Debbie Downer

I'm a writer in the way a potato is a battery

[yourmomspoolguy]

I am sometimes so outside of things I don’t remember I'm there. They're talking to me. I'm not listening. They look at me, and I don’t understand how.

Months blur together, and you’re distant, and I can’t hear. It’s moving so fast. I find myself asking, “What did you say?” More and more. Getting lost in a city I’ve lived in for years. Another wrong turn. Another season passes, and months bleed into each other. Sorry, I can’t hear you. Can you say that again? Another wrong turn. Another day, avoiding going home. “What was that?” I lean in closer to hear, but you just get further and further away.

I count the days like I count my mistakes, a handful at a time

[yourmomspoolguy]

I would say im known for it but im not really known

[yourmomspoolguy]

Listening to music in the car with my brother when the song changed. when I asked him what was wrong with the song he mentioned our sister and how obsessed with the song she is.

"Whats wrong with that?" I asked

"You know how someone loving something so much can ruin it for you?"

:Like how I kept singing that one Moana song and you never watched the movie?" He laughed

"Like how you never read harry potter because of how much people liked it?" He said.

I won't write the poem, ill skip the song.

[yourmomspoolguy]

I dont want to look at the news,

Or in the mirror.

I think if I sit still long enough neither one will haunt me anymore

When they ask me where ive been I won't mention you.

Won't mentioned everything i missed.

[yourmomspoolguy]

I count my days like I count my mistakes, a handful at a time.

[yourmomspoolguy]

You know the smoke imprint left after a firework fades out?

Thats me

Im really all you left of me

[yourmomspoolguy]

But you seem to forget it always comes down to the same things

Its always them

Or you

[yourmomspoolguy]

You know when people haunt you? I cant tell you what you said, or how but you, you haunt me

[yourmomspoolguy]

But i exceed

I am more than enough

I have more than enough

And this hollowness

This ache in my chest

Just means I have room for more

[yourmomspoolguy]

I remember waiting.

[yourmomspoolguy]

When you left, you took something of me with you. When you left I couldn't breathe

When you left the longing almost killed me, almost

when you came back, you didn't bring that piece with you. Almost though, almost.

[yourmomspoolguy]

I dont want to look at the news,

Or in the mirror.

I think if I sit still long enough, neither one will haunt me anymore

When they ask me where ive been I won't mention you.

Won't mentioned everything i missed.

[yourmomspoolguy]

When you left, you took something of me with you. When you left I couldn't breathe

When you left the longing almost killed me, almost

when you came back, you didn't bring that piece with you. Almost though, almost.

[yourmomspoolguy]

It took a while but it wasn't until someone pointed it out that I realized the harsh edges. The relentless jokes. The stares and the laughing. It wasn't until someone asked why I said that. Are you trying to be cruel? They asked.

.

.

Can you see me?

[yourmomspoolguy]

I didn't like him much. There are some people who you know can see right through you. Almost like they can see your hollow. Almost like your secrets live in their mouth. Always seconds away from saying something. Looking to see if you're really as hollow as you seem.

Can you see me?

Am i hollow?

[yourmomspoolguy]

You've got to make time for your art. Even if your art looks like staring at the bathroom floor

[yourmomspoolguy]

When i was little, the first thing I memorized was my mother's phone number

If you get lost she'd say

If you need me.

Next I memorized my address

If you get lost, if you need me.

I know that address by heart. That number. Just in case I get lost, just in case I need her.