Where I've Been (And Where I Hope To Go) [bri]
Hello Rock Tumblr! This is Bri with an update. The blog itself has been asleep for about three years now, but Cat and I have still been plugging along with plenty of chaos along the way. The last few years have been doozy for both of us, I think, so posts didn’t make it to the blog, but we are always talking about our ideas for this space and the ways we want to be creative when the time comes. And well, we think the time has come! Over the past few months, Cat and I have been discussing our return to blogging (and some other internet adventures that we’ll be sharing more about soon), and the first item on the return to-do list is this: a post about where we’ve been. We’ll each be posting a little rundown of how the last few years have gone, our thoughts on where we’re at, and our hopes for the near future. Without further ado, here’s mine.
I think the last true update I wrote for the blog was posted on November 12th, 2021 - almost FOUR years ago, which is so hard to believe. I think I’ll always be shocked by just how fast time flies. In a lot of ways not much has changed for me; I’m working the same job and living in the same place. But at the same time, the person who wrote that post in 2021 feels like a different person from who I am now. That last update post was about my feelings after getting hired for my first ever full time job, and it’s so interesting to read again now that I’m almost four years into that same job. I never posted an update on how I felt after actually starting my position, so I’ll give a brief one now. It took some serious adjusting to shift to work full time after being a full-time student for so many years; I wasn’t quite sure what to do with the freedom of direction that was given to me, and I second-guessed myself at almost every turn. Thankfully, I work with an incredible team and my coworkers were, and continue to be, incredibly kind and patient. They encouraged me whenever I had doubts, showed me the ropes, and celebrated my successes every step of the way. I’ve grown a lot in my position in the last almost four years, and now I can confidently say that I am a core member of the team with a lot of really cool responsibilities, that I wouldn’t trade for anything right now. I get to work with people I get along with, I get to organize people’s data (which I love), and I get to know that I’m making a positive impact on the world in small ways - so overall I’m extremely satisfied with my job.
However, the fact that I enjoy my job doesn’t mean it’s always sunshine and rainbows. I've had bouts of burnout, I’ve dreaded and procrastinated and spiraled over mistakes, and more recently I’ve had to deal with the constant threat of funding cuts and job loss from all of the decisions being made by leaders of my country (but that’s a whole can of worms, so I’ll leave it at that for now). My point is that I love my job, but I do not always love the reality of a 9-5. I hardly think that’s a unique sentiment these days, but it’s something I’ve grappled with a lot over the last few years, and I’m sure it will continue in the future too.
Outside of work, there’s been some epic highs and plenty of epic lows. Incredible travels, tons of fun with friends, injuries and illness, deaths in the family, secondhand stress from my parents and brothers - it really feels like I’ve been through a little bit of everything in the last few years. It still feels like I’m in the thick of a lot of it, so you might wonder why now I’m writing a blog post when I haven’t written one for years now. I don’t really know what it is that’s letting me write now when I couldn’t any other time I tried, but if I had to name the difference, I think it comes down to the fact that right now I feel an almost uncomfortable itch to create something, and that itch has happened to coincide with a slightly quieter time in my personal life and work life.
I don’t think there’s ever a “right” moment for these kinds of creative endeavors, itch or not, but for me the difference maker is how well I’m keeping pace with life. If I’m barely keeping up with each hour of every day, I’m definitely not spending a few hours to write a blog post or to craft something. But, on occasion, I seem to catch up with the internal and external chaos and still have some extra stamina leftover. When that happens and I’m finally able to keep pace, that’s when I feel like I can manage to not just accept life as a series of things happening to me, but to actually take hold of my thoughts and feelings and put something of myself out into the world. I think I’ve finally reached a point where I’ve paced the chaos and have something of myself to spare at a moment when that creative itch is at its peak. We can never know where the future will lead, so I will try to hold off on making any grand promises of “content” to come, but here in this moment, I want to do what I can.
I mentioned a little bit about the can of worms that is the state of the U.S. Government, and while I don’t want to waste much of my creative energy lamenting the reality of things, it does provide another bit of context for this return to the internet. In recent weeks, Cat and I have been musing over this idea that the world is in need of creativity that isn’t caught up in the capitalist machine, and that one way to resist is to keep hope in the pure act of human creation for the heck of it. I think that idea has always been at the core of what we hoped this blog would be, but our motivation to celebrate the authentic and messy has been sparked anew, and this blog is our own personal outlet for that kind of thing. In a world that has long been obsessed with aesthetics, and a world that is increasingly obsessed with efficiency and reduced cost over artistry and the exact sort of inefficiency that makes us human to begin with, we want to embrace our own imperfect rambling and unpolished humanity. This post might be too long and too much of my unedited stream-of-consciousness, but it is mine and it wouldn’t exist if I wasn’t here at this moment, sitting at my desk in my room with my silly little mood lamp and Hayley Williams songs blasting in the background. Shouting into the void is what the internet is best for, and I’m here to make some noise!
