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if i look back, i am lost

Love Begins
Show & Tell
wallacepolsom
todays bird
TVSTRANGERTHINGS

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

@theartofmadeline
art blog(derogatory)
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Misplaced Lens Cap

Kaledo Art
dirt enthusiast
Monterey Bay Aquarium

roma★
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
noise dept.
almost home

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@yellingfellow
daily clicks for palestine
donate to feed refugees in rafah
spreadsheet of gofundmes to evacuate families
fundraiser for esims for gaza
orgs to donate to
Idk idk idk idk idk idk idk I just want it all to end. I need peace I can’t go back to being distracted why does it even matter if I smoke a cigarette why does it even matter if it’s going to make me have bad skin literally the world is burning and I’m going insane.
I want to SCREAAAAAMMMM
The world is fucking burning
Palestinians are being starved in their fucking tents that they have to live in because their whole neighborhoods have been bombed
Congolese women are being raped for not meeting their quotas
People are pulling each other out of mines that have collapsed
Babies are laying next to their dead mothers
Trump is on the ballot in Colorado
Indigenous women and teens being kidnapped and murdered and no one wants to help
They won’t search the landfills for the remains of dead natives
We’re being fed stories by the same 6 media coroporations and AI generated fucking prompts are taking over all forms of video and picture we can’t even know what is real
The world is fucking burning and the ice is melting and earthquakes and tsunamis are shaking the fucking earth and people’s homes are being flooded and completely destroyed
But no lets just keep pretending like it matters if I pay my fucking taxes
Confessions of a horn dog
I can go for 2 years without another person touching my body
but then im desperate after one week?
During my period of celibacy
Of course I touch myself every day
I fantasize about being ravaged
When I meet someone, my mind instantly creates scenarios in which I’m fawned over by the other
If we have sex
If we share a kiss
I want more
What we have is not good enough
You leave me with a taste and I want the whole meal
It’s wild, Hot, Sloppy, Passion
Leaves my body buzzing
Leaves bruises on my skin
My makeup smeared, legs shaking, eyes searching
Was it good for them too?
I’m happy sharing kisses and cuddles and showers and talking together
That’s aftercare
But then you leave me by myself and I am unsatisfied
I want u back
You’re mine
I burn for you
You told me I’m yours
That doesn’t sound like dirty talk
Maybe I want more than your body
Maybe I wish that you’d wait around and be ready to please me whenever I want it
I need it all the time
You left me for a week and I tried desperately to replace u
Replace the feeling of being filled
I’m left alone
Im feeling crazy
I’m wishing I wasn’t thinking this
Would it have been better if I never met u?
You can’t miss something you’ve never had
Maybe it’s not u that I want,
Maybe I just want someone to please me
And I love the way u love women
I want someone who worships me
I want someone to fuck me
Maybe I’m just a horn dog
Maybe not
It’s such a strange time bc I’m scrolling on TikTok and I hear people talking about revolutions more and more and more
Yet we are talking about what a revolution is
And we have so much of history to look back upon for examples
Did our predecessors spend all this time analyzing what goes into a revolution before they just had had enough and got on with it?
Who does the planning and who falls in line?
I know there are so many people out there like me who are ready for someone else to take charge, and we will willingly follow because we are sick of the current systems and structures and we desperately need things to change radically
But at the same time, I exist in spaces where people are not aware of these rumblings, places where people are asleep and fully allowing themselves to be complicit within the scheme of capitalism.
I see it in my family, and even though I can get swayed by the blinders, I know in my heart and in my body that things are not right, that we are not owed this comfort, and that ultimately, it cannot last
I feel something big is coming
So then, how long will we talk about revolutions for?
Is it until those who are asleep finally wake up? Because it seems like that could take ages to happen
But we don’t have forever
People are fed up and suffering from the violence of colonial imperialistic white supremacy which is the root of capitalistic societies.
And I am a witness to both sides of it.
It’s scary to let myself think about it because I know that if they don’t get on board, they will be left behind. The masses are the poor and the oppressed , and those with more privelge and more money who are not using it for good, will become targets.
Not the 1%, but very much separate from the bottom.
What is my place in all of this?
I know ultimately where I’d side with, the cause has my heart and my fire and I’m ready to burn everything down to the ground and sacrifice my comfort for the greater good. I think many people are there as well. Will it be enough?
Are we prepared for the loss that is bound to come? We can conceptualise all day long but ultimately the reality of revolution is bloody and violent and enduring- but the will of the people is greater!
More and more and more I’m feeling like the day to day noise and the pointless media we consume for entertainment and the easy, fluffy, light conversations we have are all distractions from class consciousness, from our true purpose and from the ultimate goal.
I think this is a pessimistic take because we do need art and we need community and we need each other to fuel our fight and remind us that we are not alone in our struggle, and we are able to heal and move forward together.
Just met my newborn baby cousin, Zoey
She was born at 1:43 am on January 6, 2024
She weighs 7lbs 3oz and is 51cm long
She’s a Capricorn sun, cancer moon (like me!) and a Gemini rising
She’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen and I can’t wait to watch this little person grow
I already love u so much zo bear
Im reconnecting with my body
Taking pictures on vacation in a bikini and looking at my body through the camera
Seeing myself without dysmorphia
Looking in the mirror and the reflection matching me in real life
I’m becoming free from limitations and
connecting to my mental space through this physical form
Liberating myself
spiritually ,
emotionally
liberating myself
Physically
Sexually
Meditation, weight training, taking progress pictures, journaling, documenting meals and sitting with the hunger
I’m focusing my energy within, taking the chance to go after my crazy and impossible dreams now and believing in myself
Letting the universe surprise me
I am at peace with myself in a bathing suit
My naked body is hot
It is a gift
Warm, sexy, Loving
Taking
Giving
Allowing itself to receive and enjoy pleasure
Removing all blocks and feeling every sensation fully
All that I imagine and more is in store
All because of this bikini
And me in it
People aren’t comfortable being seen
We don’t like being perceived
And Eye contact makes us nervous
We look down or look away
rather than confronting
the version of ourselves that we see in them
Because
at the end of the day we are humans
We are all living this life
So it begs the question
Why do we shy away from connection?
In fleeting moments with strangers
Or in little conversations with our friends
Dancing around conversation topics that
We’d rather not speak about
And I get it
It’s easier this way
Vulnerability is scary
I think that in the end
we’re trying so hard to be alone
When in reality, everything in the world is pushing us to unite and celebrate our togetherness
Because at the end of the day
we are humans
We are all living this life
As one
Some pretty words and et cetera advice
I’ll keep adding to this as I come across stuff
My current mood
I don’t think I hugged you goodbye
Before we parted ways today
And now I’m feeling sad
I wish it didn’t have to be this way
I know it’s for the best
And clarity is good
But some part of me can’t help but feel like I lost something
I think it’s a sign that I care for you
Which means that you have a part of me
And that parts a bit scary to admit
I don’t like talking about myself
but I didn’t mind it so much with you
My heart longs for loving
I WANT TO BE LOVED
I YEARN TO BE YEARNED FOR
I HAVE SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE YOU BUT IDK WHO U ARE
Being with you feels good
Easy
Effortless
Light
You push me to discover things about myself that I haven’t thought about
And sometimes they’re not so nice to talk about
But I don’t mind explaining myself
To you
I don’t know what road we’re heading down
But I do know
It wouldn’t be so bad to get lost with you
We walk around aimlessly for hours
whole time Im thinking about holding your hand
Why does it feel so scary
To reach down
to reach out
To grasp for that
connection
which I crave so much
I want you to want it too
Are u gonna kiss me ?
Your lips look
soft
Just like your heart
I felt like the moment was wasted
You felt it too
Why does there have to be a right moment?
If you want it
Take it
I want to stop being scared of love
I want to
Embrace it
to know what your lips feel like
You told me you’re not scared of getting your heart broken
I don’t mind if you break mine
Let me show you the parts of myself that no one else gets to see
I’m dying for a taste
Of love
Of you and I
Say you want this too
It doesn’t feel good to be confused about this
I doubt myself
And
I doubt you
I don’t know where we’re going together
I want to keep exploring with you
But I know that my heart wants to be claimed
And my body held
By you?
Will you?
I feel we were introduced for a reason
I can see the love building between us
The potential is great
It’d be so sweet
And soft
Like you
But will it manifest?
The connection should be obvious
like magnets
Always striving for the other
Not complicated
Are you going to kiss me right now?
I’m dying for a taste of it
I don’t mind if you break my heart </3
Original post: IG - @blackliturgies (Cole Arthur Riley)
It’s literally the busiest week of my semester (finals week) and I’m procrastinating so hard rn
My apartment looks like shit / I have no groceries / I slept in so late today / yesterday I didn’t do anything productive but what I did do?/ read for pleasure, a journal entry, watched Netflix, and went swimming / as if I had time for those things / also I skipped my class bc I said I was gonna do work / I did not
BUT now that the pressure is on it’s time to grind and I’m gonna turn in the best goddamn essay of my life and my annotated bibliography will be so good my teacher cries and I will make a great study guide to study for the final tomorrow and get better than I did on the midterm
YEAH we got this !!!
I tidied up, did the dishes, showered, took a walk, and got at least 3 things checked off of my checklist. And I killed it in my philosophy final. And now I’m eating yummy soup dumplings.
YEAHH We got this !!!!
It’s literally the busiest week of my semester (finals week) and I’m procrastinating so hard rn
My apartment looks like shit / I have no groceries / I slept in so late today / yesterday I didn’t do anything productive but what I did do?/ read for pleasure, a journal entry, watched Netflix, and went swimming / as if I had time for those things / also I skipped my class bc I said I was gonna do work / I did not
BUT now that the pressure is on it’s time to grind and I’m gonna turn in the best goddamn essay of my life and my annotated bibliography will be so good my teacher cries and I will make a great study guide to study for the final tomorrow and get better than I did on the midterm
YEAH we got this !!!
I tidied up, did the dishes, showered, took a walk, and got at least 3 things checked off of my checklist. And I killed it in my philosophy final. And now I’m eating yummy soup dumplings.
YEAHH We got this !!!!