Listen/purchase: Yours/NotYours by Azrael Encarnacion
Stranger Things

Discoholic đȘ©

Origami Around

Kaledo Art
Claire Keane

titsay
tumblr dot com
No title available
dirt enthusiast
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Game of Thrones Daily

izzy's playlists!
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

oozey mess
noise dept.
One Nice Bug Per Day
cherry valley forever
Sweet Seals For You, Always
macklin celebrini has autism
Monterey Bay Aquarium
seen from United States
seen from Russia

seen from Malaysia

seen from Malaysia

seen from Australia
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Germany

seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
@yours-notyours
Listen/purchase: Yours/NotYours by Azrael Encarnacion
Last Stop
BUT IâLL ALWAYS BE NEAR
Thank you to any and everyone who visits this page to check out my work. Whether youâre returning or discovering Yours/NotYours for the first time, welcome! Despite the project being released in 2017, I never fully set up the online text supplementary material I initially intended for the album. The original vision was: the album, this journal blog, and the instagram account (where I spent most of my time tbh). But letâs not dwell too long on the messy but beautiful pastâWhatâs important is that weâre fully here now. And the intended vision, is now manifested, with maybe more surprises to come!
In the meantime, if you wish to purchase Yours/NotYours, the EP is available on Bandcamp. The Bandcamp link at the blog menu will lead you directly to it. If you have no need of the digital album and prefer to stream it instead, you can do so at any of the music streaming platforms (I have a link for Spotify also on the blog menu).Â
For more of my writing and to stay updated with my newer work, check out Primitive Prime! Lab, my online journal publication launched on September 2021. The journal is a creative thought-space where Iâll further explore themes of self-development and self-transformation; while also sharing playlist and any new projects I undertake. Itâs where Iâll share more essays and highlight the work of creative friends also doing work Iâm rooting for so we can all bloom. If that sounds like something youâd be interested in taking a peek, the link for that is up at the blog menu as well.
Much love, much peace and all good vibes everything!
-AE
OUT OF THE TUNNEL
Freedom of Intentional Living
by Azrael Encarnacion (photo by JeNYC Photography)
When I began Yours/NotYours, I never intended to quit my job upon its release. But as Friday, February 17, 2017 approached, I knew I wouldnât be satisfied any other way. This short collection of songs that mainly dealt with departure, possession, letting go and starting anew simply  encouraged it. Quitting, in my mind, was just an exercise in practicing what I preach. We all create stories for ourselves and one I had narrated repeatedly for years, was that my job was holding me back. That to focus my attention and energy on music the way I would like to, I needed to jettison a few things, the job I had held for 6 years being one of the primary weights. And whether that was true or not was irrelevant because this story became an excuse; and the excuse itself was real. By removing the job, I removed the excuse. In doing so, I finally stepped out into the light, out of the tunnel.
The tunnel is where we abstract our vision. Itâs a place of limitation and darkness, with artificial light (if any). Despite all this, the tunnel is also comfortable and familiar. You get accustomed to the restrictions, you learn not to bump into certain corners and avoid stepping into the same puddlesâSo thereâs the illusion of growth. Mentally, you accept the cold wet air, it too becoming a daily experience. The more you stay, the stranger the outside world becomes. The light seems like poisonous radiation and the open air, unfamiliar and as unpredictable as that of another planetâs. This uncertainty carries over to your vision, what if I get lost out there? What if I fail? What if I lose everything I have now?
But what did I have? If it was so satisfying why wasnât I satisfied? If I couldnât live out my purpose from where I was, then remaining there, or at the very least not taking steps to move on, was already a failure. I worried Iâd be lost, yet where was I? If it wasnât where I wanted to beâIsnât that just as âdis-locatedâ?
When you step out of the tunnel itâs as frightening as it is liberating. Itâs not easy and youâll feel pressure, stress, and honestly you might even miss the tunnel. But if youâre actively focusing your time + energy efficiently, if you clear out the distractions and negative relationships, youâll find yourself planted in your own actions with fuller proprietorship. This is whatâs often referred to as living life with intention. In a way, itâs giving your life a mission statement and from that point on, sticking as best you can to the plan. And while you can have dreams and goals you may want to reach, living life with intention is not a destination, itâs a never ending project requiring self-maintenance.
