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[unfuckyourhabitat]

Emergency cleaning: Unfuck your whole house in the shortest time possible

So, your landlord/parent/home inspector/favorite movie star is dropping by, and your place is a disaster. You don’t have much time to clean it up. You’re in emergency mode. Let’s get started.

Don’t panic. Panic leads to fear, fear leads to procrastination, procrastination leads to the dark side. You can do this, but you have to stay calm.

Unlike maintenance cleaning, we’re not looking to completely unfuck one space at a time. Instead, we want to decrease the overall mess in stages, spread evenly across the whole area that we’re concerned about. If you think your home is at Level 10 filth, we want to bring the whole thing down to a Level 9, and then down from there. One really clean spot in an otherwise messy home is not going to be helpful here.

Get prepared. You’ll want to shut the computer down (or turn the modem off if you need your computer to play music). Trust me. Get your music going. Gather up trash bags, your vacuum and mop, some rags or paper towel, sponges, and other cleaning supplies. Use what you have on hand. Don’t get distracted running to the store and spending an hour browsing cleaning supplies. A multi-purpose cleaning concentrate or a jug of vinegar will be just fine.

Breaks are very important. Depending on your time constraints, work in 20/10s (20 minutes working, 10-minute break) or 45/15s. But take breaks because otherwise you’re marathoning, and marathon cleaning is no one’s friend. Keep hydrated, don’t forget to eat, and check in with yourself frequently to make sure you’re physically doing OK.

Make your bed. This will be your home base if you get overwhelmed or need somewhere clear to take a break.

Start with the garbage. Going from room to room, throw out anything that is obvious trash. Once you fill a bag, take it out. Repeat as many times as necessary.

Move on to dishes. Gather the dishes from all over your house and bring them to the kitchen. If you can, start them soaking in a sink of hot, soapy water or start loading the dishwasher. After the dishes are all in one place, spend one 20/10 getting started getting them under control.

Now it’s time for your flat surfaces. Countertops, tables, dresser tops, etc. Clear them off and wipe them down. Don’t get distracted in too much sorting and organizing. We’re in crisis mode here. There will be time to get in-depth once this is all done. The same applies to cabinets and closets. Unless you have reason to believe people will be opening closed doors, leave these alone for now.

Attack the floordrobe and shoe pile. Get your clothes either put away or in the hamper. Start a load of laundry if you need to, but keep in mind that laundry and dishes have three steps: wash, dry, and put it away, goddammit!

Get random stuff up off the floors. If something is trash-worthy, throw it away now rather than just move it around a bunch of times. Otherwise, put stuff where it belongs.

Take another 20/10 or 45/15 to catch up on more dishes, if needed.

Head into the bathroom. Pour some cleaner in the toilet bowl, fill the sink with hot water and cleaner, and either spray the tub and shower with cleaner, or fill the tub up with some hot water and add cleaner and let it soak. Put everything away that’s out and shouldn’t be, clean the mirror, counters, and toilet seat. Sweep or dry mop the floor. Wipe down the sink and tub/shower, and give the toilet bowl a scrub. Mop the floor.

Sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Vacuum everything you can, and sweep everything you can’t.

Walk outside of your house (don’t lock yourself out, please). Walk back in and see what catches your eye first. Go and deal with that.

If you’re being inspected or your landlord is coming in for repairs, spend time on whatever area they’ll be focusing on.

Give the whole place one more once-over and pay attention to anything you’ve missed so far.

It’s an old trick, but if your place is a little funky-smelling, put a pan of water on the stove on low heat and add some citrus or cinnamon or vanilla. Don’t leave it unattended or forget about it.

Take a shower, put on something clean, and eat something.

You can do this. It’s overwhelming, yes, but it is not impossible. You just need to do it. You have a list. You have directions. You have a whole bunch of Internet strangers who have been there before and who are cheering you on. You can do this, but you need to get started.

Why are you still here? GO. START. NOW.

[quotefeeling]

“They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: Someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.”

— Tom Bodett

[dontthinkineedyou]

In another dimension you never had to say goodbye, you go to treatment, you believe in yourself the way I always believed in you, & you navigate sobriety.

In another dimension my kids grow up visiting you on weekends, the cousins don’t all live together, and we both have learned how to balance our roles as mothers & aunties along side one another.

In another dimension I call you on a random Tuesday to ask you how to make chicken the way our nana use to & you still answer, you tell me again, and then we laugh about all of the things I never seem to remember.

