ℒoud ─── kim dohoon
[ılıılıılıılıılı] you told me to hush but you make me want to love you loud.
⸝⸝in which! you are tired of being a secret. genre! 'bf'!dohoon x reader. hurt/comfort. arguing. idol life (bomb HYBE). requested! warning(s)! argueing, a bit of swearing, crying. wc! 2.4k 𖧧 @fantasia-films; @k-records, @berrybittynetwork.
💿 j. note — u asked for angst so i bring you angst >:3. btw another song i recommend to listen while reading is the cure — Olivia Rodrigo hehe (yes it is that deep). Anyways, nmixx & tws will conquer the world >:3.
── ✶ 𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 & 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓
SOMETIMES THINGS CAME TO AN END, you knew that better than anyone. But just because you knew those had an end didn’t mean they hurt any less. Not at all.
The sound of the fan in front of you kept you absorbed in your own thoughts and, at the same time, somewhat connected to the present. You were thinking back on the argument you’d just had with Dohoon. The memory tasted bitter, and your ears were ringing; though you weren’t sure if it was because of the fan blowing in your face or because of the memory itself.
In your mind, Dohoon was sitting on the bed, still in his work clothes, his hair tousled.
“I don’t understand.” That’s what came out of his mouth. His brow furrowed, his tone reproachful. You had argued. You’d even yelled at him a little. Over how a jar of jam should be opened. An absurdity that would have been somewhat funny if you hadn’t made a personal remark. A very personal one, one that obviously had nothing to do with the jam. You’d reproached him for something he hadn’t quite understood (he sometimes had trouble picking up on hints)—though he was sure the argument was no longer just about a little jar of jam.
“Is something wrong, babe? You’ve been acting strange ever since I got back from Japan.” He seemed genuinely concerned.
You sighed, running your hand over your face. “I’m tired, Dohoon. Tired of everything. Tired of this.”
Dohoon frowned, panicking inside.
“Of this?” he asked. “Of the jam?”
“No, Dohoon, about us. About whatever it is we have. I’m tired of having to hide, of having to hide that I love you. I’m tired of not being able to go to the café to have a damn cup of coffee with you, and I’m tired of not being able to go for walks like normal people because every time someone shows up, you let go of my hand as if it were burning. As if we were doing something bad, for god’s sake ” You exploded right in front of him. You were desperate, exhausted. It seemed as if every sign of life in you was slowly fading away. You weren’t yelling anymore, but Dohoon knew that was even worse.
“Yn, you know I’d do it. Gladly. But my job…” Dohoon began, standing up carefully and holding your hands in his. However, the gentle touch that would have calmed you down before only made you angrier. He wasn’t looking you in the eyes, as his eyes were fixated in the floor. “I… my contract…” He couldn’t finish the sentence, though you both knew perfectly well what had been left unsaid.
The contract didn’t specify it explicitly, but Dohoon had been involved in a couple of dating scandals before for just being polite and knew what he was up against. Crazy, heartbroken fans who even sent funeral wreaths, trucks, do ciber bullying… and above all, a company angry over the trouble caused. He was just another asset to them, and if he caused trouble, they’d fire him. They didn’t care about his dream; they cared about the money he could make.
If only everything were easier… he thought, biting his lip.
“Screw your job,” you blurted out without thinking twice.
The pain in the guy’s eyes was immediate. They were simple words that made him feel misunderstood.
“Yn. My job is really important to me—you know that,” he whispered, the pain evident in his voice. “It’s my dream, I can just, I don’t know, quit.”
You pressed your lips together and let go of his hands without much care. “Well, go fulfill it on your own. After all, that’s all you ever show. For them, I don’t exist in your life.”
Once the words came out of your mouth, and you saw the pained look on your boyfriend’s face, you immediately regretted saying them. You didn’t mean to say that. You really wanted to support him. But lately, Dohoon had been all about work, and you felt like his trophy girlfriend. Just a way to cope with stress. Nothing more.
It was like… like you didn’t matter at all. And that made you feel like shit.
It didn’t make it hurt any less. Dohoon parted his lips slightly and took a step back, startled. And hurt. He looked like he was about to cry.
“Oh, really…?” he whispered. “What about what you told me? That you’d always support me, even if the road looked dark. What about that? Was that a lie, too?”
You swallowed hard, tears welling up in your eyes. Gosh, you really weren’t cut out for arguments.
“And what about me? What about my dreams? My passions?” you protested. The words tumbled out, and the first tear began to roll down your cheek. You swallowed hard and looked him in the eyes.
“What about us, Dohoon? Is there even a place for us in that dream of yours?” you whispered.
