12/30/2024
Hey. Long time no talk.
I’ve been MIA for the last few years, huh? Needless to say, I wasn’t doing well. I wouldn’t exactly say I’m doing well now, but I’ve always found comfort in my ED so it never feels like I’m unwell. Tumblr has changed a lot since I left. Seems like they really cracked down on ED blogs, which is a bit unfortunate considering I know there’s tons of people that find comfort and solace in the community here.
Anyway. To make a long story short, since my last post here, I think my food addiction got worse. I was bingeing every day, constantly thinking about food, and gaining so much weight. I got up to 185 at one point. But I didn’t care. I’m not sure what changed, but last month I felt the claws of my ED scratching at my skin again, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before I was back to my old ways. It felt like it happened overnight. The weight started falling off, and fast. I stopped eating as much and food has become genuinely repulsive to me. I think there’s multiple causes but I’ll list the suspects here for anyone out there that may also be struggling.
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, I THINK THIS IS THE ROOT OF ALL MY SUCCESS. I reverse psychologied myself, basically. I pretended to be someone else, which is probably definitely NOT healthy but neither is an eating disorder so who gaf. I created a persona that was this unbothered girl that thought eating was a chore and super picky about food. I let it become my reality. And now I really do hold those values.
Picked up smoking again (don’t recommend that)
Taking my ADHD meds kinda off label (switched to long-acting, take more than I should within reason)
GET A FUCKING HOBBY!!!! I got really into digital art this year and found myself hyperfixated on that instead of constantly thinking about food.
Never talk about it, never tell anyone, keep it all a secret. EDs are probably the most secretive disorder as it is, but I have a big mouth and no filter so talking about weight/food/cals is something I find myself doing unconsciously. So I made the effort to stop. And I don’t talk about it to anyone.
I think that’s it, but I really can’t emphasize that first one. I really Chris Angel mind-freaked myself into being someone else. I wish I was kidding. Anyway, since Thanksgiving I’ve lost a bit of weight, and I’m down to about 160. I’m struggling to get out of the 160’s but it’s only a matter of time. I don’t know how much I’ll commit to posting here, but if you’re still here and you’re still reading this, good to see you, hope you’re doing well. I won’t tag my posts anymore because I don’t really like to in the first place and the new ED tags are kinda wild. I don’t have the patience to type all that lol. Love you all. See you again soon.










