Things I’ve learned in the battle against bed bugs
A battle which I’m finally winning.
1.) Invest in a bed bug mattress/bedframe cover BEFORE you think about moving anywhere. They may be $50 a piece for queen size, but it will save you from sleeping on the floor.
2.) Diatomaceous earth (here on in referred to as DE) dries the little fuckers out like no tomorrow (and apparently makes them feel like we would if we walked barefoot on broken glass). I bought a pretty big bag for $10. And some face masks. This stuff is powdery and dusty and will hang in the air. It’s a bit annoying for me, but for someone with asthma, that spells disaster. Get the face masks.
3.) The forementioned DE is very drying to us as well, and while putting it on your bed sheets and pillows SEEMS like a good idea, it will dry out your skin and hair like no tomorrow. I got split ends like a motherfucker from it.
4.) Lavender soap and lavender lotion. These two things are my new religion. I forgot the name of the soap but it’s $4 a bar and is sold at Vitamin Shoppes and Target. Dr Something’s. I wanna say “Tonner’s.” It has real lavender essential oil. As does Dr. Teal’s lotion. I know there’s an epsom salt with lavender in it too from Dr. Teal. I swear, if it has real lavender essential oil (and it won’t cost you $38 per 1 fl oz bottle; seriously, fuck you for that, Vitamin Shoppe) the little fuckers start to avoid you like the plague. I will absorb so much lavender into my skin that I will be at least 10% lavender when this is said and done.
5.) It’s a good idea to put DE down for the sole purpose of vaccuuming it up before vaccuuming for bed bugs. The bag/cannister will be coated and they won’t be able to survive or climb out. Home made bed bug death trap.
6.) Using a feather duster will get DE into the nooks and crannies of wooden furniture.
7.) According to the Terminex guy who did my inspection (and could not find a single live bug, score one for me), a heat treatment will cost $900 or so. This is over twice my rent and is not a reasonable option, even if it is effective.
8.) Also according to the Terminex guy, bed bugs HATE the oils on our skin and don’t like having to crawl on us to feed.
9.) If you are gonna put DE on your bed, put it between the mattress cover and your sheets. Also, make sure your pillows have no rips or tears. If you buy a new pillow, leave it in the plastic and put a pillow case over it if you can’t leave it in the freezer for four days due to space or just not having a pillow.
10.) The tighter the space, the better the hiding spot and the higher the chance of surviving boiling water, industrial washing machines with hot water, and industrial driers on high heat. Check the sewn corners of your fitted sheets. Check the elastic. If it’s hard to pry apart, look there. I had to throw away an anime plushie because she was a hiding spot for them.
11.) Isopropyl alcohol. My friend was kind enough to supply a spray bottle with lavender and tea tree essential oils in it, but the alcohol will dry them out. The oils drive them away from where it’s sprayed. Lavender is my new best friend.
12.) Bed bugs are literally the most expensive pests to get rid of.
13.) Cedar is supposed to help, but cedar carvings really don’t.
14.) You will still get the sensation that something’s crawling on you. Even if you haven’t seen one in a long time. This will stress you out and bring them back. They’re attracted to stress.
15.) Whoever said they’re nocturnal bugs is a filthy liar and sleeping during the day won’t save you.
16.) People have this weird obsession with saying that bed bugs are invisible. They really aren’t. They’re the size of small cockroaches. Black sheets make it easier to spot eggs and casings, but the bugs themselves are brown, stripey, and darker if they’ve fed recently. Their exoskeletons aren’t shiny, but unless you wear a lot of certain shades of brown, you can find them easily. White sheets will show tiny black marks that absord into the cross woven pattern of the fabric. Like super super fine Sharpie crosses. That’s a high alert marking. Investigate immediately if you see tiny black crosses on white fabric.
17.) They CAN be beat, but it’s the biggest pain in the ass to do. Garbage bags, a powerful vaccuum cleaner, DE, anything with lavender essential oil (or tea tree but lavender is super common), isopropyl alcohol, and a bed bug proof mattress cover are your best weapons. Boiling water and industrial driers can be powerful allies, yet aren’t 100% effective. When in doubt, bug bomb, DE, lavender, in that order.
My easily panicked ass has been fighting these things for the better part of a month. I don’t know how I picked up the first one, (and I literally fucking panicked when I found the beginnings of a nest) and I am trying to do everything in my power to be as unappealing to the little parasites as possible. I seem to keep interrupting their attempts at making colonies because I recognize the signs (“unexplained” bites/itches, bites in a straight line, sudden rashes and red spots, welts) very early. I have seen no more than five adults at a time and absolutely no juveniles (though I have seen and destroyed eggs). I have checked my wood furniture, then coated the insides with DE. I suspect a neighbor may have them at this point. But I’m well prepared now. This has got to be the only pest we could eradicated from the face of the planet and suffer no consequences. I’d truly rather be bitten by a malaria infected mosquito than deal with bed bugs again. If nothing else, I hope parts of this post have been useful to you.
