₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎

23y

[yjnwonstars]

welcome to winnie's universe

ㅤㅤㅤɴᴇᴠᴇʀʟᴀɴᴅ, 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 이젠 안녕 ── ᴀɴᴅ ɪ'ᴍ 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝑒 𝑓𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ 별들아 모두 편히 자렴 .. '𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐢 𝐛𝐞 ᴄᴀʟʟɪɴɢ —— ✧⋆

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ── about me !!

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ── masterlist !!

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ── tᥲgᥣι᥉t !!

taglist and dm's are open !! requests are closed !!

[yjnwonstars]

i too miss u very much 😞😞😞😞

my baby hia I miss you soo much buaaaa ily sm I'll be back soon!!

[yjnwonstars]

Please come back with the new beomgyu fic!!! We miss you!!!

hi anonie!!

thank you so much for all the messages you’ve been sending to my inbox! i actually have the story ready, but i’ve been so busy and my mind has been so full that i haven’t had the courage to post it yet, but i’m so happy to know that you like my work, and i also miss you! i’ll do my best to bring beomgyu’s soon and all the others i’ve been writing in the meantime ♥️ please wait for me

[tyunningism]

ive been binge reading your fics and theyre genuinely so goooooood do you have any moots to req for me 🙏🙏😔 ive almost read all of yours and ive got nowhere else to go ,,

omg hi anon my lovely!!! Thank you sm for reading my works <333 (i hope you didn't steer to far into the older fics because they're genuinely humiliation rituals for me) But ofc I have loads of moots to give recs for, I've dropped a fic for each of them but defo do look through their blogs for other fics!!!! I'm not sure if you wanted txt or enha so I'll give a mix of both ^^

Ofc I have to start off with my four leaf clovers, they're phenomenal writers and I'd love to recommend @faeyun & the lighthouse because this is genuinely a statement piece like I remember when i first met the 4lcs this was one of the fics I was constantly told I NEEDED to read and I couldn't agree more !! + I also have the dollmaker in my tbr which I'm super excited for!!!! She also has txt works and the most godsent hyuka fics i could imagine so please do check her out!! (bring tissues with bc kipo writes beautifully and her works will really numb you with heartache)

My baby @prkhaven & dirty secrets is a MUST READ (who could've guessed I'm like the no1 dirty secrets fan here), like the insane run lily and i were on when I was carefree in august talking about ideas on whatsapp for dirty secrets is unmatched ❕ (still gassed the ending scene i was rambling out made the final cut like lily ily for making it come to life) + I also have 1-800-HOON on the tbr and the sypnosis is MOUTH WATERING, you'll love all her fics anon !!

The loml @ikeukiss writes for loads of groups !!! She's just hardworking like that on top of being an amazing writer, and I'd love to recommend no doubt for all my jay lovers !!! (it's perfect for all the corporal girlies I swear + yes i still struggle to spell acquisition lexi i remember reading that line and sitting myself UP because where are the cameras how do they know) I'm a huge sucker for the way lexi writes everything to a tee like the amount of detail she puts into her writing is always welcomed in my house!! I also have her soobin work Higher than heaven on my tbr !!!

++++ the rest of my 4lcs have a way with their words as well and i love it, even without any fics on their blogs currently, I truly think all of them have had an original sentence that stills sticks with me to this day and I've also just read a fic idea from sunny which is JAW DROPPING so I hope to read it if it's written soon !!

Now for my mutuals there's genuinely so many I can recommend, so I'll list a couple of my tbrs and recent reads!! Even though I don't put my reading blog @tyunningism-library to good use, you can search through my tbr tag to find any recs I did remember to reblog ^^

@dollhoonki currently has a 2k celebration event right now and I'm geeking out over all the ideas that have been sent and written up so far (doll can seriously write anything and it'd be a work of art i'm so serious) but i've been wanting to read smoke & mirrors FOR THE LONGEST TIME and i hope to get it so soon or else i might starve myself of doll perfection

@vmpiricou & decelis diaries WHEWWW we're being fed well like omg when mura showed me the jake snippet I think I ascended like I NEED HIM BADDD ❕The series is on my tbr at the moment but the word count is insane like I'm never going hungry for jake fics again when mura's blessing us with 30k+ hopefully i'll be able to get my reading in before all of the parts have dropped !!

@aweinkai and under the covers which I read last night while on a call and the whole time (i will let my irl testify) I was pausing and giggling to myself because perv soob is my fav genre and paired with wawi's writing? perfection, seriously i was kicking my feet acting insane 😭

@tinningtus and conjure me genuinely made me stand still in my tracks because holy fuck kitty's writing is a gem and I remember talking about this godly kai fic on a server and my lovely elsie popped in and told me she found kitty's blog that day too!!! (It's a sign that you all should read conjure me because her writing is sacred to me !!!)

@izzyy-stuff and one room over !!!! I've been reading izzy's works from before I joined tumblr as a writer and down bad soob with a roommates au was perfect for me ^^ Also take note of the detail izzy puts into her works because her writing genuinely will have me giggling and blushing and rolling all over like her writing is immersive !! I'll tell you that ❕

@filmsbyun and love in translation !!!! (izzy and yun are inseparable forces you have to read both of their works because I say so) but eeeee!! I remember when yun dropped this, izzy was talking about how good it was and I knew I had to keep it on my tbr!!! And when I got to read it I realised how much of a romantic yun is and how badly i needed her works (i still giggle at his jealousy over beom) ++ I also have metamorphosis on my tbr which I NEED to read

@hiddenhornsclub and Intern Taehyun will ALWAYS be on my mind, Mae is one of my fellow tyun lovers and her thoughts will always be so filthy you genuinely can't get enough !!! (I'm also just a huge fan on sub tyun and Mae captures it perfectly !! Like this was one of the first few works I read upon joining tumblr as a writer and I still think about it to this day hehe <3)

@saccharinezennie and don't think they know is one of my recent reads and ackkkk my heart when elsie came to me to ask about corp settings (she was perfectly knowledgeable never doubt yourself my lovely) and I read the head cannons I KNEW we were so up possessive gyu, like AHHH this was hot and I was fed with SO MUCH, elsie has loads of other works that are amazing so her blog is a treasure trove hehe

@nanilis most recent work that i read was toxic kai which i ate up because i need him to ruin me every way possible, but nani the absolute love of my life and lane seven is my fav !!!!!! Her writing will never fail to shock you like wherever I go Nani is in my mouth because I will promote her everywhere and anywhere !! Have a look at her first work The Nightmare and you can't prove me wrong that her writing deserves to be on the SHELVESSS (ps the nightmare i will get to you soon my baby)

@berryterry-png and She's off limits is a smau from my lovely Alizu which I hope to read soon!!!!!!! >< (on top of her works she's also insanely good at art like the TALENT omfg?!!) If there's a taehyun smau around I AM DOWNN so I'm super excited to read this once I get my hands on it so I hope you'll enjoy it too anon !!

@jaylaxies and bad idea, right? OH WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, my lovely aria is an amazing writer and I can promise that on my soul especially ever since I read her hoon fic so when I saw that she dropped a jake fic I just KNEW this had to be high up on the tbr like do we see the 30k?!! Can we all universally thank aria for her service to tumblr

@taehyunsloves and don't fuck with boxers caught my eye immediately!!! Like aside from her beautiful graphics that drew me in, her writing for Taehyun is a feast and I genuinely leave a trail of straight wetness whenever I see dom tyun in May's writing !!!!!

@breathe4me and TAKE IT OFF is a must for my foursome lovers out there (mememememe) and pepper doesn't disappoint at all!! I was drooling reading this and the ties used as collars?!! GENIUS it's also great that she has loads of works to read as well so defo go through everything on the masterlist!!

@gyuzies and just keep watching is my taegyu special from my sweetheart eli!!!! Who also just changed her theme which I saw just now and I love it ^^ Cucking is eli's specialty and I promise you now that this fic serves it perfectly (dry humping in this ficis super hot too, trust me) and who can turn down a threesome??

@hyukascampfire and rope burn is ALWAYS on my mind like I mean it, the way ash writes Taehyun is haunting but so beautiful in her vocab, her depictions, everything like rope burn is one of my fav taehyun fics ever and I WILL run myself back to that house i don't care he can mess with me all he likes !!!

@jayflrt and a stoner's guide to starbucks is one of my first ever heeseung works I've ever read on tumblr!! Like wayyyyy before tyunningism came to be and I still love alice writing one of my fav smaus of all time like I'm sure there's still a record of me somewhere on insta talking about it with one of my old friends laughing our ass off about the dna test that was actually a fine or a charge (??) if memory serves me right, but this smau is an absolute must read and I'd love to reread this soon too!!

@yawngnab and when did you get hot? is the statement of belief for mean dom tyun lovers AAAAA when my lovely lia tagged me in this i genuinely bust a nut everywhere like the dirty talk was doing NUMBERSS if you want anything sensual that really gets you there, turn to lia's blog ASAP and you'll genuinely find a haven of great fics!!

@igyusita and loads of love is the first work I ever read from dani I'm pretty sure and WOAH, panty thief soob COME MY WAYY I remember being at work and I was trying to rush a customer's order so I could sit down and read and when I tell you I was geeking out the entire time?!! This is still one of the fics I love to recommend to a lot of my friends hehe +++ her fic layouts are always the prettiest too!!

@bamgelically and Tear into You is on my tbr right now !! My lovely ivylyn is currently moving blogs so she'll start reuploading the rest of her works soon for you to read anon but I can tell you now that from the first few paragraphs I read of her ghost-face gyu fic, it is SO damn good and I need that now please THE DESCRIPTION IS WHEWWW top notch, the writing will not disappoint you in the slightest!!! (p.s. i owe ivylyn for my nitro trial i love her)

@yjnwonstars and obsessed is a fic I've read over hiatus and my baby winnie who's been my day one literally genuinely makes me so proud because I remember talking with her over being nervous about posting and I'm so so so glad that she did choose to start writing again as well as being amazed by her writing and the time she puts into it!!!! So definitely do check out her other works too hehe love tutor is currently on my tbr too!!

@fairyofshampgyu and Newfound Discoveries is my FAV gyu fic of all time like you guys don't understand when I say I love nia's writing to death, she's my sub gyu connoisseur and PLUS the soobin smut scenes are the cherry on top like how could you not love the best of both worlds?!!! Nia also has an upcoming txt ohshc series in the works so do tune in when that's out!!!

I also have works from non mutuals on my tbr or that I've read recently and loved which I'll drop here !!

I know its real, I can feel it By @allbeoms

test your luck By @koqabear

the best friend theory By @vmoonheart

spilled milk by @soobvns

salvation by @lov-gyu

ecstasy by @heesngirl

[yjnwonstars]

my baby emmee :((( buaaa

[yjnwonstars]

so excited for overnight!!!

hi sweetie!!!

i’m so sorry for the delay in posting, i had it almost entirely finished but i haven’t been in a good headspace and i ended up having no time at all to finish it :( but i promise to pull myself together and post it soon. please don’t give up on me <3

[yinyjw]

𓍢 ⋆📖⊹ ˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ you are reading: preacher's daughter

sjy x f.reader (corruption kink, religious guilt, smut with a lot of plot, sensitive themes, +18)

"in the early 2000s, in some small, rural town, your religious and restrained life collides with jake sim, who makes you doubt everything you know and want to explore more of the world" wc: 19.6k (what was that honesly) author's notes: hii hellooo!!! i don't want to go on about this any longer cause it already took me about a month to prepare this, so despite having very maternal instincts with it, i feel desperate because maybe ill never write this well again! lol (it IS that deep for me okay) anyways! i hope you can enjoy it as much as i did! and here's the playlist i used (i was heavily influenced by ethel cain) tw: corruption kink, outsider!jake x preachersdaughter!reader, no use of yn, use of legal substances, religious guilt, religious stuff in general, heresy, slow burn, opposites attract, size difference, manhandling, heavy make out, dry humping, edging, loss of virginity, p in v, unprotected sex, belly bulge, teasing, marking, cursing, dirty talk, oral sex, clit play, nipple play, body worship (f rec.), guided masturbation, dacryphilia, talking you through it, praising, pet names (church girl, little one), some grapphic violence(? not btw the pairing tho), distorted feelings, a funny turn of events in the end bc im crazy lmao, intended lowercase, and english is not my first language!!! if i forget anything let me know juseyo!

"my children, look at your hands. are they clean? the world outside is a hungry wolf, but inside here, we must be like the immaculate lamb" you heard the pastor preach from the pulpit. formal clothes, shirt tucked into pants, the best shoes you owned, hair so slicked back with a mixture of water and styling gel that it reflected the ceiling lights. when your father's eyes fell upon you, you lowered yours, resting them on the restless hands in your lap. that week's sermon was not in vain.

"remember: your body does not belong to you. it was bought with a price of blood. any desire of the flesh is a crack in the temple, and through that crack, the enemy enters" the man kept his eyes on your figure, and it wasn't necessary to look back to know; your shoulders burned from the indirect exposure. all because he had seen the boy who tended the gardens handing you a rose; which, of course, you had accepted politely.

it wasn't as if you had feelings for the boy, but you also weren't used to receiving attention from the opposite sex - even the church youth groups were careful not to mix genders. besides that, there was the major factor of being the pastor's daughter in a tiny countryside town where everyone knew each other and nothing was a secret.

it had happened to lisa, a former high school classmate, when she had her first kiss and went to confess and seek guidance; she had come out in tears from the small room your father used as an office. that same night, he told you never to speak to or sit near her during services again. or when the late mrs. johnson refused to give her tithe, claiming she needed to pay for the entire family's burial plot since she was the last of the name; the following week she no longer appeared at church, or the week after that, and after, and after... until she was found dead in her living room armchair; your father refused to say why the woman had stopped coming on sundays before her inevitable death from old age.

you sighed when the church bells rang, indicating the end of the preaching. the murmuring grew, and most people stood up, greeting one another, talking about trivialities as they walked toward the exit. you refrained, going to help your father blow out the candles and put away the books. you piled the objects in your lap, heading toward the narrow back door, noticing out of the corner of your eye before crossing the threshold an unfamiliar face going to talk to him.

you arranged everything on the shelves, brushing your dusty hand against your linen skirt before heading back out. your father was no longer there, nor was the stranger, but you saw under the door that the office light was on, so you sat down to wait. if your mother were still around, maybe she would tell you to go talk with the younger crowd while she waited for him, but that was a reality from years ago when she was still alive. you pressed your lips together and sighed, settled once more in the front row of pews.

the silence of the hall made the distant clock's tick-tock echo loudly, and the amplitude of the empty space made the cross positioned on the small altar seem to triple in size. he was watching. even if it wasn't your father, he would know, and he would judge. he would judge your lack of excitement for religion, your little faith, your curious glances, your inadequate desires, and he would whisper to your parent what he should say up there, so that every word was directed specifically at you.

a shiver ran down your spine when the office door opened, pulling you out of your small trance. your father was the first to step out, holding the door and signaling for the other to follow. who was he? dark hair, longer than usual for guys, a heavy brown suede jacket over a plain white shirt, jeans, and leather boots. you had never seen him around there, or anywhere else in town. his face was different, handsome... very handsome. full lips, thick eyebrows, a large nose... and as they approached, you noticed how tall he was too.

"ah, you're here" your father commented, flashing a fake smile in your direction, indicating his anger hadn't ceased, even after everything he had said. you stood up on impulse; hands pinned to your sides and perfect posture, but your sweet, shimmering eyes didn't lie as they scanned the new guy. "this is jake, jake sim, he just moved in" the man continued, observing your stunned state and then clearing his throat. "introduce yourself, kid..." something deep in your gut urged you to be indifferent, to ignore jake's hand extended toward you. but your body spoke before your brain could rationalize. your name came out as a whisper from your dry lips, but he still smiled, squeezing your hand lightly, letting you let go first. he put his hands back into his coat pockets while your father looked at you as if your head had been replaced by a giant question mark.

***

after that day, jake's presence was recurring. more often than you needed, less often than you craved. he was different from all the guys you knew; those who were almost a copy of your father - clothes too perfect, empty gazes. yes, jake was like a reminder that the mundane existed, a reminder that not everyone believed in the same god as you, that not everyone prayed before eating or cared about going to hell over a bad choice. whenever you ran into him, he smiled in your direction - an upside-down smile that made you wonder if he was curious or just felt pity.

your father had said he was moving from another city with no relatives, trying to make a life in a different place, and that was why jake would live in the small back room of the church for a while, paying rent by helping with the restoration of the ceiling and some walls that urgently needed plaster and paint.

he seemed willing, never truly standing still, carrying buckets of paint, mortar, pushing the rusty wheelbarrow where he put all the tools and materials back and forth. one moment he was outside, another he stopped to smoke before moving on to restore some pillar in the main hall. and whenever you cooked, your father asked you to take a plate of food to the dark-haired guy; since your house was across the street and it didn't hurt to help.

whether it was simple rice and meat or pasta, jake always made sure to thank you properly, stopping what he was doing - white tank top clinging to his sweaty torso, stained with paint and dirt, hair stuck to his forehead which he pushed back with his fingers - stepping down from the ladder or standing up to receive the plate from you. "did you make this?" he would ask, smelling the food and then looking at you. "yes... it's simple, i hope you don't mind". he would shake his head and then smile wide before sitting down to eat on a low stool nearby. "i haven't eaten home-cooked food in months." he would fork it and take a big bite, chewing and nodding approvingly, "it's good, very good."

your heart didn't help, making your chest give an unexpected twinge that left you flustered by the compliments you never received. "you... have been helping a lot..." you justified, and after a few seconds of just watching, you would simply extend your hand in a small goodbye and turn your back, walking quickly to leave the place while your small fingers reached for the rosary decorating your neck, squeezing the pendant hard.

it was bad. it was worse than you could have imagined. and it got worse. the more you saw him, the more phrases you exchanged, the more you wanted to talk, the more you wanted to discover who he really was. you knew he had a car, a ford f-custom pickup in a faded red tone from sitting in the sun. you knew he liked jackets because you had seen him with several; you knew he smoked and that he didn't attend the services; not even once.

jake didn't talk about his family; let alone which city he was coming from. your father didn't know much more either, snapping back with a "why do you want to know?" the first and only time you questioned him during dinner. "just because... he appeared so suddenly" you replied with a trembling voice, hearing a huff from the older man.

as the weeks passed, the church took on a new air: revamped, clean. he had even taken care of the flowers in the beds - abandoned since your father excommunicated the gardener for the act of chivalry toward you - which now had small white and yellow flowers blooming. the ceiling didn't drip anymore when it rained, and jake had fixed the pews that had rotting boards inside. your father was grateful, you knew he was; maybe that was why he didn't force jake to participate on sundays. but whenever the service ended and you left the church, you could see him outside with a cigarette tucked into the corner of his lips, flipping through some book you had never heard of, sitting on the hood of his truck.

and whenever he caught you watching, he would stop, take the cigarette from his lips, and close the book, setting it aside as if he were dedicating all his attention to you for those brief minutes in which you passed by him, waved, crossed the street, and went inside; blushing, and with ragged breath. so pathetic that you felt stupid.

maybe he knew. or maybe that was very presumptuous of you. to assume he knew what he was doing to you, that your head was becoming so disorganized that even you couldn't name what it was, other than that it was wrong.

that was why you had started to pray every night that jake could find a real job and move away, asking that he be successful and move to a bigger city, far away. far from the church and far from where you could see him. and for that same reason, you would finish and go to bed crying because the words whispered weakly were never genuine. they were selfish and lying, and the angels would know.

one monday, you decided you would ignore him. that it was nonsense, that your lack of faith was dominating you and you couldn't go on like this. so, you headed to your nursing course which took place in the town clinic and which you could get to and from on foot.

on the way, you had seen him at a car parts store, but you didn't look more than enough to ignore him, letting him crane his neck out of the small shop watching you walk down the street. you had finished high school the previous year, and despite having taken some exams and sent some recommendation letters, you had never received any reply from any of the colleges; or at least that's what your father said.

you wanted to study medicine, and while you couldn't, you were content with the course miss marie taught in exchange for you helping with some patients during the week. you had already learned about sutures, stitches, wound cleaning, casting, dressings, and a host of other things. as a consequence, you ended up learning about medications and dosages and always heard from marie that you were an exemplary student and would surely do well in the real course.

and whenever she said this, a mix of sadness and joy formed in the pit of your stomach, tangling with your breakfast that you nearly threw up. you would never be able to go to college, not if you stayed here... not if you stayed under your father's watch, being swallowed by the monotony of this dead-end town and the church, ever fuller, ever more imposing.

when your break arrived, you asked to go to the bookstore on the same street and stayed there for half an hour, entertained with nursing and medicine books, tempting yourself every now and then and picking up some romance story to leaf through.

       "love"

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ"surrender"

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ"desire"

the words caught in the air quickly as your eyes scanned the yellowed pages always made the hair on your arms stand up. romance wasn't something real. and the only true love was the one that came from devotion to the lord. men and women shouldn't touch for pleasure; that was reserved for marriage and procreation according to divine laws. but still, the words didn't disappear from your mind as you went back to work under the weakened heat of the setting sun.

"oh dear, are you back already? a young man stopped by and asked for you" you heard marie, stopping in your tracks, your body freezing, making you turn your head slowly toward her as she noted something in a small customer log, leaning on the counter. "jake! he said he needed to talk to you, but didn't want to leave any message" she continued simply, taking a moment to land her eyes on you and smirk at your pale expression. "you know him, right?" she knit her brows and you nodded before swallowing hard and heading to the bandage room.

what could he possibly want with you? what could be so urgent that jake genuinely sought out the place where you worked? maybe it was about your father. or maybe he needed help at the church. maybe he wanted to say goodbye before finally leaving after five weeks of living there and standing out from everything around him.

maybe he wanted to warn you that he would tell your father, that he would tell of the times your eyes lingered too long on him, or how your cheeks flushed when he smiled at you when you looked at him through your bedroom window and he was in the flower beds. your stomach spiraled and you leaned against the cabinet next to you at the unreal possibility, feeling on the verge of fainting.

air failed you and you grabbed your own shirt, twisting the fabric in your fingers and pulling -wanting the fabric to unstick from your skin for a few seconds because it had to be that preventing you from filling your lungs with oxygen and not a damn panic attack - trying to breathe deeply and not succeeding for long minutes.

you needed to tell the pastor it wasn't that, that it wasn't what he thought, that you would never think... that you would never do it! that you would be better, that you would pray more, dedicate yourself more!

when you finally managed to come back to yourself, you grabbed your crossbody bag and returned to the front of the clinic, asking brokenly if you could leave work a little early that day, which was promptly accepted despite the older woman's concerned expression.

"see you to-" but you didn't hear her, already on the sidewalk, quickening your pace.