He looked down. “You know it’s not quite like that…”
“Oh, really?” you almost shouted, casting aside your earlier calm. “Then how is it? Because all I know is that I can’t go anywhere with you. We can’t do anything, Dohoon. Because your damn company won’t let you. I’m just a secret to you! A secret to everyone else. But I’m tired of being a secret. I want to love with all my heart. I want to be loud. And I want to be loved just as much. I don’t want this damn silence. I don’t want to be something to hide. Not anymore.”
Then, with a stomp of your foot, you turned on your heel, striding purposefully toward the wooden door.
“Yn!” your ‘boyfriend’ called after you, but you ignored him.
You turned your head, yes, but only to tell him through your tears, “I need some time to think. Don’t text me, don’t call me, don’t do anything.” And just like that, you stormed out of the apartment he shared with the band members, slamming the door behind you.
You left a distraught Dohoon behind. He didn’t even know what had just happened. How… how had things gotten to this point?
And why did he feel such emptiness as he watched you leave?
Why did he feel like he was dying right there?
How would he live now without you?
And that’s how your memory ended.
🎵———————————————————
Word of the fight soon reached the other members—especially Jihoon, who, since he shared a room with Dohoon (and was his best friend), was the one who had to be there for him. Somehow. Because it was true that Dohoon wasn’t really up for it.
Jihoon knew full well that he fell asleep crying. He could hear him sobbing at night, and when he got up, it was easy to spot the dark circles under his eyes.
Every time Jihoon saw him get up and go to the bathroom to wash his face, he felt pity. Sadness.
Because he himself was all too aware of the consequences of the path they’d chosen, and how it was affecting everything they cared about.
If only things were different.
🎵———————————————————
The next to notice were the makeup artists. It was almost impossible not to notice the striking change in behavior in just a few days. Besides, they always noticed. They were the ones who saw them up close all the time after all.
“Dohoon-ssi, is everything okay?” his makeup artist asked once.
Dohoon had a distant look in his eyes, and his expression was… wistful. Too wistful for someone who was only twenty-one.
“Dohoon-ssi…?” she asked again, pausing with the brush in her hand.
“Hm? Sorry?” he asked, snapping out of his reverie. That made him look even more tired.
The girl looked dismayed. “No… it’s nothing. Sorry.”
He managed to smile, but it came out awkwardly. It certainly wasn’t genuine. It wasn’t even much of a smile—hardly one at all.
The girl gulped; it was the first time in a long time she’d seen Dohoon like this.
That’s why she knew at a glance: something was seriously wrong in his head.
🎵———————————————————
And finally, word of the fight reached the manager. They lived together—it wasn’t complicated. Besides, Shinyu had approached him discreetly, while the rest were asleep, to talk to him about the issue.
“There must be something that can be done,” the leader urged in a whisper, worried.
The manager bit his lip. Shinyu wasn’t asking for something easy to do. It could mean punishment or even someone’s dismissal. But for his boy, for his star who was losing his luster… for him, he’d try. He was already fed up with that industry. They deserved to be happy with whomever they wanted. It was the least they deserved after everything they’d been put through.
“I’ll see what I can do,” he nodded, with a reassuring smile.
Shinyu truly hoped it would make a difference.
🎵———————————————————
On the other side of Seoul, relatively far from where Dohoon lived, there was you.
You, who checked your phone every five seconds just to see if he’d texted you—even though you’d told him not to. The truth was, you regretted it. Sometimes. At the end of the day, you still loved him too much. Other times, you knew you were partly right, too. Maybe you didn’t say it the best way, but… you really believed that.
Although you no longer knew which hurt more: being a secret or never being anything at all.
Now everything was in your hands, but you weren’t quite sure what you were waiting for. A signal? Maybe.
Maybe you’d die waiting like this. Who knew? Certainly not the TV show you were watching from the couch while trying to forget the person you’d started it with.
🎵———————————————————
The next day, a phone call woke you up. It was your mom.
You frowned. That was really strange. Strange because you’d just called your mom the afternoon before.
Still, you unlocked your phone and answered it.
“YN!” she shouted, cutting off your greeting. What energy first thing in the morning, you thought.
“Hi, Mom, good morning. What? How am I? I’m fine, thanks,” you said sarcastically.
“Oh, shut up. Haven’t you seen the news?! Why didn’t you tell me you were dating a K-pop idol?!!” she exclaimed, ignoring you sarcasm.
You yawned. I’m so sleepy, oh my gosh, you thought. Wait a minute. What did she say?
“What?” you blurted out.
“Yes, honey, yes! Your sister told me. That cute guy from the group she likes. Twenty? Two dice? T…?”
“TWS.” You finished her sentence, your eyes wide as saucers. All the alarm bells went off in your head.
