Dear best friend..
âwhyâ - this is the word I am feeling the most this time. I wish I have loved you then, because if I did  I wouldn't feel like shit now, but I love you in another way, like I always did.. but this wasnât enough for you. Itâs been eight years with you, you were my best friend and my other better half, only you know me like nobody else. I canât live without you, you left an really big whole in my heart and in my life. Nobody can replace you, NOBODY! I cry a lot and miss you so much that it hurts, it hurts really bad that I canât describe it. I never thought I would ever feel like this, and I doesnât think it goes away. Now itâs more than one year ago I have seen you or heard your voice for the last time, and it feels worse than never before. And the worse is, that itâs donât matter how much it hurt or how much you mean to me, it will never been like it was and thatâs, I think, the hardest part.. because I canât believe it, itâs not going in my head. I canât understand that we will never have late-night car rides with loud music and cigarettes. We will never have our deepest deep talks.. I will never have a person like you again, nobody knowâs the parts of my life and I will never tell nobody what I told you. I canât understand.. youâre happy with her, I know and that was my biggest wish ever, but why canât you be happy with me and her -  she is your girlfriend and Iâm your bestfriend?! If you really love her from your whole heart Iâm not a threat anymore and we can be friends like you always want to. Why did you drop me, and when there is no other way for you, why you drop me in the hardest way I could ever imagine? The last time you got in my car you were like a stranger to me, so cold and not interested in my life. But this wasnât enough for you.. no you broke all promises you have ever gave to me - my whole world broke and broke and broke with every word you said to me. All the things we did before together you do with her now. It feels like she is me but the difference is she loves you not like a best friend she loves you like a girlfriend. This is everything I meant to you? If you find someone you really love and who loves you back - Iâm nothing?! I thought our friendship is the strongest ever and nothing can break us .. I was wrong because someone could! I donât know how to life, how to love life and how I should ever hear our music without crying immediately .. For real.. I was so glad that the Eden Tour was cancelled because I thought you were there with her.. I couldn't have endured this fact in my mind. I canât endured the thought that youâre doing all the stuff we did with her now. Sometimes late at night Iâm watching old pictures of us and there is one idea on my mind that makes me cry a lot more -  I WOULD HAVE DONE EVERYTHING WITH YOU! - the reality hits so hard at these moments because youâre not here and nothing will be like it was .. I will never realize this fact completely it hurts so bad. Nobody could have hurt me as badly as you because I never expected you to - but you did and itâs the worse pain Iâve ever felt. I want to let you know something Iâm happy that youâre happy with her now, and I think youâre really happy! This fact makes it a bit bearable to me. It doesnât matter how hard you hurt me, my door is always open to you because my love for you is unconditionally.
Now I want to let some lyrics here that you know and that describe my feelings and my pain the whole time.
If I told you how the story ends, would you chance every step you take?
..but you can leave if you really want to
..âcause weâve been driving so long I canât remember how we got here
Try to forget it but it wonât stop killing you
..and I havenât seen youâre face or heard your voice in so long
If anyone would ever read this, yes every word is real, no it donât think this person would ever read this. These are my deepest feelings and Iâm German, so donât look at my grammar.