***

you had never walked so fast in your life. the slight cramp in your calf was ignored until you were on your home block, able to see the high church bell from there, where you walked with yearning. your house had the windows closed, but the car was in the garage, only meaning your father was at the church. you threw the hall doors open, and the echo of the whistling wind vibrated against the walls. your lips parted and closed uncertainly as you passed through the rows of long pews, illuminated by the sunbeams still entering through the high windows at that hour of the afternoon. you stepped onto the platform, your low sandal heels sounding on the floorboards, extending your hand to reach the office door.

but just as you opened it, another person came out of there, bumping their body against yours.

"sorry, i-" you began, slowly raising your eyes until they met the dark eyes of the sim boy. you took a step back, squeezing the bag strap. jake closed the door behind him and smiled simply, knitting his brows when you stared at him as if he had two heads.

"in a hurry?" he asked and you pressed your mouth into a line, shaking your head. "really? i could've sworn i heard your footsteps all the way here" he said and crossed his arms, making his forearms with noticeable veins suck in your attention for an instant.

"i need to talk to my father" you managed to say quietly, looking away from him. "he's not in. at least, not here" he told you, turning his face a bit to analyze you. "did your boss say i looked for you?" he asked, watching you chew the inside of your cheek before nodding. "is that why you left early?" he raised an eyebrow and let out a short laugh.

"n-not because of you..." the phrase came out direct, more direct than you intended, and he was perfectly aware you hadn't done it maliciously, but even so, he leaned over and placed his hand over his chest, letting out a dramatic "arrgh".

"didn't have to destroy me like that" he joked, but your posture didn't relaxed. your free hand gripped your long skirt and crumpled the fabric; this didn't go unnoticed by him either.

jake straightened up and ran his tongue over his teeth, looking around before going back to watching you, measuring your small, trembling body in front of him. "did you come to tell your father that i looked for you then? wow... such a good girl, huh?" he let out in a mocking bittersweet tone.

your eyes widened and you finally stared back at him, parting your lips and feeling your heart hammer against your rib cage. "so that's really it?" he held a shit-eating grin on his lips now, just amusing himself, but when you took a step back, indicating you'd run from there at the first chance, the boy decided to stop stalling, reaching into the back pocket of his jeans and pulling out an envelope.

"the reason for looking for you was because this arrived for you, and... it seems to be something important" he handed you the letter with the college seal on the edge, pointing with his index finger.

the moment he spoke and you took the letter in your hands, your head took a while to process what that meant... or rather, what it could mean. you raised your eyes to him once more and he gestured to the paper in clear encouragement. you were feeling a bit of shame from the earlier exposure, but still... to finally have a response to the countless letters you had sent was truly exciting.

you closed your eyes for a few moments before opening the seal with erratic hands. your almond-shaped eyes scanned every detail, the sender's information, the college logos, the date, and your name written there.

"subject: admission decision and financial aid offer

congratulations! it is with great pleasure that we offer you admission to the class of-"

you stopped, not because you wanted to, but because your voice got choked up with a knot forming in your throat, making you bring your other hand to your mouth to cover it, unable to believe what you had just read.

your eyes were so wide that jake ended up laughing and leaning in to take it and finish reading for you. "thats awesome... like, with them funding a huge part of it?..." you stared at him, static. behind your eyes, your mind made a small movie of your life pass by until that moment. all the times you had worked hard on high school projects, the sleepless nights of study, the social actions that were always successful thanks to the church faithful. however, now that you had the result right there in your hands, didn't it seem a bit too much?

you remained quiet. the passing of time was just an illusion.

"what? you did not liked it?" the taller boy knit his brows and then you shook your head dejectedly, receiving the paper back and looking awkwardly at what was written. "no, i loved it. but... it's the furthest one of all..." you spoke softly at last, feeling your nose sting and eyes water, controlling the urge to cry in front of the other because so many humiliations in a row in one day would be hard to deal with.

"it's the chance of a lifetime, little one" jake added, but didn't force it more than that, resting one hand on your head and messing up your hair lightly. he didn't know exactly why, but judging by your earlier desperation and the not-so-gentle sermons the pastor used to give -which he could hear even from afar - he had some idea.

***

after the touch, jake had left you there. it had nothing to do with him anyway. you didn't know how much longer you had remained standing there; you only knew that when you left the church, the orange sky was gradually giving way to the black vastness of the night, while your father talked to one of the congregants at the front door. you had passed by them and greeted them politely, going inside and up the stairs to your room.

the week passed in the blink of any eye for you, your thoughts drifting far away. on the street you stumbled, at work you pricked yourself with scissors and needles, inattentive, earning your first scoldings from marie; you struggled to invent excuses not to eat dinner, preferring the pain of a growling stomach to sitting at the table with the pastor and having him ask about your day. and whenever you thought about sleeping to escape the hunger, the moment you laid your head on the pillow, you saw a crucifix nailed above the bed.

you didn't remember when that decoration had been nailed there, but you remembered once asking your 7th-grade classmates what they had for decorations on their walls. stars that glowed in the dark, band posters, original drawings, wallpaper - but not a damn beige wall with a single crucifix in the middle. wasn't it normal for a child to be able to decorate their room with... child things? wasn't it normal for children to be encouraged to have childhood interests? and the symbol weighed over you as if it weighed a ton, squeezing your diaphragm and making you so frustrated that you threw a pillow at the object, to no effect.

on friday, when you got up and went down for breakfast, you found the man there, with a cup of strong black coffee exhaling steam from the heat while he flipped through a newspaper. he didn't say good morning, and you breathed one out so quietly that the sound of the birds outside kept it from being heard. you served yourself cereal and milk, sitting at the furthest end of the table. he turned a page, wetting his fingertips with saliva, and you breathed shallowly, trying not to be noticed. too late. "make dinner today, and come down to eat" the thick, firm voice sounded, rhetorical and impenetrable. you nodded, even though he wouldn't see over the newspaper, and continued eating, swallowing with difficulty because you barely chewed so as not to make noise.

when you left the porch of the house, heading down the steps to the sidewalk, you were surprised by jake, who joined your walk.

"so... have made your decision yet?" he asked, hands in pockets, walking side by side.

"good morning... and no" you replied simply, avoiding eye contact with the taller man; looking at your feet walking in sync instead. jake sighed and then pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, putting one in his mouth and reaching for his lighter.

"do you mind?" he asked, and when you just looked at him for half a second before focusing elsewhere, he lit it, watching the tip burn as he took a slow drag. he blew the smoke to the opposite side. "you know those scholarships could give you access to a dorm, right? what's the problem with it being far?"

why was jake following you anyway? you rubbed your eyes with the back of your hand and shrugged. "if you want something that bad... why don't you do it?" his words parked in your head.

because james in his first chapter, verses fourteen through fifteen, said that each one is tempted by their own evil desire, being dragged away and enticed, and then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin. that was why you couldn't decide for yourself, choose your own clothes, or wear makeup; it was why you didn't choose the decorations for your room even though you were nineteen years old, and why you couldn't let your will make you cross the country just to study if you could still be useful here. but jake wouldn't understand.

"is that what you would do if you were in my place?" you asked back, giving a timid smile and watching him study your expression - he thought you managed to look even cuter with your eyes puffy from sleep - as he slowly pulled the nicotine into his lungs, holding it and then letting it out bit by bit.

"if i were you, you wouldn't be asking what someone else would do" he replied confidently.

jake didn't have any appointments downtown, nor did he have any business there, but he still accompanied you to the front of the clinic, where he watched you go in quietly without saying anything else. he finished his cigarette right there, throwing the butt on the ground and crushing it with the sole of his boot.

marie asked you to make a splint for a little boy's finger that morning. the little guy had sprained his finger playing basketball in his garage, and every time you even brushed against the needle with the anesthesia, his eyes filled with tears. he was probably afraid, you thought, even though he wanted to appear brave. "did you know the mayor said they're going to build a sports court in the central plaza?" you commented, catching the little one's attention and seeing him shake his head no. "i heard all the children will be able to use it; doesn't that seem like a good opportunity to make friends?" you asked sweetly.

while the child thought and began to answer, you quickly gripped the anesthesia and applied it to the site. "ow!" he furrowed his brows, finally looking down and seeing the empty syringe. "you... already did it?" he blinked, confused and relieved at the same time. "uh-huh, and you didn't even notice" you breathed. "how did you do that?" he stared at you again with eyes shining with pure hope. "secret!" you winked and then grabbed the materials to make the splint.

"she probably cast a spell on me or something mommy, i swear!" that's what the kiddo said as he left the clinic accompanied by his mother, who just laughed at the silly assumptions. your boss gave you a playful little nudge, liking how you hadn't stopped smiling at the situation. after all, you had been strange all the other days, and feeling a bit of satisfaction with work was a great reason.

"you really have a gift" she pointed out and touched your shoulder. "by the way, i saw you were accompanied today... it was the guy from the other day..." the nurse continued. "are you two dating?" she asked as if she were asking about the weather.

your eyes widened and you denied it repeatedly, squeezing the small bag where you threw the dirty gauze and discarded the needle. "he... we-my father helped him... he's a newcomer". "oh. well, he definitely looks like one" she breathed before leaving you.

when you were alone in the room, you stopped for a few seconds, looking down and taking a deep breath.

you wanted to be able to say that the joy of having been good for the child with the hurt finger had remained for the rest of the day, but as soon as the clock struck five in the afternoon, you felt the anguish of the inevitable approaching. you packed your things slowly and even waited for marie to close the entrance so you could head home. if jake appeared and offered you a ride at that moment to anywhere far from there, you would accept it; you'd deal with the consequences of leaving your father waiting some other time. but no one appeared, and you were alone to face whatever was coming.

***

the bath? it had been a rupture in time disguised as a cloud of steam that passed without you noticing. you put on your light, long dress - which reached your ankles - and combed your hair before going down to make dinner.

your house had never been very well-lit, but in the past, there were still photos scattered around, some diplomas, both yours and your mother's, but your father had made sure to remove everything that reminded him of her. everything. except what he couldn't: the memory.

the humming of the refrigerator sounded louder than ever, making your internal organs want to coil up. the sound of the fire boiling the vegetable soup to thicken the broth served only as a second voice to the discordant music in the kitchen.

when it was seven in the evening, he appeared. dress shirt, polished shoes, pressed pants, and hair no longer so perfectly combed. an indifferent expression that you never knew was because he was at home or because he was seeing you. you exchanged silent glances, and he approached the dining table, which casually sat under the only light source between the living room and the kitchen. you served the plates and sat down, joining your hands and interlacing your fingers, closing your eyes to give thanks for the food.

"heavenly father, sanctify this meal which your hand has provided. may this food give us vigor to serve your kingdom with purity and obedience. amen" this made you press your lips together; he never thanked the one who prepared it.

the clinking of cutlery filled the void in the air, along with the sound of moderate chewing.

"so what happened that you lost your respect and appetite this week?" he was the one who started, cutting a piece of bread to dip in the soup. over the days you had considered telling him, taking a chance. you were almost convinced it wasn't worth it, if it hadn't been for that afternoon... you had been so happy to help, so content to see the softening expression in those child eyes.

"i received an acceptance letter, for next year's class..." you commented quietly, without the courage to look at your own parent.

"and what about it?" he returned, chewing the soaked slice of bread audibly.

"i thought... with the money i saved, and maybe finding a part-time job, i could support myself there. it's a full scholarship" oh, he didn't seem surprised.

your father continued eating, feeling your eyes slowly rising to him until he stopped abruptly, dropping the spoon on the plate. "i thought we had put an end to this discussion. that you would take the theology course in the neighboring town and help me with the church. that is the path the lord has been laying out for you..." the words came out serious.

"i made so many applications and we agreed to wait for a year, dad..." you furrowed your eyebrows.

"i didn't agree to wait a year. i never even agreed with this college story. do you know how hard it is? the sins, the ambition, the selfishness in those places? do you know what it's like to be alone in a place like that? especially you, who has never seen any of it?" his voice began to change and he moved his mouth irritably. "that's your wish? to become mundane and dirty? to disappoint god because you couldn't resist to your inner demons?" he asked, staring, his fist clenched on the wooden table.

"it doesn't have to be like that! i would only go to study!" you defended yourself, feeling a bitterness rise in your throat.

"study? do you want to look at me straight in the eyes and ask me to believe this when you can barely keep your legs closed to the garden boy?!" you widened your eyes and parted your lips... how could he say something so gross and unrealistic when all you had done was accept a simple flower?

the first tear ran down your cheek stealthily, without you noticing; the others that followed, you didn't have the strength to contain. "mom would want me to pursue this..." your voice crawled, weak and trembling. but to him, it sounded like the worst of offenses, one that tore the armor he had created many years ago.

"repeat what you've just said" his tone was dark now, loaded with a veiled hate he felt for your existence.

when his chair scraped back and his body rose, you swallowed your sobs, looking at him. "dad, p-please... i didn't intend t-"

the impact of the slap on your face was strong enough to make your ear ring and your neck be thrown to the side. the welt immediately rose to the surface of your skin. the pain made you lose your breath, but he didn't care, grabbing your hair and making you look at him as he leaned down to be at your height. "you disgust me" he said sharply, spitting the words. "i pray to god forgive your sins, but you are helpless" and with that, he let you go, making your body collapse into the chair, and he left the room, heading to the second floor with heavy steps.

you hugged your own body while the crying was overwhelming, squeezing your eyes shut and shrinking back.

when times like this arrived, to whom should you turn? your father thought you were disgusting, and god must have had an opinion not much different. your friends were limited to the young people who attended church on sundays and occasionally went to the group, but never really got close. the rest of your family lived miles away, and unfortunately, you were foolish and inexperienced, just as the older man had said.

you stood up limply and put the unfinished plates of soup in the sink, almost letting the heavy dishes fall and shatter on the floor; you turned off the light and instead of going to your room, you went out the front door, feeling the cold breeze and the yellow streetlights bathe your figure.

you walked across the porch and across the front garden until you were on the sidewalk, starting to walk without a certain direction. maybe you'd walk around the block, maybe you'd go to the small park nearby and sit on one of the swings until your body got used to the sadness and the night went back to being like any other.

***

the tears still fell, less agitated, yet colder as the wind chilled them against your flushed cheeks. your swollen nose sniffled, and you pressed your lips together, dwelling on the words you had heard.

jake was coming back from one of the freelance jobs he had picked up at a construction site. in the pickup, the music played low, and he tapped the steering wheel every now and then, attentive to the dark streets of the little town that went to sleep too early. he would have continued if he hadn't spotted something. honestly, with that thin, light dress that fluttered in the skirt from the wind, he might have thought it was a ghost... a very pretty and well-behaved one, though. the boy smiled as he flashed his high beams once, slowing down and rolling down the window to stick his head out. "hey church girl!" he called, and your silhouette stopped. but when your face turned to him, the smile jake had died almost instantly.

he stopped the vehicle right there and got out in a hurry. loose pants held up by a worn belt, a stained tank top, a jacket - which he was already taking off to wrap around you - and beautifully disheveled hair.

"what happened? what are you doing here?" he asked, looking down, without asking permission to touch your face and make you look at him. you were a mess of tears, snot, and there was still that mark on your cheek that he quickly identified. you didn't answer, but when the gentle weight of the leather jacket wrapped around your bare shoulders and jake's thumbs wiped your tears, you looked at him.

"jake..." you called, testing the name on the tip of your tongue. that, as incredible as it seems, was the first time you breathed the combination of letters.

"yes? i'm here." his expression was one of concern. but how could he feel that for someone like you? whom he barely knew or spoke to; maybe you were so miserable that you really didn't realize it. "do you want me to do something?" he asked, shifting his eyes from yours to your cheek before coming back.

"no..." you denied. you could have pulled away from him, touched his wrists so he would let go, but you didn't. "i was just... walking..." your last shred of judgment made you speak.

"no, you were crying and walking without direction... that's not just walking. what happened?" god, he was so insistent.

"my dad... we talked, about the college..." you explained, and jake shook his head, squeezing your face between his large, calloused hands. he could picture what had happened; he wasn't an idiot, he knew exactly the kind of guy the pastor was. they were all the same, so good for the community, titling themselves messengers of god or some shit like that, using other people's money to promote themselves, spreading lies, taking away dreams, having disgusting secrets.

"i'm not letting you go back home today, sorry" the boy concluded, letting go of your cheeks and holding your hand, dragging you so he could take you to the truck.

without another word, he opened the passenger door and lifted you by the waist as if you weighed nothing, sitting you there and helping with the belt. your faces were close, but your eyes were too cloudy for you to see the details of the taller man's profile. you saw him go around before getting in the driver's side and sitting there to start it again; the roar of the engine breaking the silence of the street.

he didn't say where he was taking you, and you didn't ask either. for someone who fled from him as the devil flees from the cross, you were placing a lot of trust there. in less than twenty minutes, during which you had exchanged at most two words - with him asking if you were still cold and you denying it - you had arrived at a bar where the blinking neon sign read "jj's bar." the facade was nothing fancy; on the contrary, plain walls with some posters announcing live music and cheap beer, the light of the sign in shades of yellow and red making the mixture of colors bathe the cracked sidewalk.

jake offered you his hand for you to get out, and you avoided eye contact when you did, lips pressed together. when you entered, the atmosphere was strangely welcoming. a varnished counter with several stools along its length. floorboards of wood that creaked slightly when stepped on, tables scattered about, walls covered in posters, flyers, ads, photos, and tacky wallpaper in shades of wine and brown. behind the counter, a young man was drying some glass cups, and a large cabinet held various glasses, containers, and drinks. a pool table, some slot machines, a jukebox.

"jake jakey..." the barman spoke and smiled, leaning on the counter as you approached.

jake smiled, touching the small of your back subtly as if he wanted to reassure you that everything was fine; he also extended his hand, shaking the guy's on the other side. "my friend, jay..." he breathed and followed jay's gaze, which fell slowly onto you.

"and you, young lady?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, friendly. you breathed out softly and nodded.

"i already told you about her..."

"oh... so you are the preach-"

"ahem" jake cleared his throat and the guy stopped, staring at him and getting the message.

"well, make yourselves comfortable. for you, i already know, but how about you, sweetheart, what'll it be?" - jake rolled his eyes in disbelief at the blatant flirting – the park waited for your answer, but the only thing you could do was look up, searching for a menu... like in the diners, right?

"oh-i see... what's your age?"

"nineteen" jay smiled gently in your direction, shifting his attention to the boy beside you; what kind of communication was that?

you watched him grab a bottle from the cabinet and serve a glass halfway, putting in ice and tapping the surface in front of the sim boy before pushing it toward him.

you watched jake take the glass and gulp - his prominent adam's apple bobbing - wrinkling his nose slightly before staring at you. "what?" he murmured, and you shook your head, embarrassed to be caught staring.

minutes later jay placed a glass with a pink mixture and a little umbrella on top. "its cherry syrup with white vermouth by the way, that's the lightest i can do" he threw the hand-drying cloth over his shoulder and crossed his arms. you shouldn't drink. you didn't know these people, you didn't know your limit, and you were far from home, but the only thing you did was look to the sides, searching for any sign. a cross, a saint, someone... any sign that indicated you would be punished later.

when you didn't find one, you looked at the glass, closing your small fingers around it and testing the weight before lifting it to your lips. the first sip wasn't bad, the smell was sweet and the taste even more so, but at the very end the aftertaste caused a sting. both pairs of eyes analyzed you and you covered your mouth after placing the glass back on the wood. "it's good... different, but good," you said and saw both of them smiling.

"you don't have to drink it all," jake breathed and let his eyes travel over you. your body disappeared in his jacket, and you held onto the fabric of your dress skirt as usual. were you always afraid?

you just nodded... without much to say. it was the first time you had entered a bar, you were sure you shouldn't be there, but you didn't feel threatened. the music wasn't loud and it was pleasant to hear, making your feet suspended from the stool swing lightly while you fingered the sweating glass. "have things always been this way?", jake took advantage of the moment when his colleague, and owner of the bar, moved away to talk.

and you caught yourself trying to remember when was the last time your father had acted like a real father and not like a vigilante. "no... it's hard to remember, though... after my mother passed away, he doesn't seem to be the same person" you breathed.

jake looked down and bit his lip. he was terrible at consoling and it wasn't as if he had never had a girl crying in his arms, but definitely the reason wasn't the same. "and you never thought about leaving?", he continued and saw you sip the drink once more before looking at him.

"wouldn't that be selfish?", you returned and he knit his brows.

selfish...? the word made the older boy swallow hard, tapping the counter once before getting up from the stool and helping you do the same. he held your shoulders, placing your body in front of his and guiding you to one of the game machines.

"i don't know how to play" you looked up from below and he just smiled, taking a token from his pocket and positioning himself behind you.

"you don't have to know everything to do it, you know?", his voice had a soft and more relaxed timbre now. "you just have to want to" jake carefully touched your wrists, indicating where you should hold. the machine's crank and the colored buttons that every time they were pressed made the character on the screen release some kind of different animation.

the dark-haired boy was hunched over, his face next to yours, cheeks almost brushing, explaining what you could do. your brain tried, struggled to pay attention, but it was so much information... blue button to attack, his perfume invading your nostrils, walking forward with the joystick, the warm touch of his hands over yours, white button to start again, his minty breath blowing against your neck while he spoke... you bit your lip and confirmed when he asked if you were ready.

you watched the characters on the screen casting powers and trading funny blows. in high school some boys mentioned this. it was fun, although you didn't understand the rules. you did exactly as the older boy said, managing somehow to defeat the opponent. when the 'winner' text appeared there you smiled, but you smiled even more when jake celebrated, squeezing your arms and shaking you carefully, just drawing a soft giggle from you. "you're good at it!", he straightened up and pinched your chin lightly.

he spent three more tokens, letting you test other characters and showing you how it was done; proceeding to lose all the times and making a tired face when the last fight ended and the machine flashed ‘insert your ticket’. "okay... that was a first, i'm actually good, seriously," he defended himself and you gave a breathy smile, enjoying yourself.

when your crying was nowhere to be seen and jake's presence had totally overshadowed the night's events, you could finally notice him. black, wavy hair, a mouth drawn with a heart-shaped cupid's bow. there was something magnetically soft about him that made it impossible to look away, a perfect harmony between the sharp, aristocratic line of his nose and the warm glow of his dark eyes. his lip curved into a lazy side smile, the kind of smile you knew your father would call temptation, and for the first time, you understood exactly why people gave in to it.

you passed in front of the old jukebox and stopped, observing the varnished details and the little letters inside, showing which tracks were available.

"do you like music?", he asked, approaching as well.

"i... don't listen much" and even so your eyes vibrated at the equipment in front of you, curious, exploring.

"pick one" he said, alternating his gaze between you and the machine, biting his lip, anxious to know what it would be.

