So I have break downs.... I decided to write down, and share what I was thinking, in hopes that I am not alone going through the same thing:
āI donāt think you understand what dyslexia is. I have to work 110% to understand a fucking test question! I have to work so hard for things that are so little. But no one notices because my 110% is your 5% of hard work! So Iāve been called lazy and stupid my whole life. No one understands the amount of work Iām doing because itās not enough. Iām never enough for you guys. Iām tired of having to put up with all of your bitching, and everybodyās judgments. Iām suffering so fucking much, and no one understands or listens. Because no one cares. Iām just a stupid girl that has trouble reading, and that doesnāt want to work. Thatās who I am.Ā But no one understands that I give you all of me, and you never give me anything back. But I still give and give, until my head canāt take it anymore. So I break. And I try to take a step back, to understand slowly, but society forces me to move two steps at a time. I canāt slow down. I canāt go faster. And if I stay the way I am, I wonāt amount to anything! I am stuck in a stupid world, full of ignorant bitches who tell me Iām not enough. Who doesnāt understand. Who donāt want to understand.I donāt know what to do. I donāt know how to make them understand that I am not lazy. That I work so hard, though no one notices. That I donāt give up, though everybody pushes me down. I donāt know how to get better. I donāt think I can get better. This is something I will have for the rest of my miserable life.Ā I donāt understand why itās so hard for them to understand. Just give me a break. Literally for a day. Let me slow down. Take one step at a time. I want to tell my parents to let me give up, at least for one class. But they push me⦠in everything! I have to try my best in every fucking class. I have to be a good girl, and get good grades, and work harder. But I mentally canāt take any of it anymore. I am slowly going insane. And youāre all driving me there!I donāt know what to do anymore. So I donāt do anything. I continue working at my most. I continue trying. I take in the criticism and ignore them the best I can. And I climb up the mountain where you all throw down your rocks on me. But I wonāt let go. I canāt.Ā Iām just asking for someone to understand. For someone to be at my side, to support me. But after my 15 years of life, I know how to hold my own hand.Ā And yet, now you ask me to open up, to ask people for help. I grew up thinking I didnāt need their help. That I was alone in the world. I donāt think itās possible for me to open up to anyone. Youāre late. Iām gone.Ā And all because no one understood what itās like to be dyslexic, and mentally unstable.āĀ