Itâs a discovery worth pursuing, regardless the risk. The alternative is remaining in the dark, comfortable but unfulfilled. You may discover what you were after all along is what you had in the tunnel, but even then, the tunnel ceases to be because now you know what you want and can focus on creating that experience for yourself versus blindly accepting it because you didnât want to try. And even not trying is okay if you accept and are truly satisfied with that decision. But so long as thereâs enough doubt, so long as you feel restless and underutilized, youâll find the mettle in your heart pulled as it were by a magnet on the outside.
So take the leap of faith. Itâll be difficult but worth it. Even at times when you fail, even when things donât go right and you begin to pine, like a nostalgic ex-lover, for the tunnelâKeep in mind why you left, all youâve accomplished since then; and especially those wondrous little moments when you werenât particularly chiseling away at your dream or grinding out the steps to your goals; but rather just existing out there. Out of the tunnel. Freely. On your own terms because you were brave and honest enough to do so.
(Azrael Encarnacion)
PREMATURE POSTCARDS (LYRICS)
[ V1 ]
I know that my time with you is short of lasting / but I wanted to let you know I've expanded / I covered the land and the oceans above it / I hovered, discovered new planets, I love it! / I'm drunk with this power! Up at this hour / I hardly get sleep anymore, I'm just out of⊠/ my bed and I write / and hopefully you read I'm hype, all day encounter / the journey, the mercy, the rearview enlarges / traveling forward, there's no time for bargains / Searching for margins, artists completing-- / They want your future fuck em they can keep it!
[ Chorus ]
Cuz I want you now! I want you here / i want you growing and flowing for miles / I'll always be near...
But I'm yours and I'm not yours / You're mine and you're not mine / I'm yours and I'm not yours / You're mine and you're not mine / I'm yours and I'm not yours
[ V2 ]
They front like they know⊠/ Text you at middle of night while you're sleeping / These boys get so anxious-- / No answer from you, disadvantaged, misreading the treatment / None of em loyal! Including me, you'd be proud I'm selfish / Stubborn and spoiled. Only working together when equally jealous / But when I have you I want you to stay as you are, though itâs far from perfection / So I jump in your car⊠/ Drive circle in yards to avoid misdirection / I'm yours like you wanted, youâre mine like I needed, rewind me to fetus, the feeling I free it, my venus I'm fiendin' need you intravenous, there's no intervention! / The infection is open⊠/ And I'm stitched to the moment / Nothing is sooner but they want your future fuck em they can own it!
[ Chorus ]
Cuz I want you now, I want you here / i want you growing and flowing for miles / I'll always be near
But I'm yours and I'm not yours / You're mine and you're not mine / I'm yours and I'm not yours / You're mine and you're not mine / I'm yours and I'm not yours
[ Outro ]
Iâm in love with Nature, introvert behavior / Insert: âwordless lookâ Iâm here to crook you back to danger / Reverse future into origami alligator / Thereâs no ruler, measure kingdon thru this detonator / Elevator broken enter golden radio invader--Read your god like books anything he cooks, I can cater⊠/ Obedient disdainer / You can see every ingredient but still couldnât predict the flavor / Peel the layers, find the chambers to the source⊠/ Pull that sword from stone, reanalyze the data⊠/ Finally opening doors, with a pocket full of postcards convinced Iâm going somewhere later! Â
(Azrael Encarnacion)
HANDCUFFS (LYRICS)
[ Hook ]
Ain't no cops around why'd you arrest yourself? / You ain't break no law why'd you arrest yourself? / You were innocent, why'd you arrest yourself? / You were free to go, whyâd you arrest yourself? (2x)
[ V1 ]
âIf the handcuffs fit you should wear themâ / sometimes there's nobody staring / can't roll if you're missing ball bearings / If you know they'll do it don't dare 'em / I wanna be free too, vacation for permanent, impertinent advertisement / These letters so scarlet under the skin / They learn to itch / They're rising up, tell me I'm no good, not worth the win / Throw words to wind, they work like wings, but my ostrich complex says "dirt is king" / head submerged in it-- / Research my sins, and...finding more space then I occupy / These shadows surround me like concubines / Seduce my truth, life hypothesized--Keep it pocket-sized / Self-lobotomize / These bottom eyes, play possum blind, tracing bottom lines / When vision fails--tell me what's brail for dollar signs? / Cuz success, sometimes I just can't see / Head full of banshees / Doubts, flooding The Ganges⊠/ And the blank wall of my skull always tempting the Banksys
[ Hook ]
Ain't no cops around why'd you arrest yourself? / You ain't break no law why'd you arrest yourself? / You were innocent, why'd you arrest yourself? / You were free to go, whyâd you arrest yourself? (2x)
[ Refrain ]
Feels like I'm wrong--Even when right, I'm wrong... (3x)
Verse Two
âIf the prison fits you should wear it,â / Sometimes there's no interference / Its just you trapped in appearance / Mute emotions submit to fairness / Sacrifice, sacrament abstinent Atticus mockingbird, plot to murder with assassin lips / The city under these cold flapping wings / The video showed kissing masochists / and they wouldn't sell their wings, but if the well to wish was feather hungry / they'd break the bell that rings, liberty from weight that keeps them weightless / On a grater, they grate down their greatness, separator elevator vacant / Generator of emperor naked / Cut his tongue, taste the blood, thinks he ate rich / Thinks he's changing, thinks he's patient / But these doctors ain't taking appointments / avoiding disappointment, he bled to death, lonely and voiceless / Success, sometimes he just can't speak / Head full of banshees / Desires in backseat, dreams rest on his hands, still saying he lacks reach.