"i don't know any of these...", you denied laughingly and he rolled his eyes, putting the coin there and looking at you expectantly.

so many names, you ended up choosing the most different of all, drawing a little laugh from him. jake and you looked at each other while iris by the goo goo dolls started to play. he held your hand and took a few steps back, taking you to one of the more open spaces in the bar, before joining your bodies, circling your waist carefully, smoothly sliding his fingertips along your wrist, making you hold him by the shoulders, guiding your body in a slow dance.

your heart was galloping, and your cheeks were feverish, while your expression didn't hide your mixed shock and embarrassment, feeling your lip twitch as you searched for words and gave up ridiculously.

jake smiled from the side, making you rest your head on his chest. he accompanied your small body moving slowly with his, feeling a twinge in his chest when you rubbed your face lightly against him, sniffling against his shirt. your thin and small fingers squeezing so lightly on his shoulders that he was afraid the minimum contraction of muscles could hurt you. the melody swayed the pressed bodies, and for the minutes the music box played, it was just you two there.

even when the last guitar chords played, you slowly pulled away, staring at him sweetly. you wanted to ask what that had been - which would be a mess because not even jake knew - but you moistened your lips, pulling back your arms again, smiling awkwardly before hugging your own body.

"thank you...", you said softly and he froze, his eyes darkening even more, watching your body take a few steps back, testing the subtle distance; with no intention of really running away now.

the boy blinked slowly and as soon as you turned to go back to the counter he stretched his body, holding your arm and making you turn again. but when your eyes met, he took a few moments to say: "i would never think that selfishness is being yourself. i would never think that selfishness is prioritizing yourself" the answer finally came, making you fix your eyes on him. "and if it is, then maybe being selfish isn't so bad, right?", his touch softened, making his arm slide away again, but the electricity of the contact remained there, like a promise that this was only the first step out of your bubble.

and you could swear he was approaching millimetrically when jay's voice sounded nearby. "guys, sorry to interrupt, but, we are closing"

***

the pickup's engine finally went silent, leaving only the popping of the cooling metal and the sound of the wind cutting through the tall grass of the lookout. down there, the city was just a tangle of distant lights that didn't seem to belong to the same world you were in. a parallel world where he had dragged you to spend the night.

jake lowered the tailgate and helped you up, spreading a thick blanket over the metal so you'd be comfortable. lying side by side, the sky seemed larger than you had ever seen from the locked windows of home. you talked - as if in all those years the words had just been waiting for someone to ask and care - you told him everything and anything he asked, from your favorite color to the last book you had read.

you told him about the silent rules of your routine, about the expectations that weighed on your shoulders and about how you wanted to be able to do something without disappointing the people around you. jake, on the other hand, was a presence of mysteries and calm silences. he listened with an almost voracious attention, eyes fixed on your profile, on how your mouth moved and tightened when you thought, absorbing every fragment of your story to understand how you still managed to be so intact. it was fascinating.

"and you?" you asked, turning your face to him, feeling the early morning dew prickle your skin. "do you have a religion? do you believe in god?"

jake let out a soft chuckle, a sound that vibrated in his chest before reaching the full lips he moistened. he turned on his side, propping his head on his hand to face you. "i don't believe in that image they sell out there. altars, punishments..." he shrugged, and the glow of his eyes seemed denser under the moonlight. and at the same time his sincerity frightened you, it made you more and more interested. "i have my own convictions. i believe in what i can feel, what i can touch...", jake let his eyes slide over your body for a few milliseconds.

a shiver that wasn't from cold ran down your spine.

"don't you think god- that he would hate us? for being here? for thinking like this?" the question came out small, loaded with a reverential fear, and a guilt that was present for as long as you could remember.

jake smiled, dangerously docile. "god could never hate a girl like you" he murmured, his voice dropping an octave, becoming a dark velvet. "you're just so... pure"

the word seemed to burn, entering through your ears, circling your whole body and stopping right in your chest where your heart accelerated. you sat up on the truck bed, hugging your knees against your chest and hiding your face between them for a moment. the silence in the air became thick, and not even the chirping of the crickets was enough to appease your feelings.

"i... don't feel that way anymore" you confessed with a slightly trembling voice; struggling not to cry again since your puffy eyelids couldn't handle another round.

jake sat up right after, his movement being fluid and, at the same time, careful. he didn't look away; on the contrary. his hand went up to your shoulder, warm fingers contrasting with the cold jacket, caressing the fabric that covered your shoulder with a slowness that seemed to want to uncover what was underneath all those layers.

"look at me" he asked, pulling your shoulder with a gentle firmness so you would stare back.

seeing you like that - with damp eyes, parted lips and this readiness to let yourself be carried away - jake felt his stomach twist. there was something sickly and stimulating in the way you seemed breakable in his hands, even without him touching you properly. his desire wasn't just physical; it was the desire to be the one who would untie all your knots, the one who would see your chastity transform into something that only belonged to him, that only existed in his presence.

he repeated the motion from the bar, but now there was no one to interrupt.

jake kept leaning in, the space between you disappearing while the smell of mint and leather enveloped you little by little. you knew exactly what was about to happen and your mind sought your father's warnings, the moral lessons, the sunday sermons, the sins listed in old books... but your body didn't move one bit. your eyes closed, and you held your breath without noticing, waiting for the meeting of lips in a simple kiss. his mouth warm, contrasting with your cold lips.

this was your first kiss, surrendered so naturally to jake sim that it didn't feel wrong. his large and hand held the side of your face, long fingers getting lost among the strands of hair and his thumb caressing your cheekbone, a tender possessiveness that anchored you there. at the beginning, it was a dry, exploratory contact, just the warmth of the mucous membranes recognizing each other, a sensation that made your stomach turn from the novelty.

with the passing of seconds, the pressure increased. jake didn't force it; he just offered. he parted his lips against yours, letting the tip of his tongue provoke the contour of your mouth, a silent invitation he anxiously waited to be accepted. your inexperience screamed, but instinct spoke louder. when you finally gave in, allowing the tongues to meet for the first time, a short gasp escaped your throat making the older boy sniff in approval.

jake noticed your hesitation and didn't allow you to feel lost. he guided, dictating the rhythm, while his free hand sought your wrist with delicacy making you position your hand on his shoulder, encouraging your fingers to seek the support they needed to pull closer. with the contact firm, the kiss became needy, an urgency that seemed to consume the oxygen around, and a kind of magnet making both drag closer to each other; your thigh very nearly climbing over his leg.

inside your head, chaos tried to organize itself. memorized verses about temptation and severe warnings tried to emerge, but were immediately buried. there was no room for guilt when every inch of your body responded to his with a frightening intensity. morality was a language you didn't speak anymore. now, your brain could only process the tangible reality: the taste of him.

when he took his hand to your waist, entering the jacket he himself had lent you and you startled at the rougher and more direct touch, with lips peeling off his before seeking them again, jake pulled away suddenly, clearing his throat and taking his hand from there, laughing awkwardly and shaking his head. "fuck, i'm sorry...", he breathed low, not knowing for sure what he was asking for, but making you come back to the surface too, just as confused, blushing and swallowing the saliva in your mouth, biting your lip still leaning towards him. "you've been drinking...", he explained calmly, passing his eyes over the girl, the shiny lips, the straight neckline of the messy dress and exposing one of your collarbones, the breathing through the mouth.

he had been drinking too, but your courage to speak had been entirely spent with the seal, so you just nodded, turning your face away and settling better inside the jacket.

the rest of the night was filled with small talk, clumsy touches, and without you noticing, the sun rose on the horizon, making you realize that was also your first night away from home. for a few minutes, jake had dozed off by your side, the wavy locks falling perfectly over the sculpted face, his chest rising and falling peacefully, reminding her that he had rescued and sheltered her.

that was the problem, jake made it seem good to go against everything she knew.

***

"submit yourselves to god; resist the devil, and he will flee from you. do not let yourselves fall into temptation, my children. the enemy is always lurking looking for openings, especially in those of weak heart" the pastor spoke, the bible near his chest while he walked from one side to the other, but your head was far away. you were outside the church, sitting on the pickup with the peeling hood, stained pants and denim jacket.

when was it like this anyway?

jake sim was lean and sneaky. accompanying you every morning to work on foot - with an arm that wrapped your shoulders and a mouth that whispered idiotic things just to make you laugh -, picking you up and suddenly changing the path to some place you didn't yet know, whether it was a bridge with a beautiful view or some field. poking your shoulder when he passed by you just to see you looking for him while he moved away with a playful smile on his lips. he also threw stones at your window at night when you were about to sleep, and as soon as you looked he made a gesture with his hand calling you to come down in secret, without your father knowing.

the kisses and experimental touches were becoming more and more urgent. your cheeks burned every time he got excited and brought his mouth down to your neck, whispering how much your scent drove him crazy.

it was even worse when he grabbed your waist tightly, or pressed you against some surface - usually the small room where he was staying, at the back of the church, right after the sermon ended. but, he never went beyond, sometimes stopping when both were altered and breathless from making out, with hands clinging to the barriers of clothes or to the hair of each other's napes.

little by little the questions started to get more intimate... he no longer wanted to know about your favorite things, but about what you were curious about, or how much you liked his kisses, or even how much you were willing to go with him.

god, and you were.

you bit your lip, eyes widening as you noticed what you were thinking inside the church.

when your eyes returned to the room your father stared at you firmly for a few brief seconds before returning to talk.

you had even asked your former friend lisa what you should do days ago - during the youth group’s pause; anything that would make you stop incessantly thinking about the outsider boy.

both had talked under the stairs in a whispered tone that could only be interpreted looking eye to eye: "even the greatest of sins god is willing to forgive if you are really sorry" the girl told you, staring with an impartial warmth. "that's what torments me. when i commit this sin, i don't feel bad... i feel good. better than i have ever been" had been your answer.

how could you feel sorry?

the moment the bells rang, your feet firmed on the ground, getting up hurriedly and going to help with the organization as always. books put away, candles extinguished, and this time you even managed to leave along with the other faithful who crowded near the exit, talking and saying goodbye, it was when you felt a hand wrap around your wrist and pull you from among the crowd to the side of the church. jake looked around before holding your cheek and depositing a loud smooch on your mouth, taking a little note and putting it in the palm of your hand before winking and leaving without saying more.

you gave a breathy smile, feeling like a fool. your shoes brushing against each other while opening the yellowish paper to find his handwriting.

"no work tomorrow. we have a date. meet me at 10am, you know where", with a hurried heart scribble adorning the upper corner of the post-it.

he was so secretive and unpredictable, making your belly vibrate with so many butterflies. anyway, you ran home to call marie's phone and warn her about a persistent pain in the wrist that would prevent you from working the next morning.

***

the sound of closet doors was the only noise to be heard throughout the second floor at that hour of the morning. you slipped into your white skirt and donned the blouse with romantic sleeves before stepping into your heavy shoes over your socks. your hair remained loose and your backpack was slung on in a hurry before you left the room and headed down the stairs, running into your father halfway down.

"haven't you left for work yet?" he asked, stopping in his tracks and furrowing his brow.

"i’m late today... i’m on my way!" you dodged his body and finished the descent, heading toward the door to leave.

you couldn't allow yourself to be caught, and you knew he would look out the window for at least a full minute, which made you walk slowly, mentally counting to sixty so that the steps heading down the street would suddenly change direction, crossing from one sidewalk to the other, leading you to the back of the church where the pickup truck was parked.

when you opened the passenger door to get in, jake met you with a smile, unable to help but notice you had dressed up, letting you fasten your belt and adjust your shoulders and posture in the seat, oblivious to how he watched you, until you weren't anymore and turned to him.

"what?"

he bit his lip. "you look pretty" he replied sincerely, basking in your flushed cheeks and the way you shyly looked away. he started the engine and shifted into gear before pulling away.

"where are you taking me?" you asked as the landscape outside the window gradually changed. he had taken a road that passed through several fenced pastures - some with animals, others with trees, and even those that held nothing but a green vastness of grass.

"you're so curious. i wanted it to be a surprise" he said laughingly, eyes never leaving the road.

"that's not fair... you're always doing that" you retorted, though you weren't truly bothered.

"just know you're going to like it, hm?" you nodded, fiddling with one of the buttons on your blouse.

when they were about 3 minutes away from arriving, jake told you to close your eyes, grumbling playfully when you tried to cheat by squinting through your fingers. when he whispered softly that he really wanted to make it a surprise, you stopped teasing and kept your hands over your eyes until the car was parked and he said you could open them.

and even so, when jake spoke and your eyes opened, it was impossible to believe.

from inside, the passenger window - slightly fogged and covered by a thin layer of road dust - framed the flowery field like an old, faded painting. the landscape unfolded in waves of moss-green and soft hues of lavender and white. as the engine cooled, the high sun poured a radiant light over the vast space, turning the rows of pine trees in the distance into dark green silhouettes against the blue sky.

it was beautiful, one of the most beautiful things you had ever seen. jake laughed at how you suddenly stared at him.

"how did you find this place?" you asked before putting your hand on the handle and opening the door to get out. the soft grass cushioned your weight, making it feel like you were stepping on a thin quilted layer. you bit your lip with a childish giggle and looked around. there were some fences toward the side the truck had passed, indicating the property likely had an owner.

"i came here to fish one day" he said, passing by you to get something from the truck bed.

you took a few steps and crouched down, looking at the colorful flowers more closely. so beautiful that you were afraid to touch them and end up ruining them. "i prepared something for us today..." you heard him and turned to see what he was carrying: a blanket and a basket, making you furrow your brow in amusement.

"what is this?" you stood up and went over.

"well, you said you'd never had a picnic, so..." jake shrugged, playing it cool, even though he was hoping for the surprise to be good.

he did everything, from finding a spot to spread the blanket to taking several jars of fruit, bread, and sweets out of the basket, looking your way every now and then as you followed him with your hands behind your back and a curious expression. it was still so unbelievable that jake was even there, that he wanted to get to know you, or fulfill your wishes. he didn't belong in that place - the free way he carried himself, the hair falling over his eyes, the tanned skin, the calloused hands - he stood out from everything and everyone, a natural attraction, almost as if you were tempted to look at him and desire him.

you smiled compassionately before kneeling beside him and touching his face, making jake stop, turn to you, and touch your waist.

"is everything okay? did you like it? you can tell me if you didn't, i need to know..."

you didn't answer with words, but held the back of his neck and leaned in to seal the older boy's full lips, enjoying the warmth and softness for a few seconds, catching jake off guard as it was the first time you had initiated something like that.

he had a funny look on his face when you pulled apart, like someone who had just discovered a funny secret. "i really like it, thank you" you whispered, and he stole one more little kiss before pulling you to sit on his lap, proceeding to show you everything he had brought: strawberries, pancakes with honey, a bottle of coffee.

***

time by his side seemed to flow in a different way, a soft, warm current that carried you without you feeling the need to fight it; or perhaps, you were ignoring your internalized morality, because living was more important. there, in the flowery field with the sound of the stream in the distance, the world outside was a pale memory you didn't miss at all. you surrendered with an ease that never failed to scare you, but jake sim's touch was a constant invitation to simply be.

what had started as light play, between laughter and distracted touches while eating, shifted in intensity when his body ended up over yours on the picnic blanket; he had a hand on each side of your face, avoiding letting his weight fall on you, and his eyes minutely searched your expressions to know if it was time.

the seconds in which you just looked at each other were a heavy silence, broken only by the sound of birds and the wind blowing freely. jake leaned in, as a test, and began to kiss you slowly - an almost lazy affection for a day like that, exploring your lips without haste, without the urgency of excitement. he nibbled on your bottom lip and whispered against the sensitive skin how good your mouth tasted.

but the rhythm changed as you reacted. your short gasps and the way your small hands sought the back of his neck once more, pulling him closer, began wearing down the self-control he was trying to maintain. his hands moved up, outlining your waist and messing with your clothes, his thumbs tracing the path of your protruding ribs just below the curve of your breasts, while your legs tangled together, seeking more contact, more heat.

the mood was cut sharply by a dry sound.

heavy steps against the earth, the violent rustling of vegetation, and a sharp animal grunt of pain.

you both stopped.

jake froze with his lips still brushing the skin of your collarbone where he had been licking just before, while your eyes widened, your heart racing now for a completely different reason than the second before.

from behind one of the nearby bushes, the figure emerged suddenly, piercing eyes checking if you were a threat to its hunt... it wasn't the graceful red fox from children's books, but an animal with dirty caramel fur, rustic and opaque, eyes fixed on both of you as it crossed the field. its snout was stained a bright red, contrasting with the body of a small white rabbit it carried clenched between its teeth; the small animal still spasmed, an agonizing reflex movement that made blood run even more down the fox's jaw.

the scene was ugly, pitiless, and mortal. there, under the late afternoon sun and surrounded by flowers, nature displayed its carnivorous face, reminding you that life and death shared the same space - exactly like the innocence you tried to maintain and the desire jake awakened in you.

"don't be afraid" jake whispered, a side smile forming as he saw your jugular jump with the erratic heartbeat. "it's natural, it means the fox will manage to survive for a few more days... nothing more than that" and for some reason, he didn't seem to be talking only about the animals. the words didn't do their part in making you calmer; instead, you swallowed with difficulty, entering a complicated internal dissonance.

maybe god had ambiguous plans for certain creatures. maybe creation wasn't just about green pastures, miraculous healings, and benevolence, but about this silent, cruel gear that didn't ask before turning. you thought you weren't in a position to judge; after all, who were you to understand the logic behind survival? maybe these creatures had some idea of what their destinies would be, or maybe they were completely oblivious to it, living and dying without ever understanding why.

it was this perception of the frivolity of raw life that made your hair stand on end and your throat go dry. an existential dread creeping up your spine. the fragility of the kit was your own fragility. but jake remained there, his voice steady and his body still warm against yours, as if that carnage were merely the natural backdrop for what you were doing.

"it's okay to feel sad, though... but we can't interfere" he murmured, and the way he accepted it without looking away seemed, in a way, engaging, making you face him again with tearful eyes. "jake" you called, and he smiled, brushing the tip of his nose against your neck, moving up until he was staring back at you. "can we continue in the car?" the shy words left your trembling lips.

oh? he knew exactly what that was.

he understood that transition; it was the violence of nature, strange and inevitable, that, instigated carnal acts. it was the most primitive emotional escape, the one that seeks the warmth of life immediately after being confronted with the coldness of death. the type of surrender that is condemned by all doctrines, but is the only possible response to instinct.

even so, he didn't hesitate. jake held you in his lap with disconcerting ease, one of his large hands firm on your butt as he carried you to the truck, while you wrapped yourself around his torso.

with his free hand, he opened the door and tossed you into the front seat, onto that continuous leather upholstery that eliminated any barrier between you. as soon as he got in and closed the door, the silence of the cabin was broken by the sound of your small, skittish hands reaching for his face. you gripped his cheeks hard, pulling him into a kiss loaded with want, as if every second of waiting were torture.

the kisses were deep and dense. you both grumbled and gasped against each other's mouths, a duel of tongues and teeth taking place. when you sucked his full lower lip, jake felt a snap of urgency. he pulled away just enough to get rid of his jacket and shirt, one piece following the other, revealing the warm skin under the light filtered through the windows. you blushed, eyes trailing down slowly, leading your fingers in an almost experimental way across his six-pack, mapping the defined muscles before looking up to meet him.

the eye contact didn't last long before you went back to kissing in an animalistic and needy way. jake moved his lips down to your slender neck, sucking the skin with controlled strength, leaving reddish marks. his hands slid without haste but with intention, moving down your goosebump-covered arms, squeezing your thin waist and tracing your hips until they found their way under the linen skirt. the rough touch of his fingertips scratching your rounded thighs made your whole body tense.

suddenly, in an agile movement, he reversed positions. jake pulled you onto his lap, feeling the weight of your body on his, and parted his lips when you let out an innocent little moan that seemed to echo inside him, breaking what remained of his last gram of self-control. "fuck, babe, i swear i'm trying... trying so hard to take my time with you, but you're just so hot" he whispered against your shoulder, where the sleeve of your blouse had slipped down.

"it's okay... you don't have to right now... i want it too" his head was about to explode.

"say that again..." he asked, holding your chin and sliding his thumb across your lip.

"i want you."

jake felt an electric current through his own spine at the words, holding the back of your neck firmly and invading your mouth in a messy, lingering tongue kiss. his experienced hands unbuttoned your blouse and pushed the fabric open before helping you take it off immediately reaching for your soft skin, breasts held in the bra decorated with a bow.

he bit his lip before using a single finger to pull the cup down, finding your shy, peaked nipple there. his dark eyes, almost begging, stared at you and you nodded.

he captured the small point and sucked with intent, circling it with his tongue before sucking as if he wanted to draw something from it. he closed his eyes, concentrated on what he was doing, playing with the breast between his lips while one of his hands went to the clasp on your back to open it. when he felt the weight of the breast in his mouth, he became even more invested, hollowing his cheeks as he encompassed even more of the soft flesh around the areola.

when he let go of the nipple, it was red and completely wet, using his index finger to flick it while his mouth already moved toward the other. your low moans and the way your body shivered over his did nothing to help the erection jake had in the confines of his jeans. he bit the tip of the peak when you squeezed his shoulder and adjusted yourself in his lap, practically grinding there. he returned to your lips, but didn't kiss now.

"hmm more…" he asked softly and you swallowed, feeling feverish just looking at him. "w-what?" you asked confused, but furrowed your brow and looked down with a weakened expression when he guided your hips to grind.

"jake..."

"you're going to drive me crazy..." he gasped through gritted teeth.

jake helped you out of the skirt and his eyes stayed fixed on the panties you wore - they had some lace ruffles near the elastic and were completely transparent in the front, betraying how wet you were. "shit... look at this" he moved his hand there, pressing his thumb exactly where it seemed wettest, feeling your nails prick his shoulder. "do you even know what this means?" his eyebrows knit as he looked at you again, leaning his body until his lips were brushing your ear. "your body wants me so much it's preparing you to receive me... isn't that cute?" he licked your lobe.

but he couldn't just fuck you in the damn pickup; he might be whatever he was, but he still thought of your well-being - of the fact that you were virgin and delicate and that putting you against the dashboard while he stretched you with his cock wouldn't be the best of experiences... so the boy smiled wide, turning his head thinking. "have you ever touched yourself?" he questioned, keeping his voice low and engaging, waiting for you to deny it. "not even once? not even in the shower?"

"jake..." you pleaded, embarrassed; god, he really liked how your eyes got low and avoidant when you were cornered. he bit his bottom lip and tucked a strand of your hair that hung behind your ear, running his index finger down your jaw, neck, the space between your breasts... until he was near your lower abdomen.

"i want you to touch yourself for me..." he breathed, an order so soft it sounded like a request.

you stared at him lost, almost as if at a crossroads between accepting quickly and denying for fear of doing it wrong. "sshh, it's okay... i will guide you" and jake was making it so much harder.

your mind knew, even before you did, that it was wrong... he wasn't promised to you, you hadn't prayed together before, the pastor hadn't approved - or didn't know you were seeing each other this way - everything you shouldn't do or give in to... so why were you bringing your hand down there? why were your lips trembling when your fingers felt the moisture of the soaked fabric?

