you like my own.” He started to feel little prickles of panic all over his body. It felt wrong to say something like that, and if Andrei had ever heard him say it, he would have hit Luther so hard he’d have seen stars. “I’ll always have your back, Nat,” he said, smiling a little as he regained his composure, lest he embarrass her in the middle of the store.

That she actually liked his dress choice made Luther feel a little less like he was just taking up space and more like he was helping. “Okay, cool,” he said, handing the dress to her and continuing to look while keeping an eye on her dressing room door. He didn’t want anybody going in there that she didn’t want. He hadn’t really found anything else as good as that dress by the time she emerged from the dressing room. When she did, his jaw almost hit the floor.

“Uh, it’s… wow. You look beautiful, Nat. Pretty, but classy, so if you were tryin’ to hit that mark, I think you nailed it,” he said. “You wanna keep lookin’ just in case, or…?” he said, not wanting to lock her into the first thing she tried on if she still wanted to do some more exploring. “Definitely put that one in the maybe pile, though. It’s really nice. And I don’t think your mother would kill me for encouragin’ you to wear it, either,” he said with a chuckle.

Her eyes were barely opened as she had licked her lower lip gently while she was moving round from one side to the other as she had taken a deep breathe. She moved carefully as she had been looking around from one side to the other studying other dresses until she had heard what he said. She moved and wrapped her arms around him carefully as she took a deep breathe…”I’ll always have your back too.”…she mumbled against his shoulder lightly before moving to try the dress on, spinning around as she smiled a bit. Her eyes were partially opened as she had taken a slow breathe, her hands were at her sides.

She bit down on her lower lip as she had taken a slow breathe, her eyes were moving around from one side to the other as she looked at him with a wide smile on her face. She had rocked back and forth on her feet, she was a bit nervous as she was looking at him. She had felt her face turn bright red as a low giggle had escaped her lips, it was moments like that when it was clear she was a child to some extent. She had never really been one to wear fancy dresses as she had taken a deep breathe, her eyes were intently focused as she had couldn’t stop smiling.

She had bit her lower lip gently…”Alright yes.”…she moved beside him for a moment as she had shifted her weight..”Lets see what green dresses they have, since you are the color master.”…she said with a small smile on her face. She had gone and changed back into her normal clothes leaving the dress on a hanger in the back as she had a few dresses in hand but nothing that was wowing her.

She had the dresses hanging in the back as she rubbed the back of her neck while her eyes darted sideways when a girl who worked at the store had rolled out a bunch near Luther. She had been focused on looking..”You having any better luck than I am?”….she said with a low laugh. She had rubbed the back of her neck while she was digging through the dresses.

Hearing what Andrei had put Natalie through and how he’d made his own grandchild feel broke Luther’s heart. More than that, it made him angry. Luther believed it was terrible to do that to anyone, to say that their love, sex, gender, or lifestyle preferences and identities were wrong, disgusting, or… an abomination? What the hell even is that? How could he have said somethin’ like that to her? Geezus. But to say it to a child? And to your own flesh and blood, no less? That somehow made it even worse. For all Andrei had kept Luther at a distance because he wasn’t blood and could therefore never be family, he didn’t exactly treat his blood family very well either. “I’m really sorry, Nat.” He was, but there was nothing he could do about it. Not then, and not now.

When she said his opinion meant the world to her, it struck Luther in a weird way. “How come?” he asked innocently. After all, all he’d been to her was some guy who worked for her grandfather. A bodyguard at times. A babysitter when she was younger. That was it… right? The notion that his opinion would carry a lot of weight with her was really surprising to him. Well if his opinion meant much to her, then he’d give it more often, because he thought the world of Natalie and her siblings. He loved them as much as an actual parent would have done. More than my parents loved me, that’s for sure.

“Okay,” Luther said, nodding at the kind of colors she said she liked. “Like those but classy. Got it,” he said, suddenly going into hunting mode. When given a job, whether it was to stake out a potential enemy or locate the perfect prom dress, Luther put he same level of focus into it. As he began to look through some of the dresses on the rack, he kept a eye on Natalie and on the other people in the store. It was just… habit.

