I've wandered through the trees @youmightseemefloatingby - Tumblr Blog

part of me wants to be seven and careless. part of me wants to be back in your bed. part of me wants to be forty and settled. part of me wants to be dead.

I remember I always wanted a vanity growing up, now I have one and Im so proud I purchased & decorated everything myself.

kvtes

a reminder for me on the extra tough days:

it is okay to grieve and mourn the loss of those friendships. it is okay that it has taken longer than you expected and that you’re still not even close to being done with them. it is okay that you will always leave the light on in your heart for them. it is okay that you still see things all throughout your day that reminds you of them. it is okay that you’ve woken up crying because they were in a dream that felt so, so real and you have to remind yourself that it’s all over and gone. it is okay to forgive yourself for what you didn’t do or say. it is okay to think of the years and years you spent talking and laughing about the men you’ll hopefully end up with and that it hurts so incredibly much now to think that they’ve never met the man you’ve found that you’ll marry. it is okay to call it all the worst heartbreak you’ve ever experienced.

sometimes choices are made that you have to respect. sometimes you are the one making the choice that you now regret horribly. sometimes you lose the privilege of celebrating the goodness in their lives, and the privilege of rushing to their side when it all falls apart. sometimes you don’t get to apologize because it would either not be received well or because it would only cause further harm.

but again: it’s okay that it still hurts after all this time. be kinder and softer and patient with yourself. you’re just a hurting and very flawed human who lost an irreplaceable love.

goodmovie-deactivated20200219

Garden State (2004)

Annual Valentines Day flowers from my husband 🥰

Lono Tiki Bar in Hollywood

Valentines day trip to San Diego to visit the speakeasy tiki bar Lost Idol

5 months until Hawaii and the Holidays are over, back to my clean eating ways. I work out a lot and eat generally healthy but I need to do it with an intention from here until then. 🙌🏼