"uh uh... inside the panties" jake corrected, pulling the elastic of the undergarment so you could slide your hand inside. "describe what you're feeling for me..."

pressing your lips together, wavering and closing your eyelids trying to concentrate, your fingers wandered through your folds, feeling them slippery. there was the entrance, where a portion of lubrication literally wet your phalanges, and when it moved up... right there, hidden and sensitive, was your point of nerves, pulsing. "say it, baby..." jake implored, pressing his forehead to yours.

"i-it's soft... and squishy. and it's so hot, jake... please..." your eyes met his closely now. he gave a breathy smile.

"do you feel that spot?" he asked, ignoring your plea for help.

“y-yes"

"good... rub it for me... slowly" he almost whispered, pulling away from you again and looking down. if the sight of your flushed cheeks, peaked nipples, and contracting stomach didn't make him come in his own pants, he would be fine.

jake noticed when your posture became more restless, when your hips began to involuntarily seek more pressure. "now slide your fingers down slowly... it's so messy, right? you're a messy girl..." he said, his raspy voice being the only thread keeping you connected to reality. "try to put a finger inside."

as soon as the digit slipped into the damp slit, a loud, labored moan escaped your lips. in the next minute, the weight of reality crashed down on you; shame hit you like a punch and you tried to stop, withdrawing your hand while staring at him with tearful eyes, seeking some kind of exit from a situation so intimate, so embarrassing.

"did i say to stop?" his tone changed, becoming firmer, almost authoritative, clicking his tongue and letting a sliver of his impatience show through. before you could pull away, he grabbed your wrist, keeping your hand exactly where it was, preventing your escape. the eye contact was intense, unbreakable. "try putting a second one in..." he suggested, his voice laced with a risk that made your heart race wildly.

you pouted, feeling the unusual fullness, and slowly shook your head, your voice failing as you said it wouldn't fit, that it was too much for you... jake let out a low sss, throbbing inside his underwear. "that's because you're so tight, my love" he whispered against your ear. "go back to rubbing your little clit... a bit more strength now, hm? i promise it'll be good..." he ordered and, almost instantaneously, you obeyed.

the speed with which you followed the command, despite the shame and previous hesitation, made jake's blood boil. fuck, - like a trained little bitch, he thought - dark eyes fixed on the scene of your hand moving under his words. it was, without a doubt, one of the best things he had ever witnessed.

jake leaned over and once again captured one of your stiff peaks in his mouth, sucking noisily while his other hand squeezed the neglected one. you, on the other hand, strove to follow his orders, feeling your body react in a completely new way as you used two fingers to excite your clitoris, brushing your palm slightly against your pubis; which caused a soft, prickly sensation.

your eyes rolled back and your hips moved again by impulse, making the boy attentive as he purposefully raised his hips higher, letting not only the pressure of your fingers hit you, but also the firm elevation he had there.

the contained moans from before filled the pickup, becoming more drawn out, less controlled, and jake knew you would come at any moment... you were going to come from masturbating and grinding against him, holy shit. and when your small body spasmed several times in a row, jake let go of your breast and grabbed your wrist, pulling your hand out of your panties, hearing an audible groan from you. your erratic hips took a moment to stop, almost as if your arousal was enough to make them move alone.

you looked at him with literal tears in your eyes, puffing your cheeks slightly and grunting at the slightest movement.

"aawn... don't make that face. i know, i know... sshh" he hugged you slowly, stroking your hair and your back before placing a tender kiss on your forehead. "you were so good to me...", and the words of affirmation were somehow enough to appease a void you had felt for a long time, making you sob as you nodded, allowing yourself to sink into his embrace.

***

living around jake was consuming you. it was a slow, silent process, like a tide that rises without warning until the sand beneath your feet completely disappears. he occupied you in such a way that your thoughts orbited the idea of him almost twenty-four hours a day; the memory of how he teased you, of how he left you waiting on the edge of something you didn't yet fully understand.

and in the quiet of your room, you thought that maybe he was right. maybe the guilt was yours for still being a virgin, for being this burden of glass he had to carry so carefully.

gradually, the pillars that supported your life began to give way. principles that were once non-negotiable now felt like clothes that no longer fit. at work, your attention wandered; in the church youth groups, the sacred vocabulary felt strange in your mouth. sunday services became short, rushed, while the time you spent alone, discovering your own body, increased.

you prayed less and touched yourself more. dreams became vivid, dense, and you woke up sweaty and aroused more often than you could - or wanted to - remember.

the pastor was the first to notice the spark in your eyes. then came the others. marie, your boss, commented on the change while you hummed, without realizing, a melody you had heard in his car during a drive. "you've been cheerful... different," marie said with a half-smile. although your body stiffened for a millisecond, you turned and smiled, nodding. "oh... what is it then? a boy?"

you felt the blood rush to your cheeks, but the answer came with a clarity that surprised you. "he's not a boy."

jake was a man, an idea, a new doctrine that you embraced with the same blind devotion with which you had worshiped god and the holy spirit all those years.

but the ecstasy didn't last forever.

on a thursday afternoon, upon arriving from work, the expectation of going up to your room and losing yourself in thought was cut like a razor wire. your father was sitting on the stairs, his dark silhouette against the dim light. "dad!" you exclaimed, your heart giving a troubled jolt.

"where did you leave your bible last?"

the direct and raw question tore through the atmosphere. time stopped for a few seconds; the breeze coming through the window seemed to blow out all the candles of your security and the evening sun no longer warmed the room of the townhouse.

"i-i always leave it on the dresser... when we get back from service on sunday... it's always there," you breathed, your voice small, feeling your brow furrow in an instinctive defense.

you should read it every day. without exception.

"right. and have you been talking to god every day?" he turned his head slightly, eyes fixed on yours, making the saliva go down heavy in your throat in an audible gulp.

"yes, dad," you nodded, averting your gaze to the floor.

he stood up. the heavy steps against the wood of the stairs echoed like sentences. a bitter, almost suffocating energy emanated from him as he walked toward you. you closed your eyes, stiffening your shoulders waiting for the impact of the slap you already knew, but it didn't come. instead, he stretched out his arm, taking the object that had been hidden behind him and shoved it against your chest, curling his lips in deep disgust.

"and why was your bible forgotten at church until this morning? can you answer me that?" you looked down. the heavy book, with its dark cover, seemed to burn in contact with your skin, as if the paper were on fire. your lips stayed parted, but no words came out. there was no answer. there was no excuse. "that's what i thought," your father breathed low.

the silence that followed between you and your father wasn't one of peace, but of a suffocating stagnation, where every second seemed to weigh pounds on your shoulders. he watched you with a cold pity, the kind the saints reserve for the damned before the pyre. "woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for light, and light for darkness" he quoted, his voice monotonous and deep echoing through the walls of the townhouse. "light cannot be given to the blind, daughter. you are too innocent to understand your own situation, to see the abyss that opened beneath your feet while you smiled."

he paused, lips narrowing into a line.

"he's already gone, for your information. left this morning. the church has been repaired, the bills have been paid... there's nothing for him to do here anyway."

your heart, which had been galloping, simply froze. air refused to pass through your throat, as if your lungs had turned to stone.

"what are you talking about?" you questioned him in a whisper, taking an instinctive step back, the bible still weighing between your fingers like a corpse.

"you know who i'm talking about. don't think you've been sneaky"

you shook your head, a frantic movement. brow furrowed, your mind screaming that it was a lie - not that he knew. damn it if he knew, actually. and before he could finish the sentence or utter any other judgment, you spun on your heels and rushed out of the house. the bible fell somewhere on the front lawn and your legs moved restlessly. you crossed the yard, invaded the street ignoring the cars and the asphalt under your feet, hurriedly crossing to the church grounds.

your lungs burned when you reached the small cabin in the back. in the last few weeks, jake had transformed that place. he had built a table with his own hands, installed lights that made the environment cozy, put up posters that spoke of a world you only knew through his eyes. there were shelves full of books and a closet... the closet he filled with his jackets.

but when you flung the small door open, the emptiness hit you like a physical punch.

everything was clean. impersonal. not a single trace of him remained; not a strand of hair, not the smell of mint and leather, nothing. you flipped the lights on frantically, hands trembling as you searched under the perfectly made bed, looking in the corners, on top of the furniture... seeking any sign, a note, a forgotten game token, anything that proved your father was just trying to scare you. you checked the small bathroom and only saw the shower curtains pushed to the corner, the bathtub dry underneath.

the little room held only the parish toolbox, a few boards leaning against the wall, and a small bench. the space he had built to live in had been dismantled as if it had never existed. it was exactly as you had asked in your prayers when you first met him... it was exactly what you had said in the sensitive words you prayed those nights, and now you blamed yourself because, of all your requests, god had chosen that one to fulfill. "n-no...", the crying that was forming, filling your eyes with tears and making your cheeks turn red, broke loose and you sat on the bed that held only the thin mattress.

you brought both hands to your neck as a long, drawn-out, tearful guttural scream left you, feeling your vision blur as tears began to stream down your face. maybe this was the punishment for sinning, for not following the rules, for being a deviant soul... and it hurt so, so much... even when you tried to breathe properly, hunching over with your chest burning and crying even more, copiously.

but suddenly, the pain of loss was replaced by an incandescent rage, something that boiled in your blood and transformed you into someone else, someone irrational and fierce. you stood up and with all the strength you had in your being, you went back breathless to the house, invading the living room where your father was still waiting for you.

you lunged at him like a wounded animal. possessed, you tried to scratch his face, fingers curved into claws. your father grabbed you by the shoulders tightly, trying to contain the explosion of fury emanating from you, a strength you never knew you possessed.

"i hate you! what did you do! you damn man! i hate you!", the words came out choked, yelled.

"you were being consumed by evil! it was for the best!" he growled, his voice trying to overcome your screams and his strong arms holding your thin wrists. you were no longer the obedient daughter. you grunted, the sound coming from deep in your throat, a primitive noise of pain and hate.

"you sent him away! it's your fault! yours!" you screamed, fighting against his grip, the world collapsing while jake was the only thing that could save you.

"look at you, daughter, look at how you are. do you think this is normal? do you think god would approve of something like this?" he questioned, and the mention of divinity only left you more unhinged.

"stop talking about that! i don't care anymore! i hate all of it! i never truly liked it..! god, angels... i don't want any of it anymore! you took everything i wanted! everything! i hate you!", and as the words were uttered, hate gave way to sorrow and your knees buckled, making your body collapse to the floor, hitting your knees on the floorboards.

when the pastor let you go, your wrists fell as if they were heavy, limp sacks beside your hunched body that was still crying, making the drops of salt water wet the wooden floor below you. he was astounded, horrified. your father took a step back, averting his eyes for a few seconds as he himself had difficulty dealing with watery eyes, running his hand over his temple before sighing.

"i feel sorry for you... i fear you are unpunishable... perhaps, there truly is no place for you beside the lord" the bitter words cut his throat before he walked away with long strides.

***

how many days had passed?

three? five? ten?

you didn't know. your room remained the same, the house remained the same, and that was all you had been seeing since then. refusing to go on with your monotonous routine. too guilty to set foot outside the house, afraid of how they would look at you, what they would think, in that damn town of five thousand people.

and you were wrong before; it wasn't jake's presence that corrupted you - your own inner demons did that. you didn't fit salvation either way.

sometimes, your father would come to call you at the door, receiving only the sweet sound of your silence from the other side as an answer. you took your baths and ate when he wasn't around or when you knew he was going to sleep. if you were wrong and if god judged you for it, then so be it... let him watch while you worship your own ruin.

the night was terribly calm.

lying on the floor, staring at the beige ceiling of the room didn't help sleep come any faster. out of muscle memory, you made the sign of the cross over your chest, like someone about to pray, but stopped halfway. who would hear your prayers? when you had decided it was better to die surrounded by the life that pleased you than to care for what should be the purest of vessels for your soul. then you turned to your side, feeling the hard floor beneath you and huffing.

you closed your eyes and tried to count. tried not to think about anything. tried to cover your face with the pillow. but it didn't work.

when the muffled sound of something scratching the glass began, you didn't give it any importance; the wind, a dry branch, or maybe just your mind playing tricks in the middle of exhaustion. but the persistent, sharp, and rhythmic taps like small hailstones cut through the silence until the annoyance overcame the inertia.

you stood up, bare feet feeling the cold floor, and walked to the window where the bluish moonlight bathed the windowsill.

looking down, the world seemed to regain its colors in a single second. jake was there. real, solid, wearing jeans and that flannel shirt that seemed to carry all the comfort your father's townhouse had denied you in recent days. he smiled when he saw you, the arm that had just thrown the last pebble coming down slowly. you opened the glass in a desperate movement, the cold night air invading the room.

"what..?" the whisper came out raspy, loaded with a disbelief that bordered on ecstasy.

"missed me, church girl?" he asked with a smirk, moistening his lips afterward, and your nod was enough to set him in motion.

with agility, he wrapped his hand in an old cloth and climbed the tree trunk beside the house. every movement of his was precise, the strength of his arms lifting him to the second floor until he braced himself on his knee and jumped inside, landing on the carpet with a nasal laugh, narrowly missing the lamp.

you were stunned.

your eyes shone in the dark, fixed on him as if jake were a divine apparition in the midst of your private purgatory. he brushed the dust off his clothes and turned his face slightly, opening his arms in a silent invitation.

he mapped you there: the thin and transparent nightgown that molded your breasts but fell loose over your hips, the rosary of dark beads resting on your exposed collarbones, and your faltering feet.

when you finally took the step forward, he pulled you hard, crushing you against his chest, against the smell of the outdoors and freedom he exhaled. jake noticed the change in your countenance milliseconds before you hid your face in his chest. the emptiness of the last few days tried to turn into crying, but your eyes were dry, exhausted from so much fighting.

"i'm sorry for not writing a note... your father was really demanding when he came to me that day" he said softly against the top of your head, his fingers getting lost in your hair in a protective caress. "was he very hard on you?"

you shook your head against his chest, a quick, almost automatic movement. jake felt the lie vibrate in your body. you really were a terrible liar, but for him, that silence said much more than any words about what you had faced since he was forced to leave.

and the boy pondered before holding your face and pulling you away just so your eyes could meet. "come with me"

your lips parted and you looked down, lost, bringing your thin fingers to the buttons of his shirt. "i don't... i don't deserve you, jake...", your head shook and your laugh was weak, reluctant.

"what is that?" he knit his brows and shook his head, holding your chin and making you look at him again.

"god hates me. he will punish me and punish anyone who tries to help me... and i don't want that for you" your voice came out choked, but he didn't let go, pressing his mouth into a line and hardening his expression.

"i know you might think that now... because that's all you know, but there is nothing to punish you... you didn't do anything wrong" he replied, stroking your cheek with his thumb. "and even if he does... i don't care" he shrugged, running his tongue along his cheek. "i've been punished since the day i was born, i can't worry about one more day". and once again, you realized you didn't know jake sim, or his story, where he came from, or what his past was, but you loved him for what he showed now. "so come with me. we'll move near your college, get a job, and you decide what to do about this" he brought his thumb to the pendant of the necklace, pressing it.

you disentangled yourself from him delicately. took a few steps back and turned around, your bare feet sinking into the carpet as your eyes scanned the room. the bedroom suddenly felt strange; the dull walls, the heavy and impersonal wooden furniture where you had grown up, hidden, and lately, withered away.

a shiver ran down your arms and you hugged yourself, feeling the weight of that decision crush your chest.

jake didn’t leave you alone for long. he approached from behind, steps silent, and wrapped his arms around your waist with that firmness only he possessed. he tucked his face into the curve of your neck, inhaling the soft, natural scent of your skin, as if memorizing your essence. "i promise to take care of you... while you discover the world, the landscapes, the life..." he hissed, his warm breath brushing against your sensitive skin and sending electric jolts down your spine.

and you shrunk slightly against him, a reflex of someone still not used to such unconditional affection. jake smiled against your neck, noticing your gradual surrender.

"let me save you"

the phrase made your heart skip a beat. it ached in a deep way, the kind of pain that tears away what was left of your old identity to make room for something new. you remained still, feeling only the beat of his heart against your back, until you finally nodded. turning to him, a light and trembling smile appeared on your lips.

"yes?" he asked, just to hear the confirmation from you.

jake held you and sealed your lips in a short kiss, but one loaded with a victorious urgency.

"you need to pack your things, we’re leaving today."

"now?" your eyebrows shot up.

"yes, now"

there was no time for hesitation. jake moved through the room with practical efficiency, helping you find a large backpack in the back of your closet and dropping it on the floor with a dull thud. he guided you to choose practical clothes and, especially, something warm to face the biting cold of the road that awaited you both.

while you looked for what to take, he helped gather small fragments of your life - a few photos and personal belongings - which were kept in a small box and carefully tucked into the backpack's outer pocket.

the rest you did alone, in an almost ritualistic silence. you folded each piece of clothing with care, feeling the weight of every choice, while jake settled onto your bed. he stretched out one leg and leaned his torso against the headboard - resting one arm behind his head - watching your every move. his gaze was attentive, calm, but charged with anticipation.

until you stopped...

and you stopped just as you were about to change your clothes... about to slip a sleeve of the nightgown you were wearing off your shoulder. knowing his eyes were on you and that he would watch you undress.

jake licked his lower lip, clicking his jaw slightly, watching you do one side and then the other, very slowly. the fabric slid down your body, pooling around your feet so that all that remained was your underwear. the boy's dark eyes outlined your curves, and it wasn't like he hadn't seen some of them before, but not all at once; never.

you waited, looking over your shoulder, and he understood, standing up and approaching you.

"do you want help?" he whispered, his body so close to your small frame that you felt his heat radiating.

"yes..." you nodded and he bit his lip.

"where do you need my help?" jake questioned, still serene... wanting to know what your real intentions were.

that was when you sought out one of his thick wrists, holding it calmly and guiding his hand to one of your perky breasts, which he palmed as soon as he felt the soft flesh beneath.

jake gave a small smile but composed himself. "you know you tease me when you do these things... don't you?" he asked softly, just leaning forward, making both bodies brush against each other, his mouth close to your earlobe.

"i'm not teasing now" you replied, sounding a bit more decisive.

"know i stopped all the other times, but i wouldn't stop this time..." he warned, trying to catch any hesitation from you, but there was none; you kept holding his wrist there, breathing calmly... he was forced to close his eyes and sigh, restraining himself. "if you really want this, use your words..." he whispered, placing a brief kiss below your ear.

"jake, please..." you began... but it was hard to find the words.

"yes? i'm listening," he wanted to hear it.

"make me yours. completely" your voice came out hoarse.

and he didn't take long to comply with your request, sliding his hand from your breast to your neck, making you turn your face so he could take your mouth in a hungry kiss; saved up since the first day he saw you in the front row of the church pews, waiting for your father to finish his sermons. his lips, full and plump, swallowing and molding yours while he held you beneath your breasts with his other strong arm. jake pulled you, literally dragging your feet across the floor until you were leaning over the dresser.

your mouths broke apart and he flattened his hand against your back, feeling the small bones of your spine and pushing you to bend further.

"bend over f’me..." he commanded, analyzing the angle; the contrast between him still dressed and you exposed making you look smaller and more breakable.

you had your hands on either side of your body and your cheek pressed against the surface of the furniture while your hips remained arched. his large hands went straight to that region, holding firm. "you’re so beautiful..." he leaned over and kissed your hips. how had he held back for so long? "stay still like that"

jake got on his knees right behind you, caressing your soft thighs before wrapping his hands around them carefully.

his long fingers gripped the waistband of your panties, sliding the fabric down slowly until it was pooling at your heels. his eyes followed the movement and went back up, now seeing your sex pressed together, so pink and barely used... he spread your legs apart, watching as your pussy decompressed, feeling his mouth water.

his tongue reached your womanhood next. it was hot, and he licked from bottom to top, catching all the places where you seemed to need him most. you whimpered and tried to lift your torso to look, feeling a stinging slap on one of your butt cheeks.

"is that staying still for you?" the boy asked muffled - making you drop your face until it was pressed against the dresser again - before sinking his tongue into your slit, feeling you getting wetter and wetter.

fingertips wandered over your legs, scratching your skin as if feeling braille, reading you completely, discovering desires and wants you had hidden.

jake opened his mouth wider, latching his pretty lips around your pussy before sucking noisily, making your small folds catch pressure there, leaving your eyes rolling back. you felt so dirty. it was terrible that you liked feeling his mouth on your body so much, terrible that your body responded so well. "j-jake..." you whimpered softly, looking for something to hold onto.

he, however, was more concerned with making you slippery enough. it was about that, wasn't it? about being able to take him when the time came. he knew it was and despite being afraid, you were more curious. when the sim's tongue penetrated your tight cavity, a grunt escaped you, and as soon as jake forced a digit inside as well, your fingers tightened against the corners of the wooden furniture; your knuckles turning white and your toes curling.

he gave a breathy smile, parting his lips as he couldn't keep his thoughts to himself. "look at how you’re squeezing a single finger... fuck, your pussy is going to be so full with my cock" the dirty words echoed low through the room, entering your ears and making you moan more and more. jake began to pump his finger, sliding his tongue down to wrap it around your clitoris meanwhile, playing with the spot like it was candy.

you shook your head - divided between the urge to keep being good or finish losing yourself - trembling and standing on your tiptoes as your muscles tensed. he forced another thick finger into you as the squelches of your entrance grew louder, making you grit your teeth and let out a drawn-out sound. "sshh, you don't want to wake up the preacher, do you?" he mocked, knowing it was almost impossible not to make a sound with the way he was touching you.

and before you could unravel, he stopped, suddenly, standing up and grabbing you by the shoulder to pull your body back and press it against his once more. his mouth traveled over your shoulders, kissing your neck and sucking the skin in visible places now, leaving marks and making your legs weak, needing to double the strength with which he kept you upright.

the boy turned you around and pulled your thighs so you could climb into his lap, walking with you to the bed and tossing you into the center of it.

you watched as jake took off his clothes, biting your lip hard while he deliberately unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants before kicking the garment away. and when he was left only in his underwear... damn, he was marked. the thick outline in the thin fabric making you doubt if he would fit before you looked at him. "speak your mind, little one..." he asked, mischievous, sliding his hands over your thighs as he positioned himself between them.