[ Refrain ]
Feels like I'm wrong even when right I'm wrong (3x)
[ Bridge ]
We don't give us a shot, we should become the cops / ...they always give us a shot! / Block out on the block / Thicker skin pick a sin / if death is innocence, does guilt keep us atop? / Cuz it never stops⊠/ Terminal mental blocks, Berlin Wall never drops / Handcuffs we could unlock / We claim they're ours but we know they're not...
[ Hook ]
Ain't no cops around why'd you arrest yourself? / You ain't break no law why'd you arrest yourself? / You were innocent, why'd you arrest yourself? / You were free to go, whyâd you arrest yourself? (4x)
Communicator
THE VALUE OF SPEAKING UP
Speaking up is an important part of communication but it can get awkward sometimes. It may be to clarify an opinion or to ask that an uncertain one be clarified. Or to correct a misrepresentation or set a boundary. Or even to admit what we donât know but are expected to or to identify what we expect but arenât receiving--Depending on who weâre communicating with, speaking up can potentially be uncomfortable. But however nerve wracking as it may be, itâs a habit worth practicing. The result of course, may vary, but one welcomed side effect is people have access to whatâs on your mind, and with that, are given an opportunity to better understand and engage with you as a person.
None of us are, as of yet, telepaths. But that fact works to undermine the magic of language. Through it, we can share thoughts from mind to mind, we just have to bottle them up in containers called symbols which we speak, write, or sign to one another. The thoughts themselves are also the bottled up approximation of feelings. Which are hard to fully define when there are no words to encapsulate them, as is frustratingly the case when a person speaks more than one language and tries to translate certain words that have no exact equivalent in the other language. Yet somehow, because weâve isolated noises, scribbles, scratches and gestures to hold collective meaning, we can exchange a nuanced variety of otherwise inexpressible feelings.
For its connective capacity and reach, language was like the internet before the internet. And we would be part-time suckers to not revel in this marvelous invention and utilize it to speak up whenever necessary. But sometimes other factors come into play.
The main one, I think, is fear.
We fear the result. Speaking up, after all, usually happens when something is off. A conflict between our inner selves and an external situation. A crooked line that needs to be set straight but to do so may require a confrontation. A moment where pleasantness is interrupted to point out a mistake or admit one; to feel judged, or humiliated, vulnerable and subject to objections or defensive, and maybe even, unpredictable behavior. And while true, speaking up can just as likely result in acknowledgement, praise, understanding, or gratitude--Our past experiences may make some of us more apprehensive about the uncertainty of how our thoughts may be received.
I wish neither to say trauma is easy to overcome nor that context shouldnât be taken into account when speaking up. But in some instances trauma isnât the issue and the context actually supports, rather than discourages, the clarification. For instance, if someone mispronounces your name (or calls you by a different one altogether) you would want to correct them. If you donât, they would literally be perceiving you as someone you are not. The confusion might vary in seriousness depending on who the person is and where the mistake occurs. At work for instance, you can imagine how this mistake might branch off into a series of further awkward moments like many a sitcom might explore. Is it worth remaining silent to simply spare the initial person the smaller discomfort of being corrected?
There might be some disagreement as to which discomfort is actually the smaller offense to endure. One may also question whether insisting others suffer because one is suffering is fair. And with good reason, such logic quacks too close to eye-for-an-eye. So then 1: Â Letâs just say both offenses are equal. And 2: Letâs make a distinction between someone hurting you (making you suffer) and someone allowing you to suffer alone. The example of the wrong name, is the latter case in so much as itâs like someone letting you carry a heavy weight for them, up a flight of steps--And despite theyâre physically capable of helping, instead proceed empty handed. If youâre struggling with the weight, you can either pretend youâre not (and suffer alone) or ask for help. Speaking up to correct someone about your name is to share the discomfort which has been created and to follow it up by attempting to collaborate in âcarryingâ the resolution together.
This is why speaking up can seem intimidating because it might require more effort, more steps, more communication. Itâs the inevitability of holding a personal truth, in this example the correct name, and having to show up for this truth, if it is in fact true to you. The interaction, the clarifying conversation is an important one to have. The energy you bring into it, as well as how yours is received. It may have been harder than letting things be, but thatâs what makes it special and worth pursuing, especially if the easier option involves you suffering alone and possibly harboring resentment toward both the person and yourself.
It can feel very lonely to be judged, ridiculed or dismissed, but itâs also quite lonely to hold your tongue and not express yourself.
To self-quarantine in the subjective spotlight of your mind, from which you swoon the absent audience of an empty theatre with your rapturous soliloquy! The endless observations and definitions pouring like champagne on Bastille Day. The secret performance. Measuring every action, theorizing every future. And starring a self-projection which you aim for; an ideal version of who you wish to be. The âhigher selfâ dressed in all your potential. But this ideal is no more than a shadow, without any real reach or grip of its own on the physical world, other than what we act out with our physical bodies.
As a species we evolved in groups, isolation often meant death. Fear of banishment is still real, and we often use prisons and public shaming as modern effective versions of exile. Retirement homes and asylums also espouse that same energy of places to rid societies of those individuals deemed no longer able to function within it. To be trapped in your head, is itself a type of banishment; a mental prison for which the practice of expressing yourself can continually unlock doors and sneak you past the guards. Hell, itâll get the guards on your side! But it isnât enough to do it when itâs easy, itâs actually almost more important to communicate and express yourself when itâs challenging.
This may be to the general point that thereâs value in facing adversity. That testing oneâs convictions actually strengthens them. It isnât the only way but thereâs something to this idea that standing up against oppositional energy chisels out the confidence to express yourself via words and actions (since communicating requires physical representations of psychic thought). The better you become at this, the more conversations youâre able to have without fear--Ideally counterbalancing the freedom to express yourself with the capacity to also listen, and hold space for those who wish to communicate with you, and speak their truth up.
Despite being good at listening to others speak up, I tend to struggle with doing it myself. Communication will eventually bump into the requirement to speak truthfully. It can be time consuming to give an honest response in every exchange, followed up by a conversation to iron out the kinks. Reserving candor for closer relationships might be more useful than walking around as if youâve been injected with truth serum. But for me, the habit of omission can trickle into those closer relations at the growing expense of continually misrepresenting myself. And with that misrepresentation, come interactions that keep the doors to the theatre shut, and the mad thespian, shouting monologues from under an iron mask. The thing is, only I can remove the face cage, and open those doors. Only I can raise the volume.
Iâve learned no one knows what you want. Itâs not as obvious as you think. Not everyone knows how to treat you or how to satisfy you. You have to meet them halfway. By remaining consistent between internal and external expression of yourself, youâll manifest who you are and how you wish to participate with the world--And in turn, how the world can make use of you, which I believe it should. The ways in which this self is challenged when forced to speak up, exercises integrity and commitment. Of course, this too can become misguided and abused to speak up in bad faith. That is, not to stand up or clarify yourself but to posture your ego and self-importance. This pantomime tends to drown out who you are on the inside, replacing their heartfelt adlib with an outer persona whoâs acting out from fear of not being respected or admired.
Whatâs dangerous about this, is we tend to believe what we say if we say it often enough, again, a credit to the magic of language.
Words are vessels for thoughts and feelings. They were created by us to transfer ideas back and forth. Culture preserves language to free every new generation from having to create their own symbols from scratch. A tricky endeavor because without language you would have to first realize that such a thing as language is possible.
Communication brings us closer, allowing us to express our emotions and avoid unnecessary anxieties by talking and explaining things out. Our ancestors did this, and brought about a social dimension that often required us to love and teach one another. Children have an obvious curiosity to catch up and figure the world out, their young minds woken by the fires of consciousness. At first they focus on the world at large and how it functions but eventually, having that, on more solid footing, they become young adults and set their sights on themselves and others. We all desire connection and want to understand the needs of those we connect with,...The only catch is they have to speak up...And so do we.
USING TAROT TO SELF-INVESTIGATE
Taking a Candle into Your Subconscious Mind
by Azrael Encarnacion
At the end of 2016, I began gaining interest in numerology. Despite having received a book on the subject a few years back, it wasnât until a friend suggested I try a free online numerology report, that it clicked. By âclickingâ what I mean is I have a color-coded spreadsheet in my Google Docs for numerological entries Iâve since obsessively collected. We can talk about that another time.
Researching the meaning of numbers though, I soon discovered they were just as an important part of the Tarot as the illustrated images. Each card being numbered, they followed an ascending story or spiritual journey based on the principles of numerology. Â
What little I knew of numerology back then, I knew even less about Tarot. However, I was curious enough to purchase a deck and stare them down for a week or two before I began to shuffle and draw cards to do readings on myself. All in all, what I found was a tool, much like a morning mirror to check in with. To see where I am and whatâs happening on the surface and how it correlates on a deeper level with whatâs happening on the inside.
At first, the cards can definitely seem intimidating. Theyâve been around since at least the 15th Century, then known in Italy simply as playing cards called âTrionfi,â (Triumph of Trump). But unlike normal playing decks we still use today for Poker or Spades with 52-54 cards, the Trionfi set was a little different.
What set them apart were the additional 22 cards that made up the trump suit. These are the Major Arcana of the Tarot, beginning with 0 / The Fool and ending with XXI / The World (some decks begin with I / The Magician and end with XXII / The Fool).
The remaining 56 cards, or Minor Arcana, are made up of the 4 suits: Chalices, Wands, Pentacles, and Swords. Each suit has 14 cards, consisting of 10 pip cards (1-10) and 4 face cards (King, Queen, Knight, and Page). Thatâs 78 cards in total! And every one of those cards has its individual meaning which can alternate depending what itâs paired with and on what side itâs drawn (right side up or reversed). It can seem like a comprehensive nightmare but in all honesty, what Iâve realized to be the most difficult part of the Tarot, is explaining how it works to others. Â
This is because there is no definite right way. Obviously, the cards can be used to play a game. At one point it was the most popular card game in all Europe, which to me, knowing only the divinatory tarot, sounds hella weird--Like using UNO cards in a fortune reading (to which a âdraw fourâ would fuck my whole day up).
In terms of divination, the Tarot exercises our intuition, which is based on our individual experiences. Certain imagery engages us in unique ways, much like a rorschach test with ink blots, prompting associations from our subconscious mind. Cards will mean different things to us individually. Likewise, weâll have our own preferences for how to spread the drawn cards and why to pull them in the first place.
Some people pull or have cards read for them to gain insight on the future and how best to prepare for it. Others do so to take inventory of their present actions and thoughts + how to maintain life at their best vibration. Thereâs all sorts of reasons but whatâs at the core here?
I asked my homegirl, Lucia, a licensed massage therapist currently living in Tampa, FL, whoâs used Tarot cards longer than I have (she was the one who gave me that numerology book) and she put it perfectly. âItâs just like using a candle in a dim room--We already know what weâre looking for in there, itâs just not well lit.â
Lucia uses the Tarot to bring more clarity and detail to her predictions/intuitions. She feels the imagery along with the numbers and other symbolism help set a story to her feelings or abstract ideas.
Yes, clarity! Whether youâre looking at the future, the present, your relationships, career, etc. Tarot readings provide a clarity through the metaphorical narrative found in the interpretations and their relevant connection to our lives. It gives us a deeper exploration we normally wouldnât pursue. The Tarot tilts the angle, tricks our mind to give up information possibly because of its inherent game-like nature.
Divination comes from the random cards that are drawn. The selection is served to us by the universe. You can put as much weight on that as youâd like but the fact remains, by revisiting your thoughts under the story told by the cards, we investigate ourselves thoroughly and thus arrive at deeper revelations.
Also in Florida, my other homie, artist/graphic designer, Nia Perry, who illustrated her own deck to further personalize her readings, told me the universe communicates with us via sound, imagery, and feeling. She views her âSelfâ as a fragment of that higher intelligence. âMy use of Tarot stems from my belief that the universe is intelligent and has a larger perspective of time and space than I ever could.â This perspective offers clarity when our five senses can go no further. Again clarity!
But Nia reminds me of the idea that our subconsciousness is part of that bigger entity. Itâs the channel thatâs forever tuned in regardless if, on the surface, weâre not. The subconscious absorbs more information, it acts without our permission, sometimes to our regretful detriment. An active relationship with our subconscious mind is an active relationship with that channel through which the universe has direct access.
I use the Tarot to tap into that channel. Itâs already in my mind but as Lucia stated, itâs in a dark room for which a candle is helpful. Will I always need a candle for that room? Maybe not, but Lifeâs journey, for me, is one that takes you from new room to new room. Its that Radiohead music video for Daydreaming, in which lead singer, Thom Yorke walks through door after door.
In addition to clarity and universal alignment, whatâs perhaps most engaging for me about the Tarot and why it works as an effective self-maintenance tool to guide my conscious mind toward balance is the fact that it requires creativity. I get so wrapped up in figuring out the âjigsaw puzzleâ that I forget the completed picture is a self portrait. One that indeed resonates + makes me check certain behaviors or offer more energy where itâs needed.
Imagine playing Connect Four and when the game ends you realize, as you were trying to connect those four discs, the activity helped you ruminate on current ideas, events and relationships in your life. And perhaps helped you think up creative solutions to any worries concerning them--Imagine if the only reason you did so just then, is because you thought you were just playing Connect Four and didnât think shit would get this real!
That said, I wouldnât know how to tell you when and how you should incorporate Tarot in your life. It could very well not be for you. You could have that same self-discourse via dreams or certain types of meditation, therapy, journal writing, or fuck it maybe even Connect Four!
Whatâs important is you do check in from time to time to see how youâre doing. Especially if you sense self-sabotage or a disconnect between your thoughts and your actions. How can you be you if so much is happening on autopilot, informed by a secret room your conscious mind is not permitted entrance to. Your most primal of emotions operate at a level similar to extreme sound frequencies, too low or high for the human ear to register but they still affect the air--Likewise, these emotions still affect our inner space, influencing actions on the outside.
If youâre curious about Tarot cards as I was and are wondering if you should get your hands on a deck My reply is that youâve already answered your own question. Thereâs no wrong way to start and despite the different decks, spreads, tutorials, testimonials, etc. the one thing necessary is your intuition and an open mind.
Listen/purchase: Yours/NotYours by Azrael Encarnacion
All album photos by JeNYC Photography
(Azrael Encarnacion)
UPTOWN REDBIRD (LYRICS)
[ V1 ]
Right foot, in I step / Wallet, in no cent / do I spend the guilt live no less like gift to death lungs filled with breath / Every second unwraps, run laps / This the cycle, this the Karma / This that Dharma drama zygote growing from the moment Action partners: Any focus / Any Omen / Weâre The Fallen /Opportunityâs my stalker, phone vibrates, she keeps calling / Kathy Bating up my ankles for the sharks in urban ocean / She be rushinâ / When I keep Stalin like Joseph / See me running out my mind! / My business mine, wonât share even when sunny / Hunger, canât keep it from tummy / younger age keep straying from me / Shutter eyelids, truth is ugly / but they stay open like Walgreens / Time pushed play, controlâs remote⊠/ Nobodyâs pressing pause please / Coffee in my sleep / Faith crawls up in my leap / Thom Yorke, TLC, keep The South Bronx steady in my creep / Find the shallow in your deep / Wolf tangled in your sheep / Lady Godiva on saddle / Strength defined by lack of peeps
[ Hook 1 ]
I can show you the fence, but itâs you thatâs gotta jump itâŠ(4x)
[ V2 ]
On that 5 train, Jackson mindstate riding uptown feelinâ free / Iron wheels hiss and screech / Itâs like a voice that starts to speak / Graffiti still stuck on her teeth and tokens knotted on her locks / Over blocks of jigsaw streets and bruise infected by the cops / She persuades me when she sways me, Patrick Swayze, dirty dancing / Letâs me go, maintain my balance / Kissed me slow like time was damaged / She said âlook around, itâs empty / itâs just us, weâre conductors / Instruction, weâre the judges even Frank Castle wonât punish / So come closer boy!â / I step up shyly / Her voice raspy / tracks weâre riding / Waving violent / Shaking silent / Day disguised in / into evening / Squeezing light in / Pushing night out / Like a siren / Sailor swim out / From these iris, Barbara Eden / Among blind man / East of Zion / Pressure stone becomes a diamond / No more tunnels, no more transfers, no delays⊠/ Signals reading like a puzzle / Out of window gleaming, soaring vision, kiss bricklayer jungle / Whisper zenith metamorphing orphan to Darth Vader jumpsuit / Swear to God, she said, I love you / Non-stop she expressed it / Always be my shuttle /Iâm hers until I exit / Take me to the ending, bending rails, waste her engine / Wish me good luck, goodbye baby, always wake the way you dreamt it
[ Hook 2 ]
Pull me out...of the tunnel, elevate me, passed 180, and I canât stop, and I donât stop, and I wonât stop (4x)
The Foolâs Goal
With all his possessions in one bag, The Fool embarks on a journey. Without an exact destination or plan in mind, just the innocent excitement of moving forward into the unknown. Within the Tarotâs Major Arcana, The Fool is sometimes numbered 0, other times 22, thatâs to say itâs either the first card or the last. The remaining 21 cards of The Major Arcana tell the story of this journey. Itâs almost fitting that The Fool can exist as either a starting point or finish line, this speaks to a charming indifference of the character itself but also as commentary to how cyclical our paths may be.
Looking at Yours/NotYours, I realize I am The Fool. The entire 5-song project is circular. The hook on the first song, also ends the final track. Each song is a separate road but it all trails back to the beginning. Even the title references a quasi existence that refuses to be one thing, and instead proudly models between two opposing conditions.
Jenn Pinero, who was the photographer for the albumâs artwork, captured this same concept via her pictures. In some images I sit, others I stand, often looking away from the camera or over it, to some farther distance behind it. A small backpack for my belongings at hand. At the end of one path while simultaneously at the beginning of another.
The Fool symbolizes the absence of perspective, the lack of reference point--Itâs a fresh start. Itâs also the card of infinite possibilities and the daring step to fall into the first among them. As a final card, it confidently uses the lessons from the 21 previous cards to step into the fabulous new where familiarity drifts away. This card, to me, is a humbling position. At the start of a new adventure or stage in life, where regardless what you knew, you are now once again starting from zero.
I also imagine that in contrast to the mystery ahead, there is none left behind you--Youâve known the familiar world from which youâre departing. Anything essential to you, from that world, is in your backpack.
Has there been a point in your life where this card and its meaning have played a valued role? What visual aspects of the card hold the most significance to you? Can you relate with the notion of packing all your essentials, whether literally or figuratively, and leaving behind what you know for a chance to experience a journey that calls your name?
It was without much knowledge of The Tarot that I wrote and recorded Yours/NotYours. I only discovered The Fool after the fact. But being born on the first sign of Astrology and the first day of April (which has its own connection to The Fool) it all felt to fall in place so perfectly. A coincidental alignment that feels like an affirming pat on the back for trusting yourself.
The Foolâs Goal isnât the destination. The Foolâs Goal is to leave. To fall and bump up against the landscape. To be shaped by the shape of the topography. The terrain which will challenge and make, of this wanderer, an experienced traveler.
(Azrael Encarnacion)
WECANNEVERCOMEBACK (LYRICS)
[ Intro ]
One, two, three to the four⊠/ Down memory lane, câmon let us have a tour: / How did it come to change? Is it better than before? / Or did it stay the same, letâs look closer to be sureâŠ
[ V1 ]
Once upon a⊠/ Time when younger / I crossed your path, this hunger for reflection rejected any entrance of blunder / We were sudden we were âmustnâtâ / We were curious with drunken fascination observation of each other / Eyes that wonder / Eyes that run ta, surface area you covered / Before cell phones, you had my number / Called while I wrote my rhymes I was annoyed / If only I knew then / Iâd one day never hear your voice ever again / Kinda jealous of my past / I was always wearing masks / Watching from a distance / Aware the treasures at my grasp / But my fingers, in my pocket / Never reaching, seeking for telekinetic post-temporal sequence / Cuz from miles away I could control it / Far away from presence of these real few moments / Made everything a new opponent / And all that time itâs only my imagination I wish Death had stolen / Iâll trade it gladly for another dance... / Another kiss, another laugh, another drink, another visit / My lovely Queen, our kingdom full of lonely prisms / I lock em in like targets but my aimâs off / I always miss em / How two years can fly by on broken wings still escapes me / But I wonder if you see me changing? / And I donât mean aging like crows feet or grey hairs on beards / I mean the inner scope of walking up toward our fears / Iâd sit and contemplate on how youâd persevere / in these shoes I tie and walk in like my destinyâs just always near / We were kindred like your soul and mine were second homes / We hide amongst ourselves / Dreams often replace phones / My, my how weâve grown from 12 years ago / Shy and nervous kissing in November, nevermind the cold / And these days, I only wish I known, I always ponder / Would you leave the city with me? What else could it offer?
