Sydney

24F Biromantic, Asexual (she/her)

[catchymemes]

[cute-catts]

[onimartialartist]

Boundless greed

[smis-five-creedmoor]

@kittybroker

[kittybroker]

Take a bite out of these deals with the kitty with boundless greed and and bottomless stomach! Now coming in for only $26.65!

[catchymemes]

[catgirltoes]

And is the "bus in zero minutes" at the stop with us right now?

[indigobuntings]

I can't believe home depot literally produced a wildly successful science fiction musical and we all just pretend it didn't happen. on one hand yes it had a boring white guy main character but like.... home depot just... Made it? And it had shit ton of box office sales? and no one even talks about this. this is like avatar (2009) all over again

[indigobuntings]

OK so. After a lot of frantic googling I realized this was all a dream. home depot did not in fact produce a wildly successful science fiction musical. I was on allergy meds and took a nap and my brain simply prophesized this. slightly disappointed because I wanted to watch it.

[krchov]

(by @galwednesday)

[its-funnytwittertweets]

[dragonpyre]

[sevastiel]

[byjove]

fun wedding game: you make all the wedding guests vote for which member of the couple they’d stay friends with after the divorce

[segamascott]

[thememedaddy]

[ravioliet]

god's weakest soldier is scrolling tumblr instead of being productive or participating in any of their hobbies

[driftwoodsix]

still living with my parents as an adult is just like. i'm grateful to not have to pay for groceries. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful to have a roof over my head and not have to pay rent. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful to not have to worry about sending out endless job applications that all lead to nowhere. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful i'm grateful i'm so fucking grateful. i have to get out of here

[so-many-ocs]

immediately after an interaction: i have GOT to get more normal oh god i need to get more normal immediately i have to get more normal or they're going to hunt me down they're going to hunt me down and flay me for sport

during an interaction: and why not put a little spin on it? why not add some conversational zest?

[barbwritesstuff]

I have learnt today that my library refers to me as 'the specific and highly active user' and has denied some of my purchase requests because 'we can't skew the collection too much toward the taste of the specific and highly active user'.

I did suggest roughly 100 vampire books for purchase last year. I think this probably has something to do with that.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

op is there any particular reason the librarians would feel safer not invoking you by name

[busket]

he's gonna die one day soon and it wont fix everything but it'll feel great and the whole world is gonna fucking party together

[tricktster]

a good thing about having friends with kids is that you can just sow the seeds for something that you’ll never need to address again. like tonight my friend’s three year old saw me eating blue corn chips.

kid: what are you eating from that basket?

me: triangles.

kid: can i have triangles?

me: dunno, did you brush teeth yet?

kid: no

me: mhm, and are you okay with screaming really loud?

kidd: what???

me: yeah, sometimes these make you scream really loud, are you ok with that?

kid: i am not afraid of screaming.

me: you’re very brave. you can have two triangles. then why don’t you go show your dad your new power, i gotta go.

[unnameablethings]

op u live up to ur username

[tricktster]

Checking back in years later as a person who now has a four year old and a six year old and finally understands just how awful it is to have small children randomly screeching at maximum volume in a way that only someone with lived experience can

this is still very, very funny.

this may be one of the funniest things i’ve ever done actually.

[tricktster]

a good thing about having kids is that you can just sow the seeds for something that you’ll never need to address again. i mean, you probably should, but you don’t gotta. like a few weeks ago, I taught the kids all about the F word and why - even though it has incredible conversational utility - you shouldn’t say it because it’s a very very bad swear word and people will get upset.

I also taught them that the F word is, uh, “flinkle”

they are little potty mouths and it is so so so so so so funny to hear them on a flinkle rampage

[tricktster]

In my defense, I didn’t make them myself, I just met a hot dude with kids and made them my own

[maddie-2022]

That has got to be the funniest way to describe being a stepparent

[theconcealedweapon]

[depsidase]