Some of these dress were… seriously ugly. Or racy. Or inappropriate. Luther’s face said it all as it contorted in confusion and disgust at some of the things he saw on the clothing racks. Then he saw a nice deep purple color and pulled a dress off the rack that… actually looked kinda good. “Hey, this one’s not half bad,” Luther said, holding it up so Natalie could see it from where she stood.

She had just shrugged absently..”Really shouldn’t be all that surprised.”…she whispered. She had taken a slow breathe..”It’s okay..at least you didn’t…run off in fear or anything.”…she said with a laugh. She bit her lower lip as she was looking at him quietly. Her fingers were bent as she had taken a breathe rocking back and forth on her feet as she had attempted to get her thoughts in order. She had chewed on her lower lip and took a deep breathe..”Because…through out..everything you were, you are the closest thing to a father I have…even when my dad was Alive…he wasn’t really there but you…you were always there, I could always count on you and know that you truly were there for me when no one else was.”..She smiled slightly..”Just…knew I could always have you in my corner.”

She moved her eyes sideways also keeping her eye on those who came and went from the store, simply out of habit, she turned her head seeing him holding up a purple dress that actually looked really good. She hummed as she had nothing in her hands so far as nothing was jumping out at her. She took it and held it up..”Okay..let me go try this on and if you find others, hold onto them.”….she moved back into the dressing room and got her clothes off and the dress on zipping it up with ease. She had pulled her hair up into a tight bun keeping it out of the way.

Her hands were resting at her sides when she had come out in a pair of matching high heels that she had grabbed along the way. She was nervous and yet hopeful all at the same time as she had stood there..”What do you think?”…she whispered, her eyes were twinkling, she had a smile on her face as she for the first time in quite a while felt like a normal teenager doing normal things.

She had looked down at the dress and spun around lightly feeling a little laugh escape her lips. She couldn’t contain the smile that she had on her face as she was standing there, her eyes had then moved to focus up on his as she had smoothed the dress out making sure that she didn’t do any damage too it while she stood there.

#tw; homophobia

Luther couldn’t help but smile at the boy’s energy and enthusiasm. Despite everything that had happened and being a bit older now, Boris still hadn’t lost that light inside him, and Luther was so glad to see that. He laughed as Boris took a well-deserved jab at his holey jeans. “Okay, I know, I know… I don’t have much a of a clothing budget. I worked with what I had.” Andrei had never really paid Luther very much, considering everything he did and all he was responsible for. He got enough to live on, but that was about it. The only suit he’d owned was bought for him, and he lived in a tiny apartment with low rent in a crappy neighborhood to get by. To be honest, he didn’t spend all that much time there anyway. “The job is its own reward.” That’s what Andrei always told him. Now it just seems like a whole helluva lotta bullshit.

“Okay, sure,” he said to the offer of a shower. All the stress from before and the nervousness of now had left him feeling… a bit ripe. Plus he should change and get out of the clothes that apparently offended everyone with their less-than-perfect condition. He didn’t take it personally, though. The Walravens were a very affluent family. For them, there was no reason to keep wearing clothes with holes in them. It wasn’t what they knew. Luther was okay with that, and he didn’t hold it against them. hell, if he’d had more money, he would’ve loved to buy new clothes every time he got holes in them.

When Boris left, Luther picked out some clothes and went to take a shower. Several times he paused, the water almost hitting him in the face as he spaced out for a moment. Was he really here? Was this really happening? Did he really have new clothes and a place to stay in the home of the family whose father and husband he killed? No, I didn’t kill him. Did I? Marta said no. I saw that it wasn’t me. But it still feels like it. It still feels… so real… With a shudder, Luther pushed away all those feelings. Now was not the time to process or work through all of this. He should do that at night, alone. He finished up his shower and got dressed, heading out and down the stairs to dinner.

