"c'mon Joe, show us your biceps"

⁂
Sade Olutola
dirt enthusiast

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shark vs the universe
Show & Tell

Origami Around
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Cosimo Galluzzi
DEAR READER

@theartofmadeline
noise dept.
cherry valley forever
NASA

tannertan36
occasionally subtle
taylor price

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@youdontknow-jack-shit
"c'mon Joe, show us your biceps"
do you ever think really awful thoughts and suddenly become aware that you are not a good person
{ The Devil's Dance } Jack & Ari
This is not going to end well.
That was really the gist of the thoughts running through Ari’s head as he awaited an answer. Because, and let’s be honest here, how elsewas it really supposed to go? He was an absolute stranger asking another absolute stranger if the two of them had ever met, when, quite obviously, they never had. If there was another way this was going to go well then f—
Eyes flickering behind lids, he had to take a moment to register her reaction, or rather lack thereof. There had been several scenarios Ari had been preparing himself for but this hadn’t been among them. A calm voice that agreed with him? Preposterous.
“That would be great,” he finally said when he properly collected himself. There was something else he thought to say, but he quickly exchanged it for an introduction. “I’m Aramis, by the way,” he offered as he held out a hand. “Thanks for not ah…” He laughed, just a bit nervous still. “Freaking out on me.”
It was all very strange and this was one of the many times she wished she shared her brother's aptitude for memory. She was sure she had never seen his face but like it had already been put, there was something familiar about him. The truth was, if it hadn't been for the familiarity, the almost calming sensation of warmth that seemed to emanate from his person, she would have been long gone by then.
"My name's Jack, nice to meet you, Aramis," she responded shaking his hand. "And honestly," she paused for a moment as she decided to restart her sentence.
"Let's just say I've heard stranger things and any reason to get a coffee is good with me," she said with a slightly awkward smile. She then gestures with her arm for him to start walking and once they were moving, fell into step beside him.
She rose to her feet, her annoyance was very much present on her face. With her arms crossed over her chest, she took a small step towards him.
"Oh, hush up." Griffon retorted, rolling her eyes more. Silently she hoped Nate wouldn’t find out. The girl whose working to protect you sneaking around with your best friend? That would go over swimmingly. Though, she didn’t like either of them that way, but she did want their judgement of her to be better than that of a valley girl. She wanted respect.
Suddenly the thought of Jack popped into his mind, or more specifically, her when she found out because God knows how she'll find out but she will. She probably take the piss out of him for it, at least that what he thought. Knowing her, she'll probably overhear me talking about it with Nate. Damn that girl as an ear on her, and a mouth to match. He thought, remembered past secrets revealed. He dismissed the thought and instead focused on Griffon.
Sebastian moved closer so that there was maybe an inch of space between her crossed arms and his chest. He reached up with one hand and brushed a few strands of hair that had fallen into her face.
He could see it going one of three ways. She could not kiss back, which would be really strange and Sebastian deemed it least likely of the three, she could be so far into her mindset of irritation that she wouldn't enjoy it all, or the third and final option where she could - to some degree - get past why the kiss was happening and enjoy it.
He watched for any sign that she changed her mind and brought his lips to hers. He didn't want to be a dick about it and wanted to enjoy the kiss. After all, Griffon was attractive and he knew she was a good person, even if she didn't always come across as such. After all, this would be her first and he didn't want to put her off.
Finally, he closed the distance and was almost taken aback by how soft her lips were. She tasted faintly of the hot chocolate she had been drinking. The kiss was gentle, not forceful at all and he didn't want it to end just yet but after a few seconds, he pulled back, rather slowly at first but soon enough, he was back to his full height, though he hadn't stepped away at all.
"I hope I wasn't completely rubbish," he joked, knowing full well he was well practised and it showed.
The Mechanical Planet || Nate & Nurse