"w-what if it is too big?" your voice crackled, making him let out a brief chuckle. "then i would have to go slow... until you get used to the size..." he replied, leaning over your body, maintaining a smirk and eye contact, making your heart beat fast and your body burn. your face contorted with shame and your free hand flew to cover his eyes with a muffled grunt. "d-don't look at me like that..." you asked, affected, and he laughed again, enjoying himself.

jake held your wrist and unhurriedly moved your hand away, bringing it to his lips and kissing the whole palm, before holding it firmer and licking slowly, with a flat tongue, staring at you with eyes clouded with desire. "i can't, you're too cute..." he slid his tongue to the softest part of your palm and sucked just as he had done with your cunny earlier, stretching the warm muscle between your digits and passing between them too. when your body softened again, he let go of your hand and stood erect, looking down at you - your hair spread across the sheet, your breathing uneven, folds glistening with the mixture of his saliva and your arousal. "are you ready?" his tone was low and sensual.

you nodded, watching the older boy take his throbbing member out of his underwear. it hit, hard, against his lower abdomen, the veins protruding and the pink head swollen and leaking pre-cum.

he held the base, forcing his cock down and rubbing it against your mound in a provocative back-and-forth. god, you were so small... maybe you really should be afraid.

jake held one of your thighs, forcing your knee back almost near your shoulder, making more room for him, and guided his swollen head to your virgin entrance. "breathe in, baby... relax a bit..." he whispered as he forced his entry there.

jake advanced with agonizing slowness, feeling every millimeter of resistance your body offered. he was focused, his dark eyes fixed on the point where his flesh lost itself in your tight interiors; he watched, almost hypnotized, as the sensitive skin stretched to its limit to accommodate his thickness.

a whimpery gasp escaped the boy's lips. it had been so long since he felt something squeeze him that way, as if every fiber of you were trying to push him out and hug him at the same time.

he hissed softly, a mixture of pain and extreme pleasure, before leaning down again to capture your mouth, muffling the whimpers you let out as you felt the inevitable stretching. you were breathless, your chest rising and falling frantically. your hands, restless and desperate for a point of support, squeezed his arms which pinned you to the bed, your nails scratching the warm skin before sliding down your own breasts, squeezing them in a reflex of agony and ecstasy.

"it's too much...nng i can't!" you protested through gritted teeth, your voice choked.

"of course you can... you're being so good..." he replied, his tone of voice so intoxicating it numbed you.

the compliment made you throw your head back, small tears of pain and effort accumulating in the corner of your eyes as you felt his weight fill every empty space that remained in you. when jake finally buried himself completely, he let out a raspy grunt, biting his own lower lip as a few drops of sweat broke out on his forehead. "fu-ck, you squeeze me so well... so good, my love..." he whispered, his voice failing.

he tried to move his hips, a short and experimental movement, and felt your nails dig hard into his biceps in response to the new surge of sensations. jake stopped for a moment, his face close to yours, seeking your eyes reassuringly. "just breathe, hm? don't think too much..." he started talking to you, his soft voice acting like an anchor in the middle of the storm. "the hardest part is over... can you do this for me?"

the way he asked, turning that surrender into a favor for him, made the pain of being devirginated start to be swallowed by an even greater need: that of satisfying him, of being exactly what he wanted you to be. which made you nod breathlessly and bring your fingers to your swollen clitoris and rub it - in slow circular motions, as he had taught before - closing your eyes and allowing yourself to feel bit by bit how the stinging became something more bearable, almost good... "there's my good girl" he said with a little smile after watching the act.

every time you got wetter and less tense, you could feel his cock going deeper and deeper, sliding out and coming back in with jake's full weight in every thrust.

you could even feel your lower abdomen bulging, parting your lips at the sight you had when you looked down to where your bodies met - the large cock, and your small, swollen lips sliding along the length of it. your moans became more spontaneous, and gradually your body began to give small signs it would give in.

jake saw you arch when he thrust harder, felt your nails scratch his back when he laid his body over yours, incredibly deep, making the head of his cock hit your internal wall.

but it was when he buried his face in your neck to suck the flesh and vent some of the pressure he felt, that you looked up.

there, above your bed, the crucifix.

your eyes clouded with growing pleasure and your thoughts far away, no longer able to process the guilt you had carried all that time, not while jake fucked you and made you a woman. this was the moment when you decided to have a new religion, one that began and ended with jake sim.

***

you leaned your head against the glass of the truck, feeling the constant vibration of the engine against your temple as you watched the landscape of your old life being left behind, turning into green and gray blurs. the radio played a soft melody, a sound that filled the comfortable silence that had settled between you.

occasionally, jake took one hand off the steering wheel and squeezed your thigh lightly - a possessive and calm touch, just to make sure you were still awake. you smiled, closing your eyes and feeling that, finally, you were safe.

not far from there, at a roadside station that smelled of diesel oil and burnt coffee, two old men shared a beer at a rustic, worn-out table. between them, an old battery-operated radio crackled, fighting against static to deliver the latest afternoon news.

"- suspect in the murder of four people remains at large" the announcer's voice cut through the hot air. "the suspect goes by the name of jaeyun sim. he has asian features, is approximately five-foot-nine, with brown eyes and hair. he is the primary suspect in the killing of his parents, his fiancée, and a witness at the scene of the crime four months ago. if you have any information call xxx or make an anonymous report".

*

taglist: @yjnwonstars @archivojjong @cherryw0n @honybite @lassiie @jaehyp @lisie-loves-u @ii-mimii @yelihusband @12e45 @dziauki @yunkivamp @jiwonniethepooh @xionvlog @nimeah @fancypeacepersona @rijakecentral @prettygirlthings-world @simsdoll @ori2ari @b1tterestbeachh @ni-k1ttie @heelvcr @slystarlightpendulum @miffikeuu @nikidikiy @grdientlips @al1c1a1 @uthnoth @looklikekittycat @purrplegyuu @

[yjnwonstars]

guys i'm afraid she ATE

i’m so happy i got to follow lia during the creation process of this fic, she worked so hard and it turned out SO good. i know i’m biased, but it’s definitely a top 10 jake fic.

it’s my recommendation of the day!!

[yjnwonstars]

coming soon 💕

warnings and wc still to be added but the wc will be around 8k ig?

taglist: @mailovesreading, @onlyywwon, @enhypenlvrsstuff, @tubatuxx, @ily4hoonity

[yjnwonstars]

to the anon who wrote this request:

hi, im so glad you like my stories <3 but as said on my profile im currently not accepting any requests! i already have six on my inbox and i am freaking out lmao

also, i can’t take such detailed requests. i’m sorry, but i like to just go with the flow and let the story write itself, i’d end up feeling insecure about not meeting your expectations, i hope you understand <3

just a heads up so you don't keep waiting and end up disappointed. the plot is really good, but i already have lots on my mind rn

[amatariki-deactivated20260419]

as much as i hate armys sometimes, this is true. (by @/paranormalbeca on twt)

ENG VER- The next "engene" who asks "but why doesn't Enhypen get as popular as BTS?" my response will be "because of you, engene." Armys would NEVER, EVER accept the company splitting up BTS, they'd do absolutely everything and then some, they'd make a deal with the devil, they'd set aside all their differences because they genuinely care about them and have guts. The truth is that this fandom only cares about Enha as long as they're singing, dancing, and entertaining you. It doesn't matter if they're together or not, you only see them as a source of entertainment. And the moment something comes up that even slightly gets in the way of that, you want to stop it. You're not against the boycott because you think it'll hurt them. You're against it because it could lead to them actually taking a real break, a period where you won't have them as your on-demand dopamine source at the expense of their health. For those who support the boycott, the priority is their well-being and their artistic freedom. Because we see them as human beings and not just as idols. If nothing is done, belift will keep overworking them no matter if they're together or apart, piling tour after tour, cb after cb. Niki will keep not being able to visit his family, you'll keep seeing them stumbling at the edge of the screen. The number of times one of them can't participate in a group activity because they're sick will keep increasing. The company will keep preventing Jake or Jay from having production opportunities. The company will keep excluding Ni-ki from activities. The company will keep preventing Jungwon and Sunoo from having solo activities. The company will keep denying lines to Sunghoon. This goes way beyond Heeseung's expulsion. But if you refuse to see that, then you're no better than belift.

[yinyjw]

very well said. honestly, at first i wondered how the boys would react to a boycott, but the thing is, working as a public figure in the kpop industry means they have little freedom of expression, even though we think of them as incredibly strong people, the contracts they signed are cruel. so not only will we be left wondering what happened, but we'll also be making assumptions (which may or may not be true) based on the tiny crumbs they let slip

and then i started to think that the boycott has no connection to how i feel about them. you don't need to create a black ocean at a show you paid for months ago, you don't need to flood the comments of a live stream with harsh and discouraging words (which would certainly irritate or hurt them), because they don't have the power to change the situation, and they're not to blame. but you can boycott hybe and belift. the protests are valid, and if you can maintain a safe boycott that doesn't hurt the artists, why be against it?

i'd like to think that armys are wrong this time, but even when bts isn't on a variety show every thursday, they still defend and support them (sometimes even when there's nothing to support) while engenes cry because the group took a week off and didn't appear on weverse to do some fanservice...

[yjnwonstars]

FUCKKKKKKKK

guys this is tamed dashed jay if u even care owbwoqhwojwiaoq awoooooo

[yinyjw]

𓍢 ⋆📖⊹ ˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ you are reading: tamed-dashed (sunoo ver.)

bassist!ksw x manager!reader (smut +18, manly!sunoo pierced!sunoo, reader is +-27). find our playlist here, and the jay version "where you're older than sunoo and the manager of the band he plays in, but he's dying to have you as something else" wc.: 8.5k author's notes: hiii everyone, im sorry for being so absent. i think everyone is trying to deal with the situation in different ways, and my way is by writing, hoping that this way you guys can also have a moment to clear your head and enjoy it! just know that this blog will always be here to support everyone who is part of enhypen (and fuck what belift is trying to sell), i will always support the seven people who brought me to this present moment. besides all that, this is a collab with my baby girl @yjnwonstars! it was a lot of fun to write (we fr talked hours and hours, plotting everything) and if you show interest, the universe we created for these two one-shots is quite vast and we would love to make a series with the other members hehehe tw.: english is not my first language, lowercase intended, no use of yn, use of legal substances, a lot of cursing, violence (not between them), manhandling, sunoo is a giver, p in v, unprotected sex, oral sex (f. rec.), finger fucking, body worship (?), marking, nipple play, lots of praising, pet names (princess, baby), a blink of voyeurism (by accident), LET ME KNOW IF I FORGET ANYTHING

the atmosphere at dead circuit was a symphony of auditory chaos. the sound of drumsticks being tested against the drumheads echoed like gunshots, the feedback from guitar amplifiers sliced through the air with a sharp, irritating hiss, and the murmur of the crowd outside - a sea of anxious young people, some completely high or drunk - leaked through the wooden walls like an animalistic roar.

but kim sunoo heard none of it.

leaning back against one of the worn black speakers, he was immersed in his own bubble of selective silence. it was a survival skill he had practiced since he was 13, when his parents’ bitter arguments during the divorce became the playlist of his adolescence. if he didn’t want to hear it, the world simply went mute.

his slender, pale fingers plucked at the bass strings with a melancholic slowness, pulling out the notes of 505 by arctic monkeys. sunoo didn’t like punk rock that much. he found the genre’s aggression too loud most of the time, too heavy, too obvious. he preferred melodies that floated, that had space to breathe, to discern what was worth it. but he was there, earning his five hundred bucks a night, because jay, heeseung, and the drummer had convinced him years ago with promises of creative freedom and zero stress.

liars. he knew they were, but he went along with it anyway.

jay and the drummer were a walking war zone, like two primed grenades about to explode together. heeseung was a predator of other people’s hearts with no intention of commitment. sunghoon, the sound technician, was the most handsome and most boring guy he had ever met. and then there was you.

the only piece that wasn’t dirty or explosive. you were his center of gravity. that day, years ago, when you were introduced as the manager, sunoo felt like the air in the stuffy garage had finally become breathable; not even the growing mold behind one of the freezers mattered anymore. there was only one problem.

a problem that, right now, was making his super ability to ignore noise fail miserably.

he stopped plucking the strings, the tips of his fingers lightly touching the neck of the instrument to adjust it against his torso. there, in a dark corner behind the heavy stage curtains, where dust danced under the light of a single purple spotlight, he saw you.

you held your phone against your ear so tightly your knuckles were white. your eyes, always so focused and attentive to every detail of the band, were now clouded, filled with water you refused to let fall. he wished it weren’t like this, but he had seen you cry so many times… “i already told you, i don’t want to see you anymore, why is that so hard?” your voice came out in a strained breath, choked, heavy with an exhaustion he felt in his own chest.

sunoo knew the script by heart. he had watched you go through every one of those assholes. the one who asked you for money to fix his car - and took his ex on a trip -, the one who slapped you in front of the whole band and, because you begged, didn’t turn into an urban legend in their hands, the one with no character who dated at least three girls at once, and the current one. the jealous one. the one who made you feel guilty for giving him a ride or staying late at band rehearsals. the one who tried to prune the only thing you loved - this chaotic, real job - to turn you into a shadow under his control.

it’s ridiculous, the boy thought as he watched your tense silhouette, how you take care of four grown, problematic men with one hand behind your back, but fall apart over a man who isn’t worth the sole of your shoe.

you never did anything for yourself. you always gave in. and seeing you there, curled into the dimness while being whipped by words through a screen, made his blood boil.

he stood up from the speaker. the bass, covered in stickers and collages, bumped lightly against his leg, the metallic sound of the chains on his pants clinking with the quick movement. he wasn’t going to interrupt the call - he wasn’t that kind of guy - but he stepped close enough for his presence to be noticed, watching the situation up close.

sunoo was pissed. not at you, but at the way you let the world steal the shine from your eyes. what he really wanted was to take the phone from your hand and crush it under his heavy boot, but instead, he just stood there, black leather wristbands tight around his wrists, waiting for the moment you would finally hang up so he could, once again, try to convince you that you deserved far more than scraps of attention and empty threats.

“i can’t keep this going, i’m sorry… i- have to go” you stated, your voice coming out shaky and rushed, unsure if it matched what your heart wanted.

as soon as you pulled the device away from your ear, a final “you bitch, if you-” slipped through the speaker, an aggressive sound stain that was abruptly silenced when you pressed the red button on the screen. the silence that followed wasn’t peaceful, but heavy.

when you turned, you startled slightly, your tense body bumping into the heavy curtain as you saw sunoo standing there, like a silent sentinel watching you. you swallowed hard, feeling the knot in your throat, and forced an awkward smile as you quickly wiped your eyes with the backs of your hands, trying to dry the tears that insisted on falling.

“hey…” you sniffled, trying to regain your manager composure, offering a small smile.

“i thought you had blocked his number” sunoo said soberly.

he didn’t need to show his anger toward you, didn’t need to gesture sharply; he was different from everything you knew. he rarely got angry, and never took it out on you, but there was a coldness in his voice that cut deeper than any shout.

“he called me from another number” you lied, your voice still a little shaky.

sunoo pressed his lips together, the metal beads of his snake bites glinting under the dim light. he pretended to buy the lie, raising one eyebrow and nodding slowly, but his eyes - a hazel tone so intense and focused it made you feel immersed - said he knew exactly that you still left the door slightly open for your own tormentor.

“you don’t have to stay on the line until the end… you don’t have to listen to the things he says to you” he continued, his voice softening a little, but still carrying a restrained urgency.

you sighed and took a step toward him, offering that condescending smile the boy hated so much. it was your “you’re cute, but you don’t understand how things work” smile. to him, it felt like you were placing him back on the souvenir shelf, labeling him as the boy from the band, too young to know anything beyond his bass and ripped jeans.

you reached out and touched his dark strands. the gesture was instinctive, feeling the texture of the gel that made some tips more spiked, contrasting with the softness of the rest of his hair. “it suits you…” you commented, trying to change the subject, your eyes scanning his look. “even if those wristbands are a bit much…”

sunoo lowered his gaze to his own wrists, the black leather and spikes seeming heavy under your gentle touch. “i’ll take them off mid-show, they get in the way when i play” he replied simply, his voice almost a whisper.

“i know…”

and with those two words, you got away. once again, you skirted the edge of the abyss. you used your bright eyes and your sweet voice that acted like a sedative on his instincts. you passed by him, the soft scent of your shampoo leaving a trail that contrasted with the moldy smell of the place, and he let out a quiet laugh, a bitter sound that died in his chest as he watched you walk away to organize the chaos you preferred to face: the band’s.

he remained still, lost in the realization that you cared about every technical detail, but didn’t care to save yourself.

reality only hit again when heeseung showed up, tapping his shoulder with a heavy palm.

“five minutes” the vocalist announced, his voice vibrating with pre-show adrenaline. “i’m going to call the lovebirds in the dressing room. and you’re coming with me, i’m not dealing with any unwanted scenes alone” heeseung practically dragged him, making him roll his eyes.

***

sunoo bit down on one of the piercing balls at the corner of his lip and adjusted the bass strap on his neck in a shared nervousness before stepping on stage; his fingers opened and closed, clenching into fists, and he laughed when the drummer nudged his shoulder lightly before the curtains opened. whenever they were about to perform, they looked like the same four high school teenagers about to compete in their first talent show; it was bizarre, because what they did up there was definitely not appropriate for fifteen-year-old boys.

the led lights cut through the darkness, turning the thick oxygen into geometric, disoriented beams that lashed over the crowd and the instruments. jay’s first chord wasn’t just a note: it was a wail, a low, long, distorted sound that seemed to vibrate straight through the old wooden floor beneath their feet. the smoke from the machines rose slowly, wrapping around the boys’ legs and making the scene look like a mirage, something ethereal and disturbed, the kind you have in a bad trip.

there was that second of absolute silence. the four exchanged quick glances, one last silent check-in. heeseung stepped forward - his loose tank top already slipping dangerously off one shoulder, exposing a sweaty clavicle before the effort even began - he smiled. “we are the tamed-dashed…” his voice started contained, a secret shared through the mic, only to explode into a roar that made the walls shake:

“AND WE ARE HERE TO BURN THIS PLACE DOWN!!!”

the chaos was instant. the tap-tap of the drumsticks gave the signal and, on the fourth count, they dove into smells like teen spirit.

sunoo felt the impact in his chest. for him, that was the only moment when noise didn’t truly bother him. on stage, being loud was a virtue; screaming was a right. completely different from his calm, almost untouchable demeanor. his fingers chased each note with surgical precision, the tuned bass vibrating against his pelvis like a pulsing open artery.

he always went numb. feeling, up there, became just another vital function, like his heavy breathing and the pounding of his racing heart. he closed his eyes, bringing his full lips close to the microphone for backing vocals - a rough caress exchanged between his skin and the fibrous surface - harmonizing with the main voice in tones that sent shivers down your spine all the way from the sound booth.

far from sounding impartial, but it was incredible how he transformed. the mannerisms, the parted lips, the fingers sliding along the neck of the instrument as if they could carve through any path they touched, pressing the strings with perfect pressure, the ridiculously long lashes that stood out when he closed his eyes to sing a more melodramatic part… your cheeks burned and you were grateful no one else noticed in the poor lighting.

that song was cruel, it meant a lot to sunoo, who somehow had never hidden from anyone, yet was still rarely truly seen. like a sea that holds so much and can be calm at the shore, but turbulent the deeper you allow yourself to sail. sunoo slowly turned his feet, facing the back of the stage, toward you.

and he knew hundreds of eyes were devouring him, but he was only searching for one pair.

he locked onto you there in the half-light, your hair tied in a messy bun exposing your nape to the suffocating heat, holding a clipboard against your chest as if it could give you any extra stability, or maybe you just wanted to protect yourself, which was just another illusion your brain crafted for you. you bit your lower lip hard, a habit that betrayed that beneath the proper manager facade, your heart beat to the dirty rhythm of his bass; you just didn’t know it yet.

“a denial, a denial…” he hissed, eyes locked with your figure. those honey-colored orbs dancing over your expression to the point it made you swallow hard. you were in denial.

he wanted to provoke you. he wanted you to see there was nothing he couldn’t be, regardless of the age difference or your mistaken beliefs about him. sunoo was dying to have you.

when the band transitioned into dirty diana, heeseung approached him from behind - loose hips, eyes carrying a mischievous expression that said only one thing - his quick, sly hands sliding over sunoo’s torn shirt. the girls in the front row went into a frenzy, screaming and shoving each other to get closer to the stage.

the two smiled in complicity; sunoo tilted his head back, resting it on his friend’s shoulder, a crooked smile playing on his reddened lips as the other slipped his hand under the fabric, lifting the tank top and exposing the kim’s slim abdomen to the hysterical crowd. the boy mimicked a hoarse, dragged-out moan that barely made it through the mic, but it was enough for your fingers to tighten against the clipboard and your stomach to twist. you shouldn’t feel like that about the youngest in the band, not when you were nearing your late twenties and he was just starting; in fact, you never dated younger dudes. sunoo wanted to say you were missing out on some fun.

“i’ll be your night lovin’ thing, the freak you can taunt…” they sang together, faces dangerously close. heeseung left a quick peck on his cheek before they pulled apart laughing, as if nothing had happened.

sunoo looked at you through the smoke and flashing lights once again in a silent challenge, a deliberate promise. he was turned on by the music, by the attention, but mostly by the way you couldn’t look away, even when your body tensed; why did you lie to yourself so much? he didn’t want to hear about stupid guys calling you at night anymore, didn’t want to see you showing up to rehearsals with marks on your arms and wrists saying you burned yourself on some damn kettle. sunoo desperately wanted to fill the space you tried to patch with those sorry excuses for men and show you what it meant to be a real one.

he was so desperate that he would probably confess right there in the damn show if his bandmates didn’t have other plans for the night. after two songs without stopping, they were electric, adrenaline making up for the lack of air in their lungs and the burning stage lights. heeseung played around with the crowd for a bit, something about the purple-haired girl with gothic makeup meeting him after the show - and her friends if they wanted too - while the others drank water and recovered.

the vocalist let out a few melismas repeating the last verse of the previous song and sunoo briefly joined in, earning a glance from him at the front. slender fingers hovered over the neck of the bass before he gently pulled the melody, pushing the invitation into the air for the next song: no feelings.

an a low and clean, vibrating through the amplifier. the note repeated as he steadied his hand. fingers slid along the length, finding the next note: g, strong and dirty. no rush, feeling each sound wave individually passing through his flesh.

his skilled hand stroked the bass up to the fifth fret, letting a d ring out continuously. the notes seemed to shift the frequency between them. the brunette watched jongseong unbutton his shirt one button at a time, loosening the tie hanging from his neck even more, stomping his foot and joining the sound that was soon invaded by the bratty noise of his guitar.

the drummer got the message and came in right after, making one of the cymbals ring out. not a normal ring, but an aggressive one that could only mean she was furious. just like sunoo had said before… two sticks of dynamite about to explode.

and sunoo repeated with more intent, more hunger: a, g, d, a. and within seconds the intensity burst through the bar and the song began.

that had been their first song, one that for many years had made sense to sunoo. he liked who he was. the roughness of the lyrics made them feel enraged, and the performance turned into a chaotic mess of bodies crashing in the mosh pit forming on the floor. on stage, one trying to outshine the other without abandoning what was written. the boy laughed when he saw jay kneeling near the edge of the stage and bit his lower lip watching girls scratch at his now bare chest - and apparently one even slipped her number into his jeans -, rolling his eyes when heeseung paused the lyrics just to let out an “oh shit” at the sight, “we’re about to get fucking wiiild”.

and they did. near the end of the song, the drummer abandoned her post and climbed onto the stool, drawing everyone’s attention as she pulled off her shirt, left only in a lace bra.

sunoo stared at you from there, seeing your parted lips, the look of someone who loved control about to lose it completely. he felt a shiver run down his spine, increasing the intensity with which he struck the strings.

last song. jongseong was furious. with a scratch running from his chest down toward his pelvis and a pink paper sticking out of his pants, he had no right to complain - ah, sunoo believed in equal rights - but the park was even more pissed because now the vocalist was acting like a dog in heat while singing suck my kiss, staring at the fiery drummer.

you whispered something to sunghoon, who only nodded, doubtful he had actually heard. as the song reached its end, the inevitable began to take shape. but it was worse.

the drummer fully abandoned the kit, tossing her sticks into the crowd before walking over to the vocalist and kissing him. a hungry kiss that meant many things, and not necessarily that they liked each other.

holy shit.

jay was about to tear heeseung apart. on the last chord, everything snapped. the park pulled the guitar off his body and threw it to the ground carelessly, stepping toward the taller one and grabbing him by the collar - making the girl nearby stumble back - like two fighting dogs. and sunoo clicked his tongue, carefully removing his bass, slipping the strap over his head and resting it against a speaker before moving toward them, shoving his arm between the two. “you guys really”

the argument was heated. not that it was anything new, since the guitarist had a reputation for yelling and fighting over anything, but no one was helping. “what are you? a fucking dog?!” jongseong growled through clenched teeth, gripping the dyed linen fabric so tightly his knuckles turned white. “since you can’t satisfy your fucking girlfriend” the other shot back with a mocking smile, grabbing his wrists to stop him from doing anything else. a general commotion broke out, from you stepping forward to thank the crowd for coming see the show to sunghoon pulling the curtains shut on his own. sunoo held heeseung by the shoulders and pulled him back while the sound tech wrapped his arms around the guitarist’s torso, separating them. “stop this stupidity for fuck’s sake!” sunoo muttered when the lee was about to throw in another provoking line.