Halfway down the stairs, though, Luther stopped and smiled. Damn, he hadn’t seen Gabriel or Natalie in a long time. They look so grown up. What a difference time made in the lives of children. Gabriel wasn’t even a child anymore. He had to have turned eighteen by now, didn’t he? Luther didn’t know what to say, but he slowly continued down the stairs. “Hey…” he said in a friendly manner, with a hey, look who’s here, kind of tone. “I hope you weren’t all waitin’ for me…”

He had smiled lightly as he was working to help his mother set up, he shifted his jaw looking help make sure everything right as he was working on carrying in loads of food assisting them with bringing it in until he had seen his siblings show up. Natalie was standing there near the stairs, she had turned her head when she saw Luther coming down the steps. She had felt a wide smile pass over her lips as she moved and hugged him tightly, her eyes had closed for a moment..”Welcome back stranger.”….she whispered giving him a extra squeeze as she placed her hand on the side of his face..”It’s very good to see you.”…she murmured stepping to the side allowing Gabriel to step forward.

Marta had been watching as Gabriel also gave Luther a hug and stepped back quietly. Marta swallowed softly..”Well there is..a lot of food right in the kitchen, beer and soda, you two no booze.”…she pointed at Gabriel and Natalie, she never needed to tell Boris because he knew better. Her lips were pressed together as she had taken a slow breathe stepping into the kitchen, she had almost every takeout food ever, Italian, Mexican, Japanese, Chinese and Diner food. She had a massive spread for everyone to pick from…”I ordered..everything..ever so please enjoy.”

Natalie had moved her eyes feeling a wide smile pass over her lips as she watched Gabriel go and start eating. She smacked her brother upside the head..”Let Luther eat first.”…she muttered. She shook her head lightly as Marta had laughed at her daughter, Marta held a plate out for him..”Come on, help yourself”…she said as she motioned for him to pick whatever it was that he wanted to eat. She wasn’t sure the last time he had a proper meal, she fully intended to change that going forward as she had taken a slow breathe.

The three children were off to one side giving him plenty of space as Marta had held the plate out for him..”Help yourself, there is plenty to go around, will last us a few days at least.”…she said with a soft laugh, she knew she had probably gone overboard but she wanted to make sure that Luther had a good meal to eat.

Luther followed Boris, still in disbelief about actually being permitted his own room in Marta’s family’s house. It was surreal and weird, but in a good way. He just was still having such a hard time believing it was happening, and even more so that he deserved it. Hell, he was still reeling from what Marta had told him before he got here. He was going to need a lot of time to process everything, that’s for sure.

The room was… better than his entire tiny crappy apartment had been the whole time he had worked for Andrei. Freshly painted, newly furnished, and with its own bathroom? Geez, it’s like he’d died and gone to heaven. And it didn’t stop there. New clothes and other supplies were there for him as well. Luther couldn’t help but almost feel… bad. He really didn’t deserve all his. He hadn’t done anything deserving of all this kindness and generosity, especially not from Marta or her family. But the desire to not be ungrateful or impolite won out over him feeling guilty about all of it, and he just accepted it for now.

He chuckled at the notion that he wore a lot of black. “Yeah, I guess I did. Well, listen, if you mom wants me in color after doin’ all this, then she’s got it. I owe her a lot.” Luther then looked at the closet and chuckled again. “What am I gonna do with all this space? I don’t have enough clothes to fill all this…” But maybe he did now, for all he knew, since he apparently had all new clothes? “I guess I can get rid of my jeans with holes in ‘em, huh?” Luther’s jeans were practically crying to be put out of their misery. Holes in the back, fraying at the bottoms… they were just a mess.

“Wow… This is amazing. I do, I love it. I’s perfect. Thank you,” Luther said, not only wanting to express his gratitude but also wanting Boris to feel good about it too. It was clear that the boy had put in a lot of time and work to help make this happen, and Luther was really thankful that he cared that much about him.

He had all but bounced around showing him everything that the room had to offer. He pressed his lips together as he had looked over at Luther, laughing slightly as he had always noticed tha Luther had worn a lot of black, something he would tease him about often. His chest was rising and falling slowly as he shifted his weight, his fingers were bent a bit as he had shifted his jaw, his eyes were rolling from one side to the other out of habit.

He had felt a laugh escape his lips hearing the comment about the state of the jeans, he had scuffed his foot against the ground..”Yeah…they had seen better days, no offense.”…he said as he looked down at his shoes as he took a deep breathe, he had then looked over at him..”Mom is probably ordering…something, if you want to shower you can, I’m sure we’ve got some time, but I do hope you like your bedroom.”…he said.

