Guys I’m still thinking about it CONSIDER so Jesus is actually a son of Dionysus (or perhaps a demigod who was granted his blessing…maybe a son of Poseidon? Cuz he walks on water?) I forgot to mention Mr D is also the god of religious ecstasy, festivity, fertility, vegetation, all things that Jesus used to spread Christianity (blessing the harvest, converting water to wine, starting a religion) anyway that’s the lore, back on track
So in this AU, Percy gets Mr. D the wine, breaking the curse but accidentally claiming Percy as his own son in the process, and Dionysus immediately realizes his mistake and thinks “ah shit how do I fix this without Zeus figuring out I went behind his back and punishing me even more for it?”
At First, he just does nothing. I mean, he can’t make it worse, right? Acting now would be too suspicious! When the real parent claims Percy, Mr D will just say “WHAT?? Oh My bad!! Didn’t have my glasses on! You’re not *checks ink on hand* Pierre Jenkinson. Wrong kid :)” and all will be okay, right?
Because sure, most gods are deadbeats, but claiming another kid as your own has always been a No No. It’s like a personal insult, a jab at their pride, a swipe at someone else’s prized trophy. Especially a kid that took down a Minotaur single-handedly. Percy’s dad must be fuming somewhere and ready to storm over himself to claim Percy as his own.
But he never gets claimed! So Mr D is like “oh shit I gotta pay child support don’t I?”
(Which no one is offering to help him with btw. Grover is standing there like “mf I know you’re lying” Chiron’s like “I don’t get paid for this shit” so they’re no help UGH)
As stated before, Percy’s being a little shit, talking back, asking questions (oh the horror), making Mr D be a parent, starting a Union in the Dionysus cabin. Meanwhile, Mr D(ad) over here is pulling his hair out. It’s been days! When is Percy’s real dad going to call him out??? Come on!! Every second is another opportunity for Percy or another camper to realize something’s up!
To buy himself more time and make the lie more believable, Mr D blesses Percy with some of the same powers as his other kids (the same ones he gave Jesus so long ago 👀)
Percy is now able to make wine, help fruits and orchards grow (just a bit), control crowds via ritual thinking, and one or two other things sprinkled in. No biggie. It’s not like the kid’s got some insane powers locked away or anything. That’s crazy talk!
Out of nowhere, Percy comes up to him and asks “hey dad do you control water?” And Mr D is like “why on earth would I do that?” Then Percy tells him about the bathroom and that’s when D realizes something.
If Percy’s parent still hasn’t claimed him back yet, there has to be a reason, right? But who wouldn’t want to claim their kid under any circumstances? Who would gladly let someone else take the fall for claiming a kid? Maybe someone who isn’t supposed to have a kid in the first place?
…Percy can control water. Because of course he can. Of course, Dionysus fucked up and claimed a son of Poseidon because Holy shit, Mr D accidentally claimed the prophecy kid. Oh my god, his week was getting so much worse.
Mr D makes up a dumb lie on the spot, something about Jesus, it was a half truth anyway so whatever, and immediately contacts Poseidon. But not after calling Chiron in as well. Poseidon admits to everything, he’s a blubbering mess, Chiron is finally on the same page, and they’re all sitting there now like “how are we going to fix this?”
Dionysus can’t snitch on Poseidon or he’ll face Zeus’ wrath for drinking wine. And Poseidon can’t snitch on Dionysus or he’ll face Zeus’ wrath for having a kid and it’ll put the Jackson family in danger. And they also need to worry about preparing Percy for the prophecy war and find the master bolt before a different war breaks out, which claiming Percy might just cause anyway.
So after careful consideration, Chiron suggests that they just…keep it a secret. “If you’re both trying to keep your lies from Mt Olympus,”he says, “why don’t we work together?” Mr D keeps Percy’s powers hidden by keeping his claim and his blessing intact. Chiron trains Percy at the camp. Poseidon distracts Zeus and intervenes only when absolutely necessary.
It’s a sound enough plan. After all, no one has to know. (And Obviously, this includes the kid that they’re lying about. Because Chiron always thinks they should hide things from Percy. What else is new?)
But do you know who they can’t keep secrets from?
Annabeth. Our favorite 12yo stalker who’s always six steps ahead :)
She’s been sniffing out their bullshit since day one. She figured it out when the toilets exploded, but she still needs to prove it. So she watches Percy during capture the flag. And when he becomes a madman near the water? When he stands in the lake and they both watch as his wounds heal? Chiron immediately realizes they’re fucked.
Annabeth storms into the big house and demands a quest (because priorities 🤪) and Percy is pissed because they lied to him. So they spill the beans and tell him it’s for his protection. Percy screams right back that he can protect himself. Mr D tries to mitigate, but it’s no use. Percy feels genuinely betrayed. That’s when he tells them how he only gave Dionysus a chance because his mom told him how great of a man his father was. “But I guess that’s not you, is it? You’re just a fraud.” he says.
And Dionysus could be mean right back. He’s a god. He could banish him, make him go insane, turn him into a dolphin, but he just can’t. Because he made a new promise to Poseidon, and…he also feels bad. He feels like he’s disappointed his own kid. “You’re right, I’m not him,” he admits quietly. “But for your safety, I have to be.”
And that’s when they tell him of the quest. The master bolt has gone missing, and Zeus believes one of his brothers is to blame. If Percy reveals he’s the son of Poseidon, it could make Zeus believe that he stole it. Percy refuses until Grover spills the beans about his mom. Now, he has to go on this quest, hide his true parentage by wielding Mr D’s blessing, retrieve the master bolt, and not die in the process. And he feels betrayed.
So off they go, on their own, on a quest where gods aren’t allowed to intervene.
How will Poseidon help without tipping off the gods? Will Mr D help as well? (Spoiler: Absolutely.) Will Percy be able to keep this secret? Who else on Mt Olympus will figure it out? Or maybe someone from Tartarus will find out too?
OKAY THATS MY PITCH I’M ALREADY WRITING THIS BUT I SEE A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE WANT TO DO THEIR OWN TAKE SO HAVE FUN!! I CAN’T WAIT TO READ YOUR INTERPRETATIONS (just please credit me thanks) ANYWAY HAVE A GOOD DAY
jbbartram-illu
ellievsbear
jacobvanloon
dailybridgerton