***

when they finally managed to reach the hallway that led to the dressing rooms, literally crammed into the narrow passage, sunoo was still holding onto heeseung, positioning himself in front of him and trying to stop his bandmate from pointing or yelling back at the insults coming from the guitarist. behind him, sunghoon and the drummer blocked the way of a frowning jongseong, his neck flushed red with anger. “hee, fuck off. stop provoking, he’s already mad” the shorter one said, pushing heeseung forward so he’d keep walking.

“c’mon park! you called me a dog before but it’s YOU who can’t decide if you leave or bite the bone!” and just like that, with a detestable little laugh, the vocalist slipped out of sunoo’s grip and headed in the opposite direction of jay and the rest of the crew, weaving through a few staff members and disappearing in seconds, probably going after some skirt, since stirring up all that chaos clearly hadn’t been enough.

they walked into the dressing room with the guitarist, and the first thing to go flying was the red lamp near one of the mirrors, which he punched just as hard. both actions producing a sharp crash of shattering glass. sunghoon watched the situation with his arms crossed, trying to speak over jay’s shouting, while the drummer threw herself onto the small couch in the stuffy room like someone used to it - despite the annoyed look - and she was, in theory. everyone there had witnessed one of his outbursts at some point.

but it was when you rushed into the dressing room, clumsy and asking about the “boys” that sunoo acted. your first instinct was always to try and talk, of course, but jay didn’t work like that. sunoo grabbed your wrist, stopping you mid-step, catching the alarmed look on your face when you turned to him. “yeah, princess, you’re not doing this” he said simply, pulling you along and making you toss that useless clipboard onto the console by the door. “dude?” he heard sunghoon mutter in disbelief as they left the man alone with the chaos. “you can make it, big guy”

you pressed your lips together, glancing back as the sound of things breaking continued. you knew exactly who the band members were, but wasn’t it your responsibility to step in when they clashed? it wasn’t like your job was just booking shows and collecting payments. “wait, sunoo, i have to-”

“no, you don’t.”

“but-” and then sunoo stopped as you resisted his grip, only for your movements to slow as his honey-colored eyes weighed on your figure; your protests faded, your expression softening as your heart skipped a few beats.

sunoo’s hand slid from your wrist to your fingers, making you intertwine them with his as you followed him without question. you didn’t even know where he was taking you, but after about five minutes of walking, you ended up outside, in the parking lot behind the bar.

the cold air of the early morning contrasted with the warmth of your skin, which had just been trapped in a suffocating room dealing with the explosive anger of a 24yo. you bit your lower lip, feeling that your thin dress shirt wasn’t enough to stop the chill from raising goosebumps, or maybe it was the fact that even out there, the kim still hadn’t let go of your hand. you looked down at where he held your fingers so tightly, flushing at the thought, stumbling over your words when sunoo turned to you again.

“what were you thinking, trying to calm him down??” he asked, and you parted your lips slightly. “i just… didn’t want him to break more things or hurt someone - or himself” you answered quietly.

“you know he’s an adult, right? if he breaks something, he’ll use his own pay to fix it. if he has a problem, he’s the one who has to deal with it” the brunette said, watching you look away and rub the back of your neck with your free hand. always avoidant. sunoo studied you a bit longer before stepping closer, lifting your chin so you’d look at him. “i’m being dead serious right now. why is it so difficult? why are you always trying to handle things alone?” he asked, his plump lips slightly wet, catching the glow of the nearby streetlights.

you chose not to answer, just held his gaze for longer than it felt safe. you hated when you couldn’t read him, when you didn’t know what he was really thinking. it was easier with the others, who saw you more like an older sister or a babysitter. the muffled noise of shouting and the next band starting up drifted from inside, and you should’ve gone back to talk to the organizers about booking another date, but the boy in front of you showed no sign of letting you go anytime soon.

you walked toward the parked cars, where he finally let go, watching you sit on one of the low concrete dividers while he pulled out a pack and a lighter from his pocket. he lit it and took a deep drag, looking up as he slowly exhaled, watching the smoke dissolve into the air before turning to you and holding it out in offering. you accepted - even though it was just a leftover habit from your teenage years - brushing his fingers lightly as you took it. you sighed before bringing it to your lips and inhaling. sunoo watched, biting one of the balls of his lip piercing. “what?” you asked quietly.

“nothing… you look good like this…” he shrugged. your hair was crap, your blazer lost somewhere in the earlier chaos, the first two buttons of your shirt undone, the thin fabric revealing the black lace underneath. your eyeliner was smudged from sweat and time, and your lips were bare. “messy?” you laughed softly, taking another drag before handing it back. “real. human…” he shot back with a shrug, and silence settled between you.

it was awkward when he sounded like the most grounded one. it stirred something in your stomach you didn’t want to name.

sunoo took the cigarette but flicked it away, sending the butt flying until it hit the ground and died out, then walked over and sat beside you.

he crossed his arms, staring at the half-paved ground while you tried not to glance at him sideways. “i wanted to talk…” he started, his voice unsteady in a way that wasn’t like him, and you already knew what was coming. “sunoo… i don’t think we should…” you replied quickly, parting your lips as you prepared to stand, but he grabbed your arm again. this time almost pleading. “so that’s it? you’re just going to act like all of this is normal? the responsibilities you take on, the people you get involved with…” he spoke fast, trying to make you listen. and now it wasn’t about the band. and you knew he was right. deep down, it wasn’t that hard to understand but in practice…

“ah… that’s none of your business…” you said, placing your hand over his, still warm despite the cold outside.

“how can this not be?” sunoo narrowed his eyes, frowning as he held onto you.

“what do you know about relationships, sunoo?” you asked with a quiet laugh, a hint of disdain slipping through because for him it was always so easy: going out with boys and girls, no commitment, no attachment. but the words hit harder than you intended.

sunoo looked down, loosening his grip before letting go slowly. “wow… yeah… you might be right. i know nothing. i’m just young and bored and stupid” he said with sarcasm, making you sigh and close your eyes before turning to him, your calming nature not wanting to hurt him. “that’s not what i was sayi-”

he dragged his tongue along his cheek, ignoring your gaze now fixed on him.

“that’s all you’ve been saying since day one” he stood up, continuing, “that i’m too young, that i should enjoy myself while i can, go out, meet people…” he paced back and forth. “but i don’t want to. and when i do, when i sleep with someone, it’s to forget the one person i can’t have. the one person who despises me and makes me wait like fucking time isn’t finite while she gives herself to any bastard who shows up” his voice came out fast and rough, emotions weighing down every syllable as he confessed - not how he had planned - turning to face you, watching your confused expression.

“why can’t you see that? what do i have to do for you to notice me?” he stepped closer again, stopping right in front of you, looking down. “tell me, if i can’t stop loving you, what should i do?” because if you knew so much about feelings, you should have an answer.

and even if there was one - which there wasn’t - you knew he wouldn’t accept it. you looked at his face and reached out, hesitating halfway before touching his shirt and letting your hand slide down until you were playing with the accessories on his belt, looping one of the metal chains around your finger as you wet your lower lip.

it was killing him. your mixed signals, your half-signals, the ones that weren’t even there. even when it wasn’t your intention, everything you did had an almost intoxicating effect on him.

sunoo caught your hand around the chain, and as you lifted your face to look at him, he leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. they parted, and he slightly opened his mouth, his free hand sliding to your nape, ready to deepen it. the contact sent a shock down from your neck to the base of your spine, making your back arch.

“the hell are you doing?!”

you heard the voice nearby and pulled away abruptly. the boy turned and spotted the slightly hunched figure holding a beer bottle, leaning against a car for balance. your ex. he looked at you once more before fixing his gaze on the man slowly approaching.

and like an automatic response, there you went, stepping in front of him, wiping your mouth and crossing your arms. “what are you doing here?” you asked. the older man wore an open flannel shirt, badly done tattoos across his torso. “you didn’t block me on instagram…” he replied with a weak laugh. “just had to check where the show was, sweetheart” his words dragged out as he staggered. “we need to talk”

“i’m still working.” sunoo felt a vein pulse in his forehead, his fist clenching. of course… you’d give that guy a chance to talk once your shift ended, sure thing.

then the man stopped, a dark smile spreading across his face as he noticed sunoo behind you. “i see… working on what? fucking with teenagers now? i knew you were a slut but damn”. your body tensed so hard your jaw clenched, afraid he’d say something about sunoo that he didn’t deserve to hear.

sunoo watched, his blood slowly boiling. he didn’t even remember the idiot’s name, biting his lip hard enough to taste metal. you stood in front of him, protecting him from something he didn’t need protection from. it didn’t take long before the man stepped closer, raising his hand toward you. but the kim was faster, pulling you back and watching the other stumble, swiping at the air. “i think she made it clear, man. go home” sunoo said seriously. “fu-ckin’ bastard!… or what!? huh? what are you gonna do?!”

the bassist moved you behind him as your ex grabbed his shirt, yanking him - not strong enough to make him move at all, more leaning on him than anything - but unlike him, sunoo didn’t react, just stared with a neutral expression. “go home” he repeated quietly, lifting one eyebrow slightly as the disgusting smell of alcohol hit him.

stubborn, the man holding his collar shifted his gaze to you. “this your new boyfriend, yeah?! that’s why you were fucking leaving? stupid bitch! i should’ve known better!” and just as sunoo realized he was about to spit, his slender hand shot up, grabbing the man by the throat, making him choke and stumble back, coughing toward the ground. “you—gh… piece of shit—!”

and that was it. the moment your ex lunged at him, sunoo grabbed him and punched, hitting his jaw so hard (not intentionally, just pure luck) that he blacked out instantly. his heavy body, a bit bigger than sunoo’s, dropped completely limp to the ground; the nearly empty bottle slipped from his hand, cracking as the last drops spilled out.

it happened so fast that all you had time to do was widen your eyes, hear the dull thud, and pull a shocked expression.

you stepped closer, crouching down beside the man’s body. “fuck, you knocked him out” you said simply, checking his pulse.

he could’ve said it wasn’t intentional, but he didn’t give a single fuck about your ex or any other guy you had mentioned over the past year like a broken record. none of them were worth shit. and the bassist was fed up. when his eyes landed on you leaning over the idiot who had practically lunged to hit you, that was it. the very last straw.

sunoo grabbed you under the arm, pulling you up to your feet and dragging you away from there. you protested. he was doing it again. “sunoo, we can’t just leave him there” you tried to break free this time, more agitated than when he had pulled you out of the dressing room. “stop this”

“sunoo!” you shouted, and he tensed, cracking his neck before stopping and turning to you, bending down and throwing you over his shoulder with ease. not a word as you kept demanding he let you go and call a fucking ambulance.

you heard the van door slide open and within seconds you were tossed onto one of the seats. a van with three rows of worn upholstery besides the driver’s seats, dark tinted windows, completely empty since all the equipment was still inside the warehouse. the door slammed shut again and you lunged at him, struggling, trying to push against his chest without enough strength, without enough intention. “let me out!” you demanded. and he didn’t even consider it. “i’m serious, kim sunoo!”

he knew you weren’t.

sunoo pinned your wrists together behind you and captured your mouth again, hungry, completely possessed. his irritation spilled through his tongue, demanding entry. an entry you gave as he cornered you deeper into the seat, crawling over you, settling between your legs. you scrunched your nose and let out a muffled sound when he bit your lower lip hard before sucking on the soft flesh and returning to the heavy kiss, leaving you no room to breathe. he would kiss you until you understood, kiss you until your body burned so hot your clothes became unbearable, kiss you until you were begging for him.

your head spun. his lips crushed against yours, his tongue exploring your mouth with insistence. saliva mixed, acting like a poison in your system, making you crave more.

when your wrists slipped free from his sweaty grip, it wasn’t to push him away anymore. your fingers tangled into his dark hair, pulling him closer, tilting his head so your mouths could fit better, clashing together, wet sounds and low murmurs echoing inside the van.

sunoo’s hands wrapped around your waist, slipping beneath the fabric of your shirt, feeling the warm, smooth skin he dreamed about every night.

his restless mouth trailed down, finally letting you catch some air, licking from your chin to your neck, where he turned cruel - not out of intent to tease, but because he was completely gone, acting like you were his first meal in ages - biting into the sensitive skin, sucking hard, leaving marks that would be visible in the morning, and when they faded, he’d mark you again. his hands moved higher, tugging impatiently at the buttons of your shirt that got in his way, pulling it off you and tossing it somewhere onto the floor.

you held onto the back of his neck, eyes squeezing shut lightly when he buried his face between your breasts, cupping them in his hands and pressing them together, breathing you in, practically growling when the sweet scent reached his brain, memorizing it. he lifted his gaze to you as his eyes adjusted to the dim light, pulling one side of your lace bra down and taking your hardened nipple into his mouth, sucking with need.

your thighs tried to press together, but all you could do was squirm, rubbing against his knee as it sank into the seat right there. he noticed, lifting his leg until it pressed against your covered center, applying pressure, a slow back-and-forth that made your eyes roll for the first time that night.

you tried to hold yourself up on one elbow, your other hand still tangled in his soft hair as he easily unclasped your bra, sliding it down, gathering your breasts to take both peaks into his mouth, his tongue slipping between them before sucking as if they were candy. “you’re fucking delicious” he muttered hoarsely, losing himself on it.

“s-shut up…” you mumbled, breathy, making him smirk before scattering kisses across the soft skin, nibbling here and there. he took his time with each breast, sucking hard enough to leave them swollen and sensitive.

he slid down to the van floor, on his knees, gripping your hips and pulling you closer to the edge now. he took off his own shirt, giving you a glimpse of his narrow waist, lean but toned torso, and the sharp pelvic bones that traced a dangerous line into his dark jeans. you wet your lips watching, and he noticed, letting out a low, knowing laugh as his quick fingers worked to unbutton your slacks and slide them down your legs.

sunoo spread your legs and looked, his hardened length twitching when the lace of your underwear was practically swallowed by your folds. you wanted to tell him not to look, turning your face away and pressing your lips together, but he didn’t give you a choice lifting his eyes back to you. “turn around. ass up” his rough voice ordered.

it took you a few seconds to process before you found yourself pathetically doing exactly as he said.

you hugged the back of the seat, pressing your cheek against the headrest, brows knitting when he lightly dragged his nails over your ass, teasing before landing a sharp, unexpected slap that only made you arch further for him; your pussy was outlined against the fabric, every contour visible, and he practically salivated at the sight. the bassist leaned closer, biting into one of the soft curves, sliding the tip of his nose along your skin until his face was buried against you, hovering his mouth over your clothed pussy.

he licked slowly once, from your clit to your back entrance, over the fabric, making your legs tremble. then he pulled your underwear aside with his thumb, watching a thin string of slick stretch.

sunoo brought his free hand to his mouth, sucking on his fingers before guiding two down to your tight entrance. they slid in embarrassingly easily with how soaked you were. “sssss…” he muttered, starting to pump his digits inside you.

your hands gripped the seat, nails digging into the worn cushioning as you bit your lower lip to hold back your moans, but he wouldn’t allow it. the moment he noticed, he spread and closed his fingers in a scissoring motion, stretching you open and making your eyes roll back as a dragged-out whine slipped past your pouty lips.

“don’t hide, princess… i want all of you…” he murmured against the curve of your ass, licking there before leaving a harsh mark. he picked up the pace, adding another finger once your pussy no longer struggled to take them, pushing all three in to the base and curling them inside. “that’s it, baby… doing so well” the praise hit you like a dart to the chest, making your body twitch as your hand instinctively moved between your legs, searching for your clit.

but sunoo didn’t let you as well. the second he saw you trying to ease the pressure, he clicked his tongue and stopped abruptly, pulling a small frustrated sound from you.

he grabbed the seam of your panties and tore the already soaked fabric apart, tossing it somewhere with your shirt, pinning your wrists against your hips. “i didn’t say you could touch yourself either” he snapped, leaning down again, this time using his tongue to fuck your pulsing entrance while his finger moved to your sensitive spot. it was so swollen, so warm, begging for attention.

he pinched it once before rubbing, picking up a fast pace that made you slide against his palm. you bit into the seat, whining, your hips turning erratic, chasing more, arching… your moans had turned into muffled groans. “mmh, so tight… so good” he said against you, mouth full, opening wider to swallow your sex, his nose and chin getting slick.

“s-sunoo…” you babbled when he replaced his fingers with his mouth, latching onto your clit and sucking like his life depended on it, while sliding his fingers back inside you just like before, stretching you more.

from the way you whimpered and how your pussy clenched around him, your orgasm was close, which only made him hungrier to see you fall apart. he added a fourth finger, thrusting in and out as he pulled to watch your slick spill from you, admiring how your inner lips followed the movement, perfectly fitted. your body trembling like a desperate little thing.

sunoo parted his lips slightly when your body tightened and your release began to spill, soaking his fingers and wrist as it ran down your thighs and dampened the seat. “just like that, baby…” he breathed, fascinated, continuing to finger you through the entire orgasm, dragging every last drop out of you.

when he pulled his fingers out with a soft plop, you were still pulsing, clenching around nothing, making him smile in satisfaction. he bit down on his tongue as he stood slightly, dropping onto the opposite seat, hurriedly undoing his belt and pushing his pants down to his ankles, freeing his hard cock from his boxers.

it took you a few seconds to recover. your flushed cheeks dragged against the rough fabric before you lifted yourself and turned to him. fuck, he looked like a goddamn fever dream.

sitting there, collarbones sharp, thighs firm and pale even in the dim light. his lips were wet, and for the first time you noticed sunoo didn’t just have the snake bites and ear piercings, there was a barbell piercing through the flushed head of his dick, running from one side to the other, catching a faint beam of light. it twitched against his abs.

your eyes lifted to his, and that wasn’t the same band boy you had met years ago. he was different - ridiculously hot for his own good - with a predatory stare that made it clear you weren’t leaving that fucking without being feasted first.

“come here” he said, patting his thighs in an open invitation. and like you were hypnotized, you moved without thinking, biting your lip as you climbed into his lap. you glanced down at his swollen length, your hand reaching out curiously, but sunoo caught your wrist and brought it to his mouth, biting. it wasn’t about him today, it was about you.

he cupped your chin with his other hand, pulling you closer to kiss you again. this time deeper, slower, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. your small hands rested on his shoulders, your body instinctively pressing into his.

sunoo’s hands slid down your waist, finding your ass again, squeezing firmly, urging you to move. and you did, grinding against him without hesitation, gasping against his lip as your oversensitive pussy met him again. “what is it, hm? want to stop?” he pulled back slightly, mimicking your pout, watching you shake your head. “gonna ride me real good, baby?” he asked, and you nodded.

you adjusted yourself, lifting your hips and guiding his cock to your entrance, feeling the cool metal of the piercing send little shocks through you, making your nipples tighten further. you whimpered as you sank down, taking him inch by inch, watching his expression closely: jaw slack, eyes shut. he was so beautiful…

you started moving, rolling your hips forward and back, feeling him deep inside you, so full your moans came out like broken sobs. you held onto his neck, glancing down where you connected, focused on getting the rhythm right since you weren’t that experienced on top. “am i doing it right?” your voice came out small and breathy, and sunoo practically malfunctioned at the question, nodding quickly as he helped guide your hips.

he could bet that whenever those other guys fucked you, it was just some boring missionary where you barely felt anything, and the thought made him grip your hips harder before snapping his gaze back to yours, thrusting up once to meet you halfway, making you choke on a sound.

he did it again, sliding his hands under your thighs now, holding you up as his hips took over, driving into you in a rough rhythm. your breasts bounced, your expression melting as you tried to speak and failed. “m’so g-good…”

“full… feel so full…”

sunoo let your body drop back down and you gasped at the impact before bouncing more, biting your lip, feeling your arms going numb and your thighs burn deliciously from the repeated motion.

he attacked your neck, licking and sucking to muffle his own sounds, unsure whether to grip your ass harder or play with your sensitive tits. “fuck… so good f’me… so fucking good…” a shiver ran down his spine when your lips brushed near his ear, moaning just like he had always imagined. “gonna let me come inside? hmm?” he asked, breath rough, getting only your shaky “m-mhm” in response.

he felt himself getting closer, his hold tightening as if he wanted to fuse you together for a moment. he set a relentless pace, each motion deliberate and deep, making your legs tremble, your knees weak. the coil in your stomach snapped tight, stars flooding your vision as drool slipped from the corner of your mouth.

your nails dragged down his back, your head falling back completely.

you were so sensitive, so full, so- and the moment he came inside you, your second orgasm crashed over you too, wiping every thought away until all that remained was kim sunoo. your body tensed as you let out a broken moan that echoed through the space.

you felt him filling you, warmth spilling deep inside, too much for your tight walls to keep. a white ring forming at the base of his cock as cum leaked, smearing your thighs and his pubis.

his body slowly relaxed. his hand traced along the bones of your spine while you tried to steady your breathing, your head resting to the side against the seat, chest rising and falling as you caught your breath. his once-styled hair was soaked with sweat now, just like his chest and arms. and you, marked everywhere he had touched, with your lower lip bruised from how much you’d bitten it.

the sound of the driver’s door opening caught you both off guard. you looked over the seat as sunghoon stepped in and froze. his lips parted, brows furrowing. “the fuck?!” he blurted before backing out just as fast, slamming the door. poor man. “i need a raise” you heard him mutter as he walked away.

you stayed silent for a few seconds before both breaking into laughter, easing the embarrassment creeping in as the adrenaline faded. you had really done that with him… and it felt so right.

you lowered your gaze, cheeks warming.