In another dimension I’m not angry at the world,

I never become heartless,

and grief is a stranger to me & our father & all of our children,

I still sing you happy birthday every October, and you wake me up at midnight every April, our traditions from childhood grow old, and we keep every pinky promise we ever made.

In another dimension it’s 75 degrees outside, you’re driving a little bit faster then you should be the same way you always would whenever it started getting warm outside again, we’re both singing along to the radio, & I thank you for being my older sister and my best friend.

That’s what I want to believe at least, even if it’s not true

that somewhere in another dimension there’s a version of me that never has to lose you. Somewhere out there between time and space there’s a me and a you, and they never have to say goodbye

-D.R. ((((You’re never coming back and I’m still learning how to be okay with that.)))

[dontthinkineedyou]

In another dimension you never had to say goodbye, you go to treatment, you believe in yourself the way I always believed in you, & you navigate sobriety.

In another dimension my kids grow up visiting you on weekends, the cousins don’t all live together, and we both have learned how to balance our roles as mothers & aunties along side one another.

In another dimension I call you on a random Tuesday to ask you how to make chicken the way our nana use to & you still answer, you tell me again, and then we laugh about all of the things I never seem to remember.

In another dimension I’m not angry at the world,

I never become heartless,

and grief is a stranger to me & our father & all of our children,

I still sing you happy birthday every October, and you wake me up at midnight every April, our traditions from childhood grow old, and we keep every pinky promise we ever made.

In another dimension it’s 75 degrees outside, you’re driving a little bit faster then you should be the same way you always would whenever it started getting warm outside again, we’re both singing along to the radio, & I thank you for being my older sister and my best friend.

That’s what I want to believe at least, even if it’s not true

that somewhere in another dimension there’s a version of me that never has to lose you. Somewhere out there between time and space there’s a me and a you, and they never have to say goodbye

-D.R. ((((You’re never coming back and I’m still learning how to be okay with that.)))

[wildheartedghost]

I thought I knew grief

Until my brother died

The word itself isn’t big enough to encapsulate the feeling

It’s like being absolutely gutted while awake

A never ending suffocating wave after wave of clarity and delusion

He’s not really gone

And

Oh God I can’t survive this

Sometimes the only thing pushing me forward is the knowledge that as your sister

Your DNA is mingled with mine

So you’ll never truly leave me

[jaggedjawjosh]

They never told me that true strength lies in gentle hands, guiding with kindness, where every whisper of compassion becomes a leader's legacy.

[literaryvein]

L. V., excerpts from a past life

[heavensghost]

Mitski - class of 2013

[madisonissneezing]

how to write monsters that actually scare and not sparkle

✦ first rule: don’t over-explain. once you give me the monster’s exact height, weight, claw count, and dental record, it’s not scary anymore. it’s a pokémon. mystery is the muscle. a shadow that almost looks human will always hit harder than a full description of a swamp beast. leave gaps. let the reader’s brain fill them in with their own worst fear.

✦ physics should not apply. horror monsters are terrifying when they break the rules of the world we think we understand. a body folding in ways it shouldn’t. joints bending the wrong direction. silence in a place that should echo. footsteps that sound like they’re coming from the ceiling instead of the floor. once you warp reality, the reader doesn’t feel safe in their own.

✦ chasing is fine. but waiting is worse. scarier than claws, scarier than snarling—try a monster that just stands in the corner and watches. even scarier? it smiles. because predators don’t smile unless they know something you don’t.

✦ let it act like it knows you. a growl is scary, sure, but a whisper of your name in the dark is worse. a hiss of your birthday. a laugh in your mother’s voice. monsters are no longer “other” once they feel personal. they’re invasive. they’re inside your head.

✦ bonus tip: give them wrong appetites. a monster that eats flesh is cliché. a monster that eats wallpaper? horrifying. one that eats memories, so a character wakes up without knowing their own name? disgusting. one that eats reflections from mirrors so you don’t see yourself anymore? revolting.

[body-of-a-wolf]

[rabbittongues]

[pomegranatechrysanthemum]

[onecells]

[void-ext]

knowing i wasn’t born this way and i could have been okay is what kills me the most

[ibelongedthere]

[emberglowfox]

closing time

[feral-ballad]

Anne Sexton, from Live or Die; “For the year of the insane”

[Text ID: “My body is useless. / It lies, curled like a dog on the carpet. / It has given up.”]