Okay that was my soapbox talk for the day. In the interest of moving on to other things I want to do today, I’ll start wrapping up. The long-story-short of it all is that I’m excited to be back on the blog, and Cat and I are working on a fun project that we will announce in the coming weeks. As for what you can look forward to from me, here’s a list, in no certain order, of things I’m pondering over for upcoming posts:
Videogame reviews - I’ve gathered a lot of thoughts over the past few years! I’m particularly excited to yap about BG3 and Dragon Age!
Thoughts on books I’ve read recently and the nostalgia of it all
Food pics and what I’ve been cooking these days
I think that’s about everything I have for today, folks. More to come, but goodbye for now. See you soon!!
P.S. If you are curious about the particulars, it’s almost impossible to summarize the full events of multiple years without writing a whole book, but I want to document the highlights nonetheless. It was a period of many firsts, lots of amazing memories with friends, some hard family moments, health challenges, and much more than I can fit here or even remember. Here’s the sparknotes version:
Started my first full-time job in November!
Attended a makeup graduation ceremony to celebrate graduating from college in 2020, which gave some finality to that chapter of my life. Go Blue!
Flew for the first time since 8th grade to visit NYC for the first time ever! Had tons of fun with my friends from college.
Cat and I attended Lollapalooza for the first time and saw J-Hope from BTS live!!! This trip was legendary and we talk about it to this day.
Got my wisdom teeth removed.
Visited Baltimore and D.C. for the first time, and saw Lil Nas X in concert. I also went to what is now probably my favorite bakery ever for the first time - shout out Rose Ave in D.C.!!
Traveled for work for the first time (to D.C.) and helped plan and host my first event! Felt very Professional.
Attended 3 concerts in 3 days in Chicago in a series of events that I don’t know if I would survive if it happened today LOL. Saw Suga from BTS live and it changed my life TT. Jackson Wang was the other artist we saw and it was an incredible time. Cat and I need to post this storytime some day, because it was truly legendary.
Roadtripped to Cincinnati and went to Kings Island - lots of fun!
Planned and hosted a big conference for work with a few hundred attendees. It was so stressful, but it was a big success and also a lot of fun to see a year’s worth of planning come together. Afterwards I visited Cat and helped her move…in August…it was so hot and we suffered but survived!
Played Baldur’s Gate 3 for the first time and it became my personality for a while.
Got really into making milk bread for like a month.
Started seriously learning how to crochet!
Attended Jingle Ball in D.C. and high-fived Flo Rida.
Went on my First Ever Date, which didn’t end up going anywhere, but was a fun and novel experience LOL. …Have not been on any dates since.
Got a crown on my tooth and hated it (the process was okay but the shape of the crown is so off from how my tooth was before).
Saw Olivia Rodrigo (and Chappell Roan as the opener!) in Detroit!
Started a garden on my own for the first time and learned a lot about growing plants. Had an absurd amount of tomatoes for a while.
My parents started talking about getting divorced, and have been on and off about it ever since, driving some of those epic lows I talked about…
Saw the northern lights in my backyard!
Saw TXT in Chicago!! This trip was done with like a week's notice but was so fun.
Went to Maryland and Delaware and saw the ocean for the first time as an adult and also tried crab the first time - both were incredible TT. I love a good body of water.
Bleached and dyed my hair for the first time ever!! I loved it a lot and have continued bleaching and swapping out colors ever since.
Started playing the Dragon Age Series, which became my personality for a while (and lowkey still is).
Started playing League of Legends and spent my entire winter break that way.
One of my close friends got married!!
Spent the last few months of the year off and on sick.
Bought a new (used) car! First big adult purchase.
Spent the first few months off and on sick. Lots of general health issues too.
Chopped off a bunch of hair and have been rocking a bob for a while now.
Went to Chicago for St. Patrick’s Day and also saw J-Hope from BTS perform!
My youngest brother graduated high school and it was very bittersweet to see how much he’s grown up!
My aunt passed away. First close family death I’ve experienced :(
Saw The Rose in Chicago. Ran through the rain afterwards in a very “this is like a movie” moment.
Visited LA for the first time. Saw Jin from BTS perform, visited my college roommate, saw wild cacti, and braved the LA traffic in a rental car. The Getty might be my favorite museum ever.
My grandma got sick and injured around the same time and we’re still waiting to see how she recovers. Brought up lots of thoughts about life and family.
Spent Labor Day weekend in a remote cabin and got some much needed nature time. Swam in a waterfall and had the time of my life.
And most recently, I visited a Renaissance Festival for the first time and had an incredible time. Tried mead for the first time too and I get the hype now.
And that brings us to the present - more to come!
Below are some photos that sum up the last four years:
