Simon Earlhart

I love wheat and Pennsylvania.

[johnathanedwards]

Gentlemen, today we have found a new threat, one that will try to eliminate mankind off the side of the earth, witches. In Salem two girls were discovered to be witches and under control of the devil. They were put through a trial if they died they were not witches, however if they survived they...

[youngestsimone]

You think witches are bad? I'll tell you what's worse: the Scots-Irish.  Those fools are just a bunch of drunks that don't really do much.  All they do is take up space and make some whisky.  At least the whisky is pretty good.

[southernblogger99]

June 29th 1706

Oh how I hate these bloody slaves! I ask for little, and they output garbage! I had appointed a slave to do the work of the field since my husband is ill and they ruined the whole plantation field along with their crops! They showered too much water and plowed incorrectly, damaging the whole crop production! And I was so kind that I only whipped him 3 times. I spared him the countless torture that lurked my mind. So I gave him another chance and allowed for him to clean the house free of dirt and cook supper. In return, he rearranged the items that were in certain places and cooked a horrid meal for my family that was entirely inedible! This man disgraced the title of a slave! Now I spared him no pain; I whipped until he begged for forgiveness and made each one as loud as his screams!

He ruined the plantation that had such potential with fresh crops and prepared an inedible meal for such a wealthy family! He then cried in pain and left himself in front of my house. Oh how he begged for treatment for his tarnished body. Well, he gave my family trash, so I left him there to die, as trash. 

[youngestsimone]

Whoa there I, for one, believe that all men--including slaves--are equal. Sounds like you need a nice healthy dose of the Quaker religion in your life.

[youngestsimone]

I'm Sick

I think I came down with something.  Recently, I've been noticing a lot of things wrong with me.  It's been hard swallowing things, I have rashes all over, my voice is very hoarse, I have a high fever, and I've been feeling very weak.  I went to the local physician about this, even though I think he's pretty stupid.  He said I have something called "diphtheria" and I should just bleed a ton to stop it.  After letting him draw a lot of blood from me, I'm now sitting in my nice wooden house.  I'm getting kind of diz-bgvytfuiygluhuyudlog

[youngestsimone]

College

One of my friends in New England recently lettered me about how his grown son is now 11, and is being sent to Harvard University.  "Wow," I thought.  "I can't let his son be better than my own."  With this in mind, I decided to enroll my son, Simon Earlhart II, at the University of Pennsylvania.  However, this proved to be a mistake.  Just yesterday, he told me how boring and depressing his school is.  He further explained that he's learning about languages he'll never use, like Greek and Latin, and that he's not allowed to think freely.  One time, he said, he was beaten with a birch branch for spitting at one of his fellow classmates.  Dang, after paying so much money for his education, I seemed to have made a regretful decision.  Oh well, at least he can speak Latin.

[youngestsimone]

Paxton Boys

I, for one, am a Quaker.  I think that all men are created to be equal in the eyes of God.  In fact, one reason my family moved here was because they were made fun of in other colonies, and a guy named William Penn founded Pennsylvania to have safe refuge for us Quakers.  Now we wanted that refuge to be the same for the Indians living here.  BUT, some stupid Scots-Irish people thought that we were too nice and decided to cause a ruckus.  The Paxton Boys marched through our town armed in 1764.  Those ungrateful fools!  They were taken in by us Pennsylvanians and think they have the right to kick people out.  Silly Scots-Irish, this land is for everyone.

[youngestsimone]

This here is my best friend.  Oh, how I love wheat.  All day all I see is wheat.  I farm it all day, using it to make bread and selling it at the local market.  Sometimes at night I dream about marrying wheat, but then I wake up disappointed that it wasn't a reality.  I love wheat.  One of my good friends once told me that wheat was taking over my life, but he was just a fisherman so I dropped him like the lowlife radical that he was because he couldn't see the beauty in wheat.

[youngestsimone]

People are strange

Weird things happen in Philadelphia. There's a ton of different people living in this town.  Just the other day, a man in the streets yelled at me, "HALLO VIE GET ES DEER." I felt attacked and was frightened by this, but his English-speaking friend said that he just said, "Hello how are you doing?" in German.  Oh those silly Pennsylvania Dutch, can't they just assimilate themselves to our glorious American customs and language? Besides the Pennsylvania Dutch, there are a lot of immigrants here in Philly.  The Scots-Irish is another group of people I see a lot of here.  Even though it feels like there are too many of them around, I feel bad for them because nobody likes them in their country.  And they make some good whisky.