Nurse widened her eyes, hearing his thought more even though they weren’t touching. Shaking her head slowly she tried to think, why could she hear his thoughts? Closing her eyes she tried to think everything through. But Nate voice was angry and demanding. Damn humans. she thought closing her eyes.
The loud creaking and the flickering of the lights alarmed the time lord. Turning around she glared past Nate, opening the door she walked outside. “Where are we?” she asked looking at the large planet, that seemed to be completely covered in metal. Millions of people walked slowly, almost robotically.
"Nate…since you think you're as intelligent as I. Tell me. Where are we?" she asked folding her arms and giving him the once over before taking out her sonic screwdriver and walking forward. "Stay here if you want, I’m gonna find out what’s going on here." she asked in low voice. Walking forward knowing Nate had no idea where he was. If he had anything to do with this, she was screwed.
Nate watched Nurse, silently brooding but looking out after her with a small amount of interest. Why wouldn't he want to know what was out there? It was almost like everything was made of chrome. Everywhere was the same, monotone, brightly gleaming metal. Once his mind took into account the colour of the world, he began making out shapes. Moving shapes. They're people, he thought both with intrigue and horror. Of course, he was by no means calm but his anger with Nurse was put aside for the moment, that was, until she spoke.
"I never said I was as intelligent as you but only the stupid make false inferences so I suppose I am." He paused, letting that sentence sink it. "Either way, if you knew where we were, you'd have told me all about it by now since you love to show off how smart you are."
When your muse misses another, but you don’t want to bug their mun. When you miss certain threads, but don’t want to bug the other mun.
When you feel like you’re always bugging another mun…
Sam and Dean and the family business.
IF YOURE EVER SCARED TO TALK TO ME DONT BE BECAUSE ODDS ARE THAT IF YOU MESSAGE ME ILL SQUEAL LIKE A LITTLE GIRL AND TAKE 10 MINUTES TO DECIDE THE BEST POSSIBLE THING TO SAY TO YOU BECAUSE YOURE AWESOME AND I LOVE YOU
what is the boy falling out of
Why are people panicking at the disco
What is special about the 182th blink
what is so good about charlotte
why must we imagine dragons
does everybody have a chemical romance
will someone please give back my nickel
Reblog, click the picture, and prepare for battle.
after a while i became convinced that the words were mocking me
Nothing happened.
I WAS PROMISED A BATTLE
*throws down gauntlet*
Edit: Went back. This is the best thing to happen to my dashboard ever.
Reblogging again because my followers need to see this. To be clear, rebog, go to your actual blog, then click the picture.
THIS IS AMAZING
#i feel so bad when any guy or girl tries to date his daughter #because you show up at their door and her dad is fuckin’ Thor
Look how badass he is while holding that baby
#I can imagine him using his Thor voice on her #like when she’s crying in the middle of the night #WHAT IS WRONG DAUGHTER OF MINE#DO YOU REQUIRE NOURISHMENT#WHY DOTH YOU TORMENT ME SO PRECIOUS ONE
But what if he used it on the guy who came to the door for his daughter?
TELL ME, MIDGARDIAN. WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS TOWARDS MY DAUGHTER?
I AM OBLIGED TO INFORM YOU NOW THAT ANY DISRESPECT TOWARDS HER SHALL SURELY END POORLY FOR YOU.
WHOSOEVER DATETH MY DAUGHTER
IF HE BE WORTHY
SHALL POSSESS
THE BLESSING OF THOR
and watch when the time comes, he’ll just be like “Hey, mate, treat her good okay? Bring her back before eleven please. Drive safely.”
I THINK WE HAVE TO WORRY MORE ABOUT HER GODFATHER, TOM LOKI HIDDLESTON TBH.
#ohohohohohohohrhioehehehheheh i followed you in my car to make sure you paid for her dinner hehehehehehehehe #i’ll literally come into your house and kill you if you break her heart #hehehehehehee
What the hell. This is the greatest post in the universe.
jesus christ it’s updated
Rebloggin for the comments.
JFC Tumblr, I can’t take you anywhere.
I love you
ALL of you
this shit just keeps getting better!!!
Dear lord this girl is going to have the hardest time getting a boyfriend. The poor thing is going to come home, stomp up to her room, try to slam the door, but it’ll be impossible because Chris Hemsworth will effortlessly stop the door with his huge Norse God arm.
And she’ll be like “DAD! YOU SCARED HIM AWAY!”
“I DID NO SUCH THING, MY DEAREST DAUGHTER. I ONLY SPOKE TO HIM THE TRUEST TRUTH OF THE NINE REALMS.”
“Oh my god, dad…”
