@xtixsiempre - Tumblr Blog

Today, I tried finding your tumblr. I remembered I had removed all the possible ways I could communicate with you. I figured you didn't want anything to do with me and I didn't want to keep bothering you.

I've been having reoccurring dreams about you and at first I didn't understand why. And it dawn to me that maybe I needed to say goodbye to you.

I recently met someone. They're such a good person. So kind, gentle, and well-spoken. If we would have stayed friends, I think you would have liked them for me. They make me feel safe-and what more can I ask for.

I'd want the same for you.

I hope it works out with her. I haven't felt this feeling in a long time. At some point I thought I never would. Especially, after the funeral and seeing you. It was really hard for me to move on.

I know we weren't right for each other. But, I wish I had been kinder. That I had given you better memories to remember me by, rather than leave a sour taste in your mouth.

Perhaps, its naive of me, insulting maybe, to think that you might still even think of me. But, I do. I think I;ll always carry a little of you within me. I'll never forget.

But, I want to see how it goes with this girl. I want to give her what I couldn't give you and try to be better this time. And hopefully along the way, the whole mess the beginning of my 20s was will make sense to me. For now, I miss you old friend and I wish you the best.

I really hope you receive love in tenfolds always. Thanks for everything.

Today I found out you have someone new you call yours.

I’m slightly angry you moved on. I remember you always said, “You’ll the first to move on, you don’t know how to be alone, and you won’t work on yourself.” Now I see you moving on with a new person, doing things we used to do together. I can’t help but feel sad.

Yet, I keep telling myself I can’t be upset. I should be happy you found someone new. Someone better. Someone to love you in ways I couldn’t. I tell myself, I need to accept the chapter ended. That you have so much to heal from, that the least I could wish for is the best for you.

But, I sit here. Wishing you at least seen I did everything you said I wouldn’t do. I’ve done so much since you’ve been gone. I’ve done it all alone. Learned to pour a lot of the love I had for you into myself.

I’ve become someone I’m really proud of and I continue to grow in ways, I don’t think I would have if we had been together still. I’m many ways I’m reminded the least I can do is be happy for you.

I took your brother flowers the other day. Something told me to go see the mural and his grave. I left one for him & h. Thanked him for everything, thanked him for everything your family did for me. I cried a little because I think what hurts the most is I’m also saying goodbye to all the people I met through you.

I keep telling myself that I can’t be upset. I should be happy. That I don’t need to worry you’re alone. That at least someone is there to be everything I couldn’t.

You always told me I had hard time letting go. That I’m not really good at accepting the way things are. Now that I know you’re in good hands and genuinely you’ve always have been. It’s time for me to let go. Because the greatest act of love I can give you is silence.

I hope you’re proud of me that I finally let my actions speak louder than words. Love you, hope you remember me kindly.

-end of an era-