“don’t be like this…” sunoo whispered, gently tracing patterns along your back with his fingertips. it was impossible. you had broken too many of your own rules. there was no going back now.

you thought for a moment, sniffled softly, and asked “the words before we got here… did you mean it?” your voice came out calm for the first time that night, your fingers absentmindedly tracing soft patterns along his arm. the post-orgasm clarity finally settling in.

“every single one of them” he replied. “why?”

“nothing,” you tried to hide your smile - and failed - burying your face in the curve of his neck. he smiled faintly when he noticed.

you were his.

***

the dark road was lit only by the vehicles’ headlights, the sky heavy and overcast, threatening rain anytime. since the show had been in another city, you had to head back, driving through the night on the highway just to finally get home and rest after everything that had happened. and at that very moment, a very stressed sunghoon behind the wheel was chewing each and every one of you out.

“and they still had the nerve to charge me that shitty 25 bucks for the lamp. a lamp that JONGSEONG broke, not me. not to mention i get to the van for one second of peace and see you two all over each other in here” the older one grumbled, pointing a finger at sunoo, who was who was sitting in the passenger seat beside him.

“uhh someone needing to get laid real bad” jay commented from the back, sprawled across the last row while absentmindedly running his fingers through the drummer’s hair, her body sleeping on top of his chest. a pile of equipment and instruments was stacked across the middle seats after they’d shoved everything back in.

the comment pulled a quiet chuckle out of everyone still awake, except sunghoon of course, who frowned and huffed, “you asshole, you almost fucked right in front of me!” he snapped, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. “and on top of that, where the fuck is heeseung? i couldn’t find him anywhere”

wait. and then you raised an eyebrow, lifting your gaze from your phone - where you’d been exchanging silent messages with sunoo - letting your eyes sweep across the van, counting heads in your mind before turning toward the front seats.

“we need to turn back” you said urgently.

“you’ve gotta be kidding”

“i’m not. we forgot heeseung. we have to get him back” you said, your expression caught somewhere between holding back a laugh and sheer panic.

#enhypen_is_seven

taglist: @cherryw0n @lisie-loves-u @archivojjong @horgelus @12e45

[yjnwonstars]

mean sunoo ambassador strikes again! lau is incredibly talented and i loved every second of the production of these two stories. you’re the best lau and i’m also your n1 fan

[yjnwonstars]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤtamed-dashed (jay ver.)

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄, you and jay are like two time bombs and the tension vibrating through the band is enough to level the whole stage. it was never a question of if they’d explode, but who would be left standing when they finally did.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ (sunoo ver.)

pairing: guitarist!jay x drummer fem!reader

genre: smut

warnings: 18+ only mdni — lowercase, they're both toxic with each other, mean dom! jay x brat! reader, cursing, unprotected sex (wrap it up), face slapping, dirty talk, power play, spanking, chocking, mutual pinning, hair pulling, overstimulation, possessiveness, making out, creampie, degradation, piercing play, rough sex, prob forgot something sorry (let me know if I missed anything)

wc: 8k

authors note: ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE — hi guys, sorry for being mia, but ever since heeseung left enhypen i’ve barely had the strength for anything. still, i decided to post this fic here which is a collab with my wife @yinyjw ! i’m really happy with how it turned out and i hope you guys like it too, because there’s a chance we’ll write more with the characters from this universe hihi. also, don't forget to keep trending the tags on twitter! especially now that we're trying to break the record of 61 million!!! #ENHYPEN_IS_SEVEN.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤplaylist 🎸

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤmasterlist

"you've got some fucking nerve, you know that?"

the words cut through the heavy, stagnant air of the backstage room before you can even think to choke them back. the space is a total dump – a wide, drafty room split in half by a rotting plywood partition that does absolutely nothing to muffle the muffled roar of the crowd on the other side. the air is thick, tasting of cheap cigarettes, stale beer, and the sharp, metallic tang of guitar strings.

you're vibrating with a restless, jagged frequency of rage. you stand by a lopsided wooden table, slamming your water bottle down so hard the plastic crunches under your palm, the sound echoing against the peeling, sticker-covered wallpaper.

"you act like a total prick the second any guy even looks at me," you snap, stepping directly into his personal space. you poke a finger hard into the center of his chest, right where his heart should be. "but the minute you’re on your phone, you’re all over those girls. i’m not fucking stupid, jay. i saw the messages. i see you playing both sides like a goddamn coward."

jay doesn't flinch, but you see the vein in his neck throbbing. he's a vision of calculated punk chaos – silver chains clinking against his black leather, his dark hair messy and falling into eyes that are currently burning with a frustration that mirrors your own. he’s tensed up like a wire about to snap.

he grabs your wrist. his grip is firm, grounded, just enough to stop your finger from digging into his chest. he looks down at you, his breathing heavy, his jaw locked so tight you can see the muscle jumping. he looks like he’s about to shout something back, to call you out on your own shit, but the pressure of the show and the toxic heat between you makes him lose his filter.

"god, you're so obsessed. it's actually pathetic how clingy you're getting," he roars back, his voice dropping into a low, dangerous register that vibrates in your chest. "why the hell are you acting like we’re married? we aren’t anything, alright? we are nothing."

the word hangs in the air, cold and final. you see a flicker of something – maybe regret, maybe shock – in his eyes the moment it leaves his lips. he lets go of your wrist as if the skin suddenly burned him, but the damage is done.

the sting behind your eyes is immediate, that sharp, hot prickle of tears you refuse to let fall in front of him. you go rigid, your breath hitching as the reality of that word settles into your bones. you’d given him everything behind closed doors, and he just threw it away to win a fucking argument.

before he can try to take it back, the plywood door swings open. heeseung walks in, holding a bottle of water, followed by sunoo who is already strapped into his bass, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else. they both stop dead, the atmosphere in the room thick enough to choke on.

"five minutes," heeseung says, his voice cautious as he looks between your pale, furious face and jay’s tense expression. "is everything... okay? we need to be focused. the crowd is already starting to throw shit."

you rip your arm away from jay's reach, your jaw so tight it aches. you don't look at him. you don't give him the chance to see how much he just broke you. you just grab your sticks from the table, the wood feeling solid in your shaking hands.

"fine," you mutter, your voice hollow and sharp. "let’s just fucking go."

you turn on your heel and disappear into the dark hallway leading to the stage, leaving the heavy silence of the room behind. your heart is already hammering a rhythm far more aggressive than anything you’re about to play on those drums.

the transition from the dim, suffocating hallway to the stage is a blur of adrenaline and stinging pride. the venue, an old industrial warehouse called the dead circuit, isn't some stadium, but it’s a far cry from the cramped bars where you first started. if this place managed to squeeze in nearly a thousand people tonight, it was a miracle, but it feels like being at the center of the world. the ceiling is massive, with rusted beams and frayed wires hanging down like dead vines – remnants of a factory abandoned decades ago. now, the neon lights pulse in unstable rhythms, casting jagged, raw shadows against the peeling walls.

as you climb behind the drum kit, the roar of the crowd is a physical force, a wall of heat and noise that hits you before you even touch a stick. you don't look at jay. but you can feel him – a dark, tense presence just a few feet away. he’s already hunched over his guitar, the feedback whining through the speakers like a warning. he strikes a few loud, disjointed chords, testing the amp with a sneer directed at the floor. beside him, sunoo thumps a heavy, rhythmic line on his bass, making the floorboards tremble beneath your kick drum.

you reach out and hit the crash cymbal once. the shimmering, metallic ring cuts through their noise, a sharp reminder that you’re the one who keeps the pulse. your eyes meet jay’s in the reflection of the stage lights, and for a second, the air between you feels like it might actually combust.

it’s hard to believe this all started in your garage five years ago, back when you were all just restless kids in high school. the band had been jay’s idea – he’d known heeseung from some detention hall, heeseung had brought you in, and you’d dragged sunoo along because he was the only one who could keep up with your tempo. back then, you only played for the neighbors to tell you to shut up. tonight, with a five-hundred-dollar payout each and free beer, it feels like you’ve finally made it. and yet, you’ve never felt more miserable.

heeseung steps up to the mic, his energy shifting instantly into the charismatic, visceral frontman the crowd loves. he taps the microphone, the sound thudding dully through the warehouse.

"we are tamed-dashed," heeseung’s voice cracks through the speakers, distorted and raw. "and we’re here to burn this place down."

he glances back, checking if you're ready to dictate the heartbeat of the night. you give him a sharp, curt nod, your grip on the sticks so tight the wood bites into your palms. you start the count-off by slamming the sticks together above your head, the sound sharp as a gunshot.

one. two. three. four.

the opening riff of smells like teen spirit rips through the warehouse. it’s a classic, but tonight it feels like a prophecy.

as you dive into the beat, the physical exertion is a blessing. every time you crack the snare, you imagine it’s jay’s chest – you’re hitting back at every word he’s ever thrown at you. the sweat is already stinging your eyes, mixing with the grit of the room. the music is loud, dirty, and chaotic. exactly like the four of you.

you watch heeseung lean into the mic, his neck veins popping as he screams, and you see jay out of the corner of your eye. he’s thrown himself to the edge of the stage, the guitar slung low against his body, his fingers tracing the strings in a desperate blur. he’s trying to lose himself in the noise, but you can see the tension in his shoulders. he knows you’re right behind him.

the warehouse is a sea of moving bodies, the mosh pit forming in the center like a whirlpool of leather and thrashing limbs. the neon flickers green and violet, unstable just like the people inside. the dead circuit is coming back to life through the sheer, ugly energy of your shared spite.

it was only the first song, but the humidity of the place was already clinging to your skin like a layer of grease. sweat pooled at your temples, stinging your eyes as you fought to keep the frantic, messy pace of the opener. heeseung’s voice was a jagged rasp, a desperate howl that barely cut through the sonic assault of your drums and the massive guitar amp positioned right beside your head. every time jay struck a cord, the vibration rattled your ribcage, the proximity of his gear making it feel like he was physically pressing against you without ever touching you.

the wood of the sticks felt like extensions of your own frustration – solid, splintering, and dangerous. every crash of the cymbal was a scream you were holding back, a punctuation mark on the argument that was still ringing in your ears. as the finale of smells like teen spirit approached, the warehouse air turned electric, the four of you merging into that haunting, repetitive chant "a denial, a denial, a denial".

you could feel jay’s gaze burning into the side of your face, a heavy, dark weight in your peripheral vision. he was refusing to lock eyes with you, hiding behind a curtain of damp, dark hair and the feedback of his instrument. his stubborn silence made you lose it. you hammered the snare with a newfound violence, until your arms burned and the song died in a screech of distorted strings.

as the last echo faded, the room shifted. the air grew thick and heavy, the aggressive, raw chords replaced by the predatory, slow-burn bassline of dirty diana. the switch was jarring – moving from garage-punk rage to a dark, sweltering sensuality that made the crowd roar in a different, more desperate key.

the screams reached a fever pitch when heeseung abandoned his mic stand. he drifted across the low stage with a predatory grace, sliding up behind sunoo and hooking his hands firmly over the bassist's hips. they moved in a slow, synchronized grind, heeseung’s voice dropping into a sultry, dangerous growl as if he were singing only for the boy in his arms. the girls at the edge of the stage were practically clawing at the floorboards, their voices cracking as they watched the display.

you let out a breathy, cynical laugh, but your eyes weren't on them. as much as heeseung and sunoo looked like they’d forgotten they weren't alone in the warehouse, they weren't the ones making your pulse skip. it was jay.

the absolute, goddamn bastard.

you had to dig your heels into the floor to keep from squirming on the drum throne, trying to hide the growing heat that was beginning to betray you. you were still fucking furious with him – and he knew it. he also knew that nothing turned you on more than watching him play with his entire soul. he was leaning back, the guitar slung low, his fingers moving with a filthy, effortless precision that felt personal. the amp right next to you sent every low-end vibration of his solo straight to your core, a rhythmic, deep thrumming that felt like a phantom touch against your skin. it was a targeted assault on your senses.

when he tore into the bridge, the sound was piercing and arrogant. you looked over, intending to glare him down, but you caught the subtle, persistent smirk playing on his lips. he didn't need to look at you to know he had you exactly where he wanted you: tangled in the chords he was spinning.

irritated by your own body's reaction, you snapped your gaze back to heeseung and sunoo, biting your lip hard. those two were far from innocent. they knew they were sexy, and they were feeding off the chaos they were causing in the pit. as the song hit its climax, heeseung leaned in and planted a lingering, deliberate kiss on sunoo’s cheek, sending the warehouse into another frenzy of shrieked lyrics and reaching hands. he pulled away with a grin, casting a sharp, knowing wink in your direction as he wiped a bead of sweat from his chin.

you didn't hesitate. you bit your lip harder, sending a bold, playful laugh back at him, letting the flirtation hang in the air like heavy smoke. you made sure jay saw it.

out of the corner of your eye, you saw jay’s smirk vanish instantly. his jaw locked, the muscle jumping as his grip on the guitar neck tightened until his knuckles turned white. he glared at you, his frustration confirmed by the dark storm brewing in his eyes while heeseung started interacting with the crowd to buy the band a second of breath.

finally, you looked him dead in the eye. you didn't look away this time. you just tilted your head, your hair damp and messy against your neck, and gave him a slow, provocative wink.

his entire frame tensed, his chest heaving under the leather and sweat. two can play this game, park jongseong.

it seems like he can read every damn thought crossing your mind, because in the next second, the game changes levels. instead of jumping into the chords of the next song, jay makes a sudden, rehearsed move, throwing the guitar to the side – it spins on the strap attached to his body with an irritating ease, ending up positioned on his back, leaving his chest free.

he gives you a side smirk, a smile that carries no amusement, only pure defiance. then, with a torturous and deliberate slowness, his hands move to the first button of the shirt he was wearing. one by one, he releases the fabric, slowly exposing his well-defined abdomen, his skin shining slightly under the unstable lights of the dead circuit. you bite your own tongue, feelng the metallic taste of blood, jealousy, and rage as the girls at the edge of the stage seem to completely forget heeseung and sunoo for a moment. they huddle together, pushing and nearly slapping each other to get closer to where jay is.

jay slides the shirt off his shoulders, letting the fabric fall or stay hanging, revealing his entire torso and arms marked by tattoos that you know by your fingertips. the snake that climbs up his forearm, from his right hand to his elbow, seems to come to life under the violet neon. you hate how much you love that tattoo, especially the way the snake’s head rests on the back of his hand – the same hand he uses to strum the chords of the red guitar and the same one that, both on the quietest and loudest nights, closes possessively around your neck. but in that moment, you know you aren't the only one imagining his touch, and it makes your blood boil.

he has the audacity to throw you a quick wink before pulling the guitar back to the front and tearing through the air with the first chords of no feelings by the sex pistols.

heeseung starts singing with that raspy voice, and you go back to taking everything out on the drums. you smash the cymbals with an aggressiveness that makes the stands shake, each hit being a direct blow to jay's ego. the lyrics of the song seem like a bad joke, as if it were him singing directly to you, reinforcing what he spat in the dressing room. "i've got no feelings for anybody else" – son of a bitch.

to make matters worse, jay moves even closer to the edge of the stage. you can't see his face perfectly from where you are, but you know him well enough to know he's wearing that smug smirk, the kind of smile that makes anyone tremble and that, in other contexts, would make your legs weak. you don't need to see his face to understand what's happening – you see the reaction of the people in the crowd. they look like hungry wolves, watching your long term situationship as if he were a glass of ice-cold water in the desert heat.

during the solo, jay kneels on the low stage, leaning his body back as his fingers fly over the strings. he lets those unknown hands stroke his skin, nails scratching his abdomen and leaving red marks that will sting later. you almost lose the beat of the song when you see a girl, sitting on a friend's shoulders, lean over the stage as much as she can. jay moves closer to help her not fall and she, in a quick move, tucks a crumpled paper inside the waistband of his pants, caught by the band of his underwear – you knew exactly what that was, a phone number.

your blood doesn't just boil, it combusts. you finish the song with a drum fill so violent that you feel the muscles in your arms throb, but your body acts on its own before your mind can process the consequences.

as soon as the last echo of the guitar dies, you stand up from the drum throne in a sudden movement, catching the immediate attention of heeseung, sunoo and, especially, jay. your hands wrap around the hem of the baby look t-shirt you were wearing and, without hesitating for a second, you pull it over your head all at once, throwing it somewhere backstage.

the cold air of the warehouse hits your sweaty skin, but the heat emanating from the crowd is almost solid. you expose your breasts covered only by a very thin black lace bra, which does very little to hide the glint of the two pieces of metal adorning your nipples. the shocked silence lasts only a second before the dead circuit explodes into sonic chaos.

heeseung lets out an audible "wow" through the microphone, letting out an incredulous laugh while looking at the crowd. "looks like the night just got a lot more interesting, don't you think?" he provokes, inciting the shouting that intensifies until the ceiling feels like it’s going to collapse.

you sit back on the throne, feeling the adrenaline run like poison through your veins. you stare fixedly at jay, who now glares back at you with a raw fury, the vein in his forehead bulging and his eyes dark in a way you've never seen. he's possessed, his jaw so tight that you wonder if he's going to break his teeth. but that still isn't enough. you don't feel avenged – you feel a hunger for more chaos.

it’s with this mutual hatred emanating between the drum kit and the guitar that the first heavy and funky chords of suck my kiss by red hot chili peppers begin to echo, turning the stage into a war zone.

the atmosphere inside the dead circuit was no longer just a rock show, it was an electrified war zone. during every second of suck my kiss, you and jay locked eyes in a battle so dense the air felt impossible to breathe. the tension radiated from the stage in waves, hitting the crowd and driving the thousand people inside into an absolute frenzy. they didn't know if you were going to kill each other or tear each other's clothes off right there, and that uncertainty was the fuel for the chaos.

you noticed the looks heeseung threw over his shoulder at you – quick, loaded with a silent understanding and a dangerous provocation. jongseong noticed too. you could see it in the way he was thumping the guitar strings, his fingers moving with a raw, almost blind force. for a moment, you were certain the strings were going to snap under the pressure of his hands, snapping back like whips. but the bitterness in your mouth wouldn't go away. even with him possessed, you still didn't feel avenged.

the rage pulsed in your blood, synced with the kick drum. while your arms worked on autopilot, flashbacks of every time he’d been a complete prick flashed through your mind like a horror movie. the photos of girls he liked just to needle you, the way he flirted with your friends in front of you, the sickly possessiveness between the sheets only to let you wake up alone in the cold sheets hours later. the messages you saw on his phone earlier. the cruel words in the dressing room.

you hated him. you hated the fact that, even being a son of a bitch, he was the only one who held your hand during your panic attacks. you hated how he encouraged you to compose, how he defended you from anyone, and the uncharacteristic tenderness he wrapped you in after sex. you hated, above all, how much you loved him. you were poison to each other, an addictive toxicity that neither of you could break free from. and seeing that damn phone number tucked into his waistband was the final drop of kerosene on the fire.

heeseung, sensing the peak of the moment, turned completely toward you, singing the final chorus fixed on your eyes, his voice distorted by sweat and adrenaline: "oh, baby, think you can be my girl, i'll be your man..."

he let out the following lines with a bold grin, finishing the verse with his gaze locked on jay, laughing in the guitarist's face as he hissed: "most motherfuckers have a cold ass stare."

jay froze. for a second, the world stopped and you were sure he was going to smash the guitar over the vocalist's head. but before the sound died, you made your decision. you didn't wait for the song to end. in a move driven by pure hate, you dropped the sticks – throwing them to the crowd without caring where they’d land – and jumped off the throne.

your fingers tangled tightly in the collar of heeseung’s tank top, pulling him down with a savage urgency. before he could process the last "suck my kiss," your lips crashed into his.

the kiss was an electric shock. it was hot, loaded with sweat, the taste of beer, and a shared anger. heeseung didn't hesitate, the instant he understood what was happening, his large hands slid down to your waist, pulling you into his body with a possessiveness that screamed defiance. it was a desperate kiss, a public provocation that brought the entire warehouse down in an insane scream.

but the moment didn't last long. before you could get lost in the feeling, heeseung was ripped away from you with such violence that you almost lost your balance on the stage.

jongseong was there, eyes bloodshot, holding heeseung by the shirt collar with both hands, trembling with a rage that looked ready to explode into broken bones.

"what are you, a fucking dog?" jay screamed in his face, his voice coming out like an animal snarl. he was possessed, his knuckles white, clearly holding himself back from throwing the first punch right then and there.

sunoo dropped his bass and rushed to get between them, trying to pull them apart, his face tense and annoyed with the band’s lack of control. heeseung, even while being shaken, didn't back down. you didn't need to see his face fully to know he was wearing a smirk of pure scorn when he answered, his voice dripping with venom.

"well, since you can't satisfy your fucking girlfriend..."

that was it. the world seemed to explode. before jay could lunge, sunghoon and the band's manager stormed the stage. sunghoon grabbed jay from behind, pinning the guitarist's arms, while sunoo and the manager tried to restrain heeseung, who was still taunting him between gritted teeth.

the two were dragged off the stage under the shocked gaze of the crowd. you stood there, in the middle of that mess, chest heaving, still feeling the trace of the kiss and the heat of the fury. the manager still had the cold blood to grab the mic, thanking the crowd who seemed bloodthirsty, screaming for more, while the dead circuit shook with the energy of a fight that was just beginning backstage.

without thinking, you just followed their trail of destruction into the hallway, ready for whatever came next.

backstage, the tension was thick. in the cramped, stifling hallway leading to what they had the nerve to call a dressing room — a cubicle that smelled of mildew and smoke — the scene was pathetic. sunghoon was still gripping jay’s arms with all the strength he had, trying to stop the guitarist from lunging straight at heeseung’s throat, who was simply leaning against the peeling wall and laughing with a scorn that would make anyone lose their mind. you stayed quiet, leaning against the opposite wall, feeling the sweat cool on your body and your ears still ringing with the chaos of the show.

sunoo stepped in front of heeseung, his hands flat against the singer’s chest. "hee, fuck off. stop provoking, he's already mad."

heeseung just ignored the bassist, lightly pushing sunoo’s hands aside while keeping his eyes locked on jay. "c'mon park! you called me a dog before but it's you that can't decide if you leave or bite the bone!" he let out a short, dry laugh, disentangling himself from sunoo before spinning on his heels and disappearing back into the shadows of the warehouse, likely heading off to find a drink or lose himself in the crowd. you sighed, a sound heavy with a exhaustion that went way beyond physical, before following a jongseong who looked like he was exhaling smoke through his pores and a sunghoon who seemed to have aged ten years in five minutes. sunghoon shot you a sharp "look at the mess you made" look, a silent judgment you made sure to ignore, keeping your chin up.

inside the small dressing room, you threw yourself onto the old, torn sofa, the upholstery creaking under your weight. you didn't bother flinching when jay exploded, grabbing something you guessed was a cheap lamp and hurlimg it against the wall. the sound of the object shattering was the only noise in the room for a second. sunghoon crossed his arms, leaning against the door, watching his friend's breakdown with a clinical indifference. shortly after, sunoo came in too, closing the door and leaning back against it, looking equally exhausted and apathetic.

