raise hell

Asha. 32. Happily married. Elementary teacher. Whippet mom. Oenophile.

[bwgirlsgallery-deactivated20200]

Jameela Jamil by Lindsey Byrnes

[thanayang]

xxstepfordasha‌:

“They were some of my favorites, but I’m really hoping for the Elle Woods comeback one year.”

“There might be a revival in Legally Blonde for the younger set one day. You never know. It happens sometimes.”

[xxstepfordasha]

"I hope so. The world needs more Elle Woodses."

[xxstepfordasha]

{t a s k two}

[thanayang]

“The kids did Halloween at school today, and as I expected Black Panther was an extremely popular choice.”

[xxstepfordasha]

"They were some of my favorites, but I'm really hoping for the Elle Woods comeback one year."

[xxstepfordasha]

{t a s k one}

Damsel out of Distress • Narcissist • Murder Is the Best Solution • May December Romance • Hot Teacher • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing

[xxstepfordasha]

"A student's parents brought them in for the kid's birthday, but I try not to eat too many sweets. I couldn't just turn it down. Do you want it, though? I think the parents own a bakery."

[doom-magnetism-deactivated20181]

❝So is this bus running late or what?❞

This would be his first time taking the bus to work; he was extremely nervous although his mastery at hiding would prevent it from showing. Raven’s motorcycle was in the body shop, getting extra work done & it was estimated to take up to four days. 

[xxstepfordasha]

For lack of a better word, Asha was a diva. Every day, she had Pierce drive her to work so that she didn't have to change shoes to wear to drive; if he couldn't take her to work, she got a co-worker to drive her. Never did she want to be caught taking public transport, but one of the routes she took to walk her dogs had a couple bus stops. She overheard the young man--someone maybe she had seen around town at some point, but she wasnt sure--ask about the bus. She stopped, gently tugging on the leash to halt her dogs, and looked at him with an obviously fake smile. "Do I look like I'm waiting for a bus?"

[allrightalbright-blog]

xxstepfordasha‌:

“Charge them then. If they’re going to solicit advice, you may as well get paid for it. Maybe they’ll learn not to do that after the first try. If they don’t, well, at least you benefit from it.”

“I’ve thought about giving them blatantly bad advice and seeing if they would take it.”

[xxstepfordasha]

"Wouldn't that go against an oath you took, or do therapists have more wiggle room?"

[allrightalbright-blog]

“I hate how when some people figure out that I’m a therapist they think I’m psychoanalyzing them or that they can use me as a life advice dispensary or something,” Emerson mused.

[xxstepfordasha]

"Charge them then. If they're going to solicit advice, you may as well get paid for it. Maybe they'll learn not to do that after the first try. If they don't, well, at least you benefit from it."

[xxstepfordasha]

9, 10, 11, 12, 13

9. Makeup? 

“I don’t want to come off as a trollop, but I love to look youthful and approachable given my place of work. Finding the right fit is imporrant.”

10.Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such? 

“I know some people might try to tell you I’m narcissistic, sociopathic even, but I believe whatever vanity and apathy those people see is what they wish they saw in themselves. I know how great I am, and I don’t have time to deal with such trivial issues that others fret over." 

11. Intellectual pursuits? 

"While I teach second graders a wide variety of subjects, I’ve always loved history, and if teaching doesn’t pan out, I would love to work as a curator for the Smithsonian.”

12. Favorite book genre? 

“Going along with my love for history, I love reading nonfiction. Reading others’ trials and tribulations, as well as how they overcome them, oftentimes inspires me.”

13. Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

“I’m bisexual, and I have been with men and women and am currently happily married to a wonderful man. I don’t think love knows gender, and I don’t see why it matters to third parties who someone loves.”

[usicmay]

Visit Original Link

[bulletproofbutterflies]

Visit Original Link

a universal anthem

[pulchra-vanitas]

THE EXCESSIVELY DETAILED HEADCANON TUMBLR MEME

Send me some numbers, and I will tell you:

What does their bedroom look like?

Do they have any daily rituals?

Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

Eating habits and sample daily menu

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

Makeup?

Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?

Intellectual pursuits?

Favorite book genre?

Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)

Biggest and smallest short term goal?

Biggest and smallest long term goal?

Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

Favorite beverage?

What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

Turn-ons? Turn-offs?

Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?

Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

What is their biggest regret?

Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?

Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)

Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)

Most prized possession?

Thoughts on material possessions in general?

Concept of home and family?

Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)

What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

What makes them feel guilty?

Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?

What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?

Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

How misanthropic are they?

Hobbies?

How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?

Religion?

Superstitions or views on the occult?

Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?

If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?

How do they express love?

If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?

Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

[uber-music]

Visit Original Link

The Fratellis - Chelsea Dagger

The boys get lonely after you leave

[mcrgotrcbbic]

“I think it’s better to establish yourself early, especially as a woman, as someone who has an opinion, because I think they’re less likely to fuck with you if you’re the kind of person who blurts things out. In England I was kind of a live wire, so people knew not to fuck with me. I had no idea that I would ever be this calm and happy. Definitely didn’t think I would find that in Hollywood of all places, the least calm place ever.”

[ohthehorrorhq-blog]

the S T A T S

Name: Asha Rivers

Age: thirty two

Occupation: elementary school teacher

Face: Jameela Jamil

the A N T H E M S

“Chelsea Dagger” - The Fratellis

“Raise Hell” - Dorothy

“Fuck You” - Lily Allen

“Howlin’ for You” -The Black Keys

the L O W D O W N

There’s always that one woman whose smile never seems to falter in a small town. She seems to know everybody who’s anybody, and oftentimes, she’s wealthy and beautiful to boot. Surely she’s got some deep, dark secret hiding behind those pearly whites, right? Right? Asha Ahmad and her parents moved to the United States from London when she was a toddler after her mother was offered a faculty position at a college in New York; her father’s culinary prowess made it easy for such a move to go as smoothly as it did. To this day, however, her parents remain unaware of the fights when she was in school. She preferred taking matters into her own hands and not having her parents bail her out of any problems with the discrimination she faced from her peers daily, not when they were proud of her for grades and extracurriculars and held the ticket to her future in their hands. She mastered forgery, lying, and makeup early on to hide cuts and bruises and to cover her tracks.

Her first kill was her boss, a restaurant manager. She worked as a server during college, and late one night after closing, she stayed behind to ask about a raise, and he agreed to one–under the condition that she slept with him. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, and he learned the hard way why no means no. The police arrived to see him impaled by a fireplace poker like a limp shish kebab not too much later. Asha walked away with a few cuts and bruises and a torn uniform. Whether the guy inflicted or she staged them is unknown. Whatever the case may be, she had never felt more alive than when she took the life of an entitled punk named Lars. After college, any and all charges having been dismissed, Asha was a certified elementary school teacher. She sought to prevent the bigotry like she faced when she was younger. She believed she owed that to the next generation. That’s what led her to Tulpa, Maine. 

She met Pierce Rivers, an older yet astonishingly handsome and charming man, one day when he rear-ended her car at a stop sign. The damage wasn’t significant enough for her to be upset for more than a few minutes, but he still offered to take her out for dinner that night. Their relationship progressed quickly, and after six months, they were engaged. When they told his parents, who had only recently come back to town after traveling, they were less than enthused about the pending nuptials. During their first encounter without Pierce, accused her of not loving Pierce because she’s been with women, being a gold digger, and seeking a quick path to citizenship. Thanks to watching her papa cook at home and occasionally at work, Asha gave them a show on par with some of the best hibachi grill cooks as she prepared a meal for them. She took great satisfaction in the last thing either of them saw being her casually sipping wine with a mischievous smile curling on her lips. Her and Pierce’s home garden coming along beautifully thanks to a rare fertilizer his parents sent from one of their latest destinations–or at least that’s what Pierce believes. Asha doesn’t think telling him what really happened would benefit either of them, so she keeps smiling as the postcards roll in every few weeks from somewhere new.

the C O N N E C T I O N S

Asha’s chipper nonchalance has left Occult Detective more than a little skeptical of her in-laws’ whereabouts. Self-preservation in mind, she has befriended the Chessmaster and the Anti-Christ. She also avoids I See Dead People for obvious reasons.