“HE HAD AN ILL LOOK ABOUT HIM, I LIKED IT NOT. YOU ARE DESERVING OF THE HIGHEST OF QUALITY IN MEN, NOT THE LIKES OF HIM. YOU HAVE A DUTY AS PRINCESS OF ASGARD TO MARRY WELL AND SERVE THE KINGDOM, AND I ALSO WISH THAT YOU MAY HAVE A HUSBAND WHO WILL TREAT YOU AS THE QUEEN YOU ARE.”
“Dad… I’m not a queen! Stop it!”
And then Tom Loki Hiddleston, her godfather, walks in and she’s like: “And YOU! YOU SCARED HIM, TOO!”
“Oh, I did? My mistake. I overestimated the bravery of the young man, I fear.”
“WELL DONE, BROTHER.”
“Dad! Uncle Tom! SHUT UP! YOU’RE NOT EVEN REAL BROTHERS!”
“I fear your daughter is saying hurtful things in her anger, she means them not, I think. Worry not, Thor, I had trouble with my children more than once…”
“UNCLE TOM YOU DON’T HAVE ANY KIDS!”
“BROTHER PERHAPS WE SHOULD LEAVE HER TO HER ANGER.”
“No, wait! You guys have to stop doing this, I’m never going to get a boyfriend if you keep doing this!”
“Oh, alright. We shall never again berate or intimidate the young men whom you present to us. I promise.”
“UNCLE TOM STOP TALKING LIKE THAT.”
“Darling girl, my name is Loki, God of Mischief, Silvertongue, Lord of Lies. I know not of this Tom you speak of.”
“YES, MY DEAR. YOUR YOUNG MEN SHALL BE SAFE FROM ANY SO-CALLED WRONGDOING OF OURS.”
“Dad…”
“WHAT IS IT, DAUGHTER?”
“Never mind. Thanks, good night.”
#And then the next day Tom and Chris are in full costume#helmets and all#with their scepters and their capes#And she brings in this young guy#and they open the door#And there’s her father and her godfather#Tom smiling his ovary-bursting smile#you know the evil one that’s also strangely sexy#And Chris has his hammer at the ready#and they greet him#calling him a suitor for the hand of the princess of Asgard#talking about how he’ll need to complete nine Trials to prove himself worthy to have her as his queen
#he never calls her back
I’m sorry
but this just keeps getting better and better
EACH TIME I SEE THIS THERE ARE MORE WONDERFUL COMMENTS
OMFG DIS POST. DEM COMMENTS /dying
It gets better every fucking time!
I am CRYING oh my god
[[And there will be that one guy.
He won’t run or never call again.
He’ll sit there and play along.
“I, (insert name), swear on my very life that thine daughter, thine princess of Asgard shall return safely to you. My very life be forfeit at your hands if it be otherwise.”
It’ll be RDJ’s kid. His dad will have warned him about this long beforehand and quizzed him on it.]]
I didn’t even think it was possible for this post to get any better. Thanks for proving me wrong.
*oh I can’t breathe*
Just some tips I’ve collected from the serial killers of tumblr
just reblogging with my original tags because people liked them:
#murder tips #thats an odd tag #just posting a series of murder tips #nothing big #people reblog this #this is gold #COME ON REBLOG #what can i tag this with so more people will see it #murder #killing #blood #i guess #um #stabby stab #shooty shoot #CATCH A MARLIN #okay thats all i got
I think it’s time to bring this back
Can we take a moment to talk about the last tip about dumping the body in international waters? … Can we take a moment to talk about how the URL is goodbye-old-friend?
years in which the moon is full on hallo’ween
1925 - what were you doing on h’alloween 1925? i had tickets to a houdini show at the moulin rouge but missed it because i was on the titanic hanging out with the cast of downton abbey. #history
1944 - although i can’t find a source for this, several well-respected war historians have told me that for hal’loween 1944, hitler dressed up as a sexy pumpkin
1955 - in 1955, dwight eisenhower was president of the united states
1974 - this was the only time in at least 1,000, years that hallowe’en, a full moon, and friday the 13th all coincided ON THE SAME DAY!!!
2020 - by this time it will have been almost 46 years between full moon halloweens’. also: bobbing for apples will be cool again.
2039 - if you plan on trick-or-treating on this day in 25 years, watch out for werewolves and/or weremice (bats) because the full moon activates their powers
2058 - the full moon on 10/31/2058 will mark the start of armageddon which will conclude on november 5th of the same year
2077 - here is a good costume idea for 2077: a witch who is part robot
2096 - it is said that ‘halloween 2096 may not happen because of global warming. it’s up to you to do what’s right for mother earth.
"1974 - this was the only time in at least 1,000, years that hallowe’en, a full moon, and friday the 13th all coincided ON THE SAME DAY!!! " LOL
Reblog if you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend.
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
im so fucking angry