Pardon me?
“But Mom, where did Ian see him?”
“So it’s true?! You kept that a secret from me, huh… you little minx,” she laughed over the phone while you were having three heart attacks.
“Mom,” you urged.
“Oh, yes, yes. Your sister says she was watching an interview and they asked him one of those typical silly questions about love. And he said he had a girlfriend.”
You were too stunned to speak.
“W…what?”
“He didn’t actually say your name, but I remembered something you told me about this guy, so I figured it must be you,” your mom continued. “You should’ve told me sooner, girl!” she complained, though you could easily picture her smiling.
To be honest, it took you a while to react.
“Um… yeah. Sorry. Mom, can I call you later? I’ve got something to do,” you said hurriedly.
“Oh, sure. These young people and their rush…” she complained again, but you hung up before she could finish.
What?
You had to talk to Dohoon. Someone had to explain to you what was going on. And why you were so happy, too—but that was another matter.
A notification popped up on your phone. It was from Dohoon.
[7:05]
Sweet punkin spice latte 🩵: “I know you told me not to contact you, but this is important. HYBE rooftop in 30 minutes?”
You reacted with a simple thumbs-up and cursed the timing.
He had so much to explain to you.
🎵———————————————————
7:35. You’d arrived right on time. Your skirt fluttered in the morning breeze, and so did your hair. It was windy—that much was clear.
He was already there. He was wearing his usual gray sweatshirt and the blue cap he loved so much. His face seemed to light up when he saw you. You even thought he’d rush over to give you a hug like he always did. However, he seemed to remember where the argument had left off and held back.
“Yn. You came.” He walked over to you, his hair blowing in the wind, making him look painfully handsome.
“You called,” you said simply and bluntly. “What did you want, Dohoon?”
The boy looked the other way, rubbing the back of his neck. He was unaccustomed to this harsh side of you. Dohoon cleared his throat.
“I… um… I’m sure you’ve seen the video.”
You nodded. “I’ve seen a little, yes.”
You’d watched the clip five times on your way there, but you weren’t going to tell him that. It hurt to be cold, but you also knew it was your defense mechanism.
He nodded. “Good. Well, what I said is true. Or I’d like it to be.” Pause. He took another step toward you and took a deep breath.
“Yn, I don’t want to love you in secret either. I want to love you loud and clear. I might need a microphone and speakers just so everyone can hear me right. You were right. My dream shouldn’t come at the expense of the other things that matter to me. Like you. Or your dreams. Or even myself. That’s why… that’s why I did it. That’s why I said I love you.”
You swallowed hard. Something inside you melted. How could you not love him, after all? He, too, was trying to figure out how to navigate love. A love neither of you had ever felt before.
You took a deep breath. Words were just words, but you couldn’t deny actions. And what Dohoon had just done… it was crazy. And very risky. But it also held another meaning. That at the end of the day, he wasn’t afraid of the men in suits. He wasn’t afraid to love you. Or if he was, he’d been brave enough to stand up for himself. And for you too. Maybe… maybe you could forgive him. Or maybe you had since you heard what he said in the interview. Since the “she’s the person who makes me happy.”
You also took a step forward and held Dohoon’s hands in yours. “Aren’t you going to get into trouble for this?”
“As long as I’m with you, everything will be fine. Besides, Manager-nim has promised me that I can keep living my dream.”
You showed a tiny smile. “I’m glad.” You gave him a hug then. “And… I’m sorry for what I said,” you whispered. “Your dream matters to me. Your work is important, I know it is. It’s important because you love it. But… Anyways, thank you for this. I know it’s completely crazy.”
He laughed into your shoulder, too. “No but, fo real. I’m really scared, actually. But if I’m with you, I’ll be okay. And I’m sorry too. I can sometimes be stupid and dumb.” He rested his head in the crook of your neck and shoulder, which welcomed him warmly. He’d missed you. “But… as long as you’re by my side, I’ll be the happiest person alive.”
“I’ll be here.” You nodded, a couple of tears even escaping your eyes. “Even when I’m tired. I just need you to let me go get my pumpkin spice latte.”
Dohoon laughed. “Asyatchu is better.”
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.” You joked
And so, embraced like that, was how you welcomed the day (literally, because you’d just woken up).
Fights made the bonds tighten and the threads teeter on the brink of snapping.
But after the storm, there’s always a reassuring moment when the rope relaxes and never breaks. Some ropes can even be renewed.
Change was good.
And for that to happen, sometimes you had to fight a little.
You knew that now too, as you held Dohoon a little longer.
You’d never felt more at home than you did then.
© jellyluvsjihoon 2026. do not copy or repost. ask to translate. (i got the dividers from @/hanstayjisung)
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