He stepped out and ran down the steps when his mother called him, leaving Luther to do whatever it was that he needed to do. He was downstairs helping Marta set the large table knowing that Gabriel and Natalie would be home for dinner as well. Her brows were furrowed as she had grabbed drinks for everyone making sure that the table was set and ready for them, her chest was rising and falling slowly as she was sitting there, her legs were bent as she sat down at the table quietly, her eyes had moved sideways listening intently to all of the sounds within the house.

She pressed her lips together as she had taken a slow breathe getting up when she heard Natalie and Gabriel come in as Boris was on the couch playing a game waiting for the food. Her eyes were intently focused as the food started to show up with everything she had called to get delivered. She moved laying everything out as she had told the kids to wait for the guest to come down, she wanted it to be a surprise as to who was there.

Ethan stared back at Kelly as she touched his face and seemed to be so surprised to see him. “Hi…” he whispered, smiling a little. When she said he grew a beard, he lifted a hand to it and rubbed it. “Yeah… I guess I did. Your hair got really long, too…” He chuckled nervously even as he held her securely so she wouldn’t fall. Because… she looked like she might at any second. His mind was racing, a mess of being elated that she was here right now and deeply concerned by her condition. He had so many questions, but wasn’t sure she could answer any of them.

When she asked how long she was gone, Ethan had to think for a second. “It’s… uh… It’s been about a decade, Kelly. Ten years…” he said gently. Had it been that long for her? His eyes welled up with tears. “It’s okay, I’ve got you,” he said, suddenly feeling so protective of her. They were interrupted by some asshole honking at them. They were standing in the middle of the parking lot, but couldn’t this guy tell she was in distress. Ethan flipped the driver off and picked up the supplies he just bought. “It’s okay, ignore him, let’s just get going,” he said, putting his arm around her to comfort her. Opening the door and helping Kelly get into the truck, he then ran quickly around to the driver’s side.

He reached over and rubbed her arm gently before starting the truck and pulling out of the parking lot. “I know, baby, I know, I’m gonna get you home as fast as I can, I promise,” Ethan said, desperately wanting to help Kelly and make her feel safer and calmer. She seemed so sensitive to sound now, so damaged. That broke his heart, not only because he cared about her still after all these years, but because he felt like it was his fault. It should’ve been him, not her. “Here, um…” he said, leaning over and popping open the glove compartment. He had all manner of random supplies in his truck and house because he never knew when he was going to need something. He found an unopened package of foam ear plugs that he’d bought years ago for working with power tools and then forgot about until now. “Put these in your ears and it’ll help with the noise, okay?” he said, handing her two little foam plugs.

For the rest of the ride, since she probably couldn’t hear him well anymore with the plugs in her ears, Ethan held her hand. He rubbed it gently, gave it a gentle squeeze every now and then, tried to let her know he was there for her. He really hadn’t been there for her, though, had he? This was all his fault. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t try to be there for her now.

Her hand which was trembling slightly had reached touching his face, somewhat intrigued by the facial hair he had grown. She had felt a low laugh escape her lips..”no access to scissors where I was.”…she was weak, her legs were shaking a bit which had caused her to put most, no all of her weight on him so her knees wouldn’t buckle. She knew that she’d need to get herself cleaned up and a haircut, but right now she needed to get the hell out of the sunlight which was making her skin feel like it was on fire since she had been shrouded in darkness for ten years. Her tired eyes were moving back and forth rapidly just watching him but also her surroundings around her.

She had felt her lower lip tremble, her eyes were glittering with tears when she had heard him say ten years..”Ten years.”…she whispered, the tears fell down her face as she had swallowed hard looking over at him. Her brows had furrowed a bit while she was standing there, her hands were holding onto his arms. She had then all but crashed into the side of his truck with surprising force when the car had honked. She had her hands covering her ears as she clutched tightly, her chest was rising and falling rapidly as she kept muttering that the world was loud, that it was bright and loud. She had swallowed hard as she moved walking slowly, she had looked like a wild caged animal constantly looking around.

