Im Pretending Im In Space

Where none of what I say can be heard

[yoiiuc86]

i need money

[yoiiuc86]

what did i do today? not much. i planned to read (i didn’t) i did do some essay plans for my class. I made some avocado and onion salad, ate unhealthy snacks. i watched 2 episodes of a tv show on netflix and then the newest episode of the last of us. I drank lemon water and had some raisins. I scrolled through instagram, tiktok and tumblr, sent a message to my mom and sister, then i read some manga in bed. I guess it doesn’t sound like nothing when i type it all out, huh?

[yoiiuc86]

yeah i’m in the work force (i work by force)

[salemwitchtrials-deactivated202]

‘Agamemnon,’ Aeschylus (translated by Anne Carson)

[funnytwittertweets]

[bearzooka]

"I could do anything"

"I'll get some beautiful... beautiful days."

[yoiiuc86]

I don’t have trouble making friends, really. Well I do but I still make them. I just struggle to be closer than that. Close the distance? I don’t know why I can’t open up or be completely genuine with someone. Why can’t I?

[yoiiuc86]

I ate a lot of green grapes today

[yoiiuc86]

Wish I had someone as who would be as excited by playing board games as me

[yoiiuc86]

I love you

[yoiiuc86]

Being with you makes me hate the parts of myself I can’t fix

[yoiiuc86]

I’m tired of sacrificing myself. I want to be selfish

[yoiiuc86]

Days are passing fast. I can’t keep up

[yoiiuc86]

You know Hachi... I was too small of person to be able to accept everything about you. It's just that I preferred the pain of breaking into pieces, to the loneliness I felt from losing everything. I was just too fragile, It's not your fault." - Osaki Nana

"You Know Hachi, I wanted to keep you by my side, even if it meant putting a collar around your neck. I was afraid of myself for thinking that, so I always kept a little distance between us. Even now, I cant't make friends easily. I'm still afraid..." - Osaki Nana

While watching Nana, for a long time I thought I related most to Hachi herself. I felt nothing like Nana Osaki at all. But I kind of see now that both of them are like two halves of me. And I’ve never related more to the idea of keeping people at a distance, out of fear of becoming too attached to someone. That really got to me.

[yoiiuc86]

Today our maid left a trash bag on our door step which meant that when our mail man came to deliver, he proceeded to get his foot stuck inside of said trash bag when handing me our letters. As he was mid-falling over, I closed the door, partially so I didn’t have to interact with him or otherwise not to embarrass him. I watched him have to get back up from the floor and brush himself off from the doors peephole. I’m not a good person.

[yoiiuc86]

Anyways

[yoiiuc86]

It’s knowing that he’s getting away with it as well and I’ll be punished for ‘provoking’ him is really sad. I can’t help but cry from having to feel so helpless at times like this.