[ Pre-Chorus ]
Wake up in the AM, I see everything Iâve seen / Promises procrastinate, waits up on the screen / The image on my mirror, so much closer than it seems / It can escalate the real from the shadows of these dreams
[ Chorus ]
So get up! Get up! / Go for it⊠/ Get up! Get up! / It wonât come for you⊠/ Get up! Get up! / Gotta go for it⊠/ Get up! Get up! / It wonât come for you⊠/ Get up! Get up! / Go for it⊠/ Get up! Get up! / It wonât wait for you⊠/ It wonât come for you... / You gotta get up! Get up!
[ V2 ]
âIt is what it is,â it became something better / Embedded in the bedrock of our lips and glossed the skin forever / This is meant ta be a simple letter, up a ladder as your center gathers into matter when the Sun display your pattern / On to Earth floor, observe more / Diamonds glisten on the Hudson / Youâre speaking through them, letâs discuss it / I hear what you think through the rustling⊠/ Of these Autumn leaves, that often leave a chill right above my stomach / But pretending satisfaction from ghost answers, wonât relax this temper tantrum, of a panic / When these questions bring companions / And they crash in, and they challenge every action /And the palace of conviction feels conflicted by trespassers / Would you focus? Would you see it any different? / Would you notice any sign that could signature decision? / Look around you see the vision, surrounded by our limits / Would you stay? When the day shortens, you no longer fit in / Would you stay? When the same places often seem so distant / And a change feels estranged / So familiar like you saw it written / but forgot it till that one moment you see the image / Once again, and though youâve never been--Already miss it / You return there every dream in which youâre living / I know you would / So itâll haunt me way too much if I didnât
[ Pre-Chorus ]
Wake up in the AM, I see everything Iâve seen / Promises procrastinating waits up on the screen / The image on my mirror, so much closer than it seems / It can escalate the real from the shadows of these dreams
[ Chorus ]
So get up! Get up! / Go for it⊠/ Get up! Get up! / It wonât come for you⊠/ Get up! Get up! / Gotta go for it⊠/ Get up! Get up! / It wonât come for you⊠/ Get up! Get up! / Go for it⊠/ Get up! Get up! / It wonât wait for you⊠/ It wonât come for you... / You gotta get up! Get up!
Action + Discernment
I always have a soft spot for the pairing of 1 & 8. The two numbers are complete polars on the Vedic Square, a multiplication table of Indian numerology that reduces products to digital sums (i.e. 4 x 4 = 16 reduces to 7 via the digits of 16: 1 + 6).Â
In numerology, each number with the exception of 9, has an opposite or âenemyâ number via the Vedic Square. 1 & 8 are enemy numbers. But the name can be deceptive because 1 & 8 attract one another due to their differences. They work off their dynamic; both parties challenging one another. One the table you can see they flow in opposite directions. #1 increasing by one and #8 decreasing, counting down to one. To offer it a poetic spin, #1 begins without reference, constantly moving forward; #8, already grown, minimizes, removing the superfluous.
These differences are heightened in the expression of this tarot draw. The subject in 8/Swords, seemingly immobilized and trapped in a cypher of swords (thoughts/rationality), while The Magician represents an abundance in confidence and the utility of resources. Together they provide for one another, checks and balances.
From 8/Swords, The Magician, despite the infinite options + possibilities, borrows a shrewd eye--Almost like a blindfold to limit vision and rely instead on what's essential behind all the bells and whistle.
We can become distracted by appearances and depending what we're trying to achieve, the tools themselves may cater to our ego in order to be selected. Thus sacrificing effectiveness for a temporary good look. The Magician's top challenge is to focus, 8/Swords assists in cutting out the fat and ensuring a pragmatic approach to the application of time and energy.
In exchange, The Magician offers 8/Swords craftiness and creativity--A reminder that the bound person, though limited in upper body movement and vision, still has their feet (which The Magician even points to!). And while they can't see the path ahead, to step forward anyway.
8s generally hold higher standards and if the ideal solution doesn't appear, they may opt to remain paralyzed in unpleasant circumstances. While ambitious, they are also very realistic and not afraid to not be dreamers in order to get shit done. This can limit perspective when realistic avenues seem closed off. The Magician prompts 8/Swords to consider even the unsavory options, to weigh independence against a moment of temporary discomfort or suspension of reason and evaluate from there, how to proceed.
In short, when 1 & 8 combine forces, the result is the twining of Action and Discernment. The ability to move forward with a decision not on impulse alone; but with the reduction of options, informed by experience. A cut-to-the-chase attitude that recognizes what immediately wonât work and a refusal to humor itâs possibility. A confidence at, once realizing what works, executing it without a second thought.
(Originally from a Tarot reading for I/TheMagician + 8/Swords)