"dude, stop being insane," sunghoon complained, his voice completely out of patience.

jay turned to him, his face flushed and strands of hair sticking to his forehead, and let out his frustration by punching the vanity mirror. the glass cracked into a loud spiderweb, and you saw blood start to bead on his knuckles. you shifted uncomfortably on the couch, a pang of irritation hitting your chest because you still cared, still feeling that instinctive worry at seeing him hurt.

"that bastard, son of a bitch... i'm going to kill him," jay growled, his voice cracking with so much hate, his eyes searching for something else to break.

out of the corner of your eye, you saw the doorknob turn. it was your manager, probably desperate from the sound of destruction, but sunoo was faster. he blocked the entrance and dragged her away from the mess, muttering something about giving things time to cool down. "poor woman," you thought for a second, feeling a tiny bit of pity. she was a truly flawless professional, way too dedicated and responsible to have to manage a group of lunatics like you. you let out another heavy sigh.

"you're not killing anyone, fuck! hey, calm down, you psycho... they're gonna end up taking this shit out of our pay and then i'll be the one to kill you," sunghoon growled back, and jay ran his hands through his hair forcefully, messing up the dark nest of strands even more.

it was then that he finally seemed to notice your presence there, sitting on the sofa, still shirtless and watching his little show with icy eyes. you stiffened, feeling the air go electric again.

"this is all your fault," he spat the accusation, pointing his finger at you.

you leaned forward, anger bubbling up instantly. "my fault? you’re the one who lost it over nothing, jongseong!"

"over nothing?? you kiss my best friend in front of me and you want me to react how, for fuck's sake?" he shouted, taking a step toward you.

"you don’t have to react at all, park jongseong! you’re the one who said we have nothing!" you jumped up from the sofa, going right up to him and staring him down, inches away.

"oh, so that's what this is about?" he let out a scoff, a bitter vibration you felt in your own chest. his face was so close you could feel the heat radiating from his skin. "you go out there and act like a bitch, trying to humiliate me in front of everyone... all of this because you're jealous? is that it?"

the crack of your slap against his face echoed through the dressing room before he could even finish the sentence. jay’s head snapped to the side from the impact, but he just smiled in an irritating, sick way as he turned back to face you.

"you're fucking crazy! you're the one who just put on this whole show because of jealousy!" you screamed, your voice trembling with fury. "if you can't be satisfied with just me, i'm sure as hell not gonna settle for just you!"

"the fuck you won't!" he growled, the veins in his neck popping in a way you knew was his limit. sunghoon tried to say something, maybe a last effort to separate the two of you, but you both ignored him as if he didn't even exist. "you're mine. i swear i'll kill anyone who tries to touch you."

"i'm mine!" you screamed back, pushing his chest with both hands. "and you don't have the right to act like a possessive piece of shit with me when you're not my boyfriend! from now on, it's gonna be like this... you want to be with others? fine, go ahead. but i'm not waiting for you anymore, jongseong. if you want other girls, you won't have me. i'm going after a guy who's content with just me, who wants all of me."

jay let out a low growl, his injured hand gripping your arm with a force that bordered on pain, but didn't actually hurt. "you're not going anywhere, and you're not touching anyone else."

"i hate you," you hissed, tears of rage starting to blur your vision. "i fucking hate you."

he didn't answer, and before you could curse him again, he crushed his lips against yours.

the kiss wasn't anything close to tender. it was pure hate, rage, and a destructive jealousy burning between you two. sunghoon let out an "ok, i'm out" and you heard the thud of the door closing, finally leaving you alone in that suffocating cubicle.

jay pushed you against the cracked wall, one hand squeezing your waist with a possessive grip while the other tangled in the damp strands at the nape of your neck, pulling your head back to deepen the kiss. you didn't pull back. your hands slid up his bare torso, your nails digging into and scratching the skin of his abdomen, right over the red marks those girls had left on stage. you wanted to erase their touch, you wanted to replace every mark with your own stamp of ownership.

jay growled against your mouth at the pain, and the memory of those unknown hands on him made you bite his lower lip so hard you felt the metallic taste of blood flood your mouth. he let out a muffled groan, but he didn't pull away. instead, he moved the hand that was on your waist, his rough fingers sliding over the black lace of your bra until they found the cold metal of your nipple piercing, pinching it with a deliberate force that sent a shockwave of pain and pleasure straight to your core.

the air in the dressing room seemed to combust. our kiss was anything but gentle, it was a hungry collision of teeth and tongues, the desperation of someone who needed oxygen but could only find the taste of each other. one of his hands slid down from your hair to grip your waist with absolute possession, while the other squeezed your nipple over the lace, twisting the piercing's metal with a deliberate force that sent sparks of pain and pleasure exploding at the base of your core. you let out a muffled moan against his mouth and ground yourself against the hard, pulsing length in his pants, tearing an animalistic growl from deep in jongseong's throat.

he moved his hand from your chest in a rush, sliding his fingers under your denim miniskirt until he found the tight lace of your thong that matched the bra you were wearing. jay let out a low growl, feeling just how wet you already were, and in the next second he spun you around with brute force, leading you toward the small vanity, bending you over the cold, worn wood.

your hands flattened against the surface and, before you could protest, he tangled his fingers in your hair tightly, pulling your head back and forcing you to look at your own fragmented reflection in the cracked mirror.

"what do you see?" he demanded, his heavy breath hitting the back of your neck.

you didn't answer at first, the shock of the position and the heat between your legs leaving you breathless. the silence only served to irritate him more. jay lowered his free hand and delivered a sharp, heavy slap to your ass that echoed through the stuffy cubicle. you let out a raspy scream, your body trembling while your skin stung and the heat poured even harder into your core, leaving you soaking wet.

he pulled your hair even harder, pressing his mouth to your ear, his lips brushing against your sweaty skin.

"wanna know what i see?" he whispered with a dark voice loaded with a dominance that made you shiver. "i see a slut thirsty for cock."

you tried to growl something back, attempting to break free from his grip in a surge of mixed anger and excitement, but he just laughed, a low and dangerous sound. jay started biting your earlobe hard before moving down to your neck, marking the exposed skin with his teeth.

"she just forgot..." he continued, his voice vibrating against your tendon. "that the only cock this slut is ever gonna have is mine."

you hissed a "fuck you" and he finally let you go, but only to manhandle you like you were a doll. with a firm shove, he left you on your knees on the filthy floor, right in front of his cock that was already visibly hard under the black fabric of his pants.

"take it off." he ordered, his voice short and authoritative.

"no." you replied, holding his gaze with all the defiance left in your body.

jay let out a low growl, his eyes darkening in a promise of punishment. "fucking brat." he said, and before you could react, he delivered a quick slap to your face. it didn't hurt, but it was enough to heat your skin and make your nipples harden even more. it was exactly the kind of touch he knew left you out of your mind. you moaned softly, closing your legs and gripping the waistband of his pants, ready to give in, when you felt the tip of the rough paper still stuck there.

a wave of pure fury passed through your body, going straight to your throbbing core. you pulled the paper out with force and stood up in a jump, laughing with a scorn that seemed to hit him dead on.

"you're never gonna have me like this, jongseong." you said, your voice shaking with anger while you crumpled the paper in front of him. "if you want all those other bitches like the ones who gave you their numbers, go ahead. have the whole world, but you won't have me. i'm going after someone who's content with just me."

jay let out a bitter laugh, taking a predatory step toward you. "fucking liar. you could never come without me and no one is ever gonna satisfy you the way i do."

you tilted your head, holding his furious gaze. "i can't be sure of that, jay... but i can try. and i'm sure heeseung is first in line to want to prove you wrong."

heeseung's name was like a trigger. jongseong's eyes flashed with a murderous possessiveness. without a single word, again he grabbed your waist like you weighed nothing and threw you on all fours on the old, noisy sofa, his body covering yours immediately.

you tried to open your mouth to say something, but he shoved your face into the worn upholstery, silencing any protest. the denim miniskirt covered almost nothing in that position, leaving your backside totally exposed to him. jay didn't hesitate, he delivered two heavy, consecutive slaps to your flesh, making your skin sting before digging his fingers into your cheeks, squeezing them with a possessive force that said that, tonight, no one else would ever touch you.

"shut the fuck up." he growled, his injured hand sliding down to the base of your spine. "i'm gonna show you exactly who's the only one who can have you.”

jay lifted your skirt in one go, the sight of your red and marked ass seemingly fueling him even more. he didn't hesitate to deliver another heavy slap, and the cold, hard impact of his rings against your flesh made you arch your back, letting out a muffled moan against the dusty upholstery of the sofa. the pain was an electric shock that only fed the fire between your legs. without giving you time to breathe, he brought his mouth down to your cunt, his hot and rough tongue tracing a wet line from the top of your swollen clit to the entrance, all over the thin lace fabric that was already completely soaked. the contrast of the cold dressing room air with the heat of his mouth was insane, and every deep lick tore a sound from you that you didn't even recognize as your own.

"you dirty slut," he growled, his voice vibrating against your skin while his eyes devoured every tremor of your body. "soaking wet already." you couldn't see his face, but the tone of voice gave away that cocky smirk you hated to love so much. "and you still have the guts to say you don't want me." you fought against the weight of his body, turning your face enough to squash your cheek against the sofa and stare into the dimness with clouded eyes. "don't get too proud, you son of a bitch," you murmured, your voice loaded with a poison that barely hid the lust. "i've been like this since i kissed hee."

the silence that followed was deadly. for a second, the only sound in the dressing room was your ragged breathing and the distant hum of the crowd outside. then, an animalistic growl escaped his throat, followed by the metallic sound of a belt being unbuckled and the sound of fabric hitting the filthy floor. jay grabbed you by the hips with a force that made you gasp and flipped you on the sofa, leaving you now on your back, with your legs hanging off and your hips at the edge. before you could process the change, he delivered a stinging slap to your pussy, right on top of your wet panties, tearing a surprised little scream from you. he looked possessed. with a sharp and violent movement, he caught his fingers in the lace of your panties and ripped them right where your entrance was, opening an irregular hole. "you bitch, you don't mention other men when i'm about to fuck you," he sentenced, eyes bloodshot with pure jealousy and desire.

your eyes swept over his body, taking in the sight of his torso and arms covered in the tattoos you knew inch by inch. the piercing in his left nipple glinted under the dim light, a constant reminder of the day you both went to get pierced together. and then, your gaze dropped to his manhood, thick and pulsing, the sight that always made you wonder if you could take him all in at first. "it's the only way i can come," you provoked, a challenging smile playing on your lips while you held his gaze.

the smile vanished the instant he gripped your hips and went all the way in, without any warning. you let out a scream that was a pure mix of pain and pleasure, the sensation of sudden fullness being so intense that your eyes rolled back. it was too much, it was perfect, it was jongseong claiming every internal inch of you with a brutality you secretly begged for. his hand, the one with the snake tattoo, went straight to your neck, not squeezing enough to hurt you, but enough to leave you slightly breathless and completely under his control. his other hand dug into your hip, pulling you against him with every rough thrust.

he was fucking with rage, taking out all the frustration from the show and the kiss on stage in every deep and possessive movement. meanwhile, jay pulled up your bra with his free arm, exposing your round breasts and the pierced nipples that were now hard and sensitive. he growled, delivering a slap to one of your breasts, the red mark appearing instantly on your skin. "these tasty tits," he began, his voice broken by the thrusts. "you had the nerve to show everyone what’s mine." the pleasure was clouding your mind, but the rebellion still pulsed. "i'm not... yours," you gasped, trying to keep your head on straight while your nails dug into his arms. in response, jay reached down and delivered a well-aimed slap to your swollen clit, making you scream again as you felt the first wave of an orgasm start to form in your lower belly.

before you could even come, he pulled out with a cruel laugh, leaving you dripping and with an unbearable sense of emptiness that made your body protest instantly.

"j-jong–" you started, your voice failing, but you couldn't finish because he manhandled you again, forcing you onto your knees on the filthy floor with your face pressed back against the worn sofa upholstery.

"i don't want to hear you, unless it's to admit you're mine," he said, his voice falsely calm, barely hiding the raspiness and the effort not to lose control right there. "you're not coming until you admit you only put on that show with heeseung to annoy me, to get under my skin."

you still found the strength deep in your pride to laugh sarcastically, not even knowing where that much courage was coming from in front of a jay in that state.

"t-then neither of us is coming," you hissed through your teeth, feeling the throb between your legs demanding his touch. "because i'm not gonna lie and say i'm y-yours, much less be yours for real while you're not just mine."

he growled, annoyed, the sound vibrating against your back, possessed by being contradicted when he was so close to the limit.

"that's where you're wrong... i'm gonna cum, but you, drummer..." he used the nickname in a thick, dragging voice, loaded with a sarcasm that made every hair on your body stand up. "you're only opening your mouth to say what i want to hear or to scream my name."

he gripped your hair tightly, pulling your head back as he slid into you again, this time at an angle that made you let out a muffled scream. you felt him even deeper, hitting right against your coccyx, an invasive and absolute sensation that felt like it was marking your body from the inside. he was claiming you, leaving his mark with every deep thrust that made your eyes roll back.

"you're mine," he groaned against your neck, his sweat dripping onto your skin.

"i don't belong to anyone," you shot back, even though your body was betraying every word, tightening around him in a spasm of need.

he grunted, frustrated, and started thrusting even deeper, but suddenly slowed down, making the movements slow, torturous, and deliberate. you whimpered, feeling the orgasm slip away right when you were about to break, moving your hips desperately against him and squeezing your walls against him in a silent invitation. jay let out a hiss at the feeling of tightness and pleasure mixed together, bringing his body closer to yours to whisper in your ear, his voice like embers.

"i know you're close. tell me already and i'll give you what you want, otherwise i'm stopping now."

even at the peak of despair, you let out a sarcastic laugh. your pride was bigger than anything, even if the pleasure was about to destroy you. you looked at him over your shoulder, your eyes clouded and defiant, and that sight – you disheveled, submissive in position but rebellious in your gaze – messed with him in a way that made him have to take a deep breath just to not come right then.

"i swear, park jongseong," you growled, still squeezing your walls against him, almost crushing his cock with your strength. "that if you don't make me cum, i'm going out there right now and finding someone who will."

the flash of fury in his eyes was instant. without saying anything else, he went back to thrusting hard and deep, abandoning any power play to focus on mutual destruction. both were moaning loudly, you screaming his name while he cursed everything he could. jay reached out to twist his fingers around your pierced nipples, pulling at the sensitive jewelry, while his other hand went down to your clit, circling the swollen spot with surreal pressure. you felt the orgasm building, a giant wave that finally exploded, making you see stars. at the same second, feeling the violent squeeze of your peak, he came too, filling you completely and painting your walls white.

he gave a few more slow pumps, fucking the come into you until you felt your legs shaking from overstimulation. jay caught you by the waist seconds before you collapsed on the floor.

he slid out of you slowly and you let out a low whimper, too exhausted to move. he picked you up in his arms and laid you on the sofa – you stayed there, still, unable to open your eyes, feeling the sweat cool, until you felt something soft and dry touching your skin.

jongseong was cleaning you with a spare costume shirt that was lying around. silence fell over the dressing room, but it wasn't the tense silence from before. it was something else. he was taking care of you in a way he rarely did – with extreme care, very strange for his temperament. when he noticed small scratches on your hands from the mirror shards, he started cleaning them with a gentleness that left you in shock.

"sorry," he almost whispered, his voice so low you almost thought you imagined it.

he stood up and you followed him with your eyes, in silence. he put on his pants and then started helping you get dressed, looking for something to cover your torso with a seriousness you had never seen in those dark eyes. you were confused, your heart beating slowly now.

"what...?" you started, but he stopped and looked deep into your eyes.

"get up, let's get you a ring," he said, and your mouth dropped in shock. "i'm gonna make you mine, the right way."

his eyes exuded a raw feeling, something you both always knew existed but never had the courage to name.

"i couldn't stand being without you or seeing you with someone else. fuck, i almost died on that stage watching you with him." he ran his hand through his messy hair, finally looking vulnerable. "i don't need anyone else, so let's do this right.”

this story has a bonus scene, but from the manager's pov. you can find the bonus scene in the sunoo version! please give lau's story lots of love <3

ps: please don't give up on heeseung, keep trending the tags on twitter and keep going with the boycott. don't lose hope!! i wish this story cheered you up a bit.

˚｡⋆ taglist: @mailovesreading , @onlyywwon , @enhypenlvrsstuff , @tubatuxx , @ily4hoonity

[musz777-deactivated20260323]

🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️

🧘‍♀️ "heeseung will continue his activities as a member of enhypen while working solo”🧘‍♀️

🧘‍♀️ "heeseung will continue his activities as a member of enhypen while working solo”🧘‍♀️

🧘‍♀️ "heeseung will continue his activities as a member of enhypen while working solo”🧘‍♀️

🧘‍♀️ "heeseung will continue his activities as a member of enhypen while working solo”🧘‍♀️

🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️

[yjnwonstars]

hiii im the anon that requested the beomgyu school president fic! thank you so much for it omg i love itttt ❤️❤️❤️

hii anon im so happy you liked it!!!! feel free to request anytime!! ❤️‍🩹

[lostgirlysstuff]

Engenes!! If you can plsplspls send handwritten or typed letters to their building address. I’m not very sure if belift and hybe have the same address but I’m gonna send a bunch of these. Preferably in both, English and Korean if you can but if not pls do it in English and send at least one. I have three pages for each language but yours doesn’t have to be that long, as long as it’s addressing the issue and giving a solution, it’s totally fine.

Fighting and being loud and vocal is the least we can do for them.

I believe this is belift:

Seoul Special City, Dongdaemun-gu, Wangsan-ro 4, Donghwa Building 201, Roens Bookshelf Box #1117

Recipient: BELIFT LAB

Postal Code: 02582

Contact: 02-3444-0105

Hybe’s:

42 Hangang-daero

Yongsan-gu

Seoul 04389

South Korea

If you haven’t signed the petition pls do: link

For those that I tagged, I’m sorry if I’m bothering and if it’s not too much to ask, pls pls repost this so that it can reach more people while im asking nicely (lol) jslsbdakjksk just kidding. HELP i just need to laugh so bad in all this mess.

Ik some of you don’t like to be labeled as big or small acc, but let’s be real, the more followers the more people this will reach so pls pls help me spread this. I’m begging u 😭♥️🫶🏻 I love each and everyone of u tysm

@cherry-lala @myjjongie @mssishipi @heestruck @heedimples @heesmiles @heejamas @jaylaxies @jayflrt @lovhyeon @yeuvio @hoonstrology @zerocoded @cutehoons02 @siyalogue @flwrstqr @nephynes @enhaflixer @intromortal @simpjaes @drunkhazed-archive @simjaexy @yeonzzzn @naomiarai @i2sunric @elikajinnie @wwooyology

[heedimples]

the letter sounds like a nice idea if ur able, if not sign the petition for sure ! 😊😊

[soulofsim]

their stocks are falling, the petition is around LESS THAN 100k signatures away from reaching ONE MILLION, there have been almost EIGHT MILLION posts on x/twt about this, multiple protest trucks outside the building of hybe THAT HYBE STAFF THEMSELVES TOOK PHOTOS OF !!!! and reminder there have been NO news of his contract termination even if he’s supposedly (let’s assume) under a soloist contract THERES STILL NO NEWS OF HIS CONTRACT TERMINATION FOR ENHYPEN. as bad as it may feel and look like for us rn it’s looking WAY worse for hybe/belift. there’s still sm hope don’t any of u dare to give up pls — mass email, call, use as many emails as you have, do anything in your capability because nothing has been fully confirmed and decided yet we still have a chance !!!

SIGN THE PETITION !!! LINK

• READ THE THREAD TO HELP: LINK

• EMAIL THEIR INVESTORS: LINK 1 | LINK 2 | LINK 3

• KOREAN [in person] PROTEST: LINK 1 | LINK 2

• GIVE BAD REVIEWS (they’ve currently deleted over hundreds of bad reviews to fix their image — meaning that they’ve seen and heard everything!!! keep going!!!): LINK

• EMAIL KOREAN JOURNALISTS/MEDIA: LINK 1 | LINK 2 | LINK 3

• TRUCK DONATIONS: LINK 1 | LINK 2

• BANNER DONATIONS / FUNDRAISERS: LINK

• EMAIL JBTC CHANNEL [one of the biggest news outlets in sk]: LINK

[lostgirlysstuff]

Engenes!! If you can plsplspls send handwritten or typed letters to their building address. I’m not very sure if belift and hybe have the same address but I’m gonna send a bunch of these. Preferably in both, English and Korean if you can but if not pls do it in English and send at least one. I have three pages for each language but yours doesn’t have to be that long, as long as it’s addressing the issue and giving a solution, it’s totally fine.

Fighting and being loud and vocal is the least we can do for them.

I believe this is belift:

Seoul Special City, Dongdaemun-gu, Wangsan-ro 4, Donghwa Building 201, Roens Bookshelf Box #1117

Recipient: BELIFT LAB

Postal Code: 02582

Contact: 02-3444-0105

Hybe’s:

42 Hangang-daero

Yongsan-gu

Seoul 04389

South Korea

If you haven’t signed the petition pls do: link

For those that I tagged, I’m sorry if I’m bothering and if it’s not too much to ask, pls pls repost this so that it can reach more people while im asking nicely (lol) jslsbdakjksk just kidding. HELP i just need to laugh so bad in all this mess.

Ik some of you don’t like to be labeled as big or small acc, but let’s be real, the more followers the more people this will reach so pls pls help me spread this. I’m begging u 😭♥️🫶🏻 I love each and everyone of u tysm

@cherry-lala @myjjongie @mssishipi @heestruck @heedimples @heesmiles @heejamas @jaylaxies @jayflrt @lovhyeon @yeuvio @hoonstrology @zerocoded @cutehoons02 @siyalogue @flwrstqr @nephynes @enhaflixer @intromortal @simpjaes @drunkhazed-archive @simjaexy @yeonzzzn @naomiarai @i2sunric @elikajinnie @wwooyology

[heedimples]

the letter sounds like a nice idea if ur able, if not sign the petition for sure ! 😊😊