emily @yokaibird - Tumblr Blog

Daichi: How many?

Suga: Daichi!

Daichi: How many dicks have you sucked?

Suga: Let it go!

Daichi: How many?

Suga: All right! Shut up a second and I’ll tell you! Jesus! I didn’t freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!

Daichi: This is different! This is important! How many? Well?

Suga: Um… something like 36.

Daichi: WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE 36!?

Suga: Lower your voice.

Daichi: Wait, what is that anyway, “something like 36?” Does that include me?

Suga: Um… 37.

Daichi: I’M 37!?

Suga: I’m going home.

Daichi: Oh, my God. [Asahi walks up to desk] 37! My boyfriend sucked 37 dicks!

Asahi: In a row?

#narancia #jojo fugo #jojo #jjba #jojoke #jojoba

#jojoke #jojoba #jjba #leone abbacchio #giorno giovanna

#leone abacchio #jjba #jojoba #jojoke

#jjba #narancia #anime #jojoba

#yoshikage kira #jjba #jojoba

forfuckssakejim

So. When I was in 5th grade. All my classmates had ganged up on me and called me a lesbian and I didn’t even know what it meant at the time. I even said “I’m Spanish. Not lesbianese”

Anyways. At lunch a lunch lady had saw them making fun of me and asked when they said and I told her they called me a lesbian and she told them to apologize????

And then I remember telling my teacher the next day and as class was leaving she asked for me to hang back. She told me that being a lesbian was nothing bad and to just ignore them. I was like “I don’t even know what a lesbian is? All i said was that queen amidala was so pretty I wanted to marry her” and my teacher chuckled and nodded her head before saying that I could go.

forfuckssakejim

Y'know…looking back on this, I’m pretty sure my teacher was a lesbian.

justatiredlesbian

thefingerfuckingfemalefury

SUPPORT YOUR SISTERS NOT JUST YOUR CIS-TERS

im-going-hell1223455fuckyou-dea

straight dude poets are so easy and fun to make fun of

im-going-hell1223455fuckyou-dea

she had stars in her eyes

and planets in her nose

her boogies were asteroids

and when

she looked at me she looked at me like I was

Johnny cash

and touched me like I was johnny cage

she looked at the sun and

went blind

and when she get naked my pee pee go up

big time peener when I see the boobie

and

she smelled like cigaregrettes and caprisun

like my English teacher

and left my heart

like a broken thing

she was my queen and

I was

her queens toilet

because I was the royal flush.

and she was the queen

yokaibird

because god forbid a man worship a woman let's make fun of it in fact

rightbackheretohauntyou

I just imagined a jeopardy category of solely vine references

rightbackheretohauntyou

“I’ll take vines for $200 alex”

“hurricane Katrina… more like ____”

“What is hurricane tortilla?”

sniffling

“vines for $600″

“back at it again at ______”

“what is krispy kreme”

kermitismyfriend

“vines for 300”

“this young man has remained illiterate his whole life”

“who is jared”

beaswellgirl

I love Gordon Ramsay so much.

He comes from a very poor family. His father was an alcoholic who beat him and his mother (he once poured hot tea over her and put her in hospital several times), his brother is a drug addict, he literally built an empire out of nothing.

He credits his mother as his biggest inspiration and often has her cooking in his shows.

When he left his first restaurant he pulled a successful Jerry Maguire - the entire kitchen staff went with him. That tells you what he’s like to work with.

He was one of the first to give a restaurant to a female chef.

He went to prison (Gordon Behind Bars) and taught inmates to bake and they opened a bakery (Bad Boys Bakery) that is still running. He hired one of them when he got out.

He did documentaries about the cruelty of shark hunting and cocaine. (when he discovered cocaine was used by his staff he didn’t fire anyone but made sure they are offered treatment)

His kids are a treasure.

He is always ALWAYS kind to servers.

When one of his partners (Marcus Wareing) wanted to leave they got into a fight and settled it in court, they no longer speak to each other but this is what Marcus said about him after the fight:

I feel bad that the first association to him for a lot of people is this shouty TV chef when he’s truly a wonderful person.

Oh and then there’s this:

this entire episode

someclevermoniker

never forget that the reason he’s “shouty and angry” on his tv show is that he’s yelling at people who ignore the rules of courtesy and food safety and basically feed their customers poison, something which would enrage any good person

ha-dvash

this is the most innocent yak i have ever seen. this lifted my spirits a little.

eebabs

One time my brother tried to yank away my “towel hat”, and was promptly horrified when I yelled in pain.

“I didn’t know your hair was IN there!!” he cried.

Boys.

berrykoolaid-blog

WAIT YOURE HAIR IS IN THE TWISTY PART?!

ramen-rain

Oh dear

asexualmew

I’ve seen this post several times and never actually seen anyone actually explain how to do the hair twist that long haired people can do, so I drew a tutorial. berrykoolaid

5sosphanandshortbread-deactivat

reblogging for demonstration because you learn something new every day

annilifelover

My brother seemed like he discovered a new universe when I showed him this

niggazinmoscow

This thread is the purest form of girls having girls backs.

aplpaca

kinda funny when english teachers say stuff like “i can tell if you didnt read the book” or “i can tell when people bs their paper”

no you cant. you can tell when people are bad at bs-ing their paper. i didnt even read the sparknotes and i barely skimmed the wikipedia and you gave me an A. you kneel before my throne unaware that it was born of lies

pandaaamonium14

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.