She had moved pulling herself into the truck, legs were curled up tightly, her head was resting against her knees as she was sitting there, her chest was rising and falling rapidly, she had jumped a bit when she saw him open the glove compartment. Her eyes were focused on it almost afraid that something would come jump out of it. She had felt her lower lip tremble as she was sitting painfully still watching him quietly. She had reached out hesitating for a moment before she took the package in her hand. She had studied them intently before she carefully put them in her ears, effectively drowning out the sounds that were making her anxiety spike. She had just rested her head against her knees sitting completely curled up even after she had put the seatbelt on which had taken her several moments to do.

She had leaned her head slightly just looking at him out of the corner of her tired looking eyes, her hand was holding onto his while she was sitting there, her chest was rising and falling slowly. She had then felt her eyes drift closed, nodding off for a moment before she had jolted awake, finding that she was unable to settle down as she was too hyper aware of her surroundings.

armed-and-alxne:

xstrengthxinxtragedyx:

The Truth Will Set You Free, Luther Donovan And Marta Walraven.

He heard what Marta had said, but it barely registered in his mind. He could barely process it. It was too great an honor for Luther to imagine himself responsible for, the idea that he helped safeguard the sensitive side of a child during terrible times. That’s… that’s what heroes did, not guys like him. Not lowlife criminals. He swallowed hard and felt the sting of tears in his eyes that he quickly blinked away as he tried hard to maintain his stoic exterior. Luther chose not to comment further on the matter, because he just didn’t think it was a subject he deserved to elaborate on.

Seeing Boris again breathed new life into Luther. He’d missed Marta and all her children, but Boris had a special place in Luther’s heart. Maybe it was that desire to protect the youngest Walraven child that caused that feeling, but whatever the reason, seeing him again had brought Luther back to the better parts of himself. There had been a lot of what he’d done while working for Andrei that he wasn’t proud of, but babysitting and mentoring Boris had been the rare exception.

And Boris had missed him. That meant so much to Luther. Rarely did he ever smile, but on this occasion he had to. Hearing the boy’s optimism that Marta would have let Luther come home, Luther couldn't say he was as sure. Or sure at all. It hadn’t been a certainty for him, or even a possibility in his mind. Truthfully Luther had never expected to hear from Marta ever again.

Luther smiled as Boris seemed to eagerly want to take him to show him to his room. The idea of even being allowed to stay in Marta’s house was surreal to Luther, but right now he wasn’t going to argue. He chuckled at Boris’ comment about his mother’s cooking. “Aw, come on, it’s not that bad,” Luther said. At times, yes it was, but he’d never say that. He looked to Marta. “Well I guess we’ll be right back, then. If that’s alright with you,” he said, not about to go off in the house alone with Boris unless it was alright with his mother. Once he had that permission, Luther nodded at Boris. “Alright, lead the way, little man,” he said.

Boris truly had missed him, he had often felt like Luther was more of a father then his own father was and that was saying something from a young child. He pressed his lips together failing to muffle the laugh that had come up when he had said that his mothers cooking wasn’t that bad. Marta had to laugh nodding her head that it was alright for Luther and Boris to go upstairs. She had moved into the kitchen pulling out the take out menus ordering all of his favorites off of each having them delivered.

“Here it is, mom and I had repainted it, got all new furniture and she even had a bathroom added on.”…he said. He was almost seemingly extremely excited to show off the work that his mother had trusted him with, which was a big deal, even though he had grown while Luther was gone there was still some level of innocence within him even after all he had been put through.

“She also had gotten you new clothes, pajamas and all toiletry items so you wouldn’t have to go shopping.”…he said. He felt his lips twitch as a laugh escaped him..”She did get some things with color because she always said that you wore too much black.”

He was standing in the middle of the room..”you also have a really big closet…Natalie is really jealous of it.”…he said. He had then looked around before looking at Luther..”I hope you like your new space.”…he said, hopeful because he knew how many late nights both he and his mother had put into the space wanting to make sure that it had felt like something special for Luther.

armed-and-alxne:

xstrengthxinxtragedyx:

Of Chances Robbed And Dress Shopping, Luther Donovan And Natalie Walraven.

Luther thought about that for a moment. Bein’ the boss of myself? He didn’t know how to do that at all. After so many years if having his life, his time, each day, and every step dictated, planned, and scheduled by someone else, being free to manage his own time seemed… weird. Not time management and being efficient, he knew how to accomplish those, but deciding actually what to fill his time with. What to do. And when. Luther wasn’t used to deciding that for himself. He wouldn’t say that to Natalie, though. She didn’t need to hear any more about her grandad had managed his employees. She’d probably heard plenty over the years anyway, but the protector in Luther still found himself wanting to shelter Natalie from it. Whether it was futile to not, he was still going to do it.

Hearing that Evan hadn’t been supportive of Natalie’s budding bisexuality was disappointing, but after thinking about it for a while, Luther think he understood what had actually happened. “I don’t think your dad didn’t like it,” he said, before thinking better of it and maybe holding back because he ought not to be presuming anything that Evan might have thought. But on this one occasion, he think he knew. “I don’t think he disapproved, or that he was not happy with you. I think he was worried about you. I think he might’ve said some things to try and discourage you from it, because he was lookin’ out for you.”

So much for not discussing her grandfather’s abuses… “Your uh… Your grandpa… He didn’t approve of that kinda thing. Anything like that.” So much so that Luther found it difficult to even say it, but for Natalie’s sake, he pushed himself to. “Bein’ gay or bisexual wasn’t okay with him, not by a longshot. I… I know that for a fact. And Evan-… Your dad… knew that too. I think his reaction might’ve been because he anticipated Andrei’s reaction. He was probably afraid for you. You might’ve gotten kicked outta the family, disowned, whatever, and I know your dad would never have wanted that. And when your dad got scared, he got loud and angry. That’s just how he was. He loved you, Nat. Exactly as you are. All I had to do was watch him interact with you to know that. And you know what? So does your mom. I know she’d accept you for who you are if you told her. Even if I’m wrong about your dad, I’d bet any amount of money that I’m right about your mom. I understand if you don’t want to tell ‘er, it’s your deal, but I think it’ll be okay, for whatever my opinion’s worth to you.”

Once inside the store, Luther was… clearly out of his element. He hoped he would be literally any amount of help to Natalie, because he had no clue what he was even doing. As Natalie called him out on his awkwardness, Luther grinned and then chuckled. “Yeah, maybe I am. This is definitely somethin’ new for me. I don’t know the first thing about dresses,” he said, looking around at some. “But I’ll try to help any way I can.”

Natalie had just taken a breathe, arms folding over her chest as she shifted her jaw, she was quiet as she had rocked back and forth on her feet, her eyes were barely opened but focused on Luther as she looked at him. She knew how her grandfather was, she had called him out on it plenty of times, so much so that he’d nearly slap her but was always caught by her mother or brother who would step in and give her grandfather one hell of a verbal beat down. She had no warm and fuzzy feelings towards him and it showed by the way she was standing there, eyes ever so slightly narrowed and holding the fury of a thousand suns…”He may of been looking out for me..but all I wanted was support and to be told..hey you aren’t a total disgusting freak.”

She had to laugh as she nodded..”Oh trust me I know it wasn’t okay with him because he told me that I was an abomination when he accidentally found out.”…she muttered. She smiled softly..”Your opinion means the world to me.”…she said, her eyes had then focused sideways laughing at the way he said he knew nothing about dress shopping. She had to shake her head at that as she rested her hand on her torso, it had amused her quite a bit.

“Lucky for you, it’s easy because I am not picky..not really.”…she laughed moving towards a dress rack..”Okay, colors like these.”…she held up jewel toned green, blue and purple dresses..”anything like these..that are classy.”..she very much found herself wanting to snap a photo of him looking through dresses just to send to her mother, but also to hold onto as a memory because he was now the closest thing to a father figure she would ever have. She had moved carefully, her hair was covering her shoulders as she was looking through making faces at some of the dresses, her right foot was absently tapping against the ground as she held up certain colors making the most comical faces ever.

She often had wondered what some dress designers were thinking when they had shipped out a product. She swallowed softly chewing her lower lip as she was finding some but nothing that had totally wowed her as of yet.

#implied near child abuse #implied child abuse #homophobia

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