nunca estoy. — byd.
᪥ pairing: bang yedam x gn!reader. ᪥ genre: angst. ᪥ warnings: it’s just... sad. ᪥ word count: 508. ᪥ a/n: this is inspired by c. tangana’s song “nunca estoy”.
the last few days were a nightmare. he hasn’t called since he left, two weeks ago. yes, you understand that he is working, that he is busy practicing and doing all those shows but all you want is a short call or a simple text. all you want is a little something to make you feel loved again.
the only way for you to know about what he is (supposedly) doing is watching videos and photos or texting the band’s members. the guys have been texting you everyday, asking you how you were or if you had eaten. however, it was never him and that breaks your heart even more. it’s not the first time that he’s done this and you shouldn’t even be surprised by it.
and again, you’re the stupid innocent one who’s waiting for their boy to be there, with his arms open, even though it’s obvious that he doesn’t really care about you.
how are you supposed to love someone who runs forward every time they have the opportunity? the only thing you want is him to tell you what he really feels, what he wants to do. if he wants your relationship to last or if he just wants that momentary affection.
at the beginning, the first time he did this, you thought that he may had forgotten or that he’s scheduled was full but now it is different. it’s the fourth time and you’re about to give up. you didn’t want to think about him cheating on you but it’s impossible not to if the only thing you know about him in weeks is what others tell you.
you’re done with being on the phone till late at night, waiting for a signal.
you’re sick of waiting for yedam.
who’s with him when you’re not around? that’s the only thing you could think about this past few days.
who’s telling him how much they love him? who’s receiving his sweet words and warm hugs? you cannot understand how he menages to be happy without you. that’s toxic and you are aware of that but it’s been so difficult for you to even get out of bed, knowing he doesn’t really care about you.
it’s always been evident that you’re not in his path and you absolutely hate that but you hate yourself more for trying to deny it just to be able to be with him.
even before you two started going out, he’d been the one to take care of you. he used to ask about you everyday but, as the time passed by, he started being more and more distant. so... who’s going to heal your broken heart if not him?
you’re physically and mentally tired. the sleepless nights and the torturing thoughts leave you destroyed and you don’t seem to find a solution. should you leave him? maybe that’s what’s supposed to happen.
you love him with your whole heart but sometimes you have to put yourself first.
it’s time to stop the suffering.